ABOUT THE EPISODE: 

There's a certain shift that occurs when you stop charging at your child's substance use and instead learn to back in quietly, treats in hand, like Rocky Kanaka (Sitting With Dogs) approaching a terrified shelter dog. 

In this conversation with Cathy, you'll discover how this counterintuitive approach, born from watching a man give positive affirmations to traumatized pit bulls, might actually hold the key to reconnecting with your own frightened, defensive teenager. (you have to listen now, right?!)

Your child, barricaded behind substance use and sending desperate signals that "all is not okay," shares more with those cornered shelter dogs than you might want to admit. They're both scared, hurting, expecting another confrontation. 

Cathy's vulnerable admission—that she never found the words "Wow, I hear you. How can I help you?"—illuminates the cognitive friction so many parents experience when their instinct to fix collides with their child's need to simply be witnessed.

What you’ll learn:

• Why hours spent researching treatment centers might be less effective than learning to sit quietly with your child's discomfort
• How holding boundaries actually signals to your child that you're willing to fight for them (even when they're furious)
• The strategic choreography of "backing in" versus coming at your child head-on with aggression and defensive body language
• Why starting with small boundaries—perhaps not even with your substance-using child—builds the mental fortitude for more significant ones
• The liberating realization that a pissed-off kid is infinitely preferable to the alternative

Cathy and I map the delicate territory between “jellyfish parenting” and authoritarian rigidity, where boundaries become acts of love and your willingness to endure discomfort becomes its own form of medicine. 

EPISODE RESOURCES: 

• Hopestream episode 215: A Powerful Combo of Proven Tools for Families When Your Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol, with Dr. Jennifer Fernandez (why people use a particular substance) 
• Sitting With Dogs on YouTube 

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