Dorian Evers is an individual and couples therapist in Boulder, CO. We talked about navigating different stoke levels in your relationship, how to create a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable, how to have difficult conversations, common insecurities and fears in relationships, tips for long-distance relationships, vanlife dating tips, and much more.

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Show Notes:  

thenuggetclimbing.com/episodes/dorian-evers

Nuggets:

0:05:57 – Getting caught in thunderstorms

0:09:51 – Dorian’s office and therapy practice

0:11:04 – An example of Emotionally Focused Therapy

0:15:19 – Bringing our baggage into our relationships

0:18:32 – Talking about our relationships as climbers, and why this conversation feels important to Dorian

0:21:22 – Parts of ourselves, the different parts of Dorian, and her identity

0:25:09 – Do we have to give up our climbing identity to be in a healthy relationship?

0:28:04 – Having a mismatched level of stoke with your partner, and getting vulnerable with your partner

0:36:48 – How to make our partners feel secure in our relationships

0:39:55 – Making meaning of what we don’t know

0:41:07 – People pleasing vs. being radically honest

0:45:15 – Becoming aware of our fears/worries, and checking in with our partners

0:49:21 – Finding delight and empathy in your partner’s experience

0:55:59 – Being curious about what lights up your partner

0:59:48 – Communication, and creating a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable

1:05:10 – Active listening skills

1:07:13 – When to have difficult conversations with your partner

1:10:38 – Navigating insecurity and jealously

1:15:20 – Telling your partner that you’re thinking of them

1:18:30 – Staying in the room

1:20:26 – “We’re not mind readers.”

1:21:22 – Patron question from Joy: How do you stay psyched as a climber when your partner doesn’t climb?

1:24:01 – “Every relationship is going to have conflict, but it’s about the repair.”

1:27:31 – How to stay connected to your partner when you’re on a trip

1:31:36 – How to stay connected in a long-distance relationship

1:36:42 – Question from Doreen, and lessons we learn from climbing

1:40:53 – Balancing different individual passions in your relationship

1:42:46 – Carving out intentional time for conversation

1:45:07 – Living in a tiny house, and Dorian’s tips for living in a small space with your partner

1:51:59 – My experience with Better Help, and how to find a therapist