Dirty Laundry: The Divorce Podcast

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Is 50/50 custody really fair? Should you co-parent or parallel parent? In the Season 5 premiere, divorce mediators Alex Howard and Amanda Silver share the divorce myths they believed when they started, and why hundreds of cases changed their minds.

Why a 50/50 default can shortchange kids when one parent carried the load, why the conflict often changes instead of ending after divorce, why you don't need cheating or abuse to leave, and why Alex now starts from parallel parenting instead of co-parenting.

Alex and Amanda talk about:
- Why the person who leaves isn't always the one who ended the marriage
- The spouse who pushes you to make the call so they don't have to
- Why 50/50 isn't automatically fair, and quality time vs equal time
- Why you don't have to answer every message from your ex
- Leaving with no cheating and no abuse: "You can literally just be unhappy"
- Co-parenting vs parallel parenting: who decides braces and who decides bedtime

If you are dealing with abuse or feel unsafe: In Canada, call or text 9-8-8 (Suicide Crisis Helpline). Ontario: Assaulted Women's Helpline 1-866-863-0511 (24/7). In the US: National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

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Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by our podcast guest are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or the podcast. We value diverse perspectives and aim to provide a platform for thoughtful discussion and exploration of different ideas.

Got any comments, suggestions or queries? We'd love to hear from you! DM us on Instagram @dirty.laundry.podcast to be featured on one of our upcoming episodes.  

Also, don't forget to rate and review our show on your favourite podcast player.

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Mary Anne Popescu is the Executive Director of the Ontario Association for Family Mediation and a practicing family mediator of over two decades. In this encore episode, she introduces the concept that changed both her practice and her own marriage: the attack-defend loop, and how naming it in real time can stop a conversation from spiraling.

She and Alex and Amanda dig into insight mediation, why she prefers the phrase "families experiencing high conflict behavior" over the label "high conflict," and how future-focused questions can unlock genuinely creative solutions for even the most complex blended families. They also talk about the grief that underlies every separation, no matter who initiated it, and why control over how your story ends is often the biggest reason people choose mediation over litigation.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by our podcast guest are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or the podcast. We value diverse perspectives and aim to provide a platform for thoughtful discussion and exploration of different ideas.

Got any comments, suggestions or queries? We'd love to hear from you! DM us on Instagram @dirty.laundry.podcast to be featured on one of our upcoming episodes.  

Also, don't forget to rate and review our show on your favourite podcast player.

Send us Fan Mail

Most people think the first step after deciding to divorce is calling a lawyer. It isn't — and starting there can cost you time, money, and options you didn't know you had.

In this encore episode, Alex and Amanda break down the entire divorce process from the beginning: why taking a beat before making any decisions matters, how to gather information and build the right team, the five different processes available (kitchen table agreements, mediation, collaborative law, lawyer negotiation, and court) and how to choose the right one for your situation, what actually goes into a separation agreement, and the financial disclosure rights every spouse has regardless of how finances were kept during the marriage. They also cover what happens after the agreement is signed, including annual reviews and why you don't have to file for a legal divorce right away.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by our podcast guest are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or the podcast. We value diverse perspectives and aim to provide a platform for thoughtful discussion and exploration of different ideas.

Got any comments, suggestions or queries? We'd love to hear from you! DM us on Instagram @dirty.laundry.podcast to be featured on one of our upcoming episodes.  

Also, don't forget to rate and review our show on your favourite podcast player.

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Your attachment style shapes everything — how you fight, how you grieve, how you date after divorce, and how you co-parent with someone you're no longer in love with. And most people have no idea what theirs is until something breaks.

In this encore episode, Alex and Amanda dig into the four attachment styles with a therapist and attachment expert — anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure — and explore how each one shows up in the specific context of divorce and post-divorce life. They cover why secure attachment in a marriage doesn't guarantee secure attachment after it ends, how to recognize your patterns without using them as an excuse, and what the research actually says about whether attachment styles can change.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by our podcast guest are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or the podcast. We value diverse perspectives and aim to provide a platform for thoughtful discussion and exploration of different ideas.

Got any comments, suggestions or queries? We'd love to hear from you! DM us on Instagram @dirty.laundry.podcast to be featured on one of our upcoming episodes.  

Also, don't forget to rate and review our show on your favourite podcast player.

Send us Fan Mail

In this encore episode, Michelle joins Alex and Amanda to talk about what dating actually looks like as a single mom in New York, the impossible time math of fitting dating into a life that already includes a daughter and a comedy career, why she gave up hiding who she was for men a long time ago, and what three things automatically make someone a red flag. Funny, honest, and deeply relatable.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by our podcast guest are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or the podcast. We value diverse perspectives and aim to provide a platform for thoughtful discussion and exploration of different ideas.

Got any comments, suggestions or queries? We'd love to hear from you! DM us on Instagram @dirty.laundry.podcast to be featured on one of our upcoming episodes.  

Also, don't forget to rate and review our show on your favourite podcast player.

Send us Fan Mail

Jessica Frew's first marriage looked like a great fit from the outside. Then she found something on their computer. Her husband Steve was gay — and couldn't yet admit it to himself.

In this encore episode, Jessica shares the seven years of gradual mourning that followed, the affair that finally ended the marriage, and how she and Steve built a co-parenting relationship so intentional that they now host a podcast together alongside her current husband Matt. She also talks about the work she does with women through the Betrayed Badass Society — and the trust gut challenge she gives every single one of them, because rebuilding self-trust after betrayal starts with what you want to eat for lunch.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by our podcast guest are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or the podcast. We value diverse perspectives and aim to provide a platform for thoughtful discussion and exploration of different ideas.

Got any comments, suggestions or queries? We'd love to hear from you! DM us on Instagram @dirty.laundry.podcast to be featured on one of our upcoming episodes.  

Also, don't forget to rate and review our show on your favourite podcast player.

Send us Fan Mail

Betsy Pake is a master coach, speaker, and founder of the Navigate Method. She has also lived this question herself for nearly a decade before finally getting clear. In this episode she talks about what keeps women stuck, why taking accountability for where you are is actually empowering rather than letting anyone off the hook, how to calibrate for action rather than words when you're trying to figure out if someone is really willing to change, and the difference between settling and choosing — and why that distinction changes everything.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by our podcast guest are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or the podcast. We value diverse perspectives and aim to provide a platform for thoughtful discussion and exploration of different ideas.

Got any comments, suggestions or queries? We'd love to hear from you! DM us on Instagram @dirty.laundry.podcast to be featured on one of our upcoming episodes.  

Also, don't forget to rate and review our show on your favourite podcast player.

Send us Fan Mail

Emotional intelligence isn't something you either have or you don't. It's a skill. And it might be the most important one you can build when you're navigating divorce, co-parenting, and figuring out who you are on the other side of a relationship.

Kristen Harcourt — business coach, speaker, podcast host, and emotional intelligence expert — joins Alex and Amanda to talk about what EQ actually looks like in practice: how to regulate your emotions in real time during a difficult co-parenting conversation, how to spot self-abandonment in dating after divorce, why the goal isn't to stop having emotions but to stop reacting to everything, and how self-compassion is the foundation of all of it. She also shares her own experience going back into the dating world after 25 years and what that journey taught her about attachment styles, boundaries, and choosing herself first.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by our podcast guest are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or the podcast. We value diverse perspectives and aim to provide a platform for thoughtful discussion and exploration of different ideas.

Got any comments, suggestions or queries? We'd love to hear from you! DM us on Instagram @dirty.laundry.podcast to be featured on one of our upcoming episodes.  

Also, don't forget to rate and review our show on your favourite podcast player.

Send us Fan Mail

The engagement ring meant everything when he gave it to you. Now it's sitting in a drawer and you're not sure what to do with it. Sell it? Save it for your kids? Or turn it into something that finally feels like yours?

Jessica of Jessica Jewellry joins Alex and Amanda to walk through every stage of the post-divorce jewelry journey, from the woman who calls fresh out of a split wanting it gone immediately, to the one a decade later who's ready to redesign it into something that represents exactly where she is now. They also get into the lab grown diamond market, why the value of those stones has dropped dramatically, and why pausing before making any big decisions is the only advice that matters.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by our podcast guest are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or the podcast. We value diverse perspectives and aim to provide a platform for thoughtful discussion and exploration of different ideas.

Got any comments, suggestions or queries? We'd love to hear from you! DM us on Instagram @dirty.laundry.podcast to be featured on one of our upcoming episodes.  

Also, don't forget to rate and review our show on your favourite podcast player.

Send us Fan Mail

After the most difficult experience of his life, Chris Coulter spent a decade speaking with more than 2,000 parents who were struggling to understand what was really going on with their teenagers. What he found was a consistent gap — parents dismissing warning signs as normal adolescent behavior, and teenagers who wouldn't open up to the people who loved them most.

In this episode Chris talks about his daughter Maddie, what he learned in the years that followed her passing, and the organization he built called The Mentor Well. He walks through the Teen Signal Check — a free five-minute tool that gives parents a clear green, yellow, or red — and explains why he believes mentorship, not parenting or therapy alone, is often the relationship where a struggling teenager will finally feel safe enough to talk.

Find Chris and the Teen Signal Check at thementorwell.com.

🇨🇦 Support is always available:

Suicide Crisis Helpline — Call or text 9-8-8 (free, confidential, 24/7)

Kids Help Phone — Call 1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868 (free, confidential, 24/7 for youth and young adults)

Hope for Wellness Helpline (Indigenous communities) — Call 1-855-242-3310 or chat at hopeforwellness.ca (available 24/7 in English, French, Cree, Ojibway, and Inuktitut)

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by our podcast guest are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or the podcast. We value diverse perspectives and aim to provide a platform for thoughtful discussion and exploration of different ideas.

Got any comments, suggestions or queries? We'd love to hear from you! DM us on Instagram @dirty.laundry.podcast to be featured on one of our upcoming episodes.  

Also, don't forget to rate and review our show on your favourite podcast player.