Date Your Wife

*Encore presentation from May 15, 2018*

Welcome to this week's steamy episode of the Date Your Wife podcast sponsored by DKW Styling and featuring dual producers inside the game of business, money, and life – Danielle K and Garrett J White – who are keeping it real and raw no matter what level of success they achieve. Although today's topic is one of the tougher topics for many couples to get real about, the Whites break down all barriers and bares all in this week's enlightening, revealing and transparent conversation about sex.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast….SEX Point #1: Ass Cheeks 'n Thongs

• Danielle: We were at Cabo, lots of sex, no kids, drinking gin, and this medium-looking girl walks by with her guy, she's wearing a thong and has a tiny bum – even I noticed. It's when your head followed and you kept following. Usually, you're super respectful. But you kept prolonging that ass.
• Garrett: You caught me on that one. You do have control over how long you entertain, but you have zero control over the fact that if nine sets of ass cheeks are walking by you, and you're sitting there with your wife whose ass cheeks you love, as a guy in that environment it is a work of art to try to NOT do two things: #1- look, #2- try to not be weird about it when you're with your wife.

QUESTION

How do you feel about prolongued looks at the opposite sex by your partner?

Point #2: Sexual Triggers

• Danielle: Being turned on by a guy is all about how he carries himself; it's all about his energy and not about the idea of having sex with him. You might get butterflies and think, 'oh he's cute,' but usually you never entertain it until later when it comes up and you wonder why you're so horny.
• Garrett: As guys, we have a very different challenge because we are constantly being stimulated. You can be at church and a woman walks by wearing a shirt where her nipples are protruding and you can be a super committed loyal man to your wife, and nonetheless, you are sexually triggered.

QUESTION

What triggers you sexually?

Point #3: Finding Your Inner Stripper

• For years, Garrett wanted Danielle to send him sexy photos of herself, but for a long time, she wasn't about that. She eventually had a boudoir photoshoot that was not only for Garrett, but it also helped her find her inner stripper and channel more of her sexual being.
• "When I'm learning and growing in life, I'll do things to get out of my comfort zone because it pisses me off that I'm operating in a certain way. Doing the pictures made me nervous but I decided to just do it. It gives you permission to roleplay and it spices things up a little bit."

QUESTION

What is something you can do this week to step out of your comfort zone in your relationship?

Point #4: Reflection in the Mirror

• Garrett: It's very difficult for a guy to have his thoughts in check if he's not getting laid. As a guy, you are naturally sexually charged and if you and your wife are not having sex for whatever reason – if physical intimacy is not happening – his sexual energy goes even higher, which is what leads a man to go porn and masturbation, which ultimately leads to a bigger problem.
• Ladies, if you shame and guilt your husband because he's looking at porn, I'd invite you to look in the mirror at how you're showing up. The majority of men are looking at porn because they are not getting their sexual and emotional needs met at home – the relationship sex game is horseshit and not working out.

QUESTION

Ladies, how are you showing up sexually for your husband?

Point #5: Road to Nowhere

• With consistent porn consumption and masturbation, you will stop putting your sexual energy towards your wife. You deplete all of your sexual energy into the computer and into your cell phone, and through masturbation, you literally push your energy away into the nothing. There's no exchange of energy.

• Garrett: "Looking at porn and masturbating is a hollow experience. When I would go through these times of looking at porn and masturbating because Danielle and I were not on the same page, I would feel bad, alone and isolated. Turning to porn made it worse because I would start feeling even more resentment towards Danielle."

QUESTION

Gentlemen, where are you in the porn/masturbation cycle? How are your actions affecting your wife and your relationship?

Communication Challenge:

Ladies, how can you use sex as a tool and as a connecting piece to restore order in the relationship?

Date Night Topic:

Do a little role playing on your next Date Night to channel your inner stripper and add a little spice to the mix.

Quote of the Week:

"Guys, at the end of the day, keep all of that sexual energy in because it forces you to get committed to getting laid. This is what I have noticed for myself. If I keep all the sexual energy inside of me by not masturbating or looking at porn, then it forces me to focus all that energy on Danielle."

—Garrett J White

"Take the time to connect. Even if you're working a lot and don't see each other often, your relationship can only be as good as you're willing to work on it. If you're willing to cross the line for each other and not let it get too far disconnected, you can always stay in a good space. It's when you let it go too far that it takes that much longer to repair it and get back up. It's always a work in progress."

—Danielle K White

*Encore presentation from May of 2019* The conversation about the game of money is this week's topic of the Date Your Wife podcast, a topic which proves to be a spicy one for married co-hosts Garrett J and Danielle K White.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast…MONEY Point #1: Saving & Investing

• As Danielle steps back and looks at their amazing businesses and lifestyle, she is curious if there is a way to start putting more money into other areas, like savings, in addition to life insurance. She wonders if she is ignoring signs from their past mistakes, knowing that their current lifestyle is more abundant than ever before.
• Garrett: My wife has pushed for our life to rise over and over again. At this point, we save more money than we've ever saved in our whole lives. I've also gone from only investing in the business to investing in the family.

QUESTION

How are you doing in the area of savings? How long would you be able to sustain your lifestyle if the money stopped coming in tomorrow?

Point #2: Obsession

• The challenge inside of marriage when it comes to the topic of money is this: making money, growing money, keeping money, and leveraging money. Seventeen years ago, after reading the book, 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad,' Garrett realized for the first time that he could make money and became obsessed with it.
• He went back and forth between the hustle mode of making money and the phase of growing money as he built teams and processes, which led him to the game of keeping money. Over the past several years, he has invested and put strategies into place, which have benefited them in massive ways inside of their bank accounts and savings vaults.

QUESTION

Where are you as a couple when it comes to making & keeping money?

Point #3: Building a Legacy

• Danielle: We live an amazing lifestyle. I'm at the point where I want to be able to build a legacy, an empire. If we stopped working ten years from now, I want to know that we could still live our amazing lifestyle for years to come plus help our children if we needed to.
• My parents live well, but they can't stop working. My dad is 69 and is still building custom homes because they have to continue working to maintain their lifestyle. I look at our parents and don't want to live like either of them.

QUESTION

What do you ultimately desire?

Point #4: A Team Effort

• Danielle: Ladies, money is a tough conversation. Whether you're a woman who can take care of herself, or you're the Mom CEO of the family, it's nice to have a guy that takes care of you.
• I also want to be a part of this team effort and part of the decisions. I don't want to sit on the sidelines and be naive about what's going on.

QUESTION

How do you handle money decisions in your relationship?

Point #5: Maintain or Increase?

• Garrett to Danielle: Would you be willing to maintain our current lifestyle even though our businesses are increasing in revenue? We would maintain our current game, and everything else would go pure cash with no expense increase whatsoever in our personal lifestyle over the next five years.
• We would not change homes or cars, and we would keep the same game. We would put all the money away that you want to put away without having to up the standard, meaning… two bags, not nine.

QUESTION

What are you willing to do in order to be able to put money away?

Communication Challenge:

Have some conversations with your spouse about the game of money: making, growing, keeping, and leveraging money.

Date Night Topic:

If the money were to suddenly stop coming in, how long would you be able to live your current lifestyle without changing anything?

Quote of the Week:

"This podcast isn't about having all the answers for you but rather a conversation where we're in a place of figuring shit out as we go."

—Garrett J White

"When I'm seventy years old, I want us to be working because we're passionate about it, and we are choosing to – we have a purpose behind it – not to just pay the fucking bills."

—Danielle K White

Point #1: What is a Stack?

• A Stack is a series of questions with five variations (Mega, Angry, Happy, Gratitude, Production) that Garrett originally created three years ago to deal with "my fucking rage." These questions alter the way you are experiencing different relationships, events, and triggers in your life.
• One of the challenges men have is the inability to express emotion and end up suppressing those emotions, which is the way society has taught, trained and educated men to do over the past 100 years. The whole point of the Stack is to allow you to release the energy that you're feeling, whether you're fucking raging, angry, triggered, or happy and get someone to their truth.

QUESTION

As a man, what has been your experience with sharing your emotions and feelings?

Point #2: Impact

• There are five different Stacks which serve different purposes. You've got the Mega and Angry Stack which allow you to release your rage & emotions, followed by the Happy and Gratitude Stacks, and then finally the Production or War Stack..
• The Gratitude Stack requires you to deliberately pause and look back and serves as a powerful tool of connection with your spouse and children. As Garrett has shared these with his children as part of the Core 4 game, he has witnessed first-hand the immense impact it has had on them individually and upon their relationship.

QUESTION

How has expressing gratitude for your spouse and children affected your relationship with them?

Point #3: The Gift of Gratitude

• Danielle shares how expressing gratitude gives you a different perspective."There are going to be times in your life when you feel like you are in a dark place, and it's hard to snap out of that. You start to see the world through a negative lens."
• "If you take a step back and begin appreciating the good moments, it gives you this sense of gratitude, and everything begins to change. It puts life in a different perspective."

QUESTION

What do you notice when you step back and begin seeing life through the lens of gratitude?

Point #4: INSPIRED

• From his Gratitude Stack about Danielle, Garrett received insights and revelations about their marriage, and how he feels about her: "Marital and mutual respect is something that takes a long time to uncover, and once it's found, it's priceless and profound."
• "I sit and look at my wife while five months pregnant and am just inspired. I'm inspired by what it is to be pregnant and have your body do what it does with a little person inside of you who is growing. But of all the things that hits home the most is that she can make the baby AND also smash the shit out of life."

QUESTION

What about your spouse inspires you?

Point #5: From Then to Now

• Garrett: What makes this pregnancy different from the others is that I am grateful for what we've become as a couple. In the past, I isolated myself and didn't know how to deal with the whole pregnancy thing.
• Danielle: When you look back to how it was eight years ago with our last pregnancy during scary and uncertain times, things are so different this time. We know we're in a good place right now with life and with marriage, and we're excited about the next chapter.

QUESTION

As you step back and look where you've been compared to where you are now, what has changed?

Communication Challenge:

Discuss the art of collision and the ability to hold space for your spouse during intense & direct conversations.

Date Night Topic:

Make Gratitude the topic of your next Date Night. Share examples and stories of gratitude with each other. If you have access to the Gratitude Stack, do a Stack on each other and then share it during your date.

Quote of the Week:

"Gratitude is the ability to look back: here's where we are, here's where we were, and let's be grateful for what is."

—Garrett J White

"When you're in a space of gratitude, nothing can get you down. Use it as a protective shield for yourself and your family, and to ultimately feel more powerful in life. When I'm in that space, I feel unstoppable."

—Danielle K White

Every week married couple Danielle K and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast…Communication Point #1: People Pleaser or Conflict Avoider?

• Danielle believes women typically aren't people-pleasers, they're conflict avoiders. Some women are so afraid of confrontation that they always try to make peace.
• "But ultimately it's not because we're trying to please people," offers Danielle, "it's because we're trying to avoid conflict, which later on actually causes us more harm."

QUESTION

How does this play out in your marriage?

Point #2: On the Hunt

• As Garrett reflects this topic of conflict, he realizes that "Danielle is a conflict avoider at the highest level. If you go through what has happened with us in the past seventeen years, she has NEVER been a conflict person."
• "The only way we could ever have a real conversation was if I brought the collision to her, and then inside of it, I would actually hunt her down and force her to have a serious conversation with me."

QUESTION

Who is typically the "hunter" inside your marriage?

Point #3: Hot-Headed

• When men become hot-headed inside of a conversation, many women refuse to continue on with that conversation, thus making it appear to the men that women are in this place of avoidance.
• From Danielle's perspective, "Women recognize when a conversation or argument isn't in a logical place and is going nowhere. When Garrett flips his lid, and I feel like I can't reason with him because the conversation is not in a healthy place, I will refuse to continue, knowing that in this state, nothing is going to get solved.

QUESTION

Who is typically the hot-headed one in your relationship? How does this affect your communication?

Point #4: Initiate or Avoid?

• Garrett admits being more emotional than Danielle, and one who desires to get into a fight and collide. Speaking to Danielle, "You were never an initiator of any type of hard conversation. Your mode was to just swallow it, ignore it, reframe it in your mind, let it go and move on…and pretend like it never happened."
• Danielle: I was avoiding confrontation, and was thinking, "Oh, it will go away, it'll quiet down. I also came to this place where I didn't know how to have direct conversations with you.

QUESTION

Inside conflict within your marriage, who typically avoids, and who typically initiates?"

Point #5: Therapy

• After six years of behaviors and patterns that were not serving the White's, everything came to a head one afternoon during a huge argument in their kitchen where an ultimatum was issued by Garrett: either we're going to therapy, or we're done.
• Danielle: Going to therapy, we both had a logical sounding board to hear one another's feelings. It helped me open up and communicate better, and I feel like Garrett was able to go deeper into the story or conflict without hitting his tipping point.

QUESTION

What has been your experience inside the conversation of therapy?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation around the topic of "Avoider or Initiator."

Date Night Topic:

During Date Night, have a conversation about the possibility of inserting Therapy into your lives.

Quote of the Week:

"Therapy gave us a better chance to pull off conflict and be in a conversation that would require both of us to own our shit."

—Garrett J White

"In relationships, I think we argue to be right, not to get what we want. I think we both realized that there's submission in getting what we want which makes us less willing to be right and more willing to get what we want."

—Danielle K White

In this week's episode of the Date Your Wife podcast, Danielle and Garrett explore their Dark side and share how embracing both the Dark and the Light has given them the freedom to find harmony inside of their relationship, within themselves, and with humanity. *Encore presentation from October 2018*

Every week, married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast… Point #1: Jekyll and Hyde

• Danielle: Everyone is raised to put themselves in a box. As you get comfortable with yourself, you own EVERY side of yourself, including the crazy, but you learn how to manifest the crazy in a productive way.
• Garrett: Most people cannot accept that there are literally two sides to them. I spent most of my life putting who I was, away – my desires, the anger, the rage, the fire, the questions, and the sexual desire.

QUESTION

What part of you are you hiding in a box?

Point #2: Super Power

• Danielle: I can't operate as Susan all of the time, so it's literally learning how to cohesively live together with your multiple personalities. It's learning how to be cool with yourself and tapping into this dark, crazy side of you, looking at it as your Superpower. For example, I gotta handle some shit in business, so Dark Susan's coming out. When it's time to be a wife and a lover, Danielle comes out.
• Garrett: Relationship is the ability for a person to be able to be ALL of themselves in that relationship. My mission for myself and for Danielle was to be able to figure out how to be ALL of ourselves. There's Dark Susan sex, and there's Danielle sex – totally different sex, both are amazing. As we become more adaptable to ourselves, I think our relationship blows up in a big, beautiful way.

QUESTION

How do you handle ALL of you? How do you use the different parts of you to your advantage?

Point #3: Critical Bitch

• Garrett: Danielle has an aspect to her that I deeply love now but that I hated and loathed for most of our marriage, until the last four to five years. This side is what I considered to be Critical Bitch. Whatever was going on, there was always this chipping away, and for most of our relationship I thought, "Fucking crazy woman."

• Anything to do with Danielle's dark side was viewed as wrong, broken, over-thinking. What I had viewed as critical, all of a sudden became powerful. She had the ability to see things clearly amidst the chaos, and not be sucked in by emotion.

QUESTION

What have you previously viewed as wrong or broken in your spouse, but now view as powerful?

Point #4: Embrace the Dark AND the Light

• Garrett: When you start accepting that this is true inside of you – the Diabolical AND the Divine – when you come to terms with and embrace and love both sides of you, you start to love and appreciate humanity and people around you at a level you never could before because you're not fucking hiding anymore.
• Inside Wake Up Warrior and Big Money Stylist, we lead individuals on this path that accepts the true power of who you are on both extremes: in the Dark AND in the Light, in the Night AND in the Light, so they can ultimately gain the purest sight of being able to see truth.

QUESTION

What part of you are you suppressing and not embracing?

Point #5: Submission vs Sedation

• Danielle: How do I get to the end result I'm looking for in a particular situation? What are the steps required? It always requires submission at some level. Ultimately, I'm happier and get what I want. That overall feeling is better than retreating and closing down. Sedation can be a sneaky little bastard, and it can come in many forms.
• Garrett: Most couples don't want to submit, so they sedate. They go to whatever they need to in order to avoid having to collide: they eat, drink, pop pills, ignore, delve into fitness. People go to religion to justify the shitty relationship they're in; that somehow it will be magical when they die.

QUESTION

Where inside of your relationship are you sedating to avoid collision?

Communication Challenge:

How has your upbringing affected your ability to embrace both the Darkness and the Light within you?

Date Night Topic:

Have a conversation about your particular Crazy. What is the name of your Dark side?

Quote of the Week:

"Individually, if you do not come to terms with the fact that you have a brilliant side that is filled with light, and that you have a brilliant side that is filled with Night, that your Crazy offsets your Creator, and that your Creator cannot exist without your Crazy; until you can come to terms with yourself on this, you will never find harmony long-term in a relationship with any other person, specifically with your wife."

–Garrett J White

"I think people sedate their blessing. They think their blessing is their curse, so they sedate the thing that can actually give them power. What if you looked at these things as a blessing and not a curse? What if you used these to learn how to navigate through life instead of sedating what God gave you as 'different?' What if you learned how to use it to your benefit?"

–Danielle K White

Welcome to the Date Your Wife Podcast, aka the White's weekly therapy session, coming to you for the first time from their new home studio. In this week's personal and up-close conversation from inside their bedroom, the highlights of this episode include details about Closet Sex, Garrett's tendency to go to the extreme, the purpose behind this podcast, and business strategies when it comes to dealing with the haters. *This is an Encore presentation from February 2019*

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast…Communication Point #1: Closet Sex

• Danielle's certain she has nailed down the exact time and place of conception of their baby due in July.
• Knowing her 'window of pregnancy opportunity' was wide open, and determined to take full advantage of it, she seduced Garrett one morning as he was on his way out the door.

QUESTION

Ladies, when and where was the last time you seduced your husband or partner?

Point #2: Rivals & Haters

• Any successful business is always going to have rivals and haters. When you're new in the game, you take it very seriously and it can be crippling.
• Garrett: Inside of a relationship, you have to choose you. At the end of the day, if you're in a relationship that's not working out, as hard as it might be, you have to take responsibility for the way your marriage is because of you.

QUESTION

What has been your experience with the "haters" inside of your personal and business life?

Point #3: Compromise

• Danielle: When there's an end result that I'm looking to get, sometimes I don't look at the steps I need to take in order to get to that end result.
• A relationship is a sacrifice and compromise on both ends. There were many times Garrett and I told each other to fuck off. No one goes into a relationship wishing it was shitty.

QUESTION

What is the current state of your marriage?

Point #4: They're Going to Talk Shit

• Garrett: We started down this path of being responsible for our own change as individuals which allowed us to make some very important decisions when it came to business.
• Part of that process comes from dealing with people who talk shit. In the beginning stage of business, we always believe we're the exception and that there is something we can do that will have people NOT talk shit about us.

QUESTION

What is your strategy for dealing with people who talk shit about you or your business?

Point #5: The Certainty of Collision

• Garrett: I think you need to fucking punch people because it helps YOU. When I launched my first podcast filled with explicit lyrics in the Christian category, I was like a knife salesman at a waterbed convention.
• People began attacking Garrett and were out to take him down. Even though he knew he had brought this on himself, he wasn't prepared for the incessant heat he was receiving. As he launched his counter-attack on the haters, it began to weaponize him.

QUESTION

Where in your world have you taken a stand for something, and because of that, have you have received enormous backlash and persecution?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation around this topic: It's your partner that gives you insight and guidance that no one else will give you; it's your partner that gives you a swift kick, and it's hard to receive.

Date Night Topic:

On your next Date Night, have a steamy conversation about seduction.

Quote of the Week:

"You don't have to go looking for haters. The moment you take a stand of any significance, a war of haters will come to your front fucking door who are there to train you on how to be able to effectively and powerfully collide with other human beings.."

—Garrett J White

"If you can't take the heat, you're not strong enough to keep going. People who have had enormous amounts of success have figured out how to move on, say fuck you, have tunnel vision, work harder and smarter, and become the best at what they're doing."

—Danielle K White

Every week married couple Danielle K and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast…Communication Point #1: Divine Divorce Leads to Divine Destiny

• There are times when couples are in the midst of great chaos and find themselves knocking on the door of divorce. Because of this, most couples concur that there comes a point in their relationship where they must choose all in…again.
• Garrett: Although we didn't get a divorce, there was an emotional separation that took place. We were functionally disconnected, meaning, we were very good at being disconnected. There came a time when the inevitable moment of decision presented itself where we had to make a choice.

QUESTION

What has been your experience with knocking on the door of divorce?

Point #2: Am I With the Wrong Person?

• The IDEA of a relationship that is in continual bliss and always on fire is evident in the highlight reels that are plastered all over social media, giving others the impression of a fairytale happily-ever-after marriage. This is total bullshit.
• Garrett: There's a moment of the Divine Divorce where you as a couple begin to drift but it's actually setting up the next chapter of your relationship. Danielle: We kept looping back to the same arguments that never got solved, which had me wondering, "Am I with the wrong person?"

QUESTION

Is what you're posting on social media a true reflection of the state of your marriage, or is it drenched in hopeful bliss and fantasy?

Point #3: It's Just How It Is

• Garrett: The vast majority of couples that I meet and connect with inside Wake Up Warrior and BMS are operating in very minimal sexual connection, very minimal emotional and spiritual connection, and are surviving. But the challenge is, they don't even know they're surviving. The belief is, "This is just how it is."
• If you surround yourself with people who have this belief, it's not until something traumatic happens where it begins to expose how shitty things really are. In our marriage when the money disappeared, that is when the chaos of our marriage was exposed.

QUESTION

Where in your world do you have the belief of "it's just how it is?"

Point #4: From Divorce to Divine Divorcement

• The reality of how people show up in marriage is quite alarming to Garrett. Inside of many relationships he is connected with, he has witnessed many couples where both people are out of shape, they don't go out on dates, there is no seduction or flirting, and they are in the managing and survival mode. Then they get a divorce.
• "What blows my mind is the transformation that begins taking place AFTER the divorce, where they blossom into this entirely new person. Instead of having to get divorced, what if you could literally go through a Divine Divorcement?"

QUESTION

If on the verge of divorce, what would be possible inside your marriage if you considered the possibility of creating new patterns while remainging married?

Point #5: It's a Choice

• Garrett: No matter how powerfully connected you feel to who you are and what you have, the next version of your relationship as a couple is impossibly held hostage by the current constraints of what you believe is possible today.
• No matter what state your marriage is in today, there's another level calling you. And in order to get to that next level, there's a Divine Divorcement upon you. Divine in the sense that God, through the gift of agency, is giving you an opportunity to choose.

QUESTION

What are some of the limiting beliefs that are holding your marraige hostage?

Communication Challenge:

How are you choosing to show up in your marriage? What are you choosing to divorce? Without the divorcement and without the decision to do it, nothing is going to change inside of your relationship.

Date Night Topic:

Have a conversation about the things that attracted you to each other in the beginning of your relationship. How those have evolved and changed over time? What are some things you can do now to create new chemistry and excitement inside your relationship?

Quote of the Week:

"There's a new destiny on the other side of divorce. Divorce is simply choosing to do something different; it's the laying down and putting aside of that which is old and not working, for something that is new and can work."

—Garrett J White

"People underestimate the small consistencies daily that create a big win in life. Stay committed, be patient, and kick your husband in the ass every now and again if he needs it."

—Danielle K White

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast…. Communication Point #1: Guilt: The Enemy

• Danielle hates feeling guilty. "I think guilt is the enemy, and that nothing can pull you into a downward spiral faster than guilt. When I feel guilt, I ask myself why I'm feeling this way. Can I fix it? What can I do NOT to feel this?"
• Women feel all kinds of guilt, whether it be mommy guilt, business guilt, sex guilt, or even food guilt. When she's making decisions, Danielle asks herself if this will set her up to have a shitty day the next day. If so, "I have self-control and self-discipline."

QUESTION

As a woman, how do you process guilt?

Point #2: Attack With the Stack

• Guilt plagues guys in a massive way and they, too, experience all kinds of guilt inside of marriage, family, and business. If they work long hours to provide for their family, they feel guilty for being away from them so much. And then, if they're away and DON'T produce, they feel guilty about that, with an extra dose of shame and worthlessness thrown in.
• Garrett deals with guilt by using a powerful tool called the Stack. "I ask myself a series of questions that help me flip my guilt. I do this through an app on my cell phone, Attack with the Stack, where I'm able to deal with and process my thoughts and stories."

QUESTION

As a man, how do you process guilt?

Point #3: The Dream

• Danielle's recent dream was like a blockbuster adventure, mystery, and horror movie rolled into one. Garrett & Danielle explore it and the possible meanings it could hold, and he reminds her, "You have dreams, and your dreams mean something." Danielle: I think this dream came because I have been anxious about work. This year, I have taken on the role of CEO in addition to being a salon owner, an education director, launching my new ISLA hairline, and having a baby. I've snapped back strong from this baby, and mentally I feel strong, but I think I was scared that it was going to be too overwhelming. I think I was just scared of the unknown.

QUESTION

Do you or your spouse have dreams that carry timely messages?

Point #4: Running From Life

• During an especially difficult three year period for the White's, Garrett became an ultra-marathon runner, often running up to twenty miles a day. Danielle claims he was running from life.
• Garrett: Being an ultra-marathon runner was deeply powerful for me. Do you know what it did for me? I learned how to physically hurt for days and days and days on end with no complaint at all. It just fucking hurt. It's almost like you learn how to hurt and be ok with hurting.

QUESTION

What do you do to run away from your problems?

Point #5: Every Mom Has a Different Path

• Garrett & Danielle have a conversation about the different choices women make today as either working-outside-the-home moms, stay-at-home moms, CEO moms, or a combination of these. Garrett feels that many women are miserable, depressed, and selling themselves short when they are stay-at-home moms, although he fully supports any choice women make.
• Danielle: I love being a mom. I love everything about it. But I also know I love doing stuff for myself. I think a lot of women pursue things outside of being a mom, but they look at it as a hobby. And I did that in the beginning, but then I was faced with a situation where I didn't know if I was going to stay married." This is what ultimately birthed NBR, DKW Salon, her education company, and the ISLA hairline.

QUESTION

How do you both feel about the choices you have made up to this point?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation about this phrase, "I wish I could just be a stay-at-home mom." Does this trigger you? What does it actually mean to you?

Date Night Topic:

Who are your super heros? Why?

Quote of the Week:

"I'll be hurting and suffering in business with so much shit to do, so I'll take a deep breath and say, 'There is no finish line, this will not end quickly, this is going to fucking hurt badly, and… it is what it is."

—Garrett J White

"I'm super logical, and I flip things because I hate that feeling of guilt. I know if I take the feeling out of it and logically look at something – even if I'm in the wrong – I can understand it, let go, and try to do better."

—Danielle K White

* New Episode* The White's are back and on fire in this new episode of the Date Your Wife podcast. Inarguably one of their spicier therapy sessions yet, in addition to today's theme of the Karmic Loop, Garrett & Danielle delve into the topics of parenting, fitness, dating, the art of seduction, sex, and have a candid conversation about the loop Garrett has been stuck in for the past two weeks.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast…. Communication Point #1: The Hamster Wheel

• When artists inside of Danielle's programs tell her they don't have time to do the work required to make the changes they want to see inside of their business and life, she describes that as being on a hamster wheel.
• "You say you don't have time and you're extremely tired…but you're not actually going anywhere, you're literally just looping and looping. You can't afford NOT to have time. When people say they don't have enough time, it gives them an excuse not to try something new."

QUESTION

Where in your world are you making excuses instead of making time?

Point #2: False Lift

• When you're going along in life, and you suddenly get triggered about something, you begin to drift into a series of feelings of anger, blame, guilt, and shame, aka the Pit. Once inside the Pit, you want to fix things, but you're not sure how.
• You begin thinking, "If only I could go back to how things were before." As you fall and drift down from the peak to the Pit, you find yourself inside a false lift that takes you back to the peak where you were before…but no change has actually taken place, and nothing is ever fixed.

QUESTION

What area of your life do you continuously have the same arguments over and over and over again? How is that working for you?

Point #3: Collision

• The only way to change this is to identify that you're in the loop. If you find yourself repeating the same arguments over and over again, arguing about the same shit, in the same way, that's a telltale sign you are stuck inside the Karmic Loop or on the never-ending Hamster Wheel.
• Once you identify that you're in the loop, you've got to collide. The first collision is with yourself, and the second collision is with your spouse. It's about taking responsibility for where you are.

QUESTION

Inside your relationship, what are you afraid to have a conversation about with your spouse?

Point #4: Shut Down

• Garrett is experiencing a loop where he has shut down sexually. He has the drive and yet lacks the hunt for Danielle. "I will sit and wait for Danielle to jump on me, which she literally does."
• Garrett feels he created a pattern after years of rejection and trained himself not to go on the hunt. "I don't do the weird thing, I don't go pouty, I just do nothing. It's shut off."

QUESTION

Identify a loop you currently find yourself in. What is the first step you can take to begin changing that?

Point #5: The Stack

• Using the Warrior tool called the Stack, Garrett takes himself through a series of questions and answers about this loop he currently finds himself in with regards to shutting himself down sexually, even though it is very clear Danielle is "open for business."
• During the process of asking himself what it is that he wants, he reveals, "I want Garrett to become a sexual hunter again in his marriage like he was in the first year of his marriage. I want Garrett to break the chains of sexual dysfunction in the game he is playing."

QUESTION

How willing are you to dive deep into questions of self-inquiry?

Communication Challenge:

Identify one area in your relationship where you have the same argument in the same way over and over and over. Using the art of collision, begin taking steps to move forward.

Date Night Topic:

Talk about things you like your spouse to do that turn you on.

Quote of the Week:

"If you don't have a relationship with your spouse, and all your energy is poured into your kids, it's gotta be a pretty depressing day when your kids leave."

—Garrett J White

"I have to walk by damn near naked and be like, "We're open for business!"

—Danielle K White

dateyourwife.com, warriorgreens.com

becomeaking.com, dkwstyling.com

It's no secret that the Date Your Wife Podcast doubles as a weekly therapy session for married co-hosts, Danielle K and Garret J White. This week during their candid conversation about the topic of parenting, fireworks are ignited as they each take a strong stance for their differing parenting tactics and strategies. *Episode Repeat from July 2018*

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month:

Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication

In This Week's Podcast…. PARENTING

Point #1: Monster Mom, Monster Child

• Garrett spent this past week in Costa Rica on a surfing vacation, and Danielle and the girls flew to Utah to be with her parents for a few days. That first night deep in the jungle of Costa Rica, Garrett received a frantic and emotional text call from Baily, their eleven-year-old daughter, who was screaming and freaking out about her smashed cell phone. That night, he realized that at the end of the day, he had absolutely no control over what was happening over 3500 miles away in a different country.

• Danielle: At the same moment Garrett was having that realization, I was having the realization that there was nothing I could do, either. Bailey had flipped her lid and was totally irrational, to the point where anything I said escalated the situation on both sides. I started out calm, and then I got to the point where monster mom came out. I reminded her that she's eleven and is not entitled to a phone, and eventually grabbed her phone and threw it. I suddenly realized that monster mom created monster child.

QUESTION

What is your parenting strategy when your kids are behaving irrationally?

Point #2: To Slap or Not to Slap

• Garrett: Danielle texted me and asked me what she should have done. I said, slap her, but she said no. "Breaking cell phones is a very expensive habit because every cell phone you break, you inevitably end up getting a new cell phone, and we just end up spending more money. Slap her, it's free, and a quick slap takes care of it all."

• Danielle: I remember being backhanded by my mom a few times. One time she did it so hard that I flew into the window and got a bloody nose. You want me to slap her, but the repercussions of being a pre-teen and having your mom or dad backhand you across the face cause far more scarring than throwing a cell phone.

QUESTION

What are your thoughts about slapping? Yes or no?

Point #3: Cell Phone Family Plan

• Danielle: When Baily doesn't have her cell phone with her 24/7, she's more present. She has a tendency to get into her head. She worries about the wrong shit and gets sucked into the vortex. I think there's a lot of good that comes from Social Media, but there have to be boundaries, and there have to be limitations so there isn't this sense of entitlement. Tonight when we get home, we're going to create a cell phone contract with her.

• Garrett: I think the contract is a very good idea. I just think you need to be very clear about what you're going to put on the contract. You better be ready to enforce it, and you better know what the enforcement of the plan is, otherwise it's just going to be another one of those things that never happen.

QUESTION

Cell phones and kids – why or why not?

Point #4: Different Parents, Different Strategies

• Garrett: As parents, we have radically different strategies for dealing with our children. I deal with life one way, Danielle deals with life another way. Part of what used to cause a lot of conflict was that we didn't know how to submit to what the other person was passionate about. For example, Danielle said that Baily told her to her face that she's a fucking bitch. I would slap her in the mouth.

• But Danielle's opposed to that and thinks it's super trashy. In my opinion, if our daughter calls Danielle a fucking bitch, she deserves to be slapped in the face. The end. Danielle's strategy is to ignore and wait until things blow up, then she deals with the chaos from that point on. I like to intercept shit and punch it before it becomes a major issue. This has created a lot of chaos for us as we raise our children because we have totally different strategies.

QUESTION

What are your parenting strategies?

Point #5: Kings, Support Your Queens

• Garrett: Gentlemen, yes it's your job to lead in the house, but at the same time, your wife spends more time with your children. At the end of the day, although I may have opinions about how things should go on at home, she spends the most time with them and they've figured out their game. One of the worst things you can do is to fuck up their flow, even when it looks like complete insanity from the outside. Just support it.

• There's a shitload of disrespect in our country with kids in this age group who just don't give a shit. They talk shit to their parents, to adults, and to teachers. I don't necessarily have the answers, but here's what I do know: inside of it at some point – as a man – it's more important to back your wife in what's going on than it is for you to be right.

QUESTION

How is this conversation resonating with you and your spouse?

Communication Challenge:

Discuss your parenting strategies in the area of discipline. How can you two come together to create a unified team?

Date Night Topic:

To slap or not to slap: why or why not? How has your upbringing shaped your opinion about it?

Quote of the Week:

"Have the courage to have conversations even when you disagree."

—Garrett J White

"Make sure that whatever the plan is that you back your significant other."

—Danielle K White