Divorce and Separation

I am welcoming back Psychologist Ben Schiller to answer listener questions about mental health during and after divorce or separation. We discuss how to choose the right therapist, recognise when therapy is needed, and manage the emotional roller coaster that often accompanies a breakup. Ben shares practical strategies for protecting mental health, the importance of social connections, and how to navigate cognitive distortions. This episode is filled with valuable insights and tools to empower you through your breakup.

Key Topics:

• Differentiating between therapists, counselors, and psychologists

• How to choose the right mental health professional for your needs

• Signs that indicate you may need therapy

• Emotional regulation techniques: naming emotions, linking thoughts, and taking action

• The importance of social connections during separation

• Strategies for protecting mental health: sleep, diet, and staying connected

• Understanding cognitive distortions and their impact on mental health

• Navigating feelings of sadness and guilt after ending a relationship

Your Questions Answered:

• How do I choose a therapist, counselor, or psychologist?

• How do I know if I need therapy?

• How can I manage the emotional roller coaster I'm experiencing?

• What strategies can I use to cope with stress throughout a separation?

• How can I protect my mental health during the divorce process?

• Is it normal to feel sad and guilty after ending a relationship?

Host: Nikki Parkinson, TEDx Speaker, Divorce Doula, Coach and Founder of The Divorce and Separation Hub.

The Divorce and Separation Hub Website

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The Divorce and Separation Hub Facebook

The Divorce and Separation Hub Linkedin

Join our Divorce and Separation community HERE.

Watch Nikki's TEDx Talk HERE.

Guest: Ben Schiller,

Connect with Ben Schiller HERE

Loved This Episode? Support the podcast by subscribing, leaving a five-star review, and sharing it with someone who could use a little extra support right now.

This episode is produced by Dan King of Dan King Productions. This episode is sposnored by Simple Separation, the smarter way to separate. Simple Separation is an online, fixed-fee service designed to help Australian couples finalise their divorce and separation respectfully, collaboratively, and without the stress of going to court. From property settlements and parenting plans to child support and divorce applications, everything you need is under one roof, saving you time, money, and unnecessary conflict.

Book your free consultation today to find out if Simple Separation is right for your situation at simple-separation.com.au.

Disclaimer

I hope you enjoyed the podcast today. The information we discussed today was just that information only. It is not specific advice. If you take action following something you heard today, it is important to make sure you get professional advice about your unique situation before you proceed, whether that advice be legal, financial, accounting, medical or other advice. Please reach out to me if you have any questions or if there's another topic you'd like explored.

This episode delves into the concept of "living loss," a term encountered in Dr. Lucy Hone's book, How Will I Ever Get Through This. I share insights on how separation and divorce can feel like a profound loss, even when life continues around you.

I discuss the emotional and practical challenges that arise during this difficult time, emphasising that the grief experienced is not just about the end of a relationship but also about the loss of a future, identity, and the life you envisioned.

I give you practical sugestions on how to navigate the early days of separation, including the importance of focusing on small, manageable steps and creating a sense of steadiness in your daily life.

Key Takeaways:

• Living loss is an ongoing experience that affects every aspect of your life during separation.

• It's normal to feel a mix of emotions, including grief, relief, and confusion.

• Focus on what you need today rather than trying to solve everything at once.

• Create small points of steadiness to help ground yourself during this tumultuous time.

Resources:

How Will I Ever Get Through This, by Dr Lucy Hone

Host: Nikki Parkinson, TEDx Speaker, Divorce Doula, Coach and Founder of The Divorce and Separation Hub.

The Divorce and Separation Hub Website

The Divorce and Separation Hub Instagram

The Divorce and Separation Hub Facebook

The Divorce and Separation Hub Linkedin

Join our Divorce and Separation community HERE.

Watch Nikki's TEDx Talk HERE.

Loved This Episode? Support the podcast by subscribing, leaving a five-star review, and sharing it with someone who could use a little extra support right now.

This episode is produced by Dan King of Dan King Productions. This episode is sposnored by Simple Separation, the smarter way to separate. Simple Separation is an online, fixed-fee service designed to help Australian couples finalise their divorce and separation respectfully, collaboratively, and without the stress of going to court. From property settlements and parenting plans to child support and divorce applications, everything you need is under one roof, saving you time, money, and unnecessary conflict.

Book your free consultation today to find out if Simple Separation is right for your situation at simple-separation.com.au.

Disclaimer

I hope you enjoyed the podcast today. The information we discussed today was just that information only. It is not specific advice. If you take action following something you heard today, it is important to make sure you get professional advice about your unique situation before you proceed, whether that advice be legal, financial, accounting, medical or other advice. Please reach out to me if you have any questions or if there's another topic you'd like explored.

I'm back with Gerard Rees from Simple Separation for part two of our conversation. In Episode 84, we spoke about superannuation what I sometimes call the hidden asset.

In this episode, we're talking about something I hear from clients all the time:

"I just want to be heard."

But what does that actually mean in mediation? And more importantly how do you make sure your voice is heard without the room blowing up?

Gerard shares what he listens for as a mediator when someone says that sentence. Often, it's not just about speaking. It's about power imbalance. It's about fear. It's about worrying you'll be intellectually, emotionally or financially overpowered.

We talk about:

• How mediators create safety in the room
• Why preparation builds confidence
• The behaviours that can accidentally make you harder to hear
• The difference between telling your story and negotiating your future
• Income disparity and how "future needs" really work
• What happens when you're still living under one roof
• When mediation isn't appropriate and why a mediator has a duty to withdraw

This is a practical, grounded, honest conversation about what mediation really looks like and how to approach it in a way that gives you the best chance of reaching an agreement you can actually live with.

Let's Keep the Conversation Going: Visit Divorce and Separation Hub to explore expert resources, courses, and programs tailored to your needs. Share your questions or comments you're not alone in this.

Host: Nikki Parkinson, TEDx Speaker, Divorce Doula, Coach and Founder of The Divorce and Separation Hub.

The Divorce and Separation Hub Website

The Divorce and Separation Hub Instagram

The Divorce and Separation Hub Facebook

The Divorce and Separation Hub Linkedin

Join our Divorce and Separation community HERE.

Watch Nikki's TEDx Talk HERE.

Guest: Gerard Rees, Senior Mediator, Simple Separation

Loved This Episode? Support the podcast by subscribing, leaving a five-star review, and sharing it with someone who could use a little extra support right now.

This podcast's audio production crafted by Dan at dankingproductions.com.au.

This episode is sponsored by Simple Separation, the smarter way to separate. Simple Separation is an online, fixed-fee service designed to help Australian couples finalise their divorce and separation respectfully, collaboratively, and without the stress of going to court. From property settlements and parenting plans to child support and divorce applications, everything you need is under one roof, saving you time, money, and unnecessary conflict.

Book your free consultation today to find out if Simple Separation is right for your situation at simple-separation.com.au.

Disclaimer

I hope you enjoyed the podcast today. The information we discussed today was just that information only. It is not specific advice. If you take action following something you heard today, it is important to make sure you get professional advice about your unique situation before you proceed, whether that advice be legal, financial, accounting, medical or other advice. Please reach out to me if you have any questions or if there's another topic you'd like explored.

This episode includes discussion around mental health, emotional distress, and suicide risk, particularly for men navigating separation and divorce. Please listen in a way that feels safe for you. If you need support, reach out to someone you trust or a qualified professional.

In this episode I am joined by Dr Eran Magen, Yale Pyschologist and Founder DivorcingDads.org.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why you might look fine on the outside but feel completely destabilised inside
• The loss of identity that can come with separation
• The emotional exhaustion, fear and uncertainty that often go unspoken
• Why there is no quick fix and why that's actually okay
• A simple way to understand your energy when everything feels depleted: Escape. Recharge. Growth.
• Why sadness is so difficult to express and how to start
• The fear of opening up and "not being able to close it again"
• Loneliness, withdrawal and why connection matters more than you think
• Suicide risk in men going through divorce and what to look out for
• What actually helps when you feel overwhelmed
• The one place to start: talking to someone

I would like you to take this away -

What you're feeling makes sense. You're not weak for struggling. And you don't have to do this on your own.

If this episode brings anything up for you, please reach out.

Australia Lifeline — 13 11 14 MensLine — 1300 78 99 78 Beyond Blue — 1300 22 4636

Host: Nikki Parkinson, TEDx Speaker, Divorce Doula, Coach and Founder of The Divorce and Separation Hub.

The Divorce and Separation Hub Website

The Divorce and Separation Hub Instagram

The Divorce and Separation Hub Facebook

The Divorce and Separation Hub Linkedin

Join our Divorce and Separation community HERE.

Watch Nikki's TEDx Talk HERE.

Guest: Dr Eran Magen, Yale Psychologist and Founder of DivorcingDads.org

Meet Dr Magen - Dr. Eran Magen earned his M.A. in education and Ph.D. in psychology from Stanford University, completed post-doctoral training in child psychology and population health, and currently serves as an assistant clinical professor at the Yale School of Medicine Department of Psychiatry. He is the founder of ParentingForHumans.com and DivorcingDads.org, which support parents in creating strong, collaborative and joyful relationships with their children. He is also the founder of EarlyAlert, which prevents suicide among students and veterans.

Loved This Episode? Support the podcast by subscribing, leaving a five-star review, and sharing it with someone who could use a little extra support right now.

This episode is produced by Dan King of Dan King Productions. This episode is sposnored by Simple Separation, the smarter way to separate. Simple Separation is an online, fixed-fee service designed to help Australian couples finalise their divorce and separation respectfully, collaboratively, and without the stress of going to court. From property settlements and parenting plans to child support and divorce applications, everything you need is under one roof, saving you time, money, and unnecessary conflict.

Book your free consultation today to find out if Simple Separation is right for your situation at simple-separation.com.au.

Disclaimer

I hope you enjoyed the podcast today. The information we discussed today was just that information only. It is not specific advice. If you take action following something you heard today, it is important to make sure you get professional advice about your unique situation before you proceed, whether that advice be legal, financial, accounting, medical or other advice. Please reach out to me if you have any questions or if there's another topic you'd like explored.

I loved this episode.

In this conversation, I'm joined by Samantha Thomas, founder of MyndGym, to talk about mental fitness and why it matters so much during divorce and separation.

When you're navigating a major life change, your nervous system narrows. Your window of tolerance shrinks. Everything feels heavier. More urgent. Harder than it "should".

Sam explains the difference between mental health and mental fitness and why small, repeatable daily practices build real capacity when you're overwhelmed.

We cover:

• Why rest is productive

• What's happening in your nervous system during separation

• How to regulate before making big decisions

• Why journaling helps (and why you can throw the paper away)

• Simple tools beyond meditation

• Anchoring into your values when identity feels shaky

• The "Ta-Da List" for when you feel behind

• A powerful 3-minute reset

• Why gratitude might be the smallest habit that changes everything

If you're functioning but exhausted this episode is for you.

You can find MyndGym at: myndgym.life (Mind is spelled with a "y").

Host: Nikki Parkinson, TEDx Speaker, Divorce Doula, Coach and Founder of The Divorce and Separation Hub.

The Divorce and Separation Hub Website

The Divorce and Separation Hub Instagram

The Divorce and Separation Hub Facebook

The Divorce and Separation Hub Linkedin

Join our Divorce and Separation community HERE.

Watch Nikki's TEDx Talk HERE.

Guest: Samantha Thomas, Founder of MyndGym.

Meet Sam - She is a a life coach, certified youth mentor, and founder of MyndGym - a mental fitness gym with classes every day in journaling, coaching, meditation and breathwork. She believes that for people to be truly well, they need to prioritise and nurture the relationship they have with themselves and practice the little things that help their physical, mental and emotional wellbeing. MyndGym is her chance to help people exercise their mental fitness on a regular basis, so they can feel better and supported in their lives.

myndgym.life

Instagram @mynd.gym

Instagram @samanthalthomas_

Loved This Episode? Support the podcast by subscribing, leaving a five-star review, and sharing it with someone who could use a little extra support right now.

This episode is produced by Dan King of Dan King Productions. This episode is sposnored by Simple Separation, the smarter way to separate. Simple Separation is an online, fixed-fee service designed to help Australian couples finalise their divorce and separation respectfully, collaboratively, and without the stress of going to court. From property settlements and parenting plans to child support and divorce applications, everything you need is under one roof, saving you time, money, and unnecessary conflict.

Book your free consultation today to find out if Simple Separation is right for your situation at simple-separation.com.au.

Disclaimer

I hope you enjoyed the podcast today. The information we discussed today was just that information only. It is not specific advice. If you take action following something you heard today, it is important to make sure you get professional advice about your unique situation before you proceed, whether that advice be legal, financial, accounting, medical or other advice. Please reach out to me if you have any questions or if there's another topic you'd like explored.

What does it actually mean when someone says, "I just want to be heard" and why does it matter so much in mediation? In this episode, I'm joined by Gerard Rees, Senior Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner at Simple Separation, to unpack what mediators listen for, how power imbalances show up, and why superannuation is often the most underestimated asset in family property settlements.

We talk through full and frank disclosure, why you shouldn't mediate "blind," and the very real house vs super trade-offs that can shape your life not just now but in 10, 15, 30 years.

In this episode we cover:

• Why "I want to be heard" can signal a power imbalance (especially financially);

• The non-negotiables before mediation: an agreed balance sheet + values + disclosure;

• Why legal advice before mediation changes everything (confidence, clarity, reality testing);

• How the law recognises non-financial contributions (parenting + domestic work);

• Why super feels "personal" (and why people get emotionally attached to it);

• The most common house vs super trade-off and how to think it through;

• Gerard's best "pause before you agree" tip: today's needs vs future security.

Let's Keep the Conversation Going: Visit Divorce and Separation Hub to explore expert resources, courses, and programs tailored to your needs. Share your questions or comments you're not alone in this.

Host: Nikki Parkinson, TEDx Speaker, Divorce Doula, Coach and Founder of The Divorce and Separation Hub.

The Divorce and Separation Hub Website

The Divorce and Separation Hub Instagram

The Divorce and Separation Hub Facebook

The Divorce and Separation Hub Linkedin

Join our Divorce and Separation community HERE.

Watch Nikki's TEDx Talk HERE.

Guest: Gerard Rees, Senior Mediator, Simple Separation

Loved This Episode? Support the podcast by subscribing, leaving a five-star review, and sharing it with someone who could use a little extra support right now.

This podcast's audio production crafted by Dan at dankingproductions.com.au.

This episode is sponsored by Simple Separation, the smarter way to separate. Simple Separation is an online, fixed-fee service designed to help Australian couples finalise their divorce and separation respectfully, collaboratively, and without the stress of going to court. From property settlements and parenting plans to child support and divorce applications, everything you need is under one roof, saving you time, money, and unnecessary conflict.

Book your free consultation today to find out if Simple Separation is right for your situation at simple-separation.com.au.

Disclaimer

I hope you enjoyed the podcast today. The information we discussed today was just that information only. It is not specific advice. If you take action following something you heard today, it is important to make sure you get professional advice about your unique situation before you proceed, whether that advice be legal, financial, accounting, medical or other advice. Please reach out to me if you have any questions or if there's another topic you'd like explored.

When parents separate, the focus is often on logistics parenting schedules, property settlements, court orders.

But underneath all of that is something quieter.

The emotional world of our children.

In this episode, I sit down with psychologist Jamie Maserow, author of The Therapist in Therapy, to explore the silent emotional work children often carry during divorce and separation.

We discuss how children can slip into people-pleasing patterns, walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting Mum or Dad. We unpack jealousy — whether it's a child feeling replaced by a new partner, or a parent struggling with their child's bond with the other parent. And we talk about how to build emotional safety so kids feel secure enough to express what they really think and feel.

Jamie shares practical strategies parents can implement immediately, including grounding techniques to manage anxiety during handovers and how to create open conversations without burdening children with adult issues.

• The Therapist in Therapy – Jamie Maserow

• The Invisible String (children's book referenced in discussion)

Let's Keep the Conversation Going: Visit Divorce and Separation Hub to explore expert resources, courses, and programs tailored to your needs. Share your questions or comments you're not alone in this.

Host: Nikki Parkinson, TEDx Speaker, Divorce Doula, Coach and Founder of The Divorce and Separation Hub.

The Divorce and Separation Hub Website

The Divorce and Separation Hub Instagram

The Divorce and Separation Hub Facebook

The Divorce and Separation Hub Linkedin

Join our Divorce and Separation community HERE.

Watch Nikki's TEDx Talk HERE.

Guest: Jaime Maserow, Psychologist and Author of The Therapist in Therapy

Website

Instagram

Book

Loved This Episode? Support the podcast by subscribing, leaving a five-star review, and sharing it with someone who could use a little extra support right now.

This episode is produced by Dan King of Dan King Productions. This episode is sposnored by Simple Separation, the smarter way to separate. Simple Separation is an online, fixed-fee service designed to help Australian couples finalise their divorce and separation respectfully, collaboratively, and without the stress of going to court. From property settlements and parenting plans to child support and divorce applications, everything you need is under one roof, saving you time, money, and unnecessary conflict.

Book your free consultation today to find out if Simple Separation is right for your situation at simple-separation.com.au.

Disclaimer

I hope you enjoyed the podcast today. The information we discussed today was just that information only. It is not specific advice. If you take action following something you heard today, it is important to make sure you get professional advice about your unique situation before you proceed, whether that advice be legal, financial, accounting, medical or other advice. Please reach out to me if you have any questions or if there's another topic you'd like explored.

If you're separated (or separating) and you keep replaying the past, rewriting conversations, and wondering "Maybe I'm the one who's wrong…" this episode is for you.

One of the most common (and most unsettling) things I see after a breakup isn't confusion about money, logistics, or parenting schedules. It's people quietly doubting their own reality. There's a name for it: self-gaslighting and it can keep you stuck long after the relationship ends.

In this short solo episode, I explain what self-gaslighting is, why separation turns up the volume, and how to rebuild trust in yourself safely and slowly.

• What self-gaslighting is (and how it differs from everyday self-doubt).

• Why divorce/separation can make your inner critic louder even if leaving was the right call.

• The "quiet, reasonable" thoughts that slowly erode self-trust.

• Two real-world examples (Sarah + Tom) and how self-gaslighting shows up differently.

• Practical ways to start coming back to your reality, your instincts, and your steadiness.

Let's Keep the Conversation Going: Visit Divorce and Separation Hub to explore expert resources, courses, and programs tailored to your needs. Share your questions or comments you're not alone in this.

Host: Nikki Parkinson, TEDx Speaker, Divorce Doula, Coach and Founder of The Divorce and Separation Hub.

The Divorce and Separation Hub Website

The Divorce and Separation Hub Instagram

The Divorce and Separation Hub Facebook

The Divorce and Separation Hub Linkedin

Join our Divorce and Separation community HERE.

Watch Nikki's TEDx Talk HERE.

Loved This Episode? Support the podcast by subscribing, leaving a five-star review, and sharing it with someone who could use a little extra support right now.

This episode is produced by Dan King of Dan King Productions. This episode is sposnored by Simple Separation, the smarter way to separate. Simple Separation is an online, fixed-fee service designed to help Australian couples finalise their divorce and separation respectfully, collaboratively, and without the stress of going to court. From property settlements and parenting plans to child support and divorce applications, everything you need is under one roof, saving you time, money, and unnecessary conflict.

Book your free consultation today to find out if Simple Separation is right for your situation at simple-separation.com.au.

Disclaimer

I hope you enjoyed the podcast today. The information we discussed today was just that information only. It is not specific advice. If you take action following something you heard today, it is important to make sure you get professional advice about your unique situation before you proceed, whether that advice be legal, financial, accounting, medical or other advice. Please reach out to me if you have any questions or if there's another topic you'd like explored.

Some of the hardest days after separation aren't the days where everything falls apart.

They're the days that look "fine" on paper — birthdays, Christmas morning, school milestones, first days back — and yet I still feel that sting afterwards.

In this episode, I'm talking about why milestone days can hurt more than you expect, especially when social media tells the story first. Not because a photo is "wrong"… but because the timing, the caption, and the implied narrative can leave you feeling edited out of your child's life.

This isn't petty. It's grief meeting visibility. And it's more common than people admit.

• Why special occasions after separation can feel heavier than ordinary days;

• The difference between missing a moment and being missing from the story;

• How "posting" becomes a proxy fight for identity, belonging, and being seen as a parent;

• What kids absorb from adult emotion around photos, captions, and visibility;

• Practical social media boundaries that reduce conflict and protect children.

Let's Keep the Conversation Going: Visit Divorce and Separation Hub to explore expert resources, courses, and programs tailored to your needs. Share your questions or comments you're not alone in this.

Host: Nikki Parkinson, TEDx Speaker, Divorce Doula, Coach and Founder of The Divorce and Separation Hub.

The Divorce and Separation Hub Website

The Divorce and Separation Hub Instagram

The Divorce and Separation Hub Facebook

The Divorce and Separation Hub Linkedin

Join our Divorce and Separation community HERE.

Watch Nikki's TEDx Talk HERE.

Loved This Episode? Support the podcast by subscribing, leaving a five-star review, and sharing it with someone who could use a little extra support right now.

This episode is produced by Dan King of Dan King Productions. This episode is sposnored by Simple Separation, the smarter way to separate. Simple Separation is an online, fixed-fee service designed to help Australian couples finalise their divorce and separation respectfully, collaboratively, and without the stress of going to court. From property settlements and parenting plans to child support and divorce applications, everything you need is under one roof, saving you time, money, and unnecessary conflict.

Book your free consultation today to find out if Simple Separation is right for your situation at simple-separation.com.au.

Disclaimer

I hope you enjoyed the podcast today. The information we discussed today was just that information only. It is not specific advice. If you take action following something you heard today, it is important to make sure you get professional advice about your unique situation before you proceed, whether that advice be legal, financial, accounting, medical or other advice. Please reach out to me if you have any questions or if there's another topic you'd like explored.

Jonathan Kline-Spink, Director at Market Street Finance, unpacks what banks are really looking at when someone is separating and hoping to keep the family home.

We talk about the difference between borrowing capacity and affordability, why keeping the family home after separation is often more complex than people expect, and how lenders reassess risk when a joint mortgage becomes a single loan.

Jonathan explains

• how banks consider income, expenses, child support, and property values;
• why finance approvals fall through, and
• the importance of having honest, early conversations before negotiating outcomes.

We also cover common issues that arise during separation, including credit files, missed payments during high-stress periods, and a broker's ethical obligation to act in a client's best interests.

This episode is for anyone navigating separation or divorce and trying to work out whether buying out an ex and keeping the family home is financially viable.

Related resources:

• Episode 79 – Legal | Who Keeps the House After Separation? (Christina Salvo) → Legal | Who Keeps the House After Separation?

• Lawyer Ready Session → Get clarity on your separation options

• Supported Exit Session → Support if you're planning to leave or recently separated

• Divorce & Separation Hub – Resources → Separation resources and support

Let's Keep the Conversation Going: Visit Divorce and Separation Hub to explore expert resources, courses, and programs tailored to your needs. Share your questions or comments you're not alone in this.

Host: Nikki Parkinson, TEDx Speaker, Divorce Doula, Coach and Founder of The Divorce and Separation Hub.

The Divorce and Separation Hub Website

The Divorce and Separation Hub Instagram

The Divorce and Separation Hub Facebook

The Divorce and Separation Hub Linkedin

Join our Divorce and Separation community HERE.

Watch Nikki's TEDx Talk HERE.

Guest: Jonathan Kline-Spink, Mortgage Broker and Director at Market Street Finance

Loved This Episode? Support the podcast by subscribing, leaving a five-star review, and sharing it with someone who could use a little extra support right now.

This podcast's audio production crafted by Dan at dankingproductions.com.au.

This episode is sponsored by Simple Separation, the smarter way to separate. Simple Separation is an online, fixed-fee service designed to help Australian couples finalise their divorce and separation respectfully, collaboratively, and without the stress of going to court. From property settlements and parenting plans to child support and divorce applications, everything you need is under one roof, saving you time, money, and unnecessary conflict.

Book your free consultation today to find out if Simple Separation is right for your situation at simple-separation.com.au.

Disclaimer

I hope you enjoyed the podcast today. The information we discussed today was just that information only. It is not specific advice. If you take action following something you heard today, it is important to make sure you get professional advice about your unique situation before you proceed, whether that advice be legal, financial, accounting, medical or other advice. Please reach out to me if you have any questions or if there's another topic you'd like explored.