In this NUGGET I look back at the last two years and tell you more about myself. 

In this episode we begin with the perspective of how the divorce process can be ugly, but that in the end, it is worth it. The amount of beauty in getting to create that life that you love is powerful. Sadie tells us how she knows that she made mistakes along the way, choices that she would never make again. She doesn’t toss out the reality of what the experience is, but she does relish in what the experience can provide...If you allow it. 

She acknowledges how she made herself the victim, and that she had a victim mentality where she never felt in control, feeling like she had no options. As she continued to speak inside the conversation, you can hear her unravel where that seed came from. How she had grown up, had a lot to do with that flow of her life. 

Now, years later she reflects on the importance of retraining yourself through thought patterns. An example of that process applied is what she tells herself each morning to start the day, which is “I love you”. The daily practices that she has in place to keep her moving in her direction, and no one else’s. She shares these things because she is also responsible and aware that if she does not apply these things, her day doesn’t flow well.

This episode is a treasure chest of insights that if you can hear them within Sadie’s journey, they can make the day to day a little easier to be with. They can provide you tools that when applied have the ability to shift you from where you are, to where you want to be.

Say hello to Sadie Marie, a single mother of two kids, a boy (11) and a girl (9). She has been divorced for about 3 years, and she is also a business owner. In our conversation with Sadie, we begin with identifying when her first six months started and what that looked like and felt like for her. She calls it “the honeymoon stage.” Sadie explains how her home was the starting place for her new life and she gives us the story of how she found that new home after living out of a suitcase to avoid the old home. 

We explore what it was like for her to date, her approach, and the significance she gave dating once divorce. She shares about her sexuality and how much she enjoys sex now after divorce, Calling it “liberating.” All this, and so much more is pact into this episode.  

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In this episode Stacie and I dig deep into how we were bullied and our why. Our discovery of what happened, and what we did once we learned it was happening, and what we still do. How we prevent it. Standing up to bullies is not easy when you don't know what to do, but once you can speak up, you have a voice. With a voice you can move mountains.

If you don't know you're being a bully, ask yourself if you're wanting something of someone and making them wrong for not giving it to you. If you are being bullied, speak up and outward. A significant first step is sharing that it is happening.  

If you are in an abusive relationship, whether physical, verbal, or mental, contact the proper authorities. Whomever they may be to the situation that you are in.  Get in communication with someone and ask for help.

This entire conversation with Stacie has been a unique experience for me. It was unique in the sense of how much she spoke about her trials within the marriage, her victories, and how amazing her life is now that she has faced them. How she applied herself utilizing what she knew, and stopped using what wasn’t working for her. She made a choice to not hide or protect what was ugly in her life anymore. But, none of the above is what made it unique.

Why it was unique for me, had to do with being responsible for what she was saying. She was sharing her story, from her perspective, and without wishing anyone ill will. Yet, someone, who will remain anonymous, reached out to me, and in a very mild manner attempted to bully me within the context of my vetting process. Again, it was mild, but it was directed towards me and without any supportive information, without any accountability, and it made a very weak attempt to shame me.  More importantly, it was an attempt using children as the carrot for the why. Having seen Stacie’s daughter on social media, and measuring the size of her bright smile, I decided that I was on the right side of this story.

I did not reply to this person. I did, however, go back to Stacie and ask once again if she was okay with her story being shared in the manner it was being shared. Sometimes facing a bully takes timing, especially if the bully doesn’t know they are bullying. So, I felt responsible to ask Stacie. At the end of this episode you can hear Stacie reply for yourself. It’s a great reply, but don’t take my word for it, you should decide for yourself.

When you have people in your life that demand or condemn you for speaking up, it can have a very heavy effect on your daily life. I say that because we all have a right to share what life looks like to us, what it feels like, and how we process it. The bully also has the same right to speak up and voice themselves. That is the beauty of freedom of speech. The heaviness comes when you stay silent, when you take it, when you don’t speak out, and when you think on behalf of other people. Big or small, skinny or fat, child or adult, there are always three sides to a story. Yours, thiers, and the truth. Ask yourself what it is about what they are saying that bothers you so much, ask yourself why are you so bothered by someone sharing their point of view.

As Stacie has shared in this series, her life was not easy from her perspective inside of the marriage, but she chose to move on, and as a result of that decision is living a life worthy of her and her daughter’s approval. She shares from her perspective.

You never know what the other side is going through, so don’t assume. When we believe that our way is the right way, we bully our intentions onto others. Give people the freedom to be who they are. 

To those people who manipulate or cause drama over someone sharing their story, I say this. What is it about someone’s story that doesn’t have you switch the channel? You have a choice, choose. Maybe turn on a comedy and laugh at how complicated it is sometimes to be human. These are stories, told from the person’s point of view. If you are troubled that much by what someone has to say, go tell your story. If you are shy, write it.

If you are someone who knows Stacie but are forced to pick a side, as if divorce was a game and you have to wear the jersey of the team because you want to fit in. Trust what you feel. Speak up and reach out. You will be surprised what happens when you are empowered to have an opinion, when you are empowered to have feelings, and when you are empowered to be allowed...to think. 

In this episode with Stacie, we begin with a statement that is quite powerful. “Give people the freedom to be who they are.” She said this right before she began to talk about how she chooses to spend her time and energy. How she chooses to be responsible, or how being responsible for herself is liberating. She talks about what she wants to do more of, and what that looks like. While also admitting to what she sucks at, and how that has humbled her. She was, in my perspective, balanced. Everything is wrapped around giving freedom to herself and the people around her. A tool everyone should keep in their tool chest, because with it, you can build a stronger foundation for yourself and others.  

In this episode we explore what the word expectations means to us, specifically inside the context of divorce. We each share a an insight and talk about what we think is a tool to have when you are dealing with an expectation. But, mostly it's just my mom and having a regular conversation. 

In this episode we begin with trusting that the kids you helped raise, his and hers, know who the players are and were. We touch on what taking the high road was like then, to what it is now. How she had to bite her tongue on the many occasions with his ex wife during their marriage and the strain it placed. At one point even her therapist at that time said how are you getting through this. 

The times were tough for her, from sleeping on couches to bringing her daughter with her on trips. She did whatever she could to escape. Growing with each moment apart stronger and wiser.

Stacie talks about her biggest turning point arriving when she asked for help. Describing how she wished she had begun educating herself one month into the marriage, but instead kept her head down and continued working. Knowing now that her intuition was correct. You can see and feel the maturity that is present, but you never sense regret. She learned something in this process. She wears it like a badge of honor. Where most cover up the scars from others, Stacie embraces them and shares the stories openly, without fear.

This episode starts to unravel the time we commit to others knowing something isn’t right. It reveals how much a person can take before calling it and Stacie allows you to see her process and how she navigated it. The mistakes, as well as, the victories.

In this episode we explore the feeling of being independent and what it was like to let go of the other children you helped raise and who are now divided from you. We talk about what it’s like when the relationship has to end.  Stacie even admits that the end was not what she wanted, but chose it when faced with having to choose. She admits to many things inside this episode, the most important, her granting space to the children she helped raise to have their own choice.  She tells us how she respected the ripple effect she could cause them and the hurt behind it.

This episode presented a difficulty I have not encountered before in listening. Stacie was placed in a position where the children she still loves and cares for were no longer accessible to her without the possibility of repercussions, unspoken repercussions. I find it hard to accept that parents could deny children the opportunity to choose someone, only because the marriage didn’t work out. In my marriage, the greatest lost I endured was that of my step daughter, whom I still to date have never heard from and wish I could. But I did not give her life, so how could I ask that? I hear that in Stacie’s story, and I too respect the boundary placed before me, the unspoken boundary riddled with traps.

I do not know Stacie’s ex, nor his family, but I hope that if they hear this episode that they stay for the whole series. I hope that they hear the loss their children are experiencing by not having a woman, a mother, a friend like Stacie be part of their lives. 

If you find that you are the barrier between your kids and someone who loves them, I implore you to consider that denying children love under the guise of a divorce is not a just way to protect them. In the end, if a relationship doesn’t work. Distinguish why it didn’t without punishing the ones around you could benefit from having a good person around them.

In this Nugget we have a special guest, really special, my MOM! In one of our deep conversations when she visited me out here in California this past Mother's Day. We talked about regrets off camera and what that looked like, how most people handle it and what there is to learn about it.  Like tools used to build something, what are some of the tools we could use to understand regrets. She was cool enough to allow me to turn on the microphones so we could share what it is that we discovered.  So, we did and what came about was a share about what the word meant to us, and how we dealt and deal with it. 

One of the best things about this podcast has been seeing my mom be in the top 5 downloads for the podcast since it started. Nothing is more rewarding than seeing your mom being embraced by an audience. I love the fact that you the audience listen to her the most. So, here she is again.  Mom.