Date Your Wife

In this week's episode of the Date Your Wife podcast, co-hosts Garrett J and Danielle K White are coming to you from the 38th-floor inside a corner suite of the Four Seasons in Las Vegas where they are celebrating Danielle's 36th birthday. This week's conversation is about how the unification of your standards with your spouse builds the ultimate standard, and how you can't pull that off unless you have actually connected with your own standard.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast…COMMUNICATION Point #1: Standards

• One of the gifts of being married is that we each come into it with radically different standards for life. We have standards about sexuality, parenting, making money, how we spend our time, etc., based upon our past, how we were raised, and our mindsets.
• Danielle: I do have a high standard based upon how I was raised but what I also notice is that I'm an extremely experience-based, detailed person which makes me hold things to a different level or standard than most people.

QUESTION

What are some standards you hold yourself to?

Point #2: Tolerance

• We tolerate what our standards are. Where this ends up in collision is inside of marriage due to the different standards of each spouse.
• Garrett has a standard of emotional connection, which is leaving people better than when you first meet them, something that comes very natural for him. Danielle, on the other hand, will tolerate almost no communication with other people.

QUESTION

What are some of the differing standards inside your marriage which have been a source for collision?

Point #3: It Takes Two to Tango

• Garrett: Without my standards for communication, Danielle would have limited her communication. She never would have launched a podcast in the hair industry, nor would have launched her own salon or training company.
• Danielle: I hold the standard of where we live and what we wear. When I push to get nicer things in life, we push more in business. And when we push more in business, it not only affects our family but it also creates multiple job opportunities for multiple families.

QUESTION

What have your differing standards created inside of your world?

Point #4: Own Your Standards

• Garrett: We take a stand for each individual to own their identity, where neither one is a doormat or a steamroller but where we both come to terms with who we are. My standards say we do one thing and Danielle's standards say we do another.
• As you come to own your standards, it allows you to actually embrace the standards of other people. Together, you create this ultimate standard as a couple. You begin to be more committed to each other, and out of that is birthed something deeper than love, which is respect.

QUESTION

How has owning your individual standards created the ultimate standard inside your marriage?

Point #5: Co-creation

• Garrett: The standards across both sides of co-creation have allowed for Danielle and I to build our brands, our businesses, and our family. The unique side about all of this is there are very few powerful couples taking a stand for marriage that works, which requires you to be clear in your standards.
• Danielle: I'm realizing that in managing our own empires and managing a marriage – and managing it well – it's kind of unheard of. We each have huge visions for our brands and we're proving that it can be done; that we can have those individual standards but also come together to create more as a couple.

QUESTION

What have you been able to co-create as a couple that you most likely never would have on your own?

Communication Challenge:

Where can you push in your relationship to become more together, to grow together, and unite as a couple?

Date Night Topic:

What can you create as a couple by uniting your individual standards?

Quote of the Week:

"The mix of standards between a married couple blend together to create the ultimate cocktail of creation."

—Garrett J White

"I think we push each other in all the right ways. I think that's what a relationship is supposed to be: pushing one another to a healthy place."

—Danielle K White

In this week's topic of Money, Garrett and Danielle explore the idea that the best return on investment you can make is that of time and experiences with your spouse and children. They share stories and tips on how to pull this off successfully, no matter what circumstances you may currently find yourself in. *This is an encore presentation of a previously aired episode.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast…MONEY Point #1: Feeling Like An ATM or Piece of Ass?

• Inside the game of Relationship, money itself is a controlling tool for most men. Men use money to control women, and women use sex to control men. At the end of the day, this seduction loop leaves many men feeling that the only validation they get is when they make the money, leaving them feeling like an ATM machine.
• The wife can be feeling like she's 'just a piece of ass' and an unpaid slave. Taking care of the home and the children is a full-time job in and of itself, worth a lot more money than many men are giving their wives permission to spend.

QUESTION

What actions tend to follow when you feel like an ATM or a piece of Ass inside your marriage?

Point #2: Unplug and Let Go

• Women understand that men have worked all day yet want them to unplug from work and just be present with the family when they are home. Men feel like their day never ends. They come home from a long day of work and then are expected to be fully present with their wife and children.
• Garrett: I want to spend time with you, not the stressed-out version of you that's worrying about cleaning the fucking house right now. I don't want a fucking checklist of things to clean. I want to be with you.

QUESTION

What do you do that helps you transition from work to home in becoming present with your spouse and children?

Point #3: What's Your Story?

• Garrett: There are going to be guys with stay-at-home wives up in arms about this, saying, "What?! Let me get this shit straight. I'm going to go pay somebody to come into my home to clean and do the laundry? That's the woman's job. She has to do that. That's why she's home!"
• What if you questioned the story that 'my wife's the one that's supposed to clean and make dinner, and it's the guy's job to mow the lawn.' Who made up these rules anyway?

QUESTION

What stories are you hanging onto about the different roles of men and women that are hindering your ability to grow together?

Point #4: Spend Money to Buy Time

• Garrett: One of the ways you can use money as a man inside your home and inside of being together as a couple is to use your money in a way that buys the thing for the family that gives them what actually matters: time. There's this transition that comes with being willing to spend money to buy time.
• Danielle: People get emotionally bogged down over the stupidest shit. No matter what role you play in your family (working mom, stay at home mom, community mom) there are all of these little things that could lift the weight off our shoulders, relieving tension and guilt, and freeing up more time to spend with the family…which is so worth it to me.

QUESTION

Where in your life could you make some little adjustments that would free up more time to spend together as a couple or as a family?

Point #5: Your Family Is An Investment

• Garrett: Gentlemen, I'm going to have you consider that the greatest rate of return is to make sure that you stay together as a family. One of the ways to pull this off is to create conditions for your wife to actually have more opportunities.
• Garrett started looking at their marriage like a business where Danielle became an asset inside of this business. He was willing to hire people to come into their home to free up time so that the family could do more things together.

QUESTION

How are you investing in our family in terms of dollars, time and experiences?

Communication Challenge:

At the end of the day, if your money doesn't serve you and your marriage and family, then what is the point in having it?

Date Night Topic:

What are some of the investments you can make regardless of the amount of money you have? How are you going to take some dollars this week to buy some more time for you and your family so that you can have the time and experiences that matter?

Quote of the Week:

"You tell me where you're going to get a higher rate of return: money in your 401k plan, or money in a babysitter to watch your children while you take your wife out on a date?"

—Garrett J White

"Guilt is the #1 destructive thing. It's the enemy; it does not serve you. If you find yourself feeling guilty, ask yourself: How can I let go of this guilt? How can I change this story? Find your balance, find out how to let go of the guilt, and more importantly, learn how to create a story that serves you best."

—Danielle K White

Amidst the recent announcement from the White's twelve-year-old daughter that she is through with school and no longer wants to attend – with viable and compelling evidence to back up her stance & position – Garrett & Danielle jump into a conversation that explores the idea of schooling vs education as they compare today's world of accessible technology to the period in which they grew up. Also, be sure to listen to find out how you can become part of next week's show.

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Every week, married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast…PARENTING Point #1: PROCRASTINATION

• As a procrastinator in High School, Danielle was someone who never turned in her homework and was on the verge of not graduating until she was able to pull off some eleventh-hour shenanigans. "I didn't care about doing homework. I didn't see the point of doing it."
• Now, as an adult, Danielle regrets that "I didn't learn how to learn and instead always found a way around doing the work." She sees herself as very intuitive but sees Garrett as 100% more book-smart than she is. "He likes to read, he can quote all sorts of things, and he is really smart. I've kind of envied that about him."

QUESTION

What habits and patterns did you have when you were going to school? Did they help or hinder you?

Point #2: AT THEIR FINGERTIPS

• The landscape of today's learning has shifted completely from when Danielle and Garrett attended school. With technology at their fingertips, kids today can learn just about anything, anytime.
• Garrett: "At their age, our kids are way fucking smarter than we were. They have more data in their brains; more points of reference. And they have access to shit that we didn't. From the time Ruby was four or five years old, she has been asking Siri questions about everything!"

QUESTION

What do you see as the pros and cons of how you learned in the past compared to how your kids are learning today?

Point #3: GENIUS DROP-OUTS

• Many successful entrepreneurs and creators either dropped out of school or didn't finish school in the traditional sense. These include the creators of IKEA, APPLE, and Facebook. "Pretty much every major tool you use right now was built by a school dropout."
• Garrett: As I look at what kids study in school, my thought is they might be better off studying Facebook ads, direct-response marketing, and persuasion & influence. When you look inside our families alone, the people with the least amount of education have made the most amount of money.

QUESTION

What has been your experience with this?

Point #4: AN ABUNDANCE OF POSSIBILITIES

• Garrett: Imagine if, in the next six years, we spent three hours a day focused on turning our daughter into a weaponized speaker, marketer, and salesperson. And on top of that, she had the traditional reading, writing, and math, with the rest of the day filled with singing, art, playing the piano, and participating in team sports.
• Danielle says she doesn't have any real answers right now but that she does have a lot of questions. "This is a frustrating topic that came up for us on Date Night. I feel like Garrett and I are on both sides of the spectrum. We value learning and we value work, but do we value the traditional ways of school?"

QUESTION

What are your feelings regarding the abundance of possibilities in education available to your child in today's world?

Point #5: OPENING DOORS

• Danielle: As a parent, we wonder if we're leading our children in the right direction. Does the Universe manifest a path that they should take? Or, are we supposed to assist and open doors for them along the way?
• Garrett: Part of our job is to open the doors and let them explore different rooms. While there are plenty of doors they're going to open themselves, as a parent, you open the door and watch what your child does.

QUESTION

What doors are you opening up for your children? What doors were opened up for you? What have been the results?

Communication Challenge:

Next week's topic is, "Babies: When do you know it's time to have a baby? When do you know it's time to stop having babies?" If you would like to be part of that conversation or have a question/ comment on this, please send an audio clip to [email protected]. We'll throw you in the mix and play your audios on the air. Men, we want to hear from you!

Date Night Topic:

On your date this week, have a conversation around the different ways you learn. Are you more of an incessant reader and highlighter, or are prone to listening to podcasts and watching videos? Are you a little bit of each?

Quote of the Week:

"Parker does a great job, not because he's my son but because of who he is. Did I open the door? Sure!"

–Garrett J White

"Is it personality or path? Is it circumstance or timing? Are we put on this earth and literally ordained to have a certain path? Does everyone have an equal opportunity? I think at some level, everyone is given the opportunity to find it within themselves and that that's the point of life."

–Danielle K White

Garrett and Danielle have a conversation about momentum in this week's episode of the Date Your Wife podcast. It has taken many years for the White's to get to a place where they are experiencing momentum in all areas of their life and share with their listening audience through stories and experiences what has brought them to the place where, only a few short years ago, they wondered if they would even make it. *This is an encore presentation of a previously aired episode.

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Every week, married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication

In This Week's Podcast…MONEY Point #1: Tipping Point

• Danielle feels like her business has hit a tipping point, leading her to the conclusion that it's the small things in life that push people forward.
• She questions why so many people are not consistent with those small things that create momentum, knowing they would ultimately lead them to the outcomes they desire.

QUESTION

Where in your world have you experienced the momentum of the tipping point?

Point #2: Marriage Is a Lifestyle

• Anything great takes a fucking long time to build. When people see the White's and their success, they begin wanting that in their marriage and become frustrated when it doesn't happen on their timetable.
• Garrett: The number of years that you were a dumb-ass and caused a lack of momentum or momentum in the wrong or weak direction, is not going to be turned around in two days. The fundamental disciplined habits must be changed and maintained over time.

QUESTION

How can you demonstrate more patience in your marriage?

Point #3: Merry-Go-Round

• Marriage is like a Merry-Go-Round: It takes great effort to get it moving at first as you grab on with both hands and push hard. Pretty soon you can give it a little push and it keeps going because momentum has kicked in.
• Inside of marriage, many people kill the momentum by quitting before they hit the tipping point. Others experience momentum but take their eyes off the prize, losing the edge and the momentum they have gained.

QUESTION

Where is your relationship within this conversation of the Merry-Go-Round?

Point #4: Gaining Momentum

• The fastest way to gain momentum is to start going on dates every single week. Start taking your wife on Date Nights and each day send her notes of love, honor, and appreciation. She's got to know that these are not going to stop.
• Momentum is built inside of your marriage and business when you build up momentum inside of yourself. Garrett and Danielle are at a point where, when they collide, there is so much momentum, certainty, and power within each of them that neither one of them can stop the other.

QUESTION

What can you do to start gaining or increasing momentum in your relationship?

Point #5: Character and Contrast

• During sticky phases, you're doing the work yet are becoming more bitter and angry towards one another. These are the times you must shift your energy. Once you have that momentum, do the little things to maintain that momentum.
• Garrett loves the different characters and looks of Danielle from her formal look in Louis Vuitton's to her ponytail and Lulu pants. Danielle loves Garrett in a suit but finds him especially sexy when he wears a t-shirt and jeans.

QUESTION

What are the different looks of your partner that take your breath away?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation about the Flywheel Effect.

Date Night Topic:

What are some things you can do for each other to gain or maintain momentum within your relationship?

Quote of the Week:

"Business and marriage fall apart for the same reason: people let go of momentum OR they don't have the courage to keep pushing to even get to the point where momentum can begin."

–Garrett J White

"Sometimes we want to look at our business and marriage separately, but taking some of those business tactics and applying them to marriage isn't that far off."

–Danielle K White

What starts out with fireworks and plenty of sparks between co-hosts and elite dual producers, Garrett J and Danielle K White, segues beautifully into the topic of Gratitude which has the power to change everything.

Every week married couple Danielle K and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast…COMMUNICATION Point #1: WHAT IS A STACK?

• A Stack is a series of questions with five variations (Mega, Angry, Happy, Gratitude, Production) that Garrett originally created three years ago to deal with "my fucking rage." These questions alter the way you are experiencing different relationships, events, and triggers in your life.
• One of the challenges men have is the inability to express emotion and end up suppressing them, which is the way society has taught, trained and educated men to do over the past 100 years. The whole point of the Stack is to allow you to release the energy that you're feeling, whether you're fucking raging, angry, triggered, or happy and get someone to their truth.

QUESTION

As a man, what has been your experience with sharing your emotions and feelings?

Point #2: IMPACT

• There are five different Stacks which serve different purposes. You've got the Mega and Angry Stack which allow you to release your rage & emotions, followed by the Happy and Gratitude Stacks, and then finally the Production Stack.
• The Gratitude Stack requires you to deliberately pause and look back and serves as a powerful tool of connection with your spouse and children. As Garrett has shared these with his children as part of the Core 4 game, he has witnessed first-hand the immense impact it has had on them individually and upon their relationship.

QUESTION

How has expressing gratitude for your spouse and children affected your relationship with them?

Point #3: THE GIFT OF GRATITUDE

• Danielle shares how expressing gratitude gives you a different perspective: "There are going to be times in your life when you feel like you are in a dark place and it's hard to snap out of that. You start to see the world through a negative lens."
• "If you take a step back and begin appreciating the good moments, it gives you this sense of gratitude and everything begins to change. It puts life in a different perspective."

QUESTION

What do you notice when you step back and begin seeing life through the lens of gratitude?

Point #4: INSPIRED

• From his Gratitude Stack about Danielle, Garrett received these insights and revelations about their marriage and how he feels about her: "Marital and mutual respect is something that takes a long time to uncover, and once it's found, it's priceless and profound."
• "I sit and look at my wife while five months pregnant and am just inspired. I'm inspired by what it is to be pregnant and have your body do what it does with a little person inside of you who is growing. But of all the things that hits home the most is that she can make the baby AND also smash the shit out of life."

QUESTION

What about your spouse inspires you?

Point #5: FROM THEN TO NOW

• Garrett: What makes this pregnancy different from the others is I am grateful for what we've become as a couple. In the past, I isolated myself and didn't know how to deal with the whole pregnancy thing.
• Danielle: When you look back to how it was eight years ago with our last pregnancy during scary and uncertain times, things are so different this time. We know we're in a good place right now with life and with marriage, and we're excited about the next chapter.

QUESTION

As you step back and look where you've been compared to where you are now, what has changed?

Communication Challenge:

Discuss the art of collision and the ability to hold space for your spouse during intense & direct conversations.

Date Night Topic:

Make Gratitude the topic of your next Date Night. Share examples and stories of gratitude with each other. If you have access to the Gratitude Stack, do a Stack on each other and then share it during your date.

*Keep an eye out for the summer release of the Attack With the Stack Series.

Quote of the Week:

"Gratitude is the ability to look back: here's where we are, here's where we were, and let's be grateful for what is."

—Garrett J White

"When you're in a space of gratitude, nothing can get you down. Use it as a protective shield for yourself and your family, and to ultimately feel more powerful in life. When I'm in that space, I feel unstoppable."

—Danielle K White

Welcome to the Date Your Wife podcast. This episode is dedicated to all the men who feel like they don't have a voice when their wife is pregnant and who don't know what to do with all of their sexual energy.

Every week married couple Danielle K and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast…SEX Point #1: Stay In Your Corner

• Garrett: There's a phase inside of this where you're super pumped because you're having a lot of sex but you know the intention is to make a baby. Guys are then thrown into this corner and are put into this little shoebox during pregnancy and during the recovery after pregnancy.
• "For basically a year, the woman goes to a place of sacrifice," Garrett explains, "but a guy goes to a place of sacrifice, too." (Cue Danielle's emerging laughing in the background) "This is exactly why guys don't get a voice on this because the level of mockery is so intense."

QUESTION

As a guy, how do you deal with this?

Point #2: What to Expect When You're Expecting…Penis Edition

• There are a lot of guys who cheat during pregnancy because they don't know what to do with all of their sexual energy. There's no shortage of books and information for women, but practically nothing in place to prepare men for what they've just signed up for.
• Guys want to have sex but generally don't approach this topic with their wives. And there's no blog post, book or podcast addressing this – there's nothing in place to guide a man through the emotional hurricane of pregnancy.

QUESTION

Guys, what is your experience with this?

Point #3: The Dichotomy

• Garrett: When your wife gets pregnant, all of a sudden there's a rising emotion that comes from the Gods. It's protecting and nurturing. It's a feeling of "I will fuck anyone up who comes close to this. Everyone is now a second-class citizen to the spouse with the baby in the belly."
• It completely suppresses the sexual drive between the man and the wife that he is curating and protecting. The challenge is, the sexual energy wants away from that environment and is immediately triggered by just about any female that walks the planet that is not pregnant.

QUESTION

How has this shown up in your marriage during pregnancy?

Point #4: The Penis Power Is a Decision

• Many men stop instigating sex during pregnancy because they're not sure how to deal with the rise of the protecting guardian, the decline of the sexual drive toward their wife, and the triggers outside of their relationship. And some men simply think it's weird to have sex after their wife is six months pregnant.
• Garrett: I've chosen to channel my sexual energy, although triggered all over the place, towards my beautiful, gorgeous pregnant wife. It's a decision, even though you're under suppression.

QUESTION

As a man, what are your thoughts about this?

Point #5: Society's Advice

• Garrett understands how bitchy and whiny men can come across on this topic, especially when "we're not the ones who are going to have to push a pumpkin out of our penis after nine months!"
• Society tells men, "Listen, asshole, you have no leg to stand on. You're not the one whose body's getting jacked and is going to spend twelve to eighteen months in recovery. Shut up pussy and just deal with it."

QUESTION

What do you think about this?

Communication Challenge:

Have an open conversation around the challenges and the joys that both women and men face during pregnancy. What can you create together to bring more support and understanding to each other?

Date Night Topic:

During Date Night, engage in flirtatious banter you know will lead to a window of opportunity of sexual connection when you arrive home.

Quote of the Week:

"As I look at the ultrasound, I sit back in complete fascination in all of this. It's so crazy that in a mass effort of about three minutes of participation, this thing happens."

—Garrett J White

"I want the pregnancy perks but I still want to be treated like me. If you know there's a window, make a move on me. Pretend like I'm notpregnant."

—Danielle K White

This week's Date Your Wife podcast comes to you via the White's actual Date Night where Garrett and Danielle explore the topics of conflict and avoidance inside their relationship. They reveal patterns and behaviors that did not serve them for years, which could have led to the demise of their marriage were it not for an ultimatum and decision during a huge argument – which ultimately created an opening that changed the trajectory of their marriage. .

Every week married couple Danielle K and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast…Communication Point #1: People Pleaser or Conflict Avoider?

• Danielle believes women typically aren't people pleasers; they're conflict avoiders. Women are so afraid of confrontation that they always try to make peace.
• "But ultimately it's not because we're trying to please people," offers Danielle, "it's because we're trying to avoid conflict, which later on actually causes us more harm."

QUESTION

How does this play out in your marriage?

Point #2: On the Hunt

• As Garrett reflects this topic of conflict, he realizes that "Danielle is a conflict avoider at the highest level. If you go through what has happened with us in the past seventeen years, she has NEVER been a conflict person."
• "The only way we could ever have a real conversation was if I brought the collision to her, and then inside of it, I would actually hunt her down and force her to have a serious conversation with me."

QUESTION

Who is typically the "hunter" inside your marriage?

Point #3: Hot-Headed

• When men become hot-headed inside of a conversation, many women refuse to continue on with that conversation, thus making it appear to the men that women are in this place of avoidance.
• From Danielle's perspective, "Women recognize when a conversation/argument isn't in a logical place and is going nowhere. When Garrett flips his lid, and I feel like I can't reason with him because the conversation is not in a healthy place, I will refuse to continue, knowing that in this state, nothing is going to get solved.

QUESTION

Who is typically the hot-headed one in your relationship? How does this affect your communication?

Point #4: Initiate or Avoid?

• Garrett admits being more emotional than Danielle, and one who is desires to get into a fight and collide. Speaking to Danielle, "You were never an initiator of any type of hard conversation. Your mode was to just swallow it, ignore it, reframe it in your mind, let it go and move on…and pretend like it never happened.
• Danielle: I was avoiding confrontation, and was thinking, "Oh, it will go away, it'll quiet down. I also came to this place where I didn't know how to have direct conversations with you.

QUESTION

Inside conflict within your marriage, who typically avoids, and who typically initiates?"

Point #5: Therapy

• After six years of behaviors and patterns that were not serving the White's, everything came to a head one afternoon during a huge argument in their kitchen where an ultimatum was issued by Garrett: Either we're going to therapy, or we're done.
• Danielle: Going to therapy, we both had a logical sounding board to hear one another's feelings. It helped me open up and communicate better, and I feel like Garrett was able to go deeper into the story or conflict without hitting his tipping point.

QUESTION

What has been your experience inside the conversation of therapy?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation around the topic of "Avoider or Initiator."

Date Night Topic:

During Date Night, have a conversation about the possibility of inserting Therapy into your lives.

Quote of the Week:

"Therapy gave us a better chance to pull off conflict and be in a conversation that would require both of us to own our shit."

—Garrett J White

"In relationships, I think we argue to be right, not to get what we want. I think we both realized that there's submission in getting what we want which makes us less willing to be right and more willing to get what we want."

—Danielle K White

With shots of tequila in their system and amidst the flirtatious back-and-forth bantering that easily doubles as foreplay, the White's jump into another episode of the Date Your Wife podcast with a conversation around Garrett's favorite topic, Sex. For the new listeners, Danielle explains QQP (Quickie, Quickie Pornstar) and they have an honest and revealing discussion about keeping married sex spicy. *This is an encore presentation of a previously recorded episode. ________________________________________________________

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month:

Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication

In This Week's Podcast….SEX Point #1: If You Don't Mop the Floors, Somebody Else Will

• Danielle: Many women approach sex with a "let's just get 'er done" attitude. If guys go long enough with only a simple clean up job, they're not going to be satisfied.
• Garrett: Danielle's sex game in the last six months has gone through the roof. As a woman, she has literally blown my mind.

QUESTION

Where has mopping the floors in your marriage gotten you?

Point #2: Avoiding the Shithole of Married Sex

• Danielle: Sometimes you have to act the part and play the role during sex. Entertain that idea and have fun with it.
• Just because you're laying there with your legs spread open doesn't mean that's attractive. When you're married, if you expect to have that chemistry and spark, play the fucking game.

QUESTION

What is the condition of your sex life? What are the facts?

Point #3: Girls Just Want to Have Fun

• Danielle: I'm happy that my man is fulfilled. When you have fun with sex, your man is feeling fulfilled. It's fun for him and it's fun for you – it goes both ways.
• Pretend you're dating and ask yourself: How would I act? What would I do? Even after years of marriage, it becomes fun to entertain that thought and go with it.

QUESTION

Ladies, how do you feel about yourself when you just let yourself go and have fun?

Point #4: The Sex Game

• Garrett: Many men have this faulty understanding of sex. They want to have a sexual connection with their wife and they think that making money and investing in the children will get them that.
• At the end of the day, she wants sexual connection but she also wants something else – she wants attention. If you give that to her, she will support you in the sex game and it will bring your marriage together.

QUESTION

What are you expecting from your wife yet at the same time are neglecting to give her?

Point #5: Patterns

• Garrett has this pattern of putting the girls to sleep and engaging in their nighttime routine, while Danielle professes that she's not a very routined mom: "Brush your own teeth, say your own prayers, tuck yourself in."
• Garrett: There's a lot of dad-guilt that comes when you work a lot. I do spend time with the girls in the mornings but I find I sometimes use them as an excuse to not have to be intimate with Danielle at night.

QUESTION

What patterns are in need of changing in order for you to make more time with your spouse?

Communication Challenge:

Gentlemen, if you want your floors more than mopped, what are you doing to create the environment for your wife to want to shine your floors?

Date Night Topic:

Have a conversation about patterns that you see in your marriage and what you can begin doing today to change a pattern in one area of your life that will benefit your marriage.

Quote of the Week:

"The moon was out, the doors on our deck were open, and it was "Go Time."

–Garrett J White

"In a relationship, if you say, "I don't want to [have sex]," it's honestly like starting a new workout. Put in the work now and eventually it gets easier. Before you know it, it's actually kind of fun."

–Danielle K White

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As a couple-on-the-go, co-hosts Danielle K and Garrett J White, delve into a topic that, at first glance, might appear to be in the oxymoron realm. However, in classic White style, Danielle and Garrett deliver insights and experiences that uncover what might be one of the most important things you will ever do as a married couple: go through your Divine Divorce in order to find your Divine Destiny.

Every week married couple Danielle K and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast…Communication Point #1: Divine Divorce Leads to Divine Destiny

• There are times when couples are in the midst of great chaos and find themselves knocking on the door of divorce. Because of this, most couples concur that there comes a point in their relationship where they must choose all in…again.
• Garrett: Although we didn't get a divorce, there was an emotional separation that took place. We were functionally disconnected, meaning, we were very good at being disconnected. There came a time when the inevitable moment of decision presented itself where we had to make a choice.

QUESTION

What has been your experience with knocking on the door of divorce?

Point #2: Am I With the Wrong Person?

• The IDEA of a relationship that is in continual bliss and always on fire is evident in the highlight reels that are plastered all over social media, giving others the impression of a fairytale happily-ever-after marriage. This is total bullshit.
• Garrett: There's a moment of the Divine Divorce where you as a couple begin to drift but it's actually setting up the next chapter of your relationship. Danielle: We kept looping back to the same arguments that never got solved, which had me wondering, "Am I with the wrong person?"

QUESTION

Is what you're posting on social media a true reflection of the state of your marriage, or is it drenched in hopeful bliss and fantasy?

Point #3: It's Just How It Is

• Garrett: The vast majority of couples that I meet and connect with inside Wake Up Warrior and BMS are operating in very minimal sexual connection, very minimal emotional and spiritual connection, and are surviving. But the challenge is, they don't even know they're surviving. The belief is, "This is just how it is."
• If you surround yourself with people who have this belief, it's not until something traumatic happens where it begins to expose how shitty things really are. In our marriage when the money disappeared, that is when the chaos of our marriage was exposed.

QUESTION

Where in your world do you have the belief of "it's just how it is?"

Point #4: From Divorce to Divine Divorcement

• The reality of how people show up in marriage is quite alarming to Garrett. Inside of many relationships he is connected with, he has witnessed many couples where both people are out of shape, they don't go out on dates, there is no seduction or flirting, and they are in the managing and survival mode. Then they get a divorce.
• "What blows my mind is the transformation that begins taking place AFTER the divorce, where they blossom into this entirely new person. Instead of having to get divorced, what if you could literally go through a Divine Divorcement?"

QUESTION

If on the verge of divorce, what would be possible inside your marriage if you considered the possibility of creating new patterns while remainging married?

Point #5: It's a Choice

• Garrett: No matter how powerfully connected you feel to who you are and what you have, the next version of your relationship as a couple is impossibly held hostage by the current constraints of what you believe is possible today.
• No matter what state your marriage is in today, there's another level calling you. And in order to get to that next level, there's a Divine Divorcement upon you. Divine in the sense that God, through the gift of agency, is giving you an opportunity to choose.

QUESTION

What are some of the limiting beliefs that are holding your marraige hostage?

Communication Challenge:

How are you choosing to show up in your marriage? What are you choosing to divorce? Without the divorcement and without the decision to do it, nothing is going to change inside of your relationship.

Date Night Topic:

Have a conversation about the things that attracted you to each other inthe beginning of your relationship. How those have evolved and changed over time? What are some things you can do now to create new chemistry and excitement inside your relationship?

Quote of the Week:

"There's a new destiny on the other side of divorce. Divorce is simply choosing to do something different; it's the laying down and putting aside of that which is old and not working, for something that is new and can work."

—Garrett J White

"People underestimate the small consistencies daily that create a big win in life. Stay committed, be patient, and kick your husband in the ass every now and again if he needs it."

—Danielle K White

Today's conversation inside the Date Your Wife podcast centers around the importance of adding people to your team and features two surprise guests who shed some additional light on this subject. It's never a dull moment with the White's as they navigate the ever-changing waters of marriage, family, and business, aka The Trifecta of Insanity.

Every week married couple Danielle K and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast…Money Point #1: Babysitter, Nanny, or Home Manager?

• The first addition to team Garrett & Danielle? The important position of a Nanny/Home Manager, whose role is very different from that of a Babysitter. It's vital to get really clear about the roles, compensation, and expectations of each of these BEFORE you add them to your team.
• In a cameo appearance, Bailey, the White's twelve-year-old, clearly defines the distinction between these roles. "A Nanny/Home Manager is full-time and committed, works a lot, and actually likes the kids. They manage the household, the workers, and run errands for the parents. A Babysitter is like, "I need you to go to bed while I'm watching the Bachelor."

QUESTION

How would bringing one of these on board change your family's life?

Point #2: Does Overcompensation Lead to Entitlement?

• Whether it's your place of business or home-related, overcompensating can lead to behaviors and feelings of entitlement, something Danielle and Garrett have first-hand experience with.
• Adds Danielle, "If you overcompensate people, it builds a lot of entitlement. They start creating stories in their mind where they can't see anything else; they start painting you as the bad guy, and collect evidence to back those stories."

QUESTION

Where have you experienced this as either the one feeling entitled or the one witnessing it?

Point #3: House Cleaner

• When adding a House Cleaner to your team, a couple of key things to consider are 1-trust and 2-being comfortable with leaving a mess and not feeling like you have to clean up BEFORE they arrive.
• Getting really clear on the role they are going to play is of utmost importance. What do you want them to do? What don't you want them to do? What do you want your Home Manager to delegate to your House Cleaner? It's up to you to communicate clear directions in order for everything to run smoothly.

QUESTION

How has having a House Cleaner on board improved your life and/or your relationships?

Point #4: This is a Man's Job

• Danielle grew up with a father who was always hands-on when it came to building, repairing, and handling big and small jobs around the house, something she expected Garrett to automatically take on as the "man of the house" after they were married. However, it didn't exactly pan out the way she expected.
• Garrett decided he would take on the responsibility of caring for their pool to prove to Danielle that he was a "man," but when his plan went sideways within the week and the pool was filled with moss, it was clear that some things are best left to the professionals.

QUESTION

What do you automatically expect your husband to do because it falls under the category of "that's just what men do?"

Point #5: Let Go in Order to Grow

• Garrett: "As I sit here and look at the unit that has become the idea of family, just like an entrepreneur looks at their business and realizes he cannot do it by himself, that he must let go in order to grow, I'm going to have you consider that inside of your family life it's no different."
• "As you and your partner become more and more successful inside of the game of business and life, it's actually selfish for you to continue to play the game so small. In order to play bigger, you're going to have to involve more team members."

QUESTION

If you were to look in your world right now, where is the one place in your life where you could bring someone on the team who could free you up so you could actually do the things that matters?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation around this topic: It's ok to bring people on the team to accelerate your marriage and your family. How do you both feel about this?

Date Night Topic:

Entertain the idea of creating space inside your team for a Babysitter, Nanny, or Home Manager and get really clear about the details, expectations, and compensation. What would that look like for your family? How would that clear up space for more family time, couple time, or alone time?

Quote of the Week:

"You cannot build a family without a team. It's difficult, if not impossible to build your marriage and family to ultimately become what you want it to be if you're trying to do it alone."

—Garrett J White

"To women, let go. Test it out for a couple of months and just what happens. See if it makes an improvement, see what opens up in your relationship with your kids and your spouse. Could you find something else fulfilling to put your time towards?"

—Danielle K White