When alcohol enters a family system, disconnection, secrecy, and resentment can quietly take root. But what if real, lasting change doesn’t start with confronting the drinker but by shifting the family dynamic itself? In this powerful episode of The Big Drink Rethink, host Anna Donaghey sits down with Amber Hollingsworth, counselor and family recovery expert, to unpack how families can navigate the pain of alcohol-related disconnection and take practical steps toward reconnection even when their loved one isn’t ready to get help.

Anna and Amber explore the hidden ways alcohol damages connection at home, why the "bad guy" role traps families in unhealthy dynamics, and how boundaries can become bridges (not battlegrounds) for trust and healing. Amber shares her unique approach to working with families even in the absence of the drinker and offers actionable advice for getting out of the villain role, setting real boundaries, and fostering a climate where change is possible.

Whether you’re worried about a partner, a child, or yourself, this episode is full of hard-won wisdom and reassurance: You are not powerless, and there is a way through this.

Here are the Highlights:

00:00 Introduction: Why alcohol disconnection is also a family issue

02:34 Amber’s story: 20+ years working with families, reluctant clients, and the “bad guy” trap

05:44 Influencing change even when your loved one isn’t ready

08:00 High-functioning alcohol use, resentment, and the power struggle dynamic

11:20 Why confrontation can backfire and actually prolong change

14:01 Cat-and-mouse dynamics, trust issues, and “drinking police”

16:22 Early work with addicted teens, and the power of being seen

20:29 Listening, curiosity, and the importance of genuine empathy

24:26 Setting clear personal limits (not rules for others)

29:05 Bringing everything above board before real change begins

35:08 How shifting your role (and your boundaries) changes everything

38:27 Stepping back, and letting others connect their own dots

40:55 Progress is messy, and the value of patience

41:58 What you can start doing today

44:49 You are not powerless; with strategy and understanding, things can change

Anna’s group coaching community ‘Unstuck!’ helps identify your alcohol ‘stories’ and beliefs, breaking the cycle of alcohol and all the shame that goes with it. For more information and to find out how to join, please follow this link: https://www.winetowatercoaching.com/unstuck-1 

To further explore your relationship with alcohol, check out Anna’s self-guided programme, The Big Drink Rethink Experiment:  https://www.thebeliefscoach.com/the-big-drink-rethink-experiment

And apply the code POD99 to purchase for just £99 as a podcast listener.

If you’re loving the podcast and would like to give Anna a warm, fuzzy feeling of appreciation, then you can buy her a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/bigdrinkrethink

About the host Anna:

Anna is a certified Alcohol Mindset Coach, trained by Annie Grace of This Naked Mind. Drawing on her own journey out of alcohol addiction, she now helps others explore and control their drinking. With a career spanning 25 years as a Strategist in the Advertising industry, she combines her own lived experiences, with great insight into what makes us tick and what influences us to behave the way we do.

Connect with Anna:

Website: thebeliefscoach.com

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/annadonaghey

Instagram: instagram.com/bigdrinkrethink

Produced by winteraudio.co.uk

Mentioned in this episode:

https://www.thebeliefscoach.com/experiment