Parenting a child who’s struggling with mysterious symptoms can be frightening and exhausting. You bring them to the doctor, the tests come back “normal,” and yet you know something isn’t right. You’re not imagining it—it’s real, and you’re not alone.

In this episode, Dr. Bill Rawls explains why Lyme disease testing often misses active infections, what it means for your child, and practical steps parents can take to advocate for accurate diagnosis and care.

Why does my child keep testing negative for Lyme disease even when symptoms persist?

• False negatives are common: Many Lyme disease tests, like the ELISA (enzyme linked immunoassay) or Western blot, rely on antibodies that may not appear early or consistently.
• Early infection can be invisible: During the initial infection or early Lyme disease, the immune system may not have produced enough detectable antibodies for serologic testing.
• Co-infections complicate results: Other tick-borne illnesses can mask or mimic Lyme disease symptoms, making accurate diagnosis even harder.
• Persistent or chronic infections: Sometimes, persistent infection or chronic Lyme can continue even after a negative test. Clinical findings, medical history, and physical examination help guide your provider toward the right diagnosis of Lyme disease.

It’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated system of testing, not a failure of your vigilance.

Even when bloodwork looks clear, your child may still have an active infection. Understanding test limitations helps reduce frustration and empowers you to take action.

How can I tell if Lyme disease is being missed in my child?

• Watch for persistent, nonspecific symptoms: Fatigue, joint pain, headaches, or cognitive changes can appear long before tests turn positive.
• Consider medical history and exposure: Tick bites, outdoor activities, or living in endemic areas provide important clues.
• Use clinical judgment alongside lab tests: A single blood test rarely tells the full story; doctors often need multiple tests and examinations.

You don’t have to wait for a positive blood test to validate your child’s suffering.

Ready to help your child calm down quickly and regain control? Start using Quick Calm today and discover simple, science-backed strategies to regulate their nervous system.

What are the limitations of standard Lyme disease testing?

• ELISA and Western blot tests measure antibodies, not bacteria directly: If your child’s immune system hasn’t produced detectable antibodies, the test can look clear.
• False positives and delayed diagnosis are common: Inaccurate results can delay treatment, allowing Lyme bacteria to persist and cause chronic symptoms.
• Tests vary in performance: Different labs, methods, and timing of testing affect results.

Let’s calm the brain first—then focus on gathering the right information without panic.

Want to stay calm when your child pushes every button?

Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit—your step-by-step guide to stop oppositional behaviors without yelling or giving in.

Go to www.drroseann.com/newsletter and grab your kit today.

What should parents do if Lyme disease tests come back negative?

• Keep a detailed symptom log: Track fatigue, joint pain, rashes, and cognitive changes over time.
• Seek a clinician experienced in tick-borne diseases: They can interpret tests in context and consider direct testing or second opinions.
• Explore immune support and safe treatment options: Early interventions, supportive care, and monitoring can reduce long-term effects.

🗣️ “Lyme disease testing is far from perfect, and many patients—especially children—can have persistent symptoms despite “normal” bloodwork.” –Dr. Roseann

Understanding test limitations, recognizing early signs, and advocating for comprehensive evaluation can make all the difference.

Remember, behavior is communication—if your child is struggling, their symptoms are speaking. Trust your instincts, seek knowledgeable guidance, and support your child’s immune system along the way. 

Feel like you’ve tried everything and still don’t have answers?

The Solution Matcher helps you find the best starting point based on your child’s symptoms, behaviors, and history.

It’s fast, free, and based on decades of clinical expertise.

Get your personalized plan now at www.drroseann.com/help

FAQs

Why do Lyme tests fail even when my child is sick?

False negatives are common. Early infection may not trigger enough detectable antibodies, and co-infections can mask symptoms. It’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated system of testing, not a failure of your vigilance.

Can my child have Lyme disease if the blood test is negative?

Yes. Many children show persistent symptoms despite clear bloodwork. Understanding test limitations helps reduce frustration and empowers parents to seek further evaluation or monitoring.

How soon after a tick bite should testing be done?

Testing too early can yield false negatives. The immune system may not yet produce detectable antibodies, so timing and repeated clinical assessment matter for accurate diagnosis.

What are signs Lyme tests might miss?

Persistent joint pain, fatigue, or nonspecific symptoms like headaches may appear even if tests are negative. Observing patterns and your child’s overall health is key.

Should I worry about co-infections?

Yes. Other tick-borne illnesses can complicate results, mimicking or masking Lyme disease. Monitoring symptoms and working with a knowledgeable healthcare provider ensures proper care.

Have you ever noticed that the more you explain, the more your child melts down? Parenting a child who reacts this way can leave you exhausted, frustrated, and worried. You try to reason, but instead of calming down, your child gets even more upset. 

In this episode, I’ll share why talking often backfires when kids are upset, and how your calm presence, body language, and deep breaths can help your child regulate without words. You’ll discover the brain science behind co-regulation and walk away with simple, practical strategies you can use in the moment to help your child feel safe.

Why does talking make my child more upset instead of calming them?

When kids are dysregulated, their brain shifts into fight, flight, or freeze. Logic and language shut down, and many parents notice that their words actually feel overwhelming instead of calming.

• More words = more stimulation → which leads to bigger emotions.
• A calm body speaks louder than lectures.
• Behavior is communication, not defiance.

🗣️ “In the heat of the moment, silence and co-regulation calm the brain faster than explanations.” – Dr. Roseann

What can I do in the moment when my child is losing control?

Instead of talking, use your body language and presence to signal safety. This is what helps many kids settle down.

• Take a deep breath before you respond. Ask yourself: Am I regulated enough to help my child right now?
• Soften your body → drop your shoulders, relax your arms, loosen your jaw.
• Stay at their level → for toddlers, sit on the floor; for older kids, sit nearby. Don’t loom over them.
• Eye contact is optional → for some children, less is more.

Your calm cues reduce cortisol and show your child they are safe.

When your child is dysregulated, it’s easy to feel helpless.

The Regulation Rescue Kit gives you the scripts and strategies you need to stay grounded and in control.

Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP at www.drroseann.com/newsletter and get your free kit today.

How do I calm my child without words?

Co-regulation works through silent strategies that their nervous system picks up instantly.

• Use rhythmic cues → slow breathing, gentle rocking, or humming. A predictable rhythm helps kids reset.
• Offer safe touch if welcomed → a hug, a hand on the shoulder, or letting them crawl into your lap.
• Stay present, not pressuring → don’t force them to talk or “explain” while upset.

Kids can borrow your calm until they find their own.

When your child is stuck in dysregulation, more effort isn’t the answer—a reset is. Quick CALM shows you how to calm the brain first with science-backed tools that get real results.

Can my calm really teach my child self-regulation?

Yes—science backs this up. Mirror neurons mean kids sync with your state, not your words. Over time, they learn to regulate by practicing alongside you.

• Your calm presence is the model → kids copy what they see and feel.
• Safety cues build connection → when a child feels safe, their brain learns new ways to manage emotions.
• Consistency matters → the more you practice, the more your child’s brain wires for regulation.

Staying calm is not just about this moment—it’s teaching your child lifelong self-regulation skills.

What’s one thing I can try today to help my child calm down?

The next time your child escalates:

• Say nothing.
• Take a deep breath.
• Soften your body language.
• Let your calm do the talking.

Try this for seven days. You’ll notice shifts in intensity, recovery, and connection—even if it isn’t perfect every time.

Talking won’t calm a dysregulated brain—safety does. When you lead with calm, your child learns to follow. Remember, behavior is communication, and your calm body language is the message they can actually hear.

Every child’s journey is different. That’s why cookie-cutter solutions don’t work.

Take the free Solution Matcher Quiz and get a customized path to support your child’s emotional and behavioral needs—no guessing, no fluff.

Start today at www.drroseann.com/help

FAQs

Why does my child get more upset when I explain?

When kids are dysregulated, logic goes offline. More words create overwhelm instead of relief. Silence, safety cues, and co-regulation calm their nervous system so they can listen later.

What body language helps an anxious child feel safe?

Soften your face, relax your arms, and avoid looming over them. Gentle posture, soft eyes, and calm breathing tell your child’s nervous system: “You’re safe.”

Should I force eye contact when my child is upset?

No. Forced eye contact increases stress. Some kids calm faster with less direct eye contact. Follow their lead and use your calm body instead of pressure.

How can older kids learn to self-regulate?

Model regulation first. When you practice calm breathing, gentle rhythms, and patience, older kids mirror your state. Over time, they learn to use these same strategies for self-regulation.

Co-regulation is one of the most powerful tools we have to help children learn how to manage emotions, but many parents wonder: Am I even doing it right? When your own emotions feel overwhelming and your child’s emotions are spilling over, it can be hard to know if what you’re doing is helping.

In this episode, I break down the signs you’re co-regulating effectively—and the red flags that mean you’re missing the mark. By the end, you’ll know how to create more emotional safety for your child, model healthy coping strategies, and begin to calm the brain first so that both self regulation and connection grow stronger, even in moments of emotional dysregulation.

How do I know if co-regulation is actually working?

When you’re practicing co-regulation, look for these green lights:

• You pause before reacting—even if you’re still triggered inside. That moment of not reacting right away wires calm into your nervous system and models it for your child.
• Your child returns to baseline faster. Meltdowns don’t magically disappear, but recovery time shortens when your child feels emotional support.
• You’re less reactive and more present. Instead of personalizing your child’s behavior, you can stay grounded and focus on connection.

These are powerful signs you’re co-regulating right, even if the journey is messy. Remember: behavior is communication, not misbehavior.

Why does my child stay upset for so long?

Parents often worry: Why can’t my child just “get over it”? The truth is, dysregulated kids get stuck in stress responses.

When co-regulation is working, you’ll notice:

• Less escalation over time—strong emotions are still there, but the intensity fades faster.
• More trust and closeness after difficult moments. Your child feels safe knowing you didn’t “hold it against them.”
• Children begin to use their own words and tools. Over time, kids copy what you model: deep breathing, naming feelings, and even humor.

Emotional regulation isn’t instant. It’s about progress, not perfection.

Am I making mistakes with co-regulation?

Yes—every parent does. The key is knowing what might get in the way:

• Performing calm instead of being calm. If you’re smiling on the outside but resentful or tense inside, kids feel it in your body language, tone, and facial expressions.
• Rushing to fix emotions. Instead of shutting down your child’s big feelings, ride the wave with them. That’s how children learn self-regulation skills and trust that emotions aren’t life-threatening.

If irritation or anger doesn’t ease over time, it may be a sign to get extra support for your own stress responses.

Yelling less and staying calm isn’t about being perfect—it’s about having the right tools.

Join the Dysregulation Insider VIP list and get your FREE Regulation Rescue Kit, designed to help you handle oppositional behaviors without losing it.

Download it now at www.drroseann.com/newsletter

What helps me co-regulate more effectively?

Parents can build co-regulation strategies into daily life by checking in with their own emotional states first. Try:

• Slow, deep breathing before approaching your child.
• Body scans—ask yourself, Where am I tense? Can I soften this?
• Eye contact and active listening to show emotional support.
• Repair after tough moments—apologies and reconnection are powerful tools for healthy relationships.

🗣️ “Children grow when they feel emotionally safe. When you regulate, your child learns how to self-regulate too.” – Dr. Roseann

Your child can’t find calm if you’re running on empty. Quick Calm gives you simple, powerful tools to reset your own stress responses so both you and your child can regulate and reconnect.

What if I mess up?

Here’s the powerful message: you don’t have to get it right 100% of the time.

• 80% is enough. Kids need you to be consistently calm most of the time, not perfect.
• Repair matters more than perfection. Connection after conflict wires safety into the brain.
• Modeling calm rewires both brains. Every time you regulate your own feelings, you show your child what’s possible.

Co-regulation matters because it teaches children how to regulate emotions through your example.

Every pause, every deep breath, every calm response wires safety and resilience into your child’s nervous system. So don’t focus on perfection—focus on progress.

When your child is struggling, time matters.

Don’t wait and wonder—use the Solution Matcher to get clear next steps, based on what’s actually going on with your child’s brain and behavior.

Take the quiz at www.drroseann.com/help

FAQs

What is co-regulation in parenting?

Co-regulation is when you calm your own nervous system so your child feels safe enough to settle theirs. It’s the foundation for teaching kids self-regulation skills.

How do I know if I’m co-regulating right?

You’ll notice shorter meltdowns, less escalation, and more closeness after tough moments. If your child bounces back faster, that’s a clear sign it’s working.

Why does my child still have big emotions?

Big feelings don’t disappear overnight. With consistent co-regulation, your child learns how to ride those waves more safely and return to calm sooner.

What if I lose my cool?

It’s normal. Repair is more important than perfection. Apologize, reconnect, and try again—your child learns resilience through your example.

Parenting a child who doesn’t respond to sticker charts, time-outs, or threats can feel defeating. You’ve tried rewards, consequences, and everything in between—and still the meltdowns, backtalk, and battles keep happening. You’re not alone.

In this episode, I explain why rewards and consequences don’t land for dysregulated kids and what you can do instead. You’ll learn the brain science behind why your child can’t connect actions to outcomes in meltdown mode, plus practical strategies to shift from frustration to regulation.

Why don’t rewards and consequences work for my child?

Many parents wonder why their child’s behavior doesn’t change despite sticker charts, time out, or taking away toys. The truth is:

• A dysregulated brain can’t learn. When kids are in survival mode, their emotional brain takes over and logic shuts down.
• Rewards only stick when the brain is calm. Extrinsic rewards like tangible rewards or material rewards can’t replace intrinsic motivation.
• Consequences may backfire. Punishment often increases frustration, lowers a child’s self-esteem, and damages connection.

It’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated brain. Let’s calm the brain first so your child can actually absorb lessons and develop lasting skills.

How do I respond when my child’s behavior feels out of control?

When your child’s actions push every button you have, it’s tempting to react with harsher discipline. But behavior is communication, and what looks like “bad behavior” is often a stress response.

Here’s what helps instead:

• Pause before reacting. Ask yourself: “Is my child regulated enough for this to land?”
• Co-regulate first. A calm presence, gentle tone, and predictable routines teach safe and appropriate behavior more than threats ever will.
• Connection before correction. When your child feels seen and safe, they’re far more likely to return to positive behaviors.

This shift helps your child learn that they’re not a “bad kid,” but a person developing the ability to manage emotions and actions.

Want to stay calm when your child pushes every button?

Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit—your step-by-step guide to stop oppositional behaviors without yelling or giving in.

Go to www.drroseann.com/newsletter and grab your kit today.

What can I do to actually teach my child positive behaviors?

Kids don’t learn self-control through punishment—they learn through practice in everyday life when they’re calm.

• Model regulation. Show how adults handle frustration with empathy and consistency.
• Teach in calm moments. Coping skills, flexibility, and problem-solving only stick when your child is regulated.
• Use natural consequences. These are more effective than arbitrary punishments because they’re tied to specific behaviors.

For example, if your child forgets homework, the natural consequence is explaining to their teacher—not losing screen time.

• Encourage effort, not just results. Praise hard work, practice, and small successes to build a child’s self-esteem and intrinsic motivation.

Remember, positive reinforcement doesn’t mean bribery—it means helping your child connect actions to outcomes in a way that builds confidence and responsibility.

Want real tools that actually work in the heat of a meltdown? Inside Quick CALM, you’ll learn my proven CALMS™ Method, get printable routines, and grab cheat sheets that make co-regulation doable every single day.

How can I create more calm and cooperation in my family?

If every day feels like a battle over school, siblings, or simple tasks, know this: It’s gonna be OK. You can create more peace with consistent regulation-first strategies.

• Build predictable routines. Structure reduces anxiety and surprises for kids who struggle with change.
• Practice resets. Movement, snacks, or quiet breaks after school can help prevent meltdowns.
• Focus on relationship, not control. Words of encouragement, respect, and empathy create trust and strengthen your bond.
• Stay consistent. Kids thrive when parents respond in a steady, predictable way—even when emotions are high.

🗣️ “When parents regulate first, kids feel safe enough to learn, grow, and practice desirable behaviors in everyday life.” – Dr. Roseann

Rewards and consequences only work when the brain is calm. For dysregulated kids, regulation isn’t just helpful—it’s foundational. Calm first, teach later. With patience, structure, and connection, you can guide your child toward lasting change and a stronger sense of self.

Every child’s journey is different. That’s why cookie-cutter solutions don’t work.

Take the free Solution Matcher Quiz and get a customized path to support your child’s emotional and behavioral needs—no guessing, no fluff.

Start today at www.drroseann.com/help

FAQs

How do I stop rewarding bad behavior?

You don’t need to ignore your child—you need to recognize the stress underneath. Focus on connection before correction, and teach positive behaviors when they’re calm. Rewards work only when your child’s brain feels safe.

Why does my child act worse after a consequence?

Consequences can trigger deeper dysregulation. In meltdown mode, kids literally can’t connect behavior to outcome. Calm their nervous system first—then talk about choices and solutions when they’re able to listen.

How can I build my child’s self-esteem without rewards?

Praise effort, not just results. Encourage practice, problem-solving, and everyday successes. Building self-esteem comes from consistency, empathy, and natural consequences—not from toys or sticker charts.

What should I say in the moment of a meltdown?

Keep it simple and calm. Try: “I’m here for you. It’s OK to feel upset.” Short, steady words show safety and help your child regulate faster than lectures or threats.

When a child feels overwhelmed, their autonomic nervous system kicks into a stress response. Logic shuts down, emotional regulation goes offline, and no punishment in the world can teach better behavior in that moment. 

That’s why we have to calm the brain first. When we do, co-regulation creates emotional resilience, nurtures healthy relationships, and supports lasting nervous system regulation—for our kids and for us.

In this episode, I share why nervous system co-regulation beats consequences every time and how you can begin using simple, practical strategies to help your child move from survival mode into a calmer, more regulated state.

Why don’t consequences work when my child is dysregulated?

When kids are in meltdown mode, their autonomic nervous system is in fight-flight-freeze. Logic and reasoning are shut down.

• Punishment adds shame and fear—which makes behavior worse, not better.
• A stressed brain can’t learn. The sympathetic nervous system is in survival mode.
• Regulation must come before correction. Calm brains are the only brains that can take feedback.

Behavior is communication. If your child is screaming, throwing things, or shutting down, it’s their nervous system saying, “I feel unsafe.”

How can I calm my child’s brain when they’re overwhelmed?

Co-regulation begins with your nervous system. You can’t expect a child to self-regulate if you’re dysregulated too.

• Anchor yourself first: use deep breaths, a soft tone, or grounding mantras.
• Offer presence over words. Sometimes just eye contact, gentle rhythm, or physical closeness (like deep pressure hugs) communicates safety.
• Avoid escalating threats. Instead of, “You’re losing your tablet all week,” try, “I see you’re overwhelmed. Let’s breathe together.”
• Use environmental signals. Soft voice, calm body language, and steady breathing send cues of safety to your child’s nervous system.

Co-regulating teaches children over time that they can move from dysregulation to calm with supportive relationships.

Want a calmer home in just one week? Try Quick Calm—your 7-day reset designed to help busy parents raise a more regulated child.

What does nervous system co-regulation look like in real life?

Parents often ask, “But what do I do when the meltdown starts?” Here’s what it looks like in daily life:

• Less talking, more being. Put down the lecture until your child reaches a regulated state.
• Mirror calm. Your facial expressions and body language send powerful signals through mirror neurons.
• Stay nearby. Instead of sending your child away (“Go calm down in your room”), model calm by staying present.
• Shift from red to yellow to green. Once they move out of the red zone of survival mode, you can use words to guide them back to balance.

These small but profound effects build emotional connection and nurturing relationships—the foundation for healthy child development.

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get your FREE Regulation Rescue Kit: How to Stay Calm When Your Child Pushes Your Buttons and Stop Oppositional Behaviors.

Head to www.drroseann.com/newsletter and start your calm parenting journey today.

How can co-regulation help me as a parent too?

Regulation First Parenting isn’t just about your child. It supports your own emotional and physiological states and strengthens your capacity for stress management in daily life.

• Taking a few deep breaths lowers blood pressure, activates the parasympathetic nervous system, and helps you with self regulation—a crucial skill for both parenting and overall physical health.
• You also model resilience. When your child sees you pause instead of explode, they learn emotional resiliencethrough neural pathways, shaping healthier emotional responses and more balanced emotional states over time.
• It reduces burnout. You feel calmer, more confident, and less guilty—almost like creating a therapeutic setting in your home where healing and connection naturally unfold.
• Strengthens relationship dynamics. Co-regulation builds mutual understanding, not power struggles, and lays the groundwork for lifelong healthy relationships.

🗣️ “Calm has to come before connection, and connection has to come before correction.” – Dr. Roseann

When consequences keep backfiring, it’s not because your child is manipulative—it’s because their nervous system is overwhelmed. By shifting to Regulation First Parenting, you’ll create healthier relationships, emotional resilience, and a deep sense of safety in your home.

Feel like you’ve tried everything and still don’t have answers?

The Solution Matcher helps you find the best starting point based on your child’s symptoms, behaviors, and history.

It’s fast, free, and based on decades of clinical expertise.

Get your personalized plan now at www.drroseann.com/help

FAQs

How can I calm my child’s nervous system in the moment?

Start with co-regulation—your calm helps regulate them. Use a few deep breaths, soft tone, and presence. Less talking, more safety signals. Once they shift out of survival mode, they can hear you.

What should I do instead of timeouts or threats?

Focus on connection over correction. Stay nearby, regulate your own emotions, and offer safe, soothing cues like eye contact, gentle touch, or steady breathing. Once calm returns, guide your child with teaching—not punishment.

Why does my child seem fine at school but explode at home?

Many kids mask stress during the day. At home—where it feels safe—their sympathetic nervous system releases the pressure. This isn’t manipulation; it’s dysregulation. Behavior is communication. They need co-regulation, not bigger consequences.

How can co-regulation help me as a parent?

When you regulate first, you protect your own nervous system too. That calm energy shifts your child’s state, reduces power struggles, and builds emotional resilience for both of you. You’ll feel better—and your child will too.

Leaving the house, turning off the tablet, starting homework—why does something so small spark such big meltdowns? If you’re exhausted from what feels like Groundhog’s Day every morning, afternoon, and bedtime, you’re not alone.

Here’s the truth: it’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated brain. And once you understand the real reason transitions are so hard for your child, you can begin shifting from constant battles to calmer, smoother days.

In this episode, I explain the brain science behind transition struggles, why many children fight tooth and nail against even non-preferred activities, and practical steps you can use to make transitions easier at home, school, or even heading to dance class.

Why does my child melt down during transition time?

Many parents are shocked by how strongly their kids react when asked to switch from one activity to another. But the root cause isn’t stubbornness—it’s biology.

During transition time, the brain has to “shift gears.” For a dysregulated child, this is exhausting and overwhelming.

• The brain’s CEO (prefrontal cortex) goes offline under stress, making switching tasks harder.
• Kids with ADHD, anxiety, or sensory sensitivities struggle more because flexibility takes extra energy.
• Triggers like hunger, fatigue, and sensory overload often go unnoticed but make transitions harder.

Behavior is communication. When your child melts down at the moment of change, they’re really saying, “This is too much for me right now.”

What are the hidden triggers that make transitions harder?

One mom reported that mornings before school felt like a war zone. Her son ended up in tears on the floor while the family scrambled to get him out the door. Sound familiar?

Here are the triggers many parents miss:

• Unpredictable routines – Sudden schedule shifts cause anxiety.
• Demands that feel rushed or critical – Even a few minutes earlier than expected can trigger stress.
• Overstimulation from screens – Coming off the computer or tablet without a reset makes kids crash.
• Emotional load – Stress at home (like divorce or conflict) amplifies reactivity.

Think of yourself as a dysregulation detective. Instead of asking, “Why won’t they just listen?” ask, “What’s the root cause of this reaction?”

If you’re tired of walking on eggshells or feeling like nothing works…

Get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit and finally learn what to say and do in the heat of the moment.

Become an Dysregulation Insider VIP at www.drroseann.com/newsletter and take the first step to a calmer home.

How can I make transitions easier for my child?

Good news: with a few practical steps, you can shift from chaos to calm. These small adjustments work whether it’s bedtime, leaving the house, or starting a non-preferred activity like homework.

• Preview and prepare – Give 5-minute warnings with visual timers. Kids need predictability.
• Co-regulate first – Let’s calm the brain first. Sit together, breathe, squeeze a hand, or offer water. Your calmness teaches their nervous system safety.
• Build in micro resets – A stretch, a sip of water, or movement helps kids reset between activities.
• Offer limited choices – “Do you want to walk or skip to the car?” reduces resistance while giving healthy control.
• Practice when calm – Rehearse routines during low-stress moments. Like a learning curve in gymnastics class, repetition builds new brain pathways.

Transitions aren’t about willpower—they’re about brain regulation.

Want transitions to stop feeling like a daily battle? Quick Calm gives you the essential tools to calm your child’s brain and restore peace in your home.

Why do transitions feel overwhelming for so many families?

Parents often tell me, “It feels like my child fights me on everything.” Whether it’s time playing on the computer, shifting from bed to school, or getting to a friend’s house, transitions can leave families frustrated and drained.

But here’s what I want you to remember:

• Most cases aren’t about defiance. Your child’s brain is overwhelmed.
• Every transition is a chance to teach regulation. Small shifts add up over time.
• You’re not alone. Many parents struggle with the exact same battles.

🗣️ “If transitions feel like daily battles, know this: the reason transitions feel overwhelming isn’t because your child doesn’t care. It’s because their nervous system is overloaded.” – Dr. Roseann

When you shift from reacting to supporting regulation, everything changes. So next time your child resists moving from one activity to the next, remember—it’s not bad parenting, it’s a dysregulated brain. And with the right tools, you can make transitions easier for both of you.

Tired of not knowing what’s really going on with your child?

The Solution Matcher gives you a personalized recommendation based on your child’s behavior, not just a label.

It’s free, takes just a few minutes, and shows you the best next step.

Go to www.drroseann.com/help

FAQs

Why does my child fight me every morning before school?

Mornings are stacked with stress—waking up, getting dressed, leaving the house. For a dysregulated brain, it’s simply too many demands at once. Preview routines and add calming resets to reduce the overwhelm.

How do I stop tablet or computer battles?

Screens flood the brain with dopamine, so shifting feels uncomfortable. Always build in movement or water breaks after screen time before asking your child to start a new task.

Why does my child struggle more than their sibling?

Every child’s nervous system is unique. Some kids need extra support with transitions, even if their brother, sister, or friend seems to breeze through them. It’s not willpower—it’s regulation.

Can practice really make transitions easier?

Yes. Practicing routines during calm moments—like a dress rehearsal—teaches the brain what to expect. Over time, repetition builds confidence and smoother transitions.

Some days it feels like your child’s big emotions are just too much—and your own stress boils over too. You’re not failing as a parent. What’s happening is called co-dysregulation—two nervous systems stuck in survival mode together.

This episode matters because when kids struggle to regulate emotions, they rely on your calming presence to learn how to do it. When you practice co-regulation parenting, you’re not just stopping meltdowns—you’re teaching your child lifelong emotional skills for resilience and self regulation.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What co regulation really means (and what it isn’t)
• Why kids mirror your nervous system—even without words
• Practical ways to pause, reset, and co regulate in difficult moments

Why does my child’s meltdown make me lose it too?

When your child is in distress, your nervous system naturally reacts. This can feel overwhelming, especially if you weren’t modeled healthy emotional regulation growing up.

• It’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated brain. Your child’s cues trigger your own stress responses.
• Mirror neurons mean your child learns to regulate emotions by watching you.
• Chronic stress, fatigue, and past trauma can intensify your reaction.

Staying calm doesn’t come naturally—it’s a skill you practice over time, not perfection.

When your child is dysregulated, it’s easy to feel helpless.

The Regulation Rescue Kit gives you the scripts and strategies you need to stay grounded and in control.

Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP at www.drroseann.com/newsletter and get your free kit today.

How can I stay calm when my child has big emotions?

Your child learns best when you co-regulate in the moment. Instead of reacting, you anchor their storm with your calm.

• Pause before reacting. Take a deep breath, unclench your jaw, soften your facial expressions.
• Name what’s happening. Try phrases like, “I see you’re having a hard time. I’m here for you.”
• Offer gentle structure. Calm tone, clear expectations, and consistent limits help children feel safe.
• Practice self care. You can’t be a calming presence if you’re running on empty.

Parent Tip: Kids don’t just “catch” calm—they learn it through your regulated presence.

Want proven tools to stop meltdowns before they spiral? Quick Calm gives you step-by-step strategies to help your child reset their brain and bring calm back into your home.

What are examples of co-regulation strategies I can use today?

Co-regulation parenting isn’t about rescuing or fixing—it’s about providing structure and emotional support during tough moments.

• Slow breathing together. Invite your child to take deep breaths with you.
• Grounding through touch. A gentle touch or steady eye contact signals safety.
• Model naming emotions. Say, “I feel frustrated, so I’m taking a deep breath.”
• Practice in calm times. Just like athletes train before the big game, kids benefit from practicing coping strategies when things are calm.

Remember: A supportive environment helps children develop new skills for handling intense emotions.

What if my child never seems to calm down?

When children stay stuck in dysregulation, it can feel hopeless. But research suggests that consistent co-regulation helps children eventually learn to self regulate.

• Track your own triggers. Notice when your child’s distress sparks your stress responses.
• Respond, don’t rescue. Stay present, but don’t over-correct or fix.
• Seek extra support. If your child’s distress feels unmanageable, a trusted adult or therapist can help both of you.

🗣️ “You’re not alone. Parenting isn’t about being perfect—it’s about showing up with a regulated presence again and again.” – Dr. Roseann

Not sure where to start?

Take the guesswork out of helping your child.

Use our free Solution Matcher to get a personalized plan based on your child’s unique needs—whether it’s ADHD, anxiety, mood issues, or emotional dysregulation.

In just a few minutes, you'll know exactly what support is right for your family. Start here: www.drroseann.com/help

FAQs

How is co-regulation different from self regulation?

Self regulation is when kids manage their emotions independently. Co-regulation is when caregivers provide support—through calm voice, gentle touch, or structure—so children eventually learn to self regulate.

Does co-regulation really help children learn emotional skills?

Yes. Research suggests that children learn best by modeling. When parents practice co-regulating, kids develop stronger coping strategies, social skills, and emotional well being.

What should I do if my child refuses to calm down?

Stay close, keep your tone soft, and regulate your own stress responses. Your calm presence is more powerful than any words. Over time, your child learns to trust that safety.

Can co-regulation help with school meltdowns or after-school restraint collapse?

Absolutely. When kids unravel after school, they need co regulation strategies—quiet time, gentle connection, and a parent who understands that behavior is communication, not defiance.

You hold it together all day at work, only to walk in the door and snap at the first person you see. Sound familiar? That’s exactly what your child is experiencing when they come home from school—and you’re not alone in wondering what on earth is happening.

After-school restraint collapse is real. Many parents feel overwhelmed when their child holds it together for teachers, only to unravel at home. In this episode, I explain why this happens and share practical steps so you can help your child regulate, reset, and reconnect after a long day.

Why does my child melt down after school?

What looks like defiance or disrespect is really your child’s nervous system waving the white flag. After a long school day filled with demands, noise, and social stress, many kids come home emotionally depleted.

It’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated brain. Your child held it together in class, but once they feel safe at home, the emotional floodgates open. This isn’t rebellion—it’s release.

Here’s what’s really happening behind those after-school meltdowns:

• Kids mask stress at school and let it out at home where it feels safe.
• Common triggers include: sensory overload, skipped meals, transitions, and sheer fatigue.
• Behavior is communication. Tears, shutdowns, or outbursts signal that your child’s nervous system needs recovery—not punishment.

When parents reframe restraint collapse as a call for regulation, it shifts everything.

🗣️ “Instead of feeling frustrated or questioning your parenting, you can focus on helping your child reset. And that’s where real change begins.” – Dr. Roseann

How can I help my child calm down after a long school day?

Before homework, before chores, before questions—your child needs decompression time. Think of it as their reset button.

• Create a calm landing zone. A dim room, quiet time, or cozy corner gives kids space to exhale.
• Co-regulate first. A soft voice, gentle breath, or even silence helps send the message: You’re safe now.
• Offer a healthy snack. Protein and complex carbs stabilize blood sugar and energy.
• Delay tasks. Regulate first, then tackle homework or family responsibilities.

When your child is dysregulated, it’s easy to feel helpless.

The Regulation Rescue Kit gives you the scripts and strategies you need to stay grounded and in control.

Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP at www.drroseann.com/newsletter and get your free kit today.

What are the best after-school routines for emotional regulation?

Every child is different, but all kids benefit from structure. A predictable routine helps prevent restraint collapse and supports your child’s emotional well-being.

• Build in movement. A walk, trampoline, or dance session resets the brain and body.
• Mix in play and connection. Even 10 minutes of relaxed play or conversation signals, I see you.
• Offer simple choices. Ask, “Do you want music or quiet?” “Snack now or later?” Giving small control reduces frustration.
• Avoid devices right away. Screen time may feel like a shortcut to calm, but it pulls kids further from emotional regulation.

How do I know if my child’s after-school meltdowns need professional help?

Some kids bounce back with consistent routines, but for others, restraint collapse is a clue their nervous system needs more support.

• Look for patterns. If meltdowns happen daily for weeks, it’s time to dig deeper.
• Consider underlying issues. Anxiety, ADHD, autism, or learning difficulties can increase the strain of a school day.
• Seek professional help. A mental health provider can help your child build emotional regulation skills.

Remember: It’s gonna be OK. With the right tools, you can help your child thrive.

Want step-by-step tools to help your child reset faster after school? Check out my Quick Calm program.

What makes the biggest difference for parents and kids?

The most significant difference comes when parents reframe meltdowns. Instead of seeing rebellion, recognize that your child is asking for help in the only way they can.

• Lead with calm, not consequences.
• Give your child a safe space to express feelings without fear.
• Practice consistency. Even 20 minutes of routine decompression time each day can shift the whole family dynamic.

Parenting a child who falls apart after school doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means their nervous system needs you. 

Stay steady, stay hopeful, and remember—you’re not alone. With small, consistent changes, afternoons don’t have to feel like a battlefield. They can become moments of healing, connection, and even joy.

When your child is struggling, time matters.

Don’t wait and wonder—use the Solution Matcher to get clear next steps, based on what’s actually going on with your child’s brain and behavior.

Take the quiz at www.drroseann.com/help

FAQs

Is after-school restraint collapse normal?

Yes, it’s common. Many parents feel overwhelmed by it, but behavior is communication. These meltdowns are your child’s way of showing their nervous system needs decompression time after a long day.

How long does after-school restraint collapse last?

It varies. Some kids need just 20 minutes of quiet time, while others may take weeks of routine changes before you see a significant difference. Consistency and calm reset routines are key.

Should I make my child do homework right away?

No. Regulate first, tasks later. Giving kids decompression time before homework reduces battles and helps them focus. Even 20 minutes of calm can make a big difference.

Parenting a dysregulated child can leave you drained and second-guessing yourself. You try connecting, you set boundaries—yet the meltdowns, backtalk, and big emotions just don’t stop. But here’s the truth: it’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated brain. And there is a way forward.

In this episode, I’ll introduce Regulation First Parenting—a practical, science-backed approach that helps children calm their nervous systems so connection and teaching can actually stick. You’ll learn why traditional parenting advice often backfires, how co-regulation works, and what steps you can take today to bring more peace into your home.

Why does my child melt down after school even when I try to connect?

Many parents wonder, “Why does my child explode the minute they walk through the door?” You’re not imagining it. When kids are running on stress responses, connection without regulation falls flat. Their nervous system is in survival mode, and even the kindest validation can unintentionally make anxiety and distress worse.

That’s why regulation has to come first. Until the brain is calm, your child simply can’t access learning, connection, or even your love in the way you want them to.

• Regulation comes before connection. A dysregulated brain can’t learn or fully receive your love and guidance.
• Gentle parenting without boundaries fuels dysregulation. Endless empathy without calm structure leaves kids feeling more overwhelmed.
• Behavior is communication. Every meltdown is your child’s nervous system saying, “I need support, not punishment.”

When you shift to this Regulation First Parenting mindset, you stop spinning your wheels and begin giving your child the calm foundation they need to eventually learn self regulation skills, emotional awareness, and positive outcomes.

Want to stay calm when your child pushes every button?

Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit—your step-by-step guide to stop oppositional behaviors without yelling or giving in.

Go to www.drroseann.com/newsletter and grab your kit today.

How can I help my child regulate their emotions in difficult moments?

Your child’s nervous system syncs with yours through co-regulation. When you stay calm, they can borrow your calm.Over time, this builds their ability to self regulate.

Tips for practicing co regulation:

• Model calm stress responses. Use deep breathing, softer facial expressions, or a gentle rhythm in your voice.
• Pause before reacting. Even a few seconds of self reflection helps you manage your own triggers.
• Practice mindfulness. A deep breath or butterfly tapping resets your body so you can respond instead of react.
• Use the traffic light model. Using this model helps parents feel less overwhelmed because it gives you a clear roadmap for when to pause, when to support, and when to guide your child’s behavior.
• Red = stop talking. When your child is in full meltdown, their brain is in survival mode. This is the time to focus on your own calm, not correction.
• Yellow = stress is lowering. As their body begins to settle, your co-regulation helps them feel safe enough to start regaining control.
• Green = learning can happen. Once calm returns, your child’s prefrontal cortex is back online. This is when connection and teaching finally stick.

Why do discipline and sticker charts not change my child’s behavior?

Traditional systems often fail because they ignore the nervous system. Punishments and rewards don’t work when a child feels unsafe or stuck in distress.

Key insights:

• Calm the brain first. Only then can connection and correction work.
• Responsive parenting works in a sequence. Parent regulation → co regulation → connection → correction.
• It’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated brain. Once kids feel safe, they eventually learn to regulate their emotions.
• Consistency matters. Repetition builds new neural pathways, leading to lasting positive outcomes.

Want a simple way to calm your child’s brain fast? Check out the Quick Calm — a science-backed mini-course that gives you the essential tools to calm your child’s brain and create more peace at home. Begin your journey now: https://drroseann.com/quickcalm/

Does focusing on regulation mean ignoring my child’s feelings?

Not at all. Regulation first parenting doesn’t shut emotions down—it creates a secure base where kids feel safe enough to truly experience and process them.

What this really means:

• Regulation supports emotional awareness. Kids learn it’s safe to feel anger, frustration, and sadness.
• Co regulation is non judgmental. You don’t dismiss feelings—you create space for them.
• Children learn resilience. Each reset strengthens their self regulation skills.
• Families break cycles. When parents manage their own emotions, children grow up with healthier coping skills—reducing risks like anxiety, depression, or even substance use later in life.

🗣️ “Parenting is full of challenges, but remember: you’re not failing, you were simply never taught a nervous-system-first approach.” – Dr. Roseann

When you calm the brain first, connection flows more easily and teaching finally sticks.

Every child’s journey is different. That’s why cookie-cutter solutions don’t work.

Take the free Solution Matcher Quiz and get a customized path to support your child’s emotional and behavioral needs—no guessing, no fluff.

Start today at www.drroseann.com/help

FAQs

What is regulation first parenting?

It’s a nervous system first approach where calm comes before correction. You regulate yourself, then co-regulate your child, so they can eventually self-regulate. Only once the brain is calm can connection and teaching truly stick.

Why doesn’t traditional parenting advice work for my child?

Most advice skips regulation. Connection or consequences can’t land on a dysregulated brain. That’s why sticker charts, endless empathy, or harsher discipline often backfire. Calm has to come first.

Is regulation first parenting too permissive?

Not at all. Regulation isn’t ignoring behavior—it’s creating safety. Once the brain is calm, you can set boundaries, teach skills, and guide your child effectively. Calm opens the door for real correction.

How do I regulate myself before helping my child?

Even a few seconds matter. Try a deep breath, butterfly tapping, or mindful pause before responding. When you model calm, your child’s nervous system mirrors yours—and that’s where co-regulation begins.

Parenting a child in emotional pain is exhausting — you’re not imagining it. You’re not alone. In this episode, I sit down with Erin Kerry, where we dig into a woman’s experience of misdiagnosis, heavy psychiatric medication, and the healing path she found beyond labels.

Why this matters: Too often medication is the first line of defense for children and adolescents. Erin’s story shows how medical history, toxins, infections, and trauma can masquerade as psychiatric disorders — and why a comprehensive treatment plan matters for your child’s life and daily functioning.

What you’ll learn: signs that behavior may be nervous-system driven, real risks of early psychotropic medication (including selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), when to seek second opinions, and alternatives that helped Erin recover.

Why does my child have sudden mood swings — could it be bipolar or something else?

Look beyond labels. Sudden shifts can come from infections, toxin exposure, PTSD, or PANS/PANDAS as well as bipolar disorder. It’s scary when your child seems ‘possessed’ or out of control.

Takeaway: Ask about medical triggers (ear infections, mold, immune issues) before assuming a lifelong psychiatric diagnosis.

Parent Tip: Request a full medical review from your child’s doctor and consider immune or toxin screening.

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get your FREE Regulation Rescue Kit: How to Stay Calm When Your Child Pushes Your Buttons and Stop Oppositional Behaviors.

Head to www.drroseann.com/newsletter and start your calm parenting journey today.

How risky is starting antidepressants or other psychiatric medication for kids?

When it comes to childhood mental health medication, it’s important for parents to know the meds. While SSRIs and other prescriptions can be helpful, in adolescents they may sometimes increase the risk of depression or self-harm.

Erin shared how her own child worsened after starting Zoloft, later being prescribed heavy drugs like Depakote, lithium, and Seroquel. The experience was devastating for her family and highlights why medication isn’t always the right first step.

Parents should always weigh the risks, monitor mood closely, and insist on a clear treatment plan with ongoing follow-up.

Parent tips for navigating childhood mental health medication:

• Get informed about side effects, drug interactions, and dosage.
• Ask for the lowest effective dose.
• Request frequent reassessments and clear communication from providers.

How can I help my child without making medication the first move?

When considering childhood mental health medication, it’s essential to start with nervous-system care. Let’s calm the brain first by looking at foundational areas like sleep, gut and immune health, trauma processing, and classroom accommodations before jumping straight to pills. Addressing these whole-child needs often creates meaningful progress without immediately turning to medication.

Key takeaway: Behavior is communication. By addressing the medical, nutritional, emotional, and environmental factors, you support true healing instead of just managing symptoms.

Parent tip: Try a multi-disciplinary team for the best results. This may include:

• A pediatrician for medical oversight
• Child psychiatrists for second opinions
• Therapists for emotional support and trauma processing
• School staff to provide classroom accommodations

When should I ask for a second opinion or rethink the treatment plan?

Trust your instincts. If your child gets worse, shows new self-harm, or feels “flat” and not themselves, seek another clinician. You deserve answers and your child deserves better.

Second opinions can save a child’s future. Ask about alternative diagnoses, off-label use of medications, and non-drug therapies.

Parent Tip: Document behavior, mood swings, sleep, and school impact to bring to the next appointment.

🗣️ “This episode is a heartfelt reminder: labels don’t have to define your child. There are safer routes and whole-child approaches that can restore function and joy.” – Dr. Roseann

Feel like you’ve tried everything and still don’t have answers?

The Solution Matcher helps you find the best starting point based on your child’s symptoms, behaviors, and history.

It’s fast, free, and based on decades of clinical expertise.

Get your personalized plan now at www.drroseann.com/help

If you’d like to learn more about Erin Kerry’s work in mental health and nutrition, visit www.erinbkerry.com

And if you’re ready to help your child calm their brain and body, check out my free resource, Quick Calm—simple science-backed strategies to bring nervous system balance into your home.

FAQs

Is medication always the answer for childhood mental health?

Not always. Medication can help some kids, but many improve by first calming the nervous system with sleep, nutrition, therapy, and school supports.

What are the risks of SSRIs in children?

SSRIs may help, but they can increase depression or self-harm risk in adolescents. Close monitoring and follow-up are essential.

What should parents ask before starting medication?

Ask about side effects, lowest effective dose, drug interactions, and follow-up schedule. Always request a plan that goes beyond medication alone.

What can I do instead of medication?

Support your child’s nervous system with sleep, gut and immune health, therapy, trauma processing, and school accommodations. These are powerful first steps.