Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: I just became a foster parent of a 14-year-old girl. She came with a cell phone paid for by her prior foster family. I told them I wanted to take over payments. I also want to sit down with her periodically and spontaneously and ask her to show me what she’s been doing on her phone while I show her what I do on my phone. I hope she will realize she can tell me anything and that I won’t hide things from her. Is this a good idea? How should I approach it? Do you think it will build trust, or will she resent it?

Resources:

• Managing Technology & Screens (Resource page)
• Welcoming an Older Child to Your Home (Resource page)
• Raising Foster Children (Resource page)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

If you are considering domestic infant adoption, you need to listen to this show to better understand the possibility that the expectant mom may change her mind. Our guest is adoption attorney, Lila Bradley, who has practiced law relating to adoption and child welfare law for the past 20 years.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Distinction between failed match and adoption dissolution or sometimes known as disruption.
• What is the “typical” process for domestic infant adoption whether the adoptive parents are using an adoption agency or an adoption attorney?
• When do the adoptive parents legally become the baby’s parents?
• When can a mom change her mind and decide to parent the baby?
• Keep in mind that what prospective adoptive parents see as a “failure” very well may be seen as a “success” by the biological parents.
• Creating a Family resource: Failed Adoption Matches: How Common? How Costly? How to Survive
• What are some signs that an adoption match may fail and the mom will decide to parent?
• When is the most common time for a mom to change her mind and decide to parent?
• Does it matter what stage of pregnancy the match was made?
• How often do biological moms change their mind about placing their baby for adoption?
• Do adoptive parents lose money if the adoption match fails?
• Suggestions on how adoptive parents can cope when an adoption match falls apart?
• Do adoption matches with foster children disrupt? 
• Do adoption matches in international adoption disrupt?
• Do adoptions disrupt after finalization?

Resources: 

• Failed Adoption Matches: How Common? How Costly? How to Survive 
• State laws on when expectant parents can change their mind about relinquishing their child for adoption. 
• Children's Bureau

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: I’m a foster-to-adopt mom. I have 3 children. Two have already been adopted, and we are in the process of adopting one. My oldest son, who is 5 years old and turning 6 in Aug, had parental visits, but they were terminated when the parental rights were terminated, and he no longer sees them. It's been a year since the last visit. My daughter never had visits and doesn’t see her bio family, but I send the family a twice-a-year email with photos and updates. My current foster child, who is 4 years old, has once-a-week phone calls with his mom, who is in prison. My 5-year-old son is really struggling with seeing his younger brother getting phone calls with his bio Mom since he no longer sees his bio parents, and it’s hard for him to understand why his brother talks to his mom, but he does not. Each one of my child's stories is very different, but my oldest one notices the differences and doesn't understand why they're in the same family but have different relationships with past foster families and biological parents. How do I navigate this as he gets older?

Resources:

• Working with Birth Parent's for the Child's Best Interest
  • 5 Tips for Navigating Sticky Situations with Birth Parents
  • Open Adoption and the Holidays
• Foster Youth Voices
• Sibling Relationships

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Does your child have a disability or have some label? If so, you need to listen to this interview with Dr. Deborah Winking, an educational psychologist and a special education teacher. She is the author of Capable: A Story of Triumph for Children the World Has Judges as “Different” and Raising Capable Kids. She is the mother of four, including one adopted child and one child with a neurological disorder.

In this episode, we cover:
Many of our kids have hidden disabilities caused by trauma. These disabilities can look like so many different things, including behavior problems.

You say these 12 habits are to change yourself, not your child. Why?

• Habit 1: Believe that effort creates ability
• Habit 3: Set a vision of capability with your child and adjust it over time
• Habit 6: Send capable messages: Use words and act in ways that let your child know that you think they are capable
• Habit 8: Challenge your child in ways that regularly take them (and you) outside your comfort zone.
• Habit 10: Allow your child to make choices and experience the consequences of those choices
• Habit 11: celebrate your child’s persistence to build a narrative of strength 

Order your copy of Raising Capable Kids & use code: Capable20 for a 20% discount and free shipping.

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: I was just asked to take on a Spanish-speaking teen with a baby. Do you have any resources to address fostering a teenager with a language barrier, as well as supporting her in developing adult skills and independence? She comes with a complicated history involving immigrating here on her own. 

Resources:

• Welcome an Older Child to Your Home (Resource)
• Former Foster Youth Voices (Resource)
• Helping a Child Heal from Trauma (Resource)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

What do teachers understand about adoption? What are the misperceptions? We talk with two researchers on this topic: Dr. Hal Grotevant, the Rudd Family Foundation Chair in Psychology at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, and Dr. Abbie Goldberg, a Professor of Psychology and current Director of Women’s & Gender Studies at Clark University.

In this episode, we cover:

• How knowledgeable were teachers in understanding the impact of trauma?
• How knowledgeable were teachers in understanding the impact of attachment?
• How knowledgeable were teachers in understanding the impact of adoption?
• How knowledgeable were teachers in understanding the impact of prenatal exposure?
• Was there a perception that adopted kids were “troubled”?
• What did they know about open adoption?
• How accepting were teachers to the idea of modifying assignments to reflect diverse families, including those formed by adoption?
• Do teachers know whether kids are adopted? Do they need to know? Do they feel comfortable asking for this information?
• Did teachers present lessons that included the diversity that adoption represents?
• Does teacher training, either formal or in-service, often include information on adoption?
• What can parents do to help their child’s teacher be more adoption-aware or adoption-sensitive?
• Where can listeners get more information on your research?
  • The “Teachers and Adopted Children” Survey and the Factsheet for Teacher can be found here.

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: We have applied to adopt a baby. We’re more or less being told that if we don’t agree to an open adoption, we’ll never get chosen by a birth mom. But, I really don’t want an open adoption. I think kids need just one mom and dad and opening up our family to others will just be confusing for everyone. But, I’m afraid that we’ll never get chosen if I say this.

Resources:

• Open Adoption (Resource page)
• Listening to Adoptee Voices
• Understanding the Birth Parents' Experience

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Do you have a child who acts out at school? Do you struggle with how to work with the school to help your child? If so, don't miss today's interview with Sarah Naish, the CEO and Founder of the Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma and the author of many books on foster parenting, including The A-Z of Trauma-Informed Teaching.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why do our kids often have behavioral problems?
• What are some typical behaviors that are problematic in school?
• What is it about school that exacerbates behavior issues?
• How much training does the average teacher have on the long-term impact of trauma on a child?
• How much training does the average teacher have on the long-term impact of prenatal exposure to alcohol and drugs on a child?
• Many of our kids will have an IEP or 504 Plan. How to address behavioral issues in these plans?
• Let’s say you have a child who is acting out (i.e., being defiant, not following rules, disrupting class, and other externalized behavioral issues); what would be your suggestions for a parent to work with the school on these behaviors?
• Let’s say you have a child who is withdrawing or fading into the woodwork (i.e., internalized behavioral issues); what would be your suggestions for a parent to work with the school on these behaviors?
• That doesn’t mean that there doesn’t need to be consequences.
• Question from our audience: Child is being defiant in school and refuses to finish her assignments. Teacher sends the unfinished assignments home to be completed by the next day, in addition to the child’s homework. Parents are spending the entire evening working with child to finish the work. How would you suggest handling it?
• Thoughts on homework? 
• Blame, embarrassment
• Homeschooling
• What are some ways parents can start the school year off right to set the stage for working with the school to help their child succeed?
• Tips for parenting in working with the schools.
  1. Share info
  2. Share trauma-informed teaching resources.
  3. Be honest and upfront about what you will and won’t do. Ex. Homework.

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: We are planning to adopt our third child. We have reason to believe that my husband’s parents will oppose this idea. Do you have any advice on how to approach them?

Resources:

• Transitioning Your Child to Your Home
• Winning Over Reluctant Extended Family to Your Adoption Plans
• Sibling Relations (Combing Children by Birth & Adoption)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Join us for this discussion with Dr. Gretchen Sisson, the author of Relinquished, the Politics of Adoption and the Privilege of American Motherhood.

In this episode, we cover:

• Book focuses on private adoptions between 2000-2020. Not on parents where parental rights were terminated by the state and not on international adoptions.
• Full of first-person stories from birth moms. 
• How many women are currently placing a child for adoption compared to the number of births? 
• How does this compare to the number of women who decide on abortion? Only 25 % considered adoption, and only 9% relinquished. Turnaway Study
• 90% of relinquishing moms considered parenting, but only 40% considered abortion.
• What is the demographic of the mom who relinquishes her child for adoption between 2000-2020?  
• Why do women relinquish or choose adoption? 
• What does the research show on how many women who decide against abortion or can’t have an abortion because their pregnancy is too advanced opt for adoption?
• Why do so few women who are considering an abortion not consider adoption?
• Very often, the moms in your book and in your research describe adoption as their only option. Why were the other options not seen as viable? “When women have more options available to them, they are less likely to relinquish.”
• Options counseling.
• How has openness in adoption changed things?
• Some research shows birth moms are mostly happy with their decision to place a child for adoption. NCFA Adoption Profile: Birth Parents Experience (1400 birth parents)
• The issues of substance abuse disorder, acute mental illness, or extreme poverty are real. Why is it not in the child’s best interest for the mom to choose adoption?
• Adoption and Safe Families Act of 1997- “fast-tracked termination of parental rights”—failed to talk about the reality of kids growing up in foster care. 

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building