Date Your Wife

Communication is the topic in this week's Date Your Wife episode where Danielle and Garrett discuss growth, conflict & collision, and how we all take on different characters and play different roles in our relationships.

Every week, married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast….Communication Point #1: Activate the Gremlin

• Danielle is the owner of DKW Styling Salon and has created a hair extension system called Natural Beaded Rows. She and her team are basking in the afterglow of their most recent three-day convention, where they hosted 350 students eager to learn Danielle's system.
• Garrett: A comment came in from an associate of ours who was at the convention. "You know, Danielle is like a gremlin – cuddly, nice, sweet, and fun. And when you pour a little water on it and out comes the beast. I watched Danielle speak and train as I have never before seen her. Her Gremlin was activated."

QUESTION

What causes the Gremlin in you to activate?

Point #2: Characters & Roles

• Garrett: As human beings, we take on many different roles and characters. Inside of marriage, we are required to create and master a diverse number of them.
• Danielle: In business, a true professional knows when to use each character in the different roles they are required to take on. As women, we have to know when to wear the work hat, when to wear the mom hat, and when to wear the wife and lover hat.

QUESTION

What are the different characters and roles you take on in your marriage?

Point #3: Growing At Different Speeds

• Danielle: When we lost everything, and Garrett was trying to discover himself, I was always telling him, "just figure it out." He would want to share and connect with me, and when I didn't want to, he felt I wasn't growing. I decided I wasn't going to worry about what Garrett was doing, but instead, work on myself and stay in my own lane.
• Garrett: We grow at different speeds and at different times. This changes our roles and makes communication difficult. The challenge becomes staying in your own lane. When you're trying to communicate, and you're both in two totally different places, it can be challenging.

QUESTION

How do you handle growing at different speeds within your marriage?

Point #4: Choice vs Force

• Garrett: I got to the point where my power and my path were going to be about choosing me and choosing the path that I wanted -and inviting Danielle to come along with me. "This is where I'm going. I would like you to come with me, but if you don't want to come, that's okay, I'm still going to go." The more I took that stand, the better our communication became inside of our relationship.
• Danielle: I felt so much better when it became more about me getting to choose rather than feeling like you were forcing or dragging me. If you go to an event that's all about self-help or self-awareness, you don't want to come home to your spouse and say, "By the way, you're broken, and you should probably come with me and get fixed."

QUESTION

Are you more likely to force or to encourage choice in your relationships?

Point #5: The Control Factor

• Garrett: I'll have you consider that the worst thing that could ever exist inside of a relationship is where there is no collision in communication. Collision must happen, and inside of that, control must, at times, be surrendered.
• Danielle: To ultimately get what you want, you have to choose your battles. Sometimes when we're fighting, and realize we're on the same team, we let it go, calm it down, and then revisit that conversation at a later time.

QUESTION

How do you handle collision in your relationship?

Communication Challenge:

How do you handle and resolve conflict in your marriage?

Date Night Topic:

What are you committed to as a couple in the area of growth?

Quote of the Week:

"When you're growing, and your partner may not be growing at the same speed, you have to stay committed to what you want, move forward, and invite them into the picture."

—Garrett J White

"Learn how to communicate with your partner in that safe zone."

—Danielle K White

In this new and refreshing episode of the "Podcast by the Pool" aka the Date Your Wife podcast, today's topic comes as a result of a recent comment posted in response to a marketing piece on Garrett's social media and sparks an important conversation about taking ownership of where you are in life…no matter where that is. We also get a little pregnancy update as the White's enter the final stretch. To see what Garrett and Danielle are up to professionally, be sure to check out dkwstyling.com or betheman.com.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast….Communication Point #1: Own It

• A recent comment on Garrett's social media prompted today's topic of serving and playing at your level, no matter what it is, and not be ashamed of where you're at, regardless of where that is. You see people with money trying to hide and play humble, and then you have others who don't have things on lockdown but pretend that they do. It's the inability to own where you are at any given time.
• Garrett: Look at the crazy dynamic of this. In your relationship, you're not where you want to be, so you lie to everyone about where you are, pretending you're something you 're not. Then, you get somewhere that's legit, and you feel weird about being there, so you lie about where you are and try to downplay it.

QUESTION

Where in your world do you pretend to be something or someone you're not?

Point #2: Lambo Be Gone

• Garrett has had conversations with about five businessmen who have bought a Lamborghini because it's always been something they've wanted. But once they had it, they felt so uncomfortable about what people were saying to them and the attention they were drawing that they ended up selling their car.
• Garrett: So you get to a place where you've created the success and produced something inside of your world, but then you start apologizing for it. You're at the bottom and trying to up-play; you're at the top and trying to downplay. When the fuck are you going to accept who you are?

QUESTION

As you look inside your world, where do you tend to make decisions based on other people's opinions about you rather than having confidence in your own choices?

Point #3: Just the Facts

• The White's have experienced both ends of the spectrum, both in their finances and in their marriage. Inside of being at the bottom end of the spectrum, it's difficult to own where you are and to be honest about it.
• Garrett: Your greatest access to power inside of yourself and inside of marriage is to actually be honest about where you are. But the vast majority of society right now is filled with this idea that you can't be ok with where you are, and that you have to constantly pose yourself to be something that you're not.

QUESTION

When is the last time you were truly honest about the facts of your life?

Point #4: Sexual Desert

• Garrett: At 43, I'm at a different level. I'm more mature and I've learned to deal with myself in a totally different way than the previous pregnancies. But…I'm getting a little nervous. We've created a new routine that is obviously warranted because of the baby, but I get nervous as a guy. What if it (our sexual life) never comes back?
• Danielle: Pregnancy and sex are awkward for both the guys and the girls. When you're pregnant, you literally have another human growing inside of you and you're kind of operating at 65% capacity. You're trying to be sexy, but everything is more awkward. I'm not really concerned about the next chapter once I've recovered and healed…and I'm excited to be back to myself again!

QUESTION

How have you and your spouse handled the 'sexual desert' during pregnancies?

Point #5: Taking Risks

• Garrett: There's a piece inside all of us that has to make a decision, and it's a decision that has to be made every day – several times a day. It's a decision to rise and to build. But most individuals and couples aren't willing to take the risks necessary. You've got to be willing to take a risk. And the first risk you've got to take is being honest with yourself.
• Danielle: You have to get a little uncomfortable. You have to be willing to change or do something different. And some of those things might not be for you but for your man – and he's going to have to cross the table and do the same thing for you. It might not be something you normally would do but ultimately, it will serve you both and strengthen your relationship.

QUESTION

When was the last time you took a risk as both an individual and as a couple?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation about taking risks and what that looks like for you inside your marriage.

Date Night Topic:

How to navigate the Sexual Desert during pregnancy is this week's Date Night topic. Bounce ideas off each other and truly get honest with how you each feel.

Quote of the Week:

"If a couple doesn't get divorced legally, there's a separation and divorce that has to happen spiritually with people as they start to shift and change. Your marriage – the way it is – has to die in order for it to become the marriage you want it to be."

—Garrett J White

"Who's the poser? Is it the person down-playing or the person up-playing? Is it the person pretending to have what they don't have, or the person with a shit ton of money pretending that they don't?"

—Danielle K White

Today's conversation with Garrett and Danielle is about the topic of Money and the important role it plays in your relationship. *This is a previously aired episode from April 2018.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast….MONEY Point #1: Men Must Produce

• When you make enough money to put your family into abundance, there's a shift in the way that you see yourself as a man and a shift in the way you see your relationship. It also affects the way your wife sees you.
• Generally, women want to be taken care of. Even if we can produce, we still want our man to 'be the man' and take care of us. A man is sexier to a woman when he's the one producing.

QUESTION

Does this ring true for you as a couple?

Point #2: Money is a Tool

• Garrett: Inside of our relationships, money sits at the core. It allows you to do so much shit as a couple or it constrains you to do so much shit as a couple. We have friends who celebrate their success and use it as a tool to inspire other people to create more, and then we have other friends who simply hide it all and pretend like they're broke.
• Danielle: There was a period of about five years where we were experiencing rapid growth and we disconnected ourselves from people. I had surface relationships and felt like I was kind of guarding myself. What I've come to realize now is that I can have relationships with everyone – it's just a matter of me being comfortable with me.

QUESTION

Are you living in a scarcity mindset while being surrounded by your wealth?

Point #3: You Must Leap

• In 2009 after I had lost everything, I was offered a job from a friend at a very crucial time for me when I didn't have a lot of belief in myself. I was terrified as a husband and as a producer and had lost all confidence in myself. There came a pivotal moment when I realized my life was in the balance and something in my soul said, "You must fucking leap!"
• Danielle: When we were dating, I saw Garrett for who he was and who he could become. I knew there were great things in store for him. So when I saw him selling out, I was so upset because I knew what he was capable of doing and becoming so much more.

QUESTION

Where in your life have you settled?

Point #4: Don't Settle

• Garrett: One of the greatest gifts my wife has given to me about money is that she rode my ass about it. My wife helped me see that being driven by the money is not about being driven by the money. As you get better and better at making money as a man inside of marriage, inside of that place it forces you to become a new man.
• Danielle: I think that people play it safe in life in fear of failure. If I leap and I fall on my face, then there are consequences; but if I just stay in the safe zone, then I can just ride this out forever. If you're listening to this and you're feeling a stab in the heart to take action in your life, do it.

QUESTION

Where in your life are you feeling the call to take a leap of faith?

Point #5: Team Work

• Garrett: There are a lot of you here who need to rise. Danielle and I work as a team to push each other. There are times she wants to settle into her little comfortable cocoon and then I kick her straight out of the cocoon, I rip it open and throw her off the cliff. And she does the same for me.
• Danielle: You can produce way more as a couple if you can get on the same page of experiencing more growth together. If you can take those experiences of who you are as a couple and make them work, two is better than one, at least in my experience for us. We push each other in that way.

QUESTION

What is your dance as a couple in the way you support each other's growth?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation as a couple and allow yourself to collide and dream. Sit down and set a target of a game that you could create together. Who can you become as a couple economically? Who can you become as a producer individually or collectively? What would it require for you to become to pull that off?

Date Night Topic:

Give yourself some credit for where you are. Challenge yourself on your Date Night to have a conversation about possibility or collision. Either one of these paths will lead you to a new position and possibility inside of your life.

Quote of the Week:

"My money is a reflection of my ability to produce and create value in the marketplace. So I produce and I create more not for the target of having money, but rather we are in this place of a desire to become more, and inside of that we use money production as a way to accelerate that."

—Garrett J White

"Be you at every level."

—Danielle K White

The White's have a conversation about the last stages of pregnancy and feedback inside of marriage.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month:

Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast….COMMUNICATION Point #1: Am I Really Waddling That Much?

• With four weeks to go until the arrival of baby Isla (at the time of this recording), the White's have entered the home stretch…and Danielle's really feeling it. "These last three to four weeks seem like a lifetime and I am literally counting the days."
• On their recent dinner & movie Date Night, an older man took one look at Danielle and remarked, "Wow! Are you due any day? Don't have the baby in the theater!" She has a few choice words for people who make comments to pregnant ladies when they are obviously close to delivery: fuck off!

QUESTION

Ladies, what are some of the things people asked you when you were in the pregnancy home stretch?

Point #2: Guys Are Clueless

• When it comes to pregnancy, guys are pretty much clueless and clearly, they don't know what to say when they see a pregnant lady. "I think guys are just trying to say something nice or funny when they make a remark like "don't have the baby in the theatre."
• Danielle: The only thing you can say to a pregnant girl is, "How are you feeling? Looks great, you're almost there. That's appropriate." Garrett tries to be supportive but he looks at Danielle with concerned eyes, a furrowed brow, and a face that says "Oh, that looks so awful…are you ok?"

QUESTION

Men, how do you support your wife when she's pregnant?

Point #3: Erection in the Desert

• This pregnancy adventure has opened up the way for the White's to have a conversation about bringing two books to the marketplace with working titles Etiquette For a Pregnant Lady, and What to Expect When You're Expecting – Penis Edition.
• Garrett: "The more I talk about this topic, the more I believe that this is the window. If I was ever going to do it, it's gotta happen now because I believe this will be our last baby." According to Danielle, Garrett's would be a four-page book. But Garrett begs to differ.

QUESTION

Ladies, what are some of the things your husband has had to sacrifice during your pregnancies

Point #4: Snoogle, Belly Edition

• During sex, Garrett says he's been sucking in his abs to make room for the baby, something Danielle has been noticing and thinks is really weird. Garrett sees it as "I'm offering support like a Snoogle, belly edition, while you're having sex with me."
• During the last several weeks of pregnancy, a lot of men think that having sex falls into this weird, awkward, extraterrestrial territory. They're trying not to hurt the baby (even though that is absolutely not possible), and they also want to create a comfortable space for their wives. But it usually backfires.

QUESTION

How do you and your spouse handle sex during the final few weeks of pregnancy?

Point #5: Balls of Steel

• According to Garrett, a wife is one of the few people in a man's life who can speak to a man in a way that no one else can. "They have all the data and so they can jab straight into a guy's balls. What's gotta happen over time is that your balls have to become steel. She's refining you and getting you to a place of power."
• Danielle: "My intent is never to go after the jugular or land a straight shot to the balls; it's more out of wanting to help Garrett. Yet a lot of times, I'll be missing all the facts and details and will state my opinion which can come across as a naggy know-it-all or as an attack on Garrett, which isn't my intent."

QUESTION

What is the state of communication with your spouse?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation about feedback inside of your marriage.

Date Night Topic:

What have been the conditions and results from light bulb moments or major shifts inside of your marriage?

Quote of the Week:

"Part of the role that your wife plays in your life is the ability to be the "critical bitch." Her job is to criticize and your job is to reframe criticism into a place of hey listen, my wife is simply jabbing at the king to wake the fuck up."

—Garrett J White

"I think you have to come to this place inside of your marriage where you can take something that is meant to nag or antagonize you, and flip it so it becomes beneficial rather than something that will destroy."

—Danielle K White

It's never a dull moment with the White's in this week's edgy and spicy Date Your Wife podcast on the topic of Communication, as they delve into the world of Astrology and Natal Charts, revealing startlingly accurate and sometimes surprising traits about each other. At times their entertaining and flirtatious banter delivers jabs akin to a highly competitive sparring match. *This is a previously aired episode from March 2018.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month:

Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication

In This Week's Podcast….COMMUNICATION Point #1: Understanding Trumps Assumption

• During their recent vacation, Danielle found herself completely submerged in the world of Astrology, studying personality and compatibility traits of both she and Garrett. What has taken Garrett fifteen years to discover about himself, Danielle has been able to figure out in ten minutes while lying on the gorgeous beaches of Maui sipping a Margareta.
• Danielle: I'm just trying to figure out how we operate, why we do the things we do, and what makes us tick. With communication specifically, that's what triggers people. You can say something that will trigger a person if you don't have an understanding of who they are, where they're coming from, or what their intentions are.

QUESTION

How does having an understanding of your spouse's modus operandi influence the way you communicate with them?

Point #2: Is Your Relationship Account Overdrawn?

• Garrett has been working late every night and Danielle wants to spend more time with him, which she recently communicated to him. He has been wanting her to communicate her feelings more often to him, but once she did, Garrett flipped it into an argument. A text and audio battle ensued.
• Garrett: Part of the problem is you don't make any deposits in my account and tell me I'm doing a great job, which is very important for me. I feel like you are starving me. Danielle: I've come to realize that communication is very important to you and that you always need tons of validation, tons of communication, and tons of praise.

QUESTION

When was the last time you made a deposit in your relationship account?

Point #3: Can You Outsource Your Love Language?

• When our gas tanks are low, we have zero desire to fill up each other's gas tanks. We start to drift and become strangers in the night, and the next thing you know we're talking divorce. This was always our pattern. I was giving her what I wanted to receive instead of what she wanted and needed to receive, and vice versa.
• Garrett realized when he sends a love note to Danielle, it's because he wants to receive love notes. Danielle: Can I have someone else write love notes to you? Garrett: You want to outsource your love? Ok, you go outsource it and send me a daily gdamn love letter. And I'll outsource a guy to show up and sit on the couch and just sit there while you put your legs on him.

QUESTION

How has understanding each other's Love Languages improved the way you communicate?

Point #4: Respect is Like Peanut Butter

• Danielle: I think we have a lot of respect for each other and recognize how hard we have worked to get where we are. Even though we might not think the same, we have the same intentions and goals. I've realized I am never going to get you to see the world the way I see it. And I need to just accept that.
• Garrett: I think we have the same energy and drive. But we definitely don't agree on everything and that's okay. Part of being able to course correct comes down to respect. It's the ability to not have to agree on everything, and the respect is what takes you through, not love.

QUESTION

Do you feel like you must agree on everything in order to have a healthy, thriving marriage? Why or why not?

Point #5: Collision is Inevitable

• Danielle: My advice for women when you want to share something with your man is to approach him in a way where you can actually have a safe conversation and express your feelings without things going south. Frame the conversation so that it is coming from the heart and not the head, and frame it in a way that you can actually get past your shit.
• Garrett: Here's my suggestion for the guys: The better you know yourself, the better you can communicate with your wife what you want and what you don't want.

QUESTION

How do you handle collision?

Communication Challenge:

Be open to the possibility of doing some research about yourselves in some new places, and then have some fun talking about what you discover. Here are some suggestions for you: astrowow.com, kolbe.com, colorcode.com

Date Night Topic:

On your Date Night this week, have a conversation about what it is you actually want.

Quote of the Week:

"I've been studying something called the Natal Chart which is a tool I use within my Soul Purpose Blueprint. What I know about Gemini's is that we run the Universe and we are are the sexual gods of the Universe."

—Garrett J White

"Now that we have come to understand and respect one another, even though we're a lot different – and yes, we're still going to get into arguments and disagree on things – I think we are at that place of respect where we can come together. His strengths help me, and my strengths help him. I think our businesses getting to the level they are at is the result of us working together and playing off each other's strengths and weaknesses."

—Danielle K White

A picture-perfect sunset by the sea is the backdrop for this week's Date Your Wife podcast with married co-hosts, Garrett J and Danielle K White. We discover why Danielle has stepped away from her salon earlier than anticipated and what that has to do with Garrett overcoming his aversion to needles. The topics of sex during pregnancy, surrogacy, and favoritism are also part of today's conversation. This episode is all about life transitions and how the entire White clan is doing their part to make this transition as smooth and as seamless as possible.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast….PARENTING Point #1: Change of Plans

• At the time of recording this episode, Danielle is 33 weeks pregnant with seven weeks to go until the arrival of their daughter, Isla. A visit to the ER reveals some news that requires Danielle to alter her plans for the next seven weeks.
• "I stopped working a little bit earlier than anticipated, and I'm just trying to take it easy. But mentally, it's a little bit torturous. Yesterday, I went to CVS, and I'm literally standing in line chatting with a bunch of eighty-year-olds while I wait for my prescription and look for compression socks."

QUESTION

Where in your world have new circumstances required you to alter your original plans?

Point #2: Letting Go

• While at the ER, Danielle was on the phone conducting business with her team members finalizing details of a huge event coming up. When her lead trainer caught wind of where Danielle was and what she was doing, her message to Danielle was, "Let go!"
• Danielle: "There comes a point where your health is involved that puts things into perspective. I need to slow down, I need to let go, and I need to trust that my teams have this. Sometimes in life, we have to understand that people may not always do things as you would, but we have to give them the opportunity to rise."

QUESTION

Inside your world, where has the 'letting go' opened up your world and given people inside of your life the opportunity to rise?

Point #3: Favorites

• Bailee, the White's twelve-year-old daughter, makes a guest appearance on the show and adds her two-cents when it comes to baby Isla possibly being the "favored" child.
• "I'm really good with babies, but I already know the main focus is going to be on the baby… and Ruby's gonna have a tantrum about that. You can already tell Isla is the favorite. She has a hair brand named after her and she has her own cool room with everything new."

QUESTION

What are your experiences with the "favored child syndrome?"

Point #4: The Sex Game

• Garrett brought up the fact that there's not a manual for the guys when it comes to having a pregnant wife. Men have a lot of questions and go through transitions of their own during this time. "The moment this is brought up," Garrett remarks, "you're thrown into the blender of you're a pussy."
• "What do the guys do when their sex drive is extremely high? What about sex during the third trimester? What does it mean when you're not getting laid? What do you do when the sex game completely disappears? If we do have sex, will I hurt the baby?" According to Danielle, "There's not a guy on the planet who is long enough to poke his baby in the head!"

QUESTION

How are you and your partner handling this transition from the male's perspective?

Point #5: Seasons of Life

• Garrett: You've got these transitionary moments of up and down and up and down; seasons of one thing, and seasons of another. Things are constantly evolving and changing as a couple, and you've got to be ok with the fact that they're changing.
• Right now, we're in a big-ass transition. I look at the fruit of what this time gives us, and it's giving us an opportunity to slow down. It's giving us an opportunity to look at things from a different angle, and it's giving us, as a couple, an opportunity to connect in ways we maybe wouldn't normally connect. And, it's giving our family a chance to have a different focus.

QUESTION

What lessons have your life transitions taught you? What opportunities have they brought into your life?

Communication Challenge:

Do you have a focus on a vision beyond the transition?

Date Night Topic:

Consider what transition you're in and have a conversation about it over a bowl of ice cream.

Quote of the Week:

"As a couple, if you don't stay open in the transition, you're never going to see the window to the next play. It's very easy to close it down and to want to go back to the way things were."

—Garrett J White

"I'm going to be smarter this time. I'm going to enjoy my kids AND keep my sanity. I'm going to be with them, and I'm also going to allow help to come in to help me transition through this period of my life. As moms, we're human… and we also need our space."

—Danielle K White

Get ready for a spicy conversation in this week's brand new episode of the Date Your Wife Podcast with married co-hosts, Garrett J and Danielle K White, who are preparing to enter a new chapter of their life with the arrival of baby Isla in eight weeks. Join them as they candidly discuss the challenges that come with pregnancy and the seasons & chapters the births of each of their children have opened up for them.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast….COMMUNICATION Point #1: Pregnancy Desert

• The White's are in full-on pregnancy mode as they enter the eight-week countdown for the arrival of baby Isla who is due to arrive mid-July 2019. Danielle has reached the mega uncomfortable stage where some mornings she struggles to roll out of bed, while Garrett admits they're in the pregnancy desert when it comes to sex.
• "The last eight weeks, I literally transform into some kind of cartoon character. My body starts to retain water and it just gets super ugly. It's rough.

QUESTION

Describe what life has been like in the home stretch phase of your pregnancies.

Point #2: His & Her Sacrifices

• When a woman is pregnant, the physical sacrifices she makes to carry and birth that baby are both substantial and obvious. The sacrifice men make, not so obvious. But Garrett says the sacrifices are nonetheless all too real and mostly go unnoticed and are not taken seriously.
• "As a guy, being in the homestretch is a very interesting game. How do I not be a dick and show up in a selfish way, and at the same time, how do I maintain and manage what I'm up to and what I'm about? When our wives are pregnant, we have no leg to stand on. And inside of that, there's some serious stuff that goes on for us."

QUESTION

What is the "unspoken" shit you go through as a man when your wife is pregnant?

Point #3: Roll Me Over

• Danielle has good days and bad days. Sometimes she barely notices she's pregnant until she goes to get out of bed and feels like a potato bug stuck on its back.
• "It takes a lot of energy to be pregnant, and I feel like every ounce of energy I give has to be more focused. Even though I'm operating at fifty percent, that fifty percent is pretty damn good because I make sure whatever energy I put out is worth my time."

QUESTION

Ladies, how is your energy when you're pregnant? How does it affect your everyday routine?

Point #4: Suck It Up Phase

• As a man watching his wife go through pregnancy, Garrett feels super-protective and super supportive, yet he almost feels like they are in a holding pattern …even though they're not. "I feel like, at some point, you and I lose connection through the pregnancy phase… but not in a bad way."
• "It's almost like we're in a season of war where there are war rules and peace rules. During war, there's a different set of principles. As a husband, I'm trying to stay active in the game and at the same time, support Danielle in whatever ways she needs. We're in the homestretch of the 'suck it up' phase."

QUESTION

What does your 'suck it up" phase look like?

Point #5: Why Do You Stay?

• Each child's arrival into the White home has brought new life and a new chapter into their lives, and they feel baby Isla will do the same. "Every child has come at a different season in our life – Parker with my first wife, then Bailee right before things were about to fall apart, and then Ruby. Without the birth of Ruby, I don't think we make it."
• Danielle: I feel like a lot of times, women stay in relationships because of the children, or they use that as their excuse. Really, they just crave security, and that's why they stay. And that's kind of how it was with Ruby. She kept us together. Women want safety and security, no matter what form that comes in.

QUESTION

When things got tough in your marriage, what part did the children play in keeping you together and weathering the storms?

Communication Challenge:

Do you think men make sacrifices when their wives are pregnant? Why or why not?

Date Night Topic:

Have a conversation about the different seasons and chapters you entered after the births of each of your children.

Quote of the Week:

"Marriage itself is a game of seasons, and each season demands a different set of skillsets. But the one thing that has to always be there are two people who are showing up and offering as much as they can."

—Garrett J White

"When you're making a decision, don't come up with excuses. Literally, look where you're at and decide to make a decision that's going to best support you. In supporting yourself, you support others. Not supporting yourself is actually selfish."

—Danielle K White

In today's episode, Garrett and Danielle tackle the topic of parenting after just returning from an epic family vacation in Maui. As much as they love spending time together as a family, there's still guilt that comes as they juggle creating & building their business empires with raising and spending quality time with their children. *This is a previously aired episode from February 27, 2018.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast….PARENTING Point #1: Mommy and Daddy Guilt

• Garrett: I was stuck inside the story that everything I was doing was fucking up my kids and messing with their future. As a businessman this is a real killer because we are so busy with our businesses, how do we deal with the guilt and shame of not showing up as a father in a way that is actually connected or makes you feel good?
• Danielle felt guilty as a mom, especially when she was a younger mom micromanaging everything and always feeling like she always had to be there for her kids. Many women have a really hard time spending money or time on themselves, which can make going out on dates with their husbands extremely stressful, especially when you have really young kids.

QUESTION

How has playing the guilt card suffocated your relationship? What are some ways you can begin letting go and freeing yourself of guilt and shame?

Point #2: Out of the Mouths of Babes

• During the podcast, their 11-year-old daughter makes a surprise appearance via telephone, candidly answering questions posed by her parents. When asked about vacations as a family: "I think it's important because you get time off from work and get to spend time with us for a whole week instead of just seeing us after school, after your Date Nights, or in the morning."
• Danielle has fought hard for the vacations. She sees them as a time to reconnect as a family, create memorable experiences for everyone, and as a way to establish family traditions.

QUESTION

What are some of your favorite memories of family trips or vacations you have taken?

Point #3: Fulfillment Comes From Purpose

• Garrett and Danielle both have a Purpose beyond each other and a Purpose beyond their parenting. That Purpose fulfills both of them individually, then that individual connection with themselves connects with each other as a couple, and that 'couple love' spreads down into their children.
• As they are more often on the same page, and more ok with the idea of who they are as individuals, this has opened up the possibility for their children to see a new path for living. At the end of the day, parenting is about role modeling how to live. The one skillset that you should give your children? How to powerfully live the truth of who they are.

QUESTION

What Purpose have you found for yourselves individually beyond your relationship or children? How can you support each other in living that more fully?

Point #4: Make Time For Each Other

• We have this faulty belief system that says my marriage must come secondary to the raising of my children. We think that somehow the raising of our children will happen with more power from a couple that's disconnected, doesn't love each other, aren't having sex, and are not communicating.
• While in Maui, about 90% of the couples staying at the Four Seasons were in their late 50s and 60s, completely bored with and disconnected from each other, and questioning if they even wanted to stay together. They had lost themselves inside of the focus on their children.

QUESTION

What can you begin doing in your marriage to prevent yourselves from becoming a statistic when the kids are grown?

Point #5: Date Night is Non-negotiable

• Danielle wasn't always a passionate advocate of Date Night. Garrett had to fight for what has now become normal inside of their relationship: weekly Date Nights. He cautions men that it's not going to be easy at first – you're going to have a wife that is dealing with all of the guilt and emotions surrounding the stress of leaving the kids with a babysitter, not to mention reconciling the cost of the entire evening.
• Gentlemen, take charge and make this shit happen! Don't make Date Nights negotiable. Put your crown on, pick up your shield & your sword, and fight for the shit required to put your relationship back on track. A couple of resources to help you with that: care.com and warriorbook.com

QUESTION

When was your last Date Night?

Communication Challenge:

Discuss the actions you feel inspired to take after listening to today's podcast.

Date Night Topic:

1 – Go on a Date Night to schedule Date Nights.

2 – Have a conversation about the guilt that you may be experiencing individually and as a couple.

Quote of the Week:

"I would have you consider that the greatest parenting you could offer your children is to demonstrate a great relationship with your partner. You want to be a better father? Then date their mother. You want to be a better father? Then make love to their mother. You want to be a better father? Then show them the example of what it is to be a man fighting for a relationship and for a marriage."

—Garrett J White

"You chose to get married. You chose to have a family. There's connection with your spouse and there's connection with each of your children. You will always be their mom, but you're not always going to be their parent. As you find some Purpose and Passion in your life, it's not going to take away from anything that you will give your kids. In fact, it will give more to your kids. Allow yourself permission to let go of that guilt and find something for yourself."

—Danielle K White

Garrett and Danielle have a conversation about the three components necessary in order to create favorable conditions for communication inside your marriage. *This is an encore presentation of a previously aired episode from 2018.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast….COMMUNICATION Point #1: The Mirror in the Closet

• Danielle has a mirror and bench inside her closet which comes in handy for the "get it done" sex. "It's a good view for us both: He's got his mirror and I've got my shoes," says Danielle.
• Garrett: It's awesome. Not only is it great sex, but it's also visual content and stimulus for my mind for days.

QUESTION

How can you spice up your "get it done" sex?

Point #2: Date Your Wife Podcast

• Garrett came to Danielle last year at this time and told her they were going to be doing a weekly podcast called Date Your Wife. At the time of this recording, they are ready to hit their 50th episode which represents at least 25 hours of communication.
• Garrett: The podcast was a favorable condition that we created with time, energy, and money, and has proven to be the best therapy of all time for us.

QUESTION

What favorable conditions have you created in order to have better communication with your spouse?

Point #3: Lacking Sex?

• If you're a guy and sex is not happening, it's a guarantee that what is also not happening is communication – direct, intimate communication which is the ability to communicate and connect.
• If you have not invested time, energy, or money to create those conditions, then you also cannot be entitled to the results that come through sex and connection.

QUESTION

Where in your relationship are you investing money and energy, but not time?

Point #4: Date Night

• You must create favorable conditions for communication on your dates. If you are always going out with friends and family for your Date Nights, that is not an environment where the two of you are able to have deep, intimate conversation.
• Garrett enjoys getting together with other couples about once a month, but anything more than is too much, even if they're good friends because it turns into Team Girls and Team Guys instead of the one-on-one time together that they are desiring on their dates.

QUESTION

What has been your Date Night pattern?

Point #5: Time, Energy, and Money

• If you're going to create communication, you must be willing to create favorable conditions for communication. You're going to have to invest time, energy, and money at some level, whatever it is.
• Many men will not invest the time and energy, but will invest the money, or will invest the time and energy, but not invest any money. All three components of the Trifecta must be present.

QUESTION

What portion of the Trifecta are you missing?

Communication Challenge:

Figure out how you're going to create favorable conditions for communication inside your marriage.

Date Night Topic:

What can you add to your sex life to spice up those times when you have the "let's get it done" sex?

Quote of the Week:

"You must be willing to invest to create favorable conditions for communication to exist."

—Garrett J White

"Women look to men for safety and security. In reaching for that safety and security you have to look inward and realize that you are part of creating your own safety and security inside of that relationship."

—Danielle K White

In This Week's Podcast…MONEY Point #1: Saving & Investing

• As Danielle steps back and looks at their amazing businesses and lifestyle, she is curious if there is a way to start putting more money into other areas, like savings, in addition to life insurance. She wonders if she is ignoring signs from their past mistakes, knowing that their current lifestyle is more abundant than ever before.
• Garrett: My wife has pushed for our life to rise over and over again. At this point, we save more money than we've ever saved in our whole lives. I've also gone from the only place where I would invest is in the business, and have moved into the place of investing in the family.

Ask Yourself: How are you doing in the area of savings?

Point #2: Obsession

• The challenge inside of marriage when it comes to the topic of money is this: making money, growing money, keeping money, and leveraging money. Seventeen years ago, after reading the book 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad,' Garrett realized for the first time that he could make money and became obsessed with it.
• He went back and forth between the hustle mode of making money and the phase of growing money as he built teams and processes which led him to the game of keeping money. Over the past several years he has invested and put strategies into place which have benefited them in massive ways inside their bank accounts and savings vaults.

Ask Yourself: Where are you as a couple when it comes to making & keeping money?

Point #3: Building a Legacy

• Danielle: We live an amazing lifestyle. I'm at the point where I want to be able to build a legacy; an empire. If we stopped working ten years from now, I want to know that we could still live our amazing lifestyle for years to come plus help our children if we needed to.
• My parents live well but they can't stop working. My dad is 69 and is still building custom homes because they have to continue working to maintain their lifestyle. I look at both of our parents and don't want to live like either of them.

Ask Yourself: What do you ultimately desire?

Point #4: A Team Effort

• Danielle: Ladies, money is a tough conversation. Whether you're a woman who can take care of herself, or you're the Mom CEO of the family, it's nice to have a guy that takes care of you.
• I also want to be a part of this team effort and part of the decisions. I don't want to sit on the sidelines and be naive about what's going on.

Ask Yourself: How do you handle money decisions in your relationship?

Point #5: Maintain Or Increase?

• Garrett to Danielle: Would you be willing to maintain our current lifestyle even though our businesses are increasing in revenue? We would maintain our current game, and everything else would go pure cash with no expense increase whatsoever in our personal lifestyle over the next five years.
• We would not change homes or cars and we would just keep the same game. We would put all the money away that you want to put away without having to up the standard, meaning… two bags, not nine.

Ask Yourself: What are you willing to do in order to be able to put money away?

Communication Challenge:

Have some conversations with your spouse about the game of money: making, growing, keeping, and leveraging money.

Date Night Topic:

If the money were to suddenly stop coming in, how long would you be able to live your current lifestyle without changing anything?

Quote of the Week:

"This podcast isn't about having all the answers for you but rather a conversation where we're in a place of figuring shit out as we go."

-Garrett J. White

"When I'm seventy years old, I want us to be working because we're passionate about it and we are choosing to – we have a purpose behind it – not to just pay the fucking bills."

-Danielle K. White