“I wrestle with: Was it courage, or was it cowardice?”

This question animates a memorial service for Michael and Petra, held several months after their death. Alice and Leon want to understand it as well: Was Michael and Petra’s suicide a move toward something, or away from something else? To figure it out, they reach out to Michael and Petra’s families, to find out what examples they had from their own parents’ end-of-life experiences that might have led them to this choice.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

“It brought up all the things I've never done. All the risks I haven't taken. It was always about trying to be free, you know?”

According to Michael Mathers’s first true love, he was always a romantic. Was the death orchestrated with Petra the ending of a love story he’d been trying to craft all along?

Get early, ad-free access to the entire season of Death of an Artist by subscribing to Pushkin+ on the Apple Podcasts show page or at pushkin.fm/plus.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

“I have never regretted my decision, only the amount of unhappiness it caused you. Still, unforgivingness is the product of those who feel it.” 

When Petra and Michael died, they left everyone in their lives behind. But it wasn’t the first time: When Petra first fell in love with Michael, she left her son Tillmann to be with him. In an interview with Alice and Leon, Tillmann reckons with his mother's choices and the marks they left on his own life. 

Get early, ad-free access to the entire season of Death of an Artist by subscribing to Pushkin+ on the Apple Podcasts show page or at pushkin.fm/plus.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

“I would've screamed. I would've shouted. I would've cried out. I would've protested. I would've given a million reasons to not leave this world.”

Michael and Petra left their house and the logistics of their afterlife to their friend Patty—unbeknownst to Patty’s sister Virginia, who considered herself one of Michael and Petra’s best friends. Patty and Virginia have different perspectives on what Michael and Petra did, but they agree on what it was like to be around them as a couple: awestruck and a bit excluded, something even Alice and Leon pick up on while looking at their dozens of photo albums.

Get early, ad-free access to the entire season of Death of an Artist by subscribing to Pushkin+ on the Apple Podcasts show page or at pushkin.fm/plus.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

DISCLAIMER:  This podcast is about suicide. Listener discretion is advised

"When Michael and I got together some 40 plus years ago, we’d always planned on checking out together."

In February of 2024, a letter arrived at the pharmacy in Astoria, Oregon. It was from local residents Petra and Michael Mathers, and they wanted to let the pharmacists know that they had died—by suicide. Petra was a celebrated children’s book author and illustrator. Michael was a photographer. And as police investigated their deaths, they discovered a whole network of people around the country who had received similar letters.

Journalists Leon Neyfakh and Alice Gregory, who have themselves been married for more than 10 years, visit Oregon to begin putting together the pieces of Petra and Michael’s shared life: the start of their love story, and the end. And they set out to interview everyone who received a letter from Michael and Petra, to try to understand why a couple who was seemingly so happy and in love would want to end their lives.

Get early, ad-free access to the entire season of Death of an Artist by subscribing to Pushkin+ on the Apple Podcasts show page or at pushkin.fm/plus.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When Alice Gregory and Leon Neyfakh started building a library for their infant daughter, they stumbled across a name in an obituary that Alice recognized from her own childhood: celebrated children’s book author and illustrator Petra Mathers. Petra had died by suicide alongside her husband, Michael Mathers. Both were in their late 70s, seemingly happy and healthy.

The details of Petra and Michael’s deaths pulled Alice and Leon down a rabbit hole that neither were expecting—a plan many years in the making, dozens of letters mailed out across the country, friends and family caught between betrayal and envy, and a community grappling with their own feelings around aging and death.

Death of an Artist drops weekly on Tuesdays starting August 25. Get early, ad-free access to the entire season of Death of an Artist by subscribing to Pushkin+. Subscribers also get bonus episodes, exclusive binges, full audiobooks, and early ad-free listening for all Pushkin shows.

Subscribe on Apple: apple.co/pushkin
Subscribe on Pushkin: pushkin.com/plus

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Deep Cover's new season, The Family Man, tells a story about how families can deceive each other and the lengths we’ll go to to protect our loved ones Elise and Marissa grew up in a seemingly normal house in the suburbs of St. Louis, but it was a house built on secrets. There were things their father never told them—like how he really made his money. One night, the police showed up, raided their house, and seized boxes of evidence. Hours later, the sisters turned on the TV and saw something surreal: their father in the middle of a police chase. The local news identified him as “The Boonie Hat Bandit”. The girls were stunned. They struggled to accept the truth: Dad had been living a double life. How long had he been lying to them?  What had he done?  And who, exactly, was their father?

Find Deep Cover: The Family Man wherever you get podcasts. If you want to know how the story ends right now, binge the full season by signing up for a Pushkin+ subscriptions on the Deep Cover show page on Apple Podcasts or at pushkin.fm/plus. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Here’s an excerpt from a new Pushkin audiobook, The Pain of Others by Miguel Ángel Hernández. In a quiet town in the Spanish countryside, Miguel Ángel Hernández’s best friend murdered his sister and took his own life by jumping off a cliff. No one ever knew why. The investigation was closed, and the crime forgotten. Twenty years later, when time has dulled the shock but not the questions, Miguel returns home, putting himself in the shoes of a detective, in an attempt to reconstruct the tragic night that marked the end of his adolescence. But the investigation will awaken ghosts that he thought he had left behind: a childhood marked by sin and guilt; the constant presence of illness and death; the oppressive, closed world from which he managed to escape. Based on true events, The Pain of Others is a chilling audiobook that blends police thriller, investigative reporting, and literary suspense—an unflinching reckoning with violence, memory, and the question that still haunts the author: Did he fail to see the warning signs that his best friend was capable of this horrific crime?

Find The Pain of Others on Audible, Spotify, pushkin.fm/audiobooks or wherever you get audiobooks.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Here's a preview of a podcast we think you'll enjoy, Bad Women Presents Stolen Sister, a special limited series from RTÉ. The story of Elizabeth Plunkett – a 23 year old woman from Dublin who was murdered by Ireland’s first serial killers. On the last weekend of summer in 1976 Elizabeth Plunkett went on a night away with friends, to Brittas Bay in county Wicklow before she was abducted by John Shaw and Geoffrey Evans. Now, almost 50 years later, Elizabeth’s family are finally trying to get their sister some justice.

Binge all episodes of Bad Women Presents Stolen Sister early and ad-free with a Pushkin+ subscription. Sign up at pushkin.fm/plus or on the Bad Women Presents Stolen Sister show page on Apple Podcasts. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Valley of Shadows is a new Pushkin true crime podcast that digs into a nearly 30-year old secret buried in the California desert. On June 11, 1998, Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department deputy Jon Aujay went for a run in California’s Devil’s Punchbowl park...and never came back. Nearly 30 years later, the mystery surrounding his disappearance has only deepened. Some say Aujay is just another missing hiker, claimed by the inhospitable landscape of the Southern California desert. Some say he took his own life out there. But there’s another theory that many of Aujay’s friends and LASD colleagues are convinced is true—that he was the victim of foul play, and that his own department is covering it up. Through exclusive interviews, revealing wiretaps, and buried police files, investigative reporters Hayley Fox and Betsy Shepherd uncover vestiges of the Wild West in a small California town, where outlaw biker gangs crank out methamphetamine and local cops operate on both sides of the law.

(00:01:04) Find Valley of Shadows wherever you get podcasts. Binge the entire season of Valley of Shadows, ad-free, by subscribing to Pushkin+. Sign up on the Valley of Shadows show page on Apple Podcasts or at Pushkin.fm/plus.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.