Em chats with author, presenter and political commentator Jamila Rizvi.

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In ye olde days, conspiracy theories were usually only encountered when a relative or friend had one too many cordials at a gathering and decided to open a can of “what the hell are they talking about?” for anyone that would listen. Once the internet and mass media arrived, the truth became totes boring, and conspiracy theories were suddenly where it was at. Some people are mad for them, diving head-first into the drama and lapping it up, whilst others are a little more cautious and likely to poo poo them entirely. So when Em, and her bestie Michael, sat down to do a conspiracy theory deep dive, who do you think was all about them, and who do you think was a little harder to convince? If you picked Em for the perfectly executed Greg Louganis style dive into conspiracy theory waters, while Michael looks away in horror from the side of the Olympic sized Conspiracy pool, then you were a hungie percent on point. Em woke up to a claim that Britney’s eyelashes had been styled in a recent photo to say the words ‘call...or fax (we can’t work out which one it was) 911’, which obviously ushered in a huge chat about the #FreeBritney movement. That then opened the door for some of Em’s more wilder conspiracy theories, which has always kind of scared Michael, because Em is an easy convince for almost all of them. We touch on Callum leaving the Masterchef kitchen and how sad we were to see the gentle giant depart. Our hot tip is Emelia for the win, but we did see, love and appreciate Laura’s mid season makeover. So for that and probs about 90 percent conspiracy theory content, ranging from man on the moon, to is Solange Beyonce’s daughter, please get this episode in your ears at your earliest convenience.

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Okay, so you remember that podcast we did earlier (for those who like to check the receipts, it was Episode Number 21) where it was all about getting your eye holes in front of Netflix’s saucy little Polish/Italian kidnap thriller called “365 Days/DNI”? Remember how it was froth out central, and how we couldn’t get enough of that long tall drink of “YES THE HELL PLEASE” called Massimo Torricelli? Well he sent a personal message to Em. You read that right. MASSIMO. TORRICELLI. SENT. EMELIA. A. PERSONAL. MESSAGE. That is hungie percent an actual fact. However, Em knew nothing about it and Michael decided to sit on this information until they had spent roughly forty minutes being responsible podcast broadcasters. There they were doing a deep dive into the world of cancel culture, trying to thoughtfully deconstruct it...as you do. Then they touched on the departure of Reece from Masterchef and how the soul of the show now feels like it has left the building. They also talked about Jock’s worry beads...his worry beads for crying out loud. Through all of that, Michael just casually sat there, holding out on this huge reveal until Em was basically ready to usher him out of there with a cheery bye bye, and THAT is when he decided to deliver his sexy bombshell. To say Em lost her mind is an understatement. In fact, why are you even here still reading this? Please assume the position that best suits you for maximum podcast enjoyment and have at it NOW

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To celebrate a milestone half a million downloads of Emsolation, Em & Michael are together answering YOUR questions in this special bonus episode!

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Thanks to rising Covid-19 cases in the state of Victoria, we’ve suddenly taken on the role of that kid in the playground with the gigantic snot bubble that expands and contracts on every breath, and all the other states are playing the kids that are doing everything they can to get the hell out of our way. So whilst it's exhausting to endure another six weeks of lockdown, it’s a short term pain, for a long term gain. Hence Operation Distraction is underway, with Em deciding to pass the time by consuming as much really trashy Reality TV as possible. In her search for something really removed from her own life, she picked the very first season of ‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ as a starting point, and now she’s fully obsessed with Lisa Vanderpump. She’s also become obsessed with a show called ‘Say I Do’ which is like ‘Queer Eye’ for surprise weddings, it’s fully like someone read Em’s dream diary and turned it into a TV show. She totally ugly cried through the first two episodes, but it’s also working in distracting her from what’s going on. Michael returns to give us the rundown on how they’re desperately trying to finish the filming of his TV show ‘Five Bedrooms’. Em reveals she’s had to stop her 18 year old from going away with her friends because of the lockdown and of course there’s the wonderful weirdness that is Britney’s new brand of beach yoga and how they’re totally down for it. There’s also an update on the results of Em’s vaginal probe, and Michael drops a mini bombshell by revealing he had an MRI, and didn’t even tell Em about it. Plus Scott returns to help out listener Meg, who wanted to know how not to let her work define her, as she searches for a better balance in her life. So if you’re ready to lean into Distraction Town, get your headphones on, find a comfy spot, and hit play on this episode as soon as you possibly can.

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Okay so imagine you’re trying to record a podcast whilst ALSO wrangling an 18 month old, having a broken heart because Poh was eliminated from Masterchef, you’re also unsure if you really wanna talk about a controversial former fish and chip shop owner spreading more lies and hate, PLUS you’ve also gotta go and get all your lady bits checked once you’re done, and all you can think of is all that nasty probing awaiting you. So the recording of this episode of Emsolation has left Em slightly frazzled and worried that “the intro is a shemozzle” but hey, she had to leave it there to go to the doctors, so we figure you’ll understand. Em’s heartbreak over Poh leaving Masterchef is shared with Michael, so they’ll work through that together. Then it’s onto Em revealing she actually likes Andy as a person, but she’s basically treating him like we treat an AFL footy umpire when it comes to her critiques of him. Understandably Em is all about people discovering new ways to express themselves, so she’s completely at peace with Andy’s fashion choices, however, his choice to team linen culottes with a rather obvious lack of socks, does require discussion. There’s also an in depth conversation about the backlash and problems around loving a musical that has rather problematic references and omissions like Hamilton. Em and Michael are big fans of Hamilton, but they’re also worried about how cancel culture doesn’t allow for nuanced discussion and feel that it’s okay to love something like Hamilton, as long as you’re willing to acknowledge it does make mistakes, and the history it is reflecting, is complicated and deserves further discussion. Something that requires a little less focus and discussion is checking in on Britney, hence why they only devote 30 seconds to that, as for Kanye West announcing he’s going to run for President of the United States in 2020, that might take a smidge longer. We can also report that there is zero jizz chat in this episode, so that’s either a win, or a hideous oversight, you can decide for yourself whilst pumping all of the above into your ear holes at your earliest convenience.

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This episode comes with a warning...in that it’s the longest one so far, so there’s probs a whiff of us ‘getting up ourselves’ within, but whatever because Em got a message from a 19 year old girl saying there’s a few of them who are fans and they also called her a COOL. MUM. (caps and full stops totally necessary). So the intro is directed at teenagers because Em is buzzed about getting her claws into the next generation of women. She gives them the rundown on what it was like to be raised by 80’s parents, they’re the Boomers that messed us all up, thereby helping to create the Tiger Mums and Dads we have now that are hands on, in your face and all up in your grill. Then it’s on to the lessons Em learnt later in life, that she wants to pass on early to her girls. To quote Em “it’s basically just a long arse intro, where I try and....make teenagers like me”, followed by a very hearty laugh. Then Michael returns to help work through more of Britney’s instagram efforts, is she unravelling or blooming? They can’t work it out, and it’s riveting, and worrying, and all of the other things. Next it’s on to Reynold from Masterchef’s hickey, could he be the next Bachelor, and how do you do the Bachelor if you can’t exchange bodily fluids in a spa? There’s also zero room in Em’s life for any more celebrities being sad about the Logies not being on, even though Michael is totes missing it, which leads to award show chat, then there’s more love for Hamilton the musicals arrival on friday, Michael and Em are of course having a themed viewing party, would you expect anything less?! Then Scott returns (hot tip, if Scott isn’t on you can safely assume they’ve had a fight that week) to help you overcome fears of rejection when applying for jobs, and there’s a great podcast recommendation from Em that features inspiring conversations with Indigenous role models, it’s by Marley Silver and it’s called Always Was, Always Will Be Our Stories. So find your perfect place to plug in, press play and get your Emsolation top up now.

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Did someone say “gimme all of the tangents”? Probably not, but that’s okay because we’re going to give you all of the tangents that your ears and mind could possibly cope with, and then we’ll probably squeeze in some more. To quote Em “we were pretty wild and reckless and I know that’s saying something”, so to give you a taster of the tangents on offer, we start with Em having to work through her shame of being a Victorian. It would seem toilet paper hoarding has returned to Victoria, which has left Em wondering why some people obsess about their butt holes in a time of International pandemics. So a plea is going out to stop being dickheads and if not, then maybe the next step is a registrar of loo paper hoarders, where you can dob them in for their selfish over consumption. Then it’s on to Friday night and all the things Em learned whilst trying to put a live TV show out to the masses online. She’s low key also just casually decided that she’s going to start her own TV Network and then sidebars into the one song that got her through the hecticness in the lead up to the broadcast. In fact, she even gives you the actual minutes and seconds within the song that’s her ‘you’re speaking to me’ moment, so you can use it to help you get through the day. Then there’s more Masterchef chatter as Michael returns to reflect on Poh finally running out of time on one of her cooks, and Reynold breaking a sweat, totally bursting Em’s theory that he’s a robot of culinary coolness. Then it’s on to filming the new season of Michael’s TV show, which is now finding it difficult to navigate the kissing and sex scenes in the age of social distancing, prompting some very 1940’s style “no touching” moments. Plus they’ll go into further details on the disaster that happened before Em went to air on Friday night, which involved lots of crying, but also gave her the resolve to do another one next month WITH added roller skates. So put your tangent pants on and dive ear first into another sterling edition of Emsolation.

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Lets talk about ‘love’, in particular, ‘love stories’ that AREN’T romantic...wait what? “There’s a love story that isn’t romantic?” is what you might be encouraged to think, especially if you’ve been raised on a steady diet of rom coms, but there’s a whole heap of love stories you might be ignoring. Inspired by the new series “Love Life”, starring Anna Kendrick on Stan, Em found herself really enjoying the love stories that didn’t involve people getting naked with each other. Since forever it feels like there’s been this focus on a woman's life being considered not complete until they locate and marry ‘the one’, but if we look back on ALL our great loves, like pets, friends, family members, the list of our ‘loves’ suddenly takes on a whole new perspective and it helps you reframe your success rate in love. For instance, besides her hubby and her kids, Em considers her friendship with her bestie Michael as one of her great loves. So we open with that, then we continue the theme with another great love of both Em and Michael’s that isn’t romantic, Britney Spears. She’s dropped a new message for the LGBTQI community which was as hectic as you’d expect, then they spend roughly a half hour devoted to their love of musicals. Somehow this also ushers in a weird sidebar about Michael finding out about sex and his mum leaving out some very crucial info, standard. Then it’s back to frothing over the musical ‘Hamilton’ finally coming to a screen near us, which triggered a deep dive into the set up for the ultimate viewing of said musical, as they map out some parameters around that within the podcast, as you do. Finally it’s onto ‘The National Justice Project’ a not for profit legal service devoted to advancing human rights by giving a voice to the vulnerable who would otherwise be unable to find legal representation. So get ready to fall even deeper in love (but not romantically) with this podcast as you settle in for another listen.

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Em is joined by Constance Hall.

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