Delight Your Marriage

If you're a wife who loves God and loves your husband, but you're wondering…

• Why don't I want sex?

• Why does my husband want it more than I do?

• Am I broken for not desiring intimacy?

…you're in the right place.

We want to remind you that you are not broken. You're not alone. And God isn't disappointed in you.

In this conversation, we sit down with the incredible Dr. Juli Slattery—clinical psychologist, author of 14 books, and founder of Authentic Intimacy—to talk about real struggles Christian wives face around intimacy, low desire, and how to walk toward healing with God's help.

What Causes Low Sex Drive in Christian Wives?

This is one of the most common issues I hear from women: "My husband wants it more. I feel bad. I don't know why I don't want it. Help."

Dr. Slattery shares that many wives don't have a lower drive—just a different kind. Men typically have what's called an initiating drive, while women often have a responsive drive. That means she doesn't feel desire until after closeness begins. That's normal!

But sometimes, low desire is more complex. Some deeper causes may include:

• Past sexual trauma (even from within marriage)

• Body image issues and insecurity

• Pain during sex or hormonal changes (like menopause)

• A lack of emotional safety or unresolved conflict

• Shame from upbringing or purity culture

• Misunderstandings about what sex is really for

Often, it's not one thing—it's several.

That's why this isn't a quick fix. It's a journey of healing and understanding. And most importantly—it's not your fault.

What Does God Say About Sex in Marriage?

We often assume a great sex life just means "compatibility." But as Juli beautifully shared: "Great sex isn't about compatibility. It's about growing in unselfish love."

And that's biblical.

God designed marriage and sexual intimacy to reflect His covenant love: faithful, intimate, sacrificial, and joy-filled. When we chase after that picture—His heart for sex—it brings healing, safety, and even delight.

Here are the 4 pillars of covenant sex that Juli teaches:

1. Faithfulness – Can your spouse trust you emotionally and physically?

2. Intimate Fellowship – Are you open with each other in heart and spirit?

3. Sacrificial Love – Are you serving each other instead of demanding?

4. Passionate Celebration – Is sex a space for joy and rejoicing?

"I Want to Want Sex… But I Don't." What Should I Do?

If that's your heart cry, there's hope. Juli and I walked through several gentle, practical steps to help you move forward:

1. Pray—Every Day

Invite God into this part of your life. Juli prayed for months before even telling her husband. God cares. He will meet you here.

2. Start with What You Do Want

Maybe you don't want intercourse—but you'd like to cuddle. Or feel safe naked. Or be able to enjoy touch again. That's a great start.

3. Change the Inner Narrative

Rather than thinking, "I have to," begin gently rehearsing, "I want to enjoy closeness. I want to connect with the man I love."

4. Use Physical Support

Tools like organic lubricants, non-intercourse intimacy, or vibrators (with agreement) can be helpful. Give yourself permission to explore.

5. Communicate with Your Husband

If he's safe, loving, and kind—invite him into this healing journey with you. Let him support your heart, not just seek pleasure.

But Isn't It Selfish to Focus So Much on Sex?

That's a valid concern—especially for Christians. But here's what Juli shared that really struck me: "God designed sex to bless both husband and wife. This isn't just about serving him—it's about your healing, too."

Sex is not just physical. It's emotional. Spiritual. It touches the most tender parts of our story.

If you're avoiding it completely, it might be time to gently ask: What wounds need healing? What lies am I believing?

This is not about becoming a sex expert—it's about becoming whole.

A Christian Wife's Invitation to Intimacy

Whether you've been married 3 years or 30, God's not done with this part of your journey.

Even if sex has been painful, shame-filled, or complicated… He can redeem it.

Even if you feel distant, numb, or uninterested… He can awaken new joy.

You're not "less than." You're not "too late." You're not "too much."

You're beloved. And intimacy can become a gift again.

Resources to Help You Begin

If today's blog stirred something in you, we'd like to encourage you to take one step forward. God meets us there.

Listen in: Full Episode with Juli Slattery available here and on your favorite podcast streaming service Explore: Juli's Ministry – Authentic Intimacy New Book (July 1): Surrendered Sexuality: How Knowing Jesus Changes Everything

For more information on our Coaching Programs: DelightYourMarriage.com

Final Thoughts

You're not alone.

God is in this with you.

Let Him lead. And let Him love you in this part of your story.

With love,

The DYM Team

PS - If you haven't checked out Dr. Juli's book yet, you can check it out here: God, Sex & Your Marriage

PPS - For more information on our Coaching Programs, please visit our website. We would love to connect with you!

Loving Well When You Feel Down

Even the strongest marriages go through hard seasons. Whether you're facing emotional burnout, stress, or feeling spiritually distant, it's easy to feel like you have nothing left to give in your relationship.

So how do you love your spouse when you feel depleted?

This post is your quick "reset"—a reminder of what really matters in marriage and how to keep moving forward, even when your heart feels heavy.

Why Your Marriage Matters in God's Eyes

Jesus gave us two commandments that anchor everything else:

1. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

2. Love your neighbor as yourself.

And your closest neighbor?

It's your spouse.

Your marriage is a reflection of how you walk out our love for God. Even when it's hard.

What to Do When You Feel Emotionally Empty in Marriage

We all go through tough seasons.

• Illness

• Financial stress

• Parenting challenges

• Mental health struggles

It's in these moments that we have to boil it down to the essentials.

When you're empty, don't try to fix everything. Just focus on God's call to love—simply and sincerely.

Here's what that looks like:

Essentials for a Husband: Love Her as Christ Loves the Church

What does that mean, practically?

• Make her feel safe. Don't push, pressure, or demand. Be her steady place.

• Make her feel known. Ask her about her heart. Get curious about her thoughts, not just her to-do list.

• Make her feel cherished. Hold her. Smile at her. Take her on a walk. Celebrate her quietly and tenderly.

These don't require a perfect mood. They require intentionality. And the reward is deeper connection—even in the middle of life's mess.

Essentials for a Wife: Respect, Admiration, and Wholehearted Intimacy

This can feel especially hard when you're drained. But again, focus on the essentials:

• Use respectful words. Even if you're not in the best place emotionally, try phrases like "Thank you for working so hard," or "I admire how you handled that."

• Don't argue or snap. Let kindness guard your tongue, even when emotions are high.

• Offer intimacy with a full heart. This isn't about obligation. It's about loving your husband in a way he receives love—with joy and generosity, even if you don't initially feel it.

When You're Struggling—Love Anyway

This is the path Jesus modeled for us.

We don't love our spouse because they deserve it. We love them because Jesus asks us to love—sacrificially, tenderly, in the way the other feels loved.

When you're struggling and all you can do is offer "just the essentials," that's enough.

God sees your heart. And He blesses your obedience.

Final Thoughts

Next time you feel like you can't give anything more—come back to this. Read it again. Pray again. Take just one small action.

Unity is still possible. Even when you are down.

With love,

The DYM Team

PS - If you're ready to take the next step in healing your marriage, we would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc

PPS - Here is (another) quote from a recent graduate: "We argued constantly! Literally almost daily. The constant arguing was mentally and physically exhausting! It felt impossible to have peace or joy if my husband was around. It was affecting me so deeply that I was struggling with intense fatigue...[After Delighted Wife], we can actually enjoy each other, we can actually focus on other things. I am not experiencing such intense fatigue all the time and am feeling like I can start getting back to being a productive human. My devotional and prayer time are spent seeking God, seeking Him in the scriptures, trying to catch His heat through His word rather than lamenting and focusing on all the bad. "

Church Scandals Aren't Random: How Ignorance Paves the Way for More Harm A Funny, Painful Story (That's Actually Very Relevant)

Before we dive into heavy stuff, let me tell you a story. 4 weeks and 2 days ago...

Picture this: I'm flat on my back, in the middle of the street, 20 feet away from a car that thankfully didn't roll over me.

I'm convinced something's stabbing into my heart. Pain is shooting through my body in so many places. A kind lady rushes from her porch to help me hobble to safety while the ambulance is called.

As I wait there's constant pain, but when I move in certain ways it suddenly becomes utterly excruciating.

No idea what I hit. No idea what actually happened.

Things were going great for the two hours I was on my OneWheel before the accident.

What the heck happened? And what is happening now?

Some neighbor kids stop and check in. I ask them to pray for me and I lead them in a prayer in Jesus name... that was a comfort from strangers.

The ambulance finally arrives -- after it seems like forever -- and load me onto a stretcher. They were sure I dislocated my shoulder and were insisting to pull me up. I knew that wasn't what was wrong.

I was embarrassingly vocal about not being helped up. I seemed to feel every single pothole on the way to hospital.

Arriving in the hospital... the random excruciating shoots through my chest continued -- oh, and so did my resulting involuntary screams. (No recordings were taken, thank God :)

So, the morphine helped and the oxy-whatever they gave me next.

But what really changed everything was the x-rays.

They finally discover the truth:

My clavicle was snapped clean through.

Knowing what was actually wrong changed everything.

I finally had clarity. I finally had a path toward healing — real healing — not just numbing the pain.

I finally could understand how to move in a way that avoided the excruciating pain and actually kept things in place to heal most effectively.

THIS is what's happening in the Church right now.

We have an injury. It's bad. Really, really, really bad.

But instead of diagnosing it, we often just take some spiritual "morphine" — slap on platitudes, excuses, or cover-ups — and hope healing happens.

It doesn't.

Tragically, thousands of new cases are reported yearly... in the church of Jesus Christ around the world. This is horrifying.

And the Church's sexual scandals are not random.

They are not "one-off" tragedies.They are the result of deep, hidden roots — an injury we have to address if we want healing.

Church Hurt: Ignoring the Pain Doesn't Heal It

If I had ignored my broken clavicle, kept "powering through," or simply taken painkillers to numb it?

It would have actually healed wrong.Permanently damaged.Maybe even required major surgery to fix later.

The Church is at that critical moment.If we don't stop and x-ray the damage — truly diagnose the underlying break — it won't just stay bad. It will get worse.

That's why these scandals feel endless. They are symptoms of deeper problems never addressed.

Church Scandals Are Not Random Accidents

The fall of a pastor or leader is often treated like a shocking, isolated event.

"He must have just slipped up!""It was a moment of weakness!"

But the truth is, these scandals follow patterns.

Unchecked small compromises.Isolation.A culture that produces an environment where pastors must be superhuman.

Double lives hidden by fear and shame.Lack of sexual stewardship.

These are not random falls.These are predictable results of invisible fractures left untreated.

The Enemy Wants Our Ignorance

Satan thrives when we stay ignorant.

When we don't know the roots, we can't heal them.When we don't expose the darkness, it festers and infects the Body of Christ.

Paul makes it clear we shouldn't be ignorant of how the enemy attacks:

"In order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes." (2 Cor 2:11)

Jesus warns us:

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy." (John 10:10)

When sexual sin in leadership is ignored, minimized, or hidden, it does exactly that:Steals faith.Kills trust.Destroys credibility.

We must be wise.We must stop assuming "it could never happen here."We must learn how to recognize the roots before they bloom into ruin.

Why Sexual Sin Wounds So Deeply & How to Heal

Sexual sin isn't "just another mistake."Biblically, it's in a category of its own:

"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." (1 Corinthians 6:18)

When a leader sins sexually, it's a double wound:

• Personal: They defile their own body, the temple of the Holy Spirit.
• Corporate: They shatter the credibility of the Gospel they once preached.

People who were already fragile in their faith see hypocrisy... and walk away not just from a leader, but from Jesus, Himself.

The wound runs deep.

But Jesus takes it seriously.

Jesus didn't say:

"Try not to look at porn if you can."

"Lust is understandable, just don't act on it."

No.

He said:

"If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out... It's better to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." (Matthew 5:29)

Jesus used extreme language because sexual sin matters that much.

We should not downplay what Jesus took so seriously.

When leaders indulge in pornography, prostitution, or affairs, they are objectifying someone God created.

That woman on a screen is a daughter of the King of Kings. A daughter who He even gave His only son to save.

Cover-Ups Are Spiritual Oxycodone

It's easier to slap a spiritual Band-Aid over a scandal than face the ugly truth.

• "Let's quietly remove him."
• "Let's not make a big deal; it might hurt the church's reputation."
• "Let's just forgive and move on."

That's spiritual oxycodone — numbing the pain without healing the break.

Without truth and exposure, the infection worsens.The pattern repeats.More people get hurt.

Real love doesn't ignore cancer.Real love demands we discover it and deal with it.

That's actual love.

And Exposure Alone Isn't Enough

Here's the other mistake:Thinking that "going public" fixes the problem.

It doesn't.

Exposure without a healing plan leaves broken people bleeding in the streets.

Just like my broken clavicle needed realignment, time, careful handling and care — fallen leaders (and hurting congregations) need intentional healing journeys.

Healing isn't automatic. It's hard. It takes time. It takes wisdom. It takes safe people. But it's possible.

Healing the Church Starts with Us

You may be a small group leader.A volunteer.A pastor's wife.A youth mentor.A faithful Sunday worshiper.

You are part of the Body.And when one part is sick, the whole body suffers.

We cannot afford to shrug and say, "Not my problem."

The future witness of the Church depends on believers who are awake, wise, and willing to act.

The Band-Aid Problem

Let me just say it plainly:

Covering up a church scandal with "just pray for him" or "let's not talk about it" is like slapping a Batman-themed Band-Aid on a bullet wound and sending the guy back into battle.

He's going to bleed out.

And so is the faith of everyone watching.

We need real surgery, not stickers.

What Next? What Pastors and Leaders Need

If you've been wounded by a scandal —If you're grieved by the hypocrisy —If you're tired of seeing Jesus' name dragged through the mud —

You are not alone.

Healing is possible. But it starts with exposing the real problem and walking through the hard, beautiful journey of restoration.

Lord, help us. Heal Your Church. Give us courage to see clearly and love deeply.

Be Part of the Solution: Discover through a Free Training

Join me for a free training:Heal the Church: Exposing the Hidden Roots of Sexual Scandal and the Path to Healing

Let's stop putting Band-Aids on bullet holes.Let's start real healing.

Sign up today: delightym.com/healthechurch

Healing starts with discovery.

Healing starts with understanding.Healing starts with you.

With love,

Belah & Team

PS - If you are ready to make a change in your marriage, to be free from sexual sin, to have accountability and community, we encourage you to make the call. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "My self worth was in the dumps. I was always looking for affirmation from my wife and she from me. Neither of us delivered - neither could deliver enough. I questioned my leadership positions at work and at church, just never feeling like I was the right guy to lead... [Now,] I'm taking ownership. This is my home. This is my marriage. She is my wife. Ours is a union blessed by God. In taking my roles as husband, father, help mate more seriously, my whole family has begun to benefit. The man's role is not to simply coexist, but to lead the marriage and family. I can make a difference in the family by leading to and with God."

When Lust No Longer Rules Your Mind: Patrick's Freedom Story

It's a quiet kind of bravery that often goes unseen. The kind that walks through the door not to applause, but to shame—and chooses humility instead of hiding.

That's the kind of courage Patrick brought into this conversation. And today, I want to honor that bravery and invite you into a story that too few are willing to tell, but so many need to hear.

How Addiction and Lust Took Root in Patrick's Life

This is not just a testimony—it's a mirror for so many men. Maybe even you.

Patrick didn't set out to become enslaved. No one does. It started with what seemed like innocent attention, where his lack of parental love likely was at the root. A college-aged ego boost. A swipe here. A message there. A few flirty words on a dating app. But what he didn't know was that the enemy had planted seeds. And what felt like harmless validation from unmet needs, eventually spiraled into addiction, and eventually betrayal.

But God—

Yes, this is a story of rock-bottom moments. It's a story of a man whose addiction, lust, and even prostitution came to light in the most painful and humiliating way.

But it's also a story of a God who meets us in our darkest, filthiest, most shameful pits—and brings us into the light.

And you'll hear how it happened for Patrick.

The Heartbreaking Wake-Up Call: What His Daughter Found

The real wake-up call came when his wife found the proof. Actually—his daughter did.

Yes. Patrick's 6-year-old daughter accidentally discovered the messages.

Gut-wrenching. Embarrassing. Devastating.

That moment of exposure was the very thing that broke him enough to seek healing.

Now, he calls it a "blessing".

The devil thrives in secrecy. He whispers, "Keep this hidden." "It'll only hurt people if you share." and "You can fix it yourself."

But Jesus says, "Bring it into the light. Tell safe people. Confess. I will heal you."

Patrick did. And his life changed.

Why Hiding Hurts—and Confession Heals

But let's rewind for a second.

Because this story didn't begin with healing. It began with desperation.

After that discovery, Patrick didn't know where to turn. He thought he might lose his wife. And to be honest, she had every reason to walk away.

But then, a friend—someone who had been through the program himself—spoke life. This friend had also been in the trenches and knew what it was like.

And he offered Patrick a lifeline: "It's not over. There is hope. You should look into Delight Your Marriage."

Patrick took a Clarity Call. It wasn't a sales pitch. It wasn't about convincing him to join a program. It was a discerning process to see if we could even help. And praise God, we could.

The Hard Work of True Freedom: Identity, Humility, and Accountability

That's when the real work began.

You'll hear in this episode the specifics: how Patrick confronted the dual life he was living, how he wrestled with white-knuckling through sobriety, and how he came to reject the identity of "I'm just always going to be an addict." Because that's not how God sees us.

Patrick realized something deep and transformational: When we stay tied to the identity of our past sin, we remain bound by it. But when we accept the truth that we are a new creation in Christ, the chains begin to fall off.

That doesn't mean the road is easy. Not at all. Patrick will tell you: it was hard. It took humility. It took accountability. It took honesty. And it took work to discover what were the roots of the addiction.

But today, Patrick is walking in freedom.

Freedom from shame. Freedom from the fear of being found out.

And his marriage? On it's healing journey. Better than ever.

Not because everything's perfect, but because there is now a foundation of truth, transparency, and most importantly—Jesus.

He prays with his wife now. He prays for her. He opens the Bible daily. He's leading his family spiritually. He's serving his wife—not as a passive man trying to survive, but as a man who is reclaiming his God-given masculinity.

That's the kind of freedom God offers.

Hope for Families: When Betrayal Breaks Your Heart

So if you're a husband who's been hiding, hoping no one finds out, let this be your wake-up call. You are not alone. And more importantly, you are not without hope.

Or maybe you're a wife who discovered your husband's secret. Maybe your heart is shattered, and you don't know how to put the pieces back together. Let this testimony be your whisper of hope. God is in the business of redemption. Patrick's wife is living proof.

And if you're a pastor—or married to one—or you're in leadership and wrestling with the same chains, please don't think you're exempt. You're not. And that's okay. This is for you, too.

Free Resources to Help You Heal: Training and Clarity Call

That's why I want to invite you into a free training: delightym.com/healthechurch

This training is specifically for those who want to understand how deep this issue runs in our churches—and what we can do about it. Whether you're battling lust yourself or you're trying to help others—this is your equipping.

You can also take the next step like Patrick did and book a free Clarity Call: delightym.com/cc

There is hope. There is healing. And it doesn't come from trying harder or hiding longer. It comes from surrendering and allowing God to rebuild you from the inside out.

Patrick's story is not just his own. It's a glimpse of what God can do in any marriage, any man, any home.

Let this episode remind you: when lust no longer rules, love begins to lead.

Don't miss it.

Listen now. And please, if this touches you—share it. You never know who's in the dark, needing to hear there's light.

With love,

Belah

Resources:

• Free Training: Healing the Church from Sexual Sin delightym.com/healthechurch
• Free Clarity Call: Find out if one of our programs is right for you delightym.com/cc

Healing Sexual Sin & Shame through the Cross (and Curiosity): Interview with Jay Stringer

There is something so incredible about a story of redemption. And, dear reader, I believe this conversation will be a turning point for you, as it has been for so many in our community.

I've walked alongside men and women wrestling with the deep pain of sexual brokenness- the battles they face in their marriage beds, their thought lives, their past, and the weight of shame. I've seen firsthand the power of God to restore what seemed utterly lost. And this conversation with Jay Stringer is an invitation to that very healing journey.

Jay is a therapist, minister, researcher, and author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. His compassionate, curious approach offers a fresh lens: that the very behaviors we hate are not random. They are clues. And they point us to healing.

On this Good Friday, as we reflect on the sacrifice of Jesus, there is no better time to consider what it truly means to lay our shame at the foot of the cross.

Let's dive in.

The Cross and Your Story of Healing

We all carry wounds. Some we're acutely aware of, and others we've buried so deeply that they show up in our actions long before we recognize them in our hearts.

Jay opened our conversation by pointing us to the profound truth of the cross. Jesus knew exactly what you would do. Every mistake. Every moment of shame. And yet, He chose to take it all upon Himself. He bore your sin and your shame.

This is not a journey of trying harder to be good enough. It's about understanding how deeply Jesus loves you, even in your lowest moments, and choosing to respond to His love with a courageous step toward healing.

Unwanted Behaviors: They Are Not Random

One of the most freeing truths Jay shared is this: our unwanted behaviors are not random.

Through his extensive clinical work and groundbreaking research, Jay discovered that the specific ways we struggle are deeply connected to our stories of origin.

Jay explained that in his role as the sex addiction therapist for the city of Seattle, he began to see patterns. Men arrested for soliciting sex were not making random choices. Their actions were connected to predictable stories of pain and trauma.

Whether you grew up in a home of neglect, where your heart longed for connection and was left empty, or in a home of rigid control, where you felt powerless and unseen, these early experiences shape the way you cope and the behaviors you pursue as an adult.

Your brain, your body, your desires are all responding to unhealed wounds.

Understanding the Root: Family Systems and the Power of Priming

Jay described two primary family systems that often set the stage for future struggles:

1. The Disengaged Family System:

   • Parents were physically or emotionally absent.

   • Your longing for connection was never fulfilled.

   • When you first experienced the neurochemical bond of pornography or sex, it felt like the deepest connection you had ever known.

2. The Rigid, Authoritarian Family System:

   • Parents were hyper-controlling, using performance or religion to shape you.

   • You felt powerless and suffocated.

   • Pornography, in contrast, offered a false sense of control and power over your environment.

Both systems prime you for certain temptations. And recognizing this isn't about blaming parents or excusing behaviors. It's about gaining understanding.

Because understanding is what allows us to grieve. And grieving opens the door to healing. As Jay says, "You can't just try to stop an unhealthy behavior. You have to understand why you were drawn to that behavior in the first place."

Shame Keeps You Stuck. Curiosity Sets You Free.

As Christians, we know the seriousness of sin. But too often, we try to hate our way to holiness. We believe that if we punish ourselves enough, we'll finally change.

But, the Apostle Paul tells us that it is God's kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). Not our contempt. Not our loathing. Not our self-hatred.

Jay encouraged us to replace self-contempt with curiosity.

Ask yourself:

• Why am I drawn to this behavior?

• What is the pain underneath my actions?

• What does this reveal about my longing to be seen, known, and loved?

When we approach our story with curiosity, we give God space to reveal the roots of our pain.

The Shark of Shame: Swim Toward It

Jay also shared a fascinating metaphor that I just love:

Professional shark diver Andy Casagrande was once asked what to do if a great white shark is swimming toward you. His answer? Swim toward it.

If you swim away, you act like prey. But if you move toward the shark, it confuses the predator, and it backs away.

Shame operates the same way. When we run from it, it devours us. But when we confront it — facing it head on, sharing vulnerably in trusted community, seeking counseling, and naming our wounds — we rob shame of its power.

Swim toward the shark of shame.

Face it. Name it. And watch as it loses its grip on your life.

Jesus Took Your Shame to the Cross

This is where our faith becomes not just helpful, but essential.

The world offers coping strategies, but Jesus offers complete redemption. He didn't just take your sin to the cross; He took your shame.

Through His death and resurrection, we are invited into freedom.

If you've ever felt like your past disqualifies you from God's love, let me remind you: Jesus knew your struggles when He went to the cross. He went anyway. He has already made a way for you to live in righteousness, peace, and freedom.

This is the hope of Easter. The hope of the Gospel.

From Crisis to Calling: Your Story Matters

So often, the crises of our lives — the shame, the addictions, the brokenness — are actually invitations to transformation.

Jay shared that in the absence of elders to guide us through rites of passage, our souls will create crises that force us to confront our identity and our wounds.

Rather than run from the crisis, we can see it as a holy opportunity. Your struggle is not the end of your story. It's the beginning of a new chapter.

When you engage your story with honesty and curiosity, you step into the redemption God has for you. You become part of His story of restoration — not just for you, but for others.

Final Encouragement: There Is Hope for You

Dear friend, this journey is not about perfection. It's about progress. It's about engaging your story with curiosity, leaning into the kindness of God, and walking the path of healing, step by step.

Jesus took your sin. He took your shame. And He rose again to give you new life.

This Easter, may you embrace the truth that resurrection is possible for you, too.

You are deeply loved. You are seen. You are not alone.

Happy Easter.

With love,

Belah & Team

PS - Check out Jay's book here: Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing

PPS - If you want to take the first step into freedom and healing your marriage, schedule a free Clarity Call with us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "My husband and I lived parallel lives almost our entire marriage…The only thing he wanted from me in the relationship was sex. That was the last thing I wanted to give him because I was exhausted from trying to be the super mom and head of the household. This caused a rift in our relationship…After a separation in our own home we each began our own counseling…Both of our counselors questioned if a form of sex addiction might be part of the problem. I dove into trying to learn everything I could about sex addiction. I joined a 12 step group for spouses of sex addicts. That program is about avoiding unhealthy sexual behaviors. I didn't even know what healthy sexual behaviors were. After 4 years of marriage counseling and feeling stuck in a marriage that was barely hanging on, I discovered your program. I found hope for my marriage and began to see my husband in a different light"

If you have ever felt disconnected with your spouse- particularly in the area of communication- this episode is especially for you.

Steven and his wife, Tracy, walked through more than two decades of disconnection. Twenty-five years is a long time to feel lost in your marriage. To feel like no matter what you try, you just can't find your way back to each other.

They loved God. They were raising six children together. They wanted their marriage to thrive. But somehow, they kept missing each other. Their communication felt off, and it wasn't just about words—it was about how every part of their life as a couple felt misaligned.

Marriage Problems After 25 Years: Feeling Stuck and Disconnected

Steven and Tracy did what many couples in their situation try to do. They sought help. They met with counselors and pastors. They heard wise advice. But for some reason, it just didn't seem to stick in their day-to-day lives.

They felt like they were doing all the right things, yet their relationship still felt strained. The alignment they hoped for—spiritually, emotionally, practically—kept slipping through their fingers.

It's hard to describe how wearying that becomes over time. You start to wonder if it will ever change, or if you're destined to just live alongside each other, rather than truly enjoy the beauty of partnership that marriage is meant to be.

Signs of Hope: When One Spouse Begins to Change

What began to open things up wasn't what Steven expected.

He started to notice a softness in Tracy. A new warmth in her communication. She seemed more open, more willing to engage in conversations in a way that felt safe and inviting.

And that tenderness in her sparked something in him. He realized, deep in his heart, that he wanted to experience that same kind of shift. He didn't want to keep circling the same frustrations. He wanted his heart to change too—not just so things would feel better, but because he longed to love her well.

There's something so beautiful about that. Sometimes, it's the gentle transformation in one spouse that awakens the hope in the other. And that's exactly what happened for Steven.

How Focusing on Personal Growth Can Transform Your Marriage

What truly began to move the needle for Steven was recognizing where his focus had been all along.

For many years, like so many of us, he had been looking at his wife's responses, her choices, her attitude. But when he started to reflect more deeply, he realized the bigger breakthrough would come from within himself.

That shift—from focusing outward to focusing inward—was a game changer.

Instead of waiting for Tracy to change, he opened his heart to the changes God wanted to do in him. He began to see how his own patterns of thought and communication were shaping their dynamic. And as he leaned into that growth, the atmosphere of their marriage began to change.

Learning to Communicate Better in Marriage

Steven described it as learning to dance. For years, he and Tracy were moving to different rhythms. Even when they had good intentions, they kept stepping on each other's toes.

When you don't know the steps, no matter how much you love the other person, the dance feels clumsy. Missteps are frustrating and discouraging.

But as Steven grew in understanding and grace, he began to move in rhythm with his wife. He learned how to lead with humility and gentleness. And as he did, Tracy responded. She became more willing to follow his lead—not because she was forced to, but because it felt safe and loving to do so.

Their dance transformed from awkward steps to something fluid, connected, and beautiful.

Why Humility Is Key to a Stronger Marriage

What I find so deeply inspiring about Steven's journey is the way he embraced humility. He didn't cling to pride. He didn't stay stuck in frustration, demanding that his wife change first. Instead, he knelt before God—both literally and figuratively—and opened his heart to being transformed himself.

That posture of surrender made space for God to work powerfully in his life and marriage.

And it's a reminder for all of us: no matter how broken things feel, when we choose humility and invite God into our hearts and homes, He begins to weave a story of redemption that's more beautiful than we could have imagined.

What a Healthy Marriage Looks Like After Healing

Today, Steven and Tracy still face challenges, but what's different now is how they handle them.

What used to take days, weeks, or even months to resolve now takes minutes—sometimes even seconds. They've learned to recognize when they're drifting out of alignment and come back quickly to unity and connection.

Their marriage isn't just surviving anymore. It's thriving. There's joy. There's intimacy. There's a deep excitement about what God is continuing to do in their relationship.

It's a miracle of grace, truly.

There Is Hope for Your Marriage, Too

Friend, if you find yourself where Steven once was—tired, discouraged, wondering if things will ever change—I want you to hear this clearly: there is a way forward.

Take courage. Let hope rise in your heart. Open yourself to the possibility that the story isn't over—and that the next chapter could be more beautiful than you've imagined.

With love,

Belah & Team

PS - Want to know more about the current health of your marriage? Take our free Marital Health Assessment to discover your Marital Health score and receive further insight on next steps.

PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "Tension between us is pretty much gone! Our relationship, our discussions have become much more peaceful, easygoing and playful than before. My wife has become more affectionate and has initiated intimacy more! We can now discuss physical intimacy and not argue. She has told me many times how she likes the changes she sees in me…Other people around us, even strangers, have noticed something different about us."

How to be a Good Sexual Man: Interview with Sam Jolman

Men, have you ever wished someone had sat you down and given you the sex talk you really needed—not the awkward, surface-level version, but a conversation that spoke to your heart, your masculinity, and how all of that relates to your sexuality and how God designed you?

That's exactly what therapist and author Sam Jolman offers in his book The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality.

I was deeply honored to have him on the Delight Your Marriage podcast for a conversation I believe every man and every wife needs to hear.

Below are some highlights from our conversation—rich truths that stirred awe, healing, and even some tears. We hope you can listen in on the podcast and check out his newest book, available everywhere books are sold.

What Does It Mean to Be a "Good Sexual Man"?

Sam shared how the term "good sexual man" often sounds like an oxymoron in our culture. If someone says a man is "very sexual," we usually don't take it as a compliment. But what if masculinity and sexuality are meant to be good—designed by God, filled with honor, love, and even awe?

Sam invites men to recover their God-given sexual goodness, not by ignoring the brokenness, but by acknowledging it and moving through it—through experiences of shame, silence, even possible harm into healing, wholeness, and holiness.

He said, "The issue isn't too much sexual desire—but too little heart."

Your heart was meant to be connected to your sexuality, and it is something that many of the men he speaks with have trouble bringing into their sexuality.

Masculinity Reclaimed: More Than Behavior Management

Too often, conversations around male sexuality in the church revolve around "behavior management"—Am I behaving or not? Am I sinning or not?

But Sam urges men to ask deeper, more hopeful questions:

What kind of lover am I?Do I pursue my wife emotionally, not just physically?Have I honored the wounds in my story that made me vulnerable?Have I mistaken my brokenness as only sin, when it's also about being wounded?

This is not about making excuses—it's about seeking healing and becoming the kind of man who loves deeply and well.

Awe, Sensuality & the Glory of a Woman's Body

This part of our conversation brought me to tears.

Sam quotes author Mike Mason who described his wife's naked body as glory. And Scripture supports this—glory is what is veiled in the Bible, not hidden out of shame, but out of reverence.

What if we, as wives, were seen like that? What if our husbands truly beheld us as the masterpiece of God—with awe, wonder, tenderness, and joy? It is what every wife is truly longing for.

And what Sam beautifully points out is—this isn't about trying to say something simply to please your wife. It's about opening your eyes to the beauty God has already placed in front of you, for your pleasure, for your joy, and for your worship.

Jesus: The Model of the Sensual and Strong Man

Jesus was the manliest of men. He endured the cross, the lashing, the pain, all without complaint.

But He also wept over the death of His friend.

He was moved with compassion.He made excellent wine for a wedding!

And as Sam so beautifully brought up, he received tenderness from a woman washing His feet with tears and perfume.

Jesus was both strong and sensual. He didn't run from beauty—He embraced it. And Sam encourages men to do the same.

Sex as Play, Not Pressure

One of my favorite parts of Sam's book is the idea of sex as play. (As you know, we LOVE playfulness at Delight Your Marriage!)

In the story of Isaac and Rebekah, Scripture uses the word "play" to describe their intimate interaction. Not "duty." Not "obligation." Not even "intercourse." Just play.

How different would sex feel to wives if it was simply seen as an invitation to play? To connect? To enjoy one another—without pressure or performance?

When sex becomes play, there's less fear and more room for freedom and creativity. It becomes mutually joyful and it draws both hearts closer.

We also both acknowledged that if sex is the only area right now where you play as a couple, it may not come as naturally or even feel awkward. Make sure to build a culture of play outside of the bedroom- go on playful dates, have playful jokes throughout the day- so that you can bring it into the bedroom more naturally.

A Message to Men Carrying Sexual Shame

Sam shared that many men, in the privacy of his counseling office, have revealed deep sexual shame—some of it stemming from trauma, abuse, or early exposure to sexuality that felt confusing or violating.

The enemy wants men to bury those wounds in silence.

But healing comes through truth, and through Jesus, who already knows, already sees, and already loves you.

As Sam reminded us, your brokenness is not just your sin—it's also your wounding.

And it was wounding.

If this is you, you're not alone. And you can heal. God makes all things new.

Final Thoughts: Why Every Husband (and Wife) Should Read This Book

Sam's book isn't just another marriage resource. It's an invitation to men to become whole, godly, good sexual beings—men who integrate their strength with their heart, their sensuality with their faith, and their desire with deep love and awe of glory.

And wives—if your husband reads this book, I believe you'll feel more seen, more cherished, and more pursued than ever before.We hope this conversation leaves you feeling inspired to take in the beauty around you, stand in awe of God, experience the sensuality and sexuality that God gave you (that was purposefully designed, not a mistake!), and experience the fullness of God in your relationship with your spouse.

You can get The Sex Talk You Never You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality wherever books are sold. (And there's currently a buy one, get one free on the website so go now!) samjolman.com

Sam Jolman is a lover, father, therapist, and writer, generally in that order. His newest book, The Sex Talk You Never You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality, has already received rave reviews, including a review and foreword from author John Eldredge (Wild at Heart). Sam also writes regularly on Substack and offers live monthly discussions with subscribers on topics like Christian sexuality, masculinity, healing from shame, and more.

With love,

Belah & Team

PS - If you're interested in learning more about our Masculinity Reclaimed program, please visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/programs/ or schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc

PPS - In case you missed it, we launched our social media channels last week! You can now get extra Delight Your Marriage content as you go about your week! Yeah, we're really happy about it too :) Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Youtube, and say hello!

The day has arrived! We are officially on social media! And we can't wait for you to see what we have for you! Follow Us & Subscribe on: Instagram, Facebook, & Youtube Now, on to the podcast!

Marital Success is Your Spiritual Responsibility

If you've been listening to the Delight Your Marriage podcast or reading these blogs for a while, you know I don't take marriage lightly. And if you're a follower of Jesus, I want to lovingly remind you: your marriage is a spiritual responsibility.

This isn't just about your personal happiness or even your kids' well-being—though those matter deeply. No, the success of your marriage speaks volumes to everyone who knows you, especially those who know you're a Christian.

Why Your Marriage Is Bigger Than You

Think about it: if people know you follow Jesus, but your marriage falls apart, what does that say about the relevance of Jesus in your life? About the Bible? About the power of God?

Yes, divorce is painful for the children—but it's also painful spiritually for everyone who witnesses it. We're supposed to be making disciples of all people, right? So when our marriage breaks down, we're tarnishing the very witness we're meant to live out.

I say this from personal experience. My first marriage ended in divorce, and I carry that pain and regret. It wasn't a biblical divorce—I had to plead the blood of Jesus over it. But I've repented, I've been forgiven, and now I've made a decision: I will never again allow my marriage to dishonor the name of Jesus.

I want the same for you.

It's Time to Prioritize Marriage—for the Gospel

If you're reading this, there's a good chance your faith is already strong. You want biblical answers, not pop psychology. Thank you. If I can help you have a great marriage, your work for the Kingdom becomes that much easier.

But let's be real. Marriage is hard. It's easy to get selfish. It's easy to get frustrated with your spouse being a messy, imperfect human (just like we are!). But we can't stay in that space. We've got to pull ourselves out of our self-centeredness and serve.

Husbands, Scripture calls you to die for your wife. Wives, we're called to submit to our husbands. I know—it's not easy. Believe me, I don't like that verse either. I've struggled with being a controlling wife. But control is rooted in fear. And fear means I'm not trusting God.

When both spouses choose to obey God, not based on their spouse's actions but based on God's call—that's where transformation begins.

We're not left wondering what marriage is supposed to be. God gave us His Word. It's the most printed, most transformative book in human history. You don't have to guess what it means to be a godly husband or wife—it's all there.

Marriage: God's Tool for Healing

Your spouse can hurt you the most—or they can be the very instrument God uses to heal you the most. I've lived both. And I want to be the kind of wife who makes my husband's meeting with Jesus even better because he was married to me.

What if that was your motivation? That your love could heal your spouse. That your encouragement could empower them into God's purpose for their life. That your gentle presence could become their safe space in this tough world.

That's the kind of love Jesus shows us—and the kind we're called to give.

Love Your Spouse the Way They Receive Love

This is one of our core teachings at DYM: love your spouse the way they receive love. The Bible tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. That means not giving chocolate ice cream if they love vanilla. It means learning what makes them feel safe, respected, cherished.

Husbands need to feel safe, known, and cherished. Wives need to feel respected, admired, and pursued in wholehearted sexual intimacy.

(If you'd like to learn more, we break this down in our free framework at delightym.com/framework. It's an amazing starting point to grow in loving your spouse practically and biblically.)

Growth Is the Goal

Friend, you didn't find this blog because you're failing. You're here because you want to grow. And that's beautiful. That matters. Don't give up on the hard days when it feels like no one sees your effort. God does. He sees every unseen act of love, every sacrifice, every decision to forgive.

We don't get to skip the suffering. Jesus didn't. Paul didn't. In fact, suffering is often God's tool for growth, purification, and transformation.

But you don't have to do this alone. There's help. There's hope. And there is healing.

With love,

Belah & Team

PS - If you want to learn more, we recommend you take our Marital Health Assessment. It is a free assessment that gives insight on your Marital Health and what we recommended as next steps based on your Marital Health score.

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "I love life and am dreaming again because God has bought healing to my marriage. It's like all the stop buttons that were pushed because I was out of alignment with God's will in my marriage have been pushed to Go/Green again... I feel more aligned, more focused, and things are moving again."

Hi friend,

This one's pretty personal.

After 10 years of podcasting, coaching, and quietly building Delight Your Marriage—without social media—we're finally stepping into a new chapter. (I'm still kind of holding my breath saying that.)

In today's episode, I share the real behind-the-scenes story of:

• Why I stayed off social all these years (and it's deeper than just "not liking it")

• The Gideon moment that confirmed my calling to do this in secret

• Publishing my book under a pseudonym—and the fears behind that decision

• How God still grew DYM to a team of 10, hundreds of clients, and millions of downloads

And most importantly—why we're trying social media now.

But! Before you go hunting down our Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube… wait just one more day.

Tomorrow (Friday), we'll be sending you all the links (if you're on our email list -- if not go to delightyourmarriage.com) so you can follow, share, and help us get this message out to the world.

For now—would you take a moment to listen to this episode? I poured my heart into it.

With love and (slightly trembling?) excitement, Belah

P.S. I won't be reading the comments (my team will!)—but if something resonates, share it with a friend. That's how this whole thing started in the first place. :)

Freedom from The Purity Culture Half Truths

If you're anything like me, you grew up knowing that sex was something to be saved for marriage. Maybe you heard it in church, at youth group, from your parents, or maybe it was something just understood. You were told to "save yourself," and by God's grace—you did.

But now you're married. And... what gives?

Why is this thing that's supposed to be beautiful, powerful, and God-designed... still clouded with guilt? Why does it feel so hard to enjoy? Why does it feel wrong?

Friend, I get it. I was right there with you.

Why Christian Wives Struggle With Sex After Marriage

See, the problem is that many of us were given half-truths about sex. Yes, sex is meant for marriage. That's clear in Scripture (Matthew 19:5, Hebrews 13:4, and so many others). But what wasn't clear—what was never really taught—was what happens after the wedding.

We weren't told that sex could be joyful, playful, passionate, and a gift. We weren't told that it was meant to be good for you, dear wife—not just your husband. We weren't told that God is the one who designed our bodies with tens of thousands of pleasure-sensitive nerve endings. That He's not shocked by desire. He created it.

Instead, many of us internalized the message that sex is shameful, dirty, and something to be tolerated—maybe even resented. And so, we carried that shame right into our marriages.

My Personal Journey From Sexual Shame to Intimacy

I didn't grow up having "the talk." There was no open, healthy conversation about sex or my body. What I had was silence, shame, and confusion. I stumbled onto pornography while innocently doing homework one day, and curiosity turned into a struggle I couldn't shake for many years.

And even though I was a virgin on my wedding night, sex was not what I expected. It was painful—physically and emotionally. My husband and I didn't know how to understand each other. I assumed if he really loved God, he wouldn't have so many desires. I didn't understand that God made him that way—and me, too. But I didn't feel free to receive that truth.

But God brought me on a journey of healing—of discovering what His Word really says. That sex in marriage is good. That it's for unity. That it's for mutual joy. That "May you ever be intoxicated with her love" (Proverbs 5:19) is not an embarrassing suggestion—it's God's idea.

When Sex Feels Like a Chore Instead of a Gift

Even with this new desire, I still didn't (and still don't!) have the same drive as my husband. And often, I would fall into that trap of "duty sex". Yes, I know what that's like. I've done it. I've gone into intimacy just hoping to avoid conflict. But friend, that's not God's best. That's not what He dreamed up when He designed your body or your marriage.

When I engage in intimacy from a place of love and trust, I come out of it refreshed, connected, grounded. Even if I wasn't "in the mood" at the beginning, choosing to lean in with the right heart often opens the door to real pleasure—real bonding. It's a spiritual gift.

Are Your Sexual Boundaries From God—or Just Tradition?

One thing that often hindered this connection and desire was the restrictions I put on my own self, but where had these even come from? They weren't from the Bible. Sometimes, the rules we put on ourselves aren't in the Bible—they're just tradition, fear, or misunderstanding.

I want to challenge you to ask: Is this boundary actually from God? Because Scripture gives us boundaries to keep sex holy—but it doesn't micromanage how you express love with your spouse.

God is not offended by pleasure. He invented it.

Let's stop walking past the "sunset" He painted for us in this area of our lives. Let's slow down, take a breath, and receive the beauty.

How to Heal From Sexual Shame and Embrace Freedom

Healing doesn't happen overnight. It's a step-by-step path out of shame and into joy. And yes, sometimes that means trying something a little new—changing up the lighting, experimenting with different types of touch, or even using intimacy accessories (yep, I said it!) to help bridge the gap between desire and delight.

And no, not every time has to be earth-shattering. But what if some of the times were breathtaking? What if the oneness and the joy and the laughter and the satisfaction made you say, "Wow, thank you, God"?

Because He deserves that praise. He made you for this. He wants this for you.

Final Thoughts

Sweet sister, I'm so proud of you. You've already taken a step by reading this far. Don't stop now! God made your body for beauty. He made your marriage for joy. And He made sex for you, too.

With love,

Belah & Team

PS - If you want to check out the Pre-Marriage workbooks mentioned in today's episode, check out our Amazon page. All three are available now!

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "My faith has grown. I am praying more from my heart in conversation with God instead of sending him my "wishlist" of prayers. I am desiring to read my Bible daily and hear God's message for me and know his direction and leading in my life. I am more playful and fun! Playfulness not only brings me joy and makes me feel "lighter" but I've seen it affect my husband and kids as well. We are a more joy-filled family. Our growth in intimacy is a big celebration. I better understand the freedom God gives a husband and wife in sexual intimacy and so I feel free to be creative, spontaneous, fun, and confident with my husband."