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I hope this blesses you!

I was confused. 

There I was a new bride, having saved myself for marriage... 

only to find out that my new husband wanted me to do SINFUL things. 

Where did he get all this "inspiration" anyway? 

Oh, I knew: sinful places.

So, of course, I refused. And of course, it brought mutual anger (covering each of our hurt). 

What's your story?

If it's even remotely like mine, I needed to change the lens in which I was viewing sex. 

I wasn't viewing sex from a biblical standpoint. 

I was viewing sex from a sexually perverted lens. (Even though I saved my sex for marriage, I certainly received messages from the world that perverted the purity and unashamedness that is meant to be in the bedroom.)

I was thinking about a sinful visual I had, at some point, encountered that I knew was wrong. Instead of recognizing the COMPLETELY different and HOLY context of my marriage, I decided the act was associated with my experience that was not God's will. 

Maybe you've gone through something profoundly tragic, if so, my heart goes out to you. And now you're married and there are so many things that feel hard to move towards because of the past. There is hope. Hope for healing and even hope for desire. 

Be washed by truth. That's my aim in this conversation. That you will realize that our God is a God of intimacy and freedom in your marriage. 

When you wash your mind with the truth of His design within the marriage bed, may you slowly wade (or dive in) into the waters of marital intimacy and find out it's nice and warm (with your spouse :) )

In this conversation, I talk about:

1 - the actual boundaries God gives in the Bible

2 - the clear freedom He gives, biblically speaking and logically reasoned

3 - the difference between masculine and feminine sex

4 - the invitation to align your typical life with the standard of the Bible (which is often overlooked... a frequent contradiction)

Love, 

Belah

PS - If you'd like help with your marriage, we're here and would love to witness God transform it and bring you the freedom and joy you are longing for!

Your next step is a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Start the process today and start enjoying your marriage!

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: 

“We were emotionally, intimately, and spiritually disconnected. We lived in the same house, but didn't live together.  I was angry and bitter…”

AFTER: “My wife and I are closer than we have ever been! She has a glow. It's crazy how much we love each other.  Life is fun!”

Bethany felt like her marriage was a lost cause. 

She knew that she and her husband were called to be together, but after years of serving in church ministry, three kids, and infidelity, Bethany and her husband began questioning their promise of “no divorce” and began considering separation. 

She knew she needed help. She was desperate.

She searched for a Christian answer and found Delight Your Marriage. After listening to the podcast and the testimonies, she felt unsure because the testimonies felt too hard to believe. 

“God couldn’t do that for me, could he?”

But she kept listening until she felt God tugging on her heart telling her it was time.

Through Delight Your Marriage, Bethany received encouragement, support, wisdom, and a team of people that was in her corner. 

She has seen a transformation in her marriage including surprise flowers and a softness in her husband that she had never seen before. (Not to mention weekly dates! Which was never a thing before!)

We are so thankful to be able to share Bethany’s story with you today and know that it is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what God can do in so many marriages. 

He is a good, thoughtful, and intentional God.

Blessings,

Belah and team

PS - If you'd like help with your marriage, we're here and would love to witness God transform it through the work! 

Your next step is a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

As Bethany said, “It truly is a CLARITY call.”

PPS - Here is a quote from a (different) recent graduate: BEFORE: “Before DYM, there was a lot of tension and stress in our marriage and disconnect. My husband had affairs and these were replayed constantly in my head… I did not trust him and had not forgiven him. Intimacy felt like something I had to do to keep him somewhat happy.”

AFTER: “After going through the program, the stress is gone and replaying the affairs in my head is pretty much gone… I told him I have forgiven him and intimacy is something I desire now and enjoy with my husband. We are both so much happier in our marriage!”

Your story can be next, schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Maybe you've done something wrong...

Maybe there's a deep discomfort that you keep trying to avoid...

Maybe you feel if you let yourself be with yourself quietly, the shame will swallow you whole...

The guilt and shame you feel may be justified.

And that is exactly why we need a sacrifice that allows us to live in confidence and freedom, peace and joy in life.

As followers of Jesus, we don't have confidence that "we're good enough" because of some baseless affirmation. 

We have a strong foundation of reason as to why we have confidence.

The truth is, on our own...

We aren't good enough. 

We don't deserve the goodness God gives us every day.

And we don't deserve His sacrifice. 

But what we are as Jesus followers are receive-ers. 

We are trust-ers. 

We are people who say THE event that altered the human race 2000 years ago is WHY I can have freedom from shame. 

If you have felt like you've been "paying for" the sin you've committed, it's time to receive the payment from God and start walking in your freedom as His son and daughter.

His payment actually means something in your day to day life. 

You can never earn your way into being worthy of His love and goodness, peace and freedom. You get to believe and receive it. He is that good and loving and merciful and kind.

I invite you to let the gift of Jesus' sacrifice move you today.

Spend time in the story today and this weekend. Remember and receive His sacrifice for every part of your life and heart.

Love, 

Belah

PS - We'd love to walk with you in this journey of living free in Christ, connected with your spouse in passion, purpose, playfulness and doing God's will as man or woman of God. We're here for you, find out the details at: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:

DW Before: We were planning on how to keep a family together while breaking our family up - We were at the end of ourselves and decided it was time to give up and go our separate ways.

DW After: WHERE DO I BEGIN!!! I have grown in patience, perspective, my faith and connection with God, my understanding of my husband, and peace. I have learned how to build my marriage.

​​ Change starts with me - God can only save my marriage if I am humble enough to surrender and let Him start with ME!!!!

​​Belah always pointed us to Jesus NOT to a strategy or an idea or concept. It was directly and purely to JESUS. He was the main focus, and everything else just fell into place. It helped me to re-center everything in my life.

Maybe you're in the midst of a really tough season. 

It feels like you're alone and barely keeping your head above water. 

Marriage woes can be the most stressful aspect of a person's life. 

I want to encourage you that your suffering matters. 

I was walking through a museum with my son the other day, and a painting depicted a martyr who was tortured for his faith. 

It was a moment that helped me reflect on the importance of my suffering every day.

If a moment like that occurred, where I would have to make a choice between Jesus and comfort... 

I would be strong enough and have endured enough hardship to choose rightly.

I hope today's podcast will give you encouragement that you CAN endure ALL things through Christ who strengthens you. 

Love,

Belah

PS - If you'd like help with your marriage, we're here and would love to witness God transform it through the work!

Your next step is a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

This may be the very best thing you've done for your marriage. Period.

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: 

"Prior to coming to DYM my marriage was at a 3 out of 10... We were at odds for most of our 30+ year marriage"

AFTER: "My feelings towards my husband came back to life... This was the catalyst to the deeper changes that have given me a marriage I had always wanted."

If you're a pastor or are shepherded by a pastor, it is important to know that the work of the pastor is hard and can have a deep impact on the leader of such work. 

In this episode, we explore the emotional and psychological cost of deeply caring for others. 

In today's episode, we delve into compassion fatigue, its causes, and the impact it has on individuals in helping professions.

Here's what you'll learn:

• What is compassion fatigue and how does it differ from burnout?

• Professions most susceptible to compassion fatigue.

• Warning signs and symptoms to watch out for.

• Strategies for managing and preventing compassion fatigue.

I'm excited to speak with Kevin Bueltmann, a pastor who helps pastors with Compassion Fatigue. He went through it himself.

I encourage you to find out more about him and his ministry for pastors at https://www.shepherdscanyonretreat.org/

If you are wondering if you are burnt out and/or have compassion fatigue, we have a great conversation with practical ideas. I believe this will bless you!

Blessings,

Belah 

PS - If we can help you with your marriage, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn all the details.

Graduate Quote:

Before the program… “I felt that I was not connecting as well with my wife and children as I should. I could sense my wife's frustration with me…I was tired, I was grouchy, I was irritable and it was affecting my most important relationships. It was negatively impacting them and my relationships with them, and it needed to change.”

After the program… ”My overwhelming feeling coming out of this course is gratitude - gratitude for my wife, for who she is, for how she has hung in there with me and not given up on me, for how she has continued to love me for who I am. I am grateful for this course and the blind spots it has helped me recognize. I wasn't a good listener at all. I was grouchy. I was ungrateful. I was often guilty of having a transactional mindset when it came to sexual intimacy. All that has changed for the better.  It's all about the routine, and doing things [taught in the program] each day.”

I pulled out a fan-favorite episode to share today! If you haven't heard it, you don't want to miss this story. It'll encourage you.

--

Mick is a dynamic, charismatic, but also a tell-it-straight kinda guy.

When his marriage was shallow in terms of connection, emotionally and intimately, he jumped at an opportunity that he discerned understood him as a man and also had a proven track record for change. 

After taking responsibility, the MAIN change was his heart. He shares some particulars on why that was so vital in the outward changes of his marriage.

But, he began to realize who God actually is calling him to be as a husband.

Mick's transformation is truly awesome. But he really took responsibility.

He wasn't interested in waiting to see what happens in his marriage without intentionality.

He was ready to do the work and take 100% ownership for his marriage transformation and had full accountability for himself.

His heart…his change…his commitment to Christ, and then…living it out in his marriage.

I encourage you to listen to Mick's story and witness God's transformation in him.

From the outside they looked great, but it wasn't until God changed his heart that their connection went to a whole new level.

Maybe you need this. Maybe a friend does…and you get to be the one to share it with them (like a friend shared it with his wife, and thus God did this in his marriage and for his kids).

Love & Blessings,

Belah

PS -- We'd love to see if we can serve you in a Clarity Call where you dig into your specific journey and we help you clarify the challenges, where you're going, and WHY.

Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Quote from another recent graduate (2024): 

Before: "We were two roommates who both felt a lot of hurt and rejection.  We lived together, but never talked about the elephant in the room."

After DYM men's program:  "I am so thankful to be in a loving and happy marriage that I could not have imagined only 12 weeks earlier.  I am excited every day to go home to my wife, something that I felt anxious about three months ago." 

Maybe you're next? Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Maybe you don't really understand what "servant" means in relation to your spouse. 

Let's explore that together on our podcast today.

Be your spouse's servant. 

That's Jesus' way. 

If we believe what He said, this should not offend us but teach us how to live.

Mark 10:45: "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve..."

Matthew 20:26b-28 "whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve,"

Matthew 23:11-12: "The greatest among you will be your servant."

Luke 22:26: "the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves."

John 13:14-15: "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you."

Matthew 25:40: "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'"

Mark 9:35: "Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, 'Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.'"

Luke 14:11: "For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted."

Matthew 5:16: "In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

Luke 6:38: "Give, and it will be given to you... For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Luke 10:27: "He answered, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

If we truly believe Jesus, this should not offend us but free us to love and serve extravagantly. 

Be your spouse's servant. For great will be your reward. 

Love, 

Belah 

PS - Do you want help healing your marriage? We can help, and we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at:  delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PSS Client Testimonial:

Before Delighted Wife: “Our biggest marital struggle was PRIDE. Pride sent us into a downward spiral early on in our marriage.  It went unchecked and only got worse over the years. We were both hopeless and lost.”

After Delighted Wife: “I can finally SEE! God shined a light on my pride the very first week of the program.  We had big celebrations nearly every week. I finally see my husband through God's eyes! I have grace for his imperfections and use them as opportunities to honor God by loving him through them with absolute joy. 

My husband could see a change pretty instantly.  The energy in our home is positive and joyful! We've had celebrations of vulnerability and intimacy I never thought possible and finally share hope that we can actually have the marriage we've always dreamed of. We're all happier, sleeping better, and able to breathe! It's truly a miracle.”

If you've been around for a while, you may have heard that we say you must have "0 arguments" in your marriage. 

"But that's not normal."

"But that's not healthy."

"But that means someone is not being honest."

Well, firstly, it's not my rule. 

Among many other verses, let's look at Romans 1:29, 30, 32; 2:1, 2.

“They have become filled with every kind of wickedness... murder, strife... gossips... arrogant and boastful..." 

"Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them...”

"Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness... God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance"

--

Let's not take God's kindness for granted.

Allow His patience and kindness with us to lead us to repentance.  Let us not take liberties because we haven't been "smitten" yet.

--

I'll assume we're on the same page with the thoughts around no arguments, so how do you communicate differences? 

Are differences of opinion or disagreements allowed in a marriage?

YES. 

But the marital relationship is unlike any other relationship. 

There is a unity that is not like any other relationship.

Thus, things must be sorted through in a way that does not compromise unity. 

It matters how healthy your marriage is right now. 

Some topics may need to wait until you're healthier before it's wise to bring it up.

I have several practical ways of looking at this that I am excited to share. 

May God bless you in this discernment of His way in your relationship. 

Love, 

Belah

PS - Here is a free tool called the Marital Health Assessment to help you evaluate where you currently are in your marital health: delightyourmarriage.com/health

PPS - Do you want help healing your marriage? We can help, and we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Client Testimonial:

Before MR: “The biggest struggles were that my wife and I had a gap between us and we were moving farther and farther away from each other.

My wife would use my shared vulnerabilities immediately against me and was constantly mothering/telling me what to do and how to do it. We had physically separated in the home and arguments hinting at divorce were starting to creep in. Our marriage was sick. 

Playfulness had long since gone from it, and the priorities of life and the world were weighing on us. I highly preferred not to be in the same room with her versus being around her.”

After MR:  “I have grown to love my wife.

I have grown to know God loves me enough to give me the miracle of a refreshed marriage—one that I’d hoped and prayed for but wasn’t sure I was worthy of the help. And I’m not. But He granted it anyway and it has made ALL the difference. 

We are sharing plans and hopes for our future a lot more. We are making better decisions together.”

The definition of a half-truth is "a statement that conveys only part of the truth, especially one used deliberately in order to deceive someone."

I don't know that anyone who says these half-truths is INTENTIONALLY choosing to deceive someone. I'd prefer to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

However, we must look at these beliefs and discern if they are scripturally based.

Certainly, the enemy has deliberately used them to deceive and wreak horrific tragedies in marriages and families.

Unfortunately, half-truths are more slippery and harder to discern than outright (obvious) lies.​

Because we see something that somewhat resembles God's way, but we haven't given it the time or held it up to scripture to discern if it is actually aligned.

My hope in this episode is to help you discern truth from half-truths.

• Here are a few we talked about in this episode: Duty sex is bad (true... and there are things you should do to change that)
• Women should not feel they have to keep their husbands faithful by offering him sex (true... and she has an opportunity to love him well and fill this God-designed desire)
• Men should not oppress women (true... and he is designated as the leader of the home)
• Everyone fights and it's normal (true... and the Bible is clear that it is evil)

Listen in to today's podcast: 419-Half Truths Can Destroy More than Lies

Listen to the episodes on iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or your favorite podcast platform

I hope also you remember as I mentioned in the beginning ANYONE who has spoken these half-truths likely had great intentions.

​​Let's give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that everyone is trying to help marriages become God's best... I hope this shines a light on how God Himself designed marriage to be, according to our guide, the Bible.

Let's have charity and kindness with one another as fellow believers. We are just seeking God's way above our own.​

Love and submission to Jesus, Belah

PS - We'd love to help you and your marriage. Find out how to have a free Clarity Call ($300 value!) at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - A recent graduate who came first and then because of his changes the wife joined and God did amazing things (!!) wrote this:

"Hi Belah, I am well, thank you!

And thank you so much for EVERYTHING you've done for me and my marriage.

Your positive impact on my family will resound for generations.

Truly words don't do justice to the blessing that you and DYM have been to us. God is good!"

Glory to God for all of it!

I hope you'll allow us to journey with you and see God transform your life too! delightyourmarriage.com/cc