In this episode of Unfck Your Relationships, we’re diving into the identity level shifts required to level up so quickly it almost feels wrong. The truth? You’re not stuck because of timing, luck, or the men you date. You’re stuck because your nervous system is still wired for chaos, crumbs, and chasing and you keep choosing what’s familiar over what’s actually good for you.

I break down the real reasons you keep looping in the same patterns and how to step into the version of you who doesn’t tolerate inconsistency, confusion, or emotional breadcrumbs. This is where your “Secure Her” identity gets built not from goals, but from standards, self-respect, and micro-moments of alignment.

Here’s what I unpack in this episode:

Why You’re Stuck It’s not the universe or bad luck. It’s the identity you’re operating from and the parts of you (anxious girl, avoidant girl, cool girl, little girl) running the show.

Defining Your Next-Level Self Who is “Secure Her”? What does she tolerate? What becomes a hard no? And if the world was watching you 24/7… would you be proud?

Meeting the Version of You Who Already Lives There The you with standards, follow-through, nourishment, rest, boundaries, and self-respect. What does she do that you’re not doing? What has she stopped tolerating?

The Brutal Gap Check Where your life doesn’t match your mouth: who you text, who you sleep with, your friendships, your food, your sleep, and how you talk to yourself. Your results = your standards in action.

Closing the Gap With Micro-Standards One small high-standard action per day. Don’t text him back. Go to bed earlier. Speak up. Walk away from what isn’t a match. Let your nervous system learn that it’s safe to be the new you.

Expecting Backlash + Resistance Old friends will notice. Men who benefitted from your low standards will push back. Your inner child will panic because familiar feels safe. This is GOOD.

Reframing the Discomfort “I’m not losing people I’m losing patterns.” “I’m not being dramatic I’m raising my standards.” “It’s not scary it’s new.”

At the core, leveling up this fast isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to the version of you who was always there the one with discernment, self-trust, and standards that feel like a full-body yes.

WORK WITH MICHELLE:

Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman

Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience

Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening

CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

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Website: http://www.michellepanning.com