Letting go, relaxing, and releasing especially without alcohol can feel out of reach for many. In this insightful, toolbox-packed Q&A episode, Anna Donaghey tackles questions from listeners and coaching clients about why it can be so hard to relax or "let go," even after quitting drinking. 

This episode explores how patterns of control, nervous system wiring, shame, and old beliefs shape our inability to relax, and offers practical, compassionate tools for beginning to unlearn these habits and find true safety and release.

Here are the Highlights:

00:00 Introduction: Listener questions about “letting go”

01:57 Listener feels unable to soften and release

03:18 The nervous system doesn’t know how to release on its own

04:24 It's not that you're broken, the body has learned holding on is safe

05:33 Why we grip so tightly, and the link to safety and self-protection

06:42 Fear of falling apart, feeling emotions, and losing control

07:38 What does your tightness think it’s protecting?

08:05 Why “trying hard” to release is counterproductive

09:18 Create conditions where release can happen naturally

12:05 The importance of permission in self-care and self-worth

12:48 Seeking support, therapy, and accepting oneself

14:06 Start with possibility

17:19 Replace drinking rituals with calming alternatives

18:04 Healing is slow, small acts accumulate and become safety signals

19:09 Layers of trust: trust in self, trust in others, and (even) trust in life

22:31 “I don’t have to carry this anymore”; letting go doesn’t mean giving up

22:50 Release isn’t a destination, it’s a returning rhythm like breathing

25:03 Micro-moments of softening as daily healing gestures

26:16 Please submit your questions for future episodes.

Anna’s group coaching community ‘Unstuck!’ helps identify your alcohol ‘stories’ and beliefs, breaking the cycle of alcohol and all the shame that goes with it. For more information and to find out how to join, please follow this link: https://www.winetowatercoaching.com/unstuck-1 

To further explore your relationship with alcohol, check out Anna’s self-guided programme, The Big Drink Rethink Experiment:  https://www.thebeliefscoach.com/the-big-drink-rethink-experiment

And apply the code POD99 to purchase for just £99 as a podcast listener.

If you’re loving the podcast and would like to give Anna a warm, fuzzy feeling of appreciation, then you can buy her a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/bigdrinkrethink

About the host Anna:

Anna is a certified Alcohol Mindset Coach, trained by Annie Grace of This Naked Mind. Drawing on her own journey out of alcohol addiction, she now helps others explore and control their drinking. With a career spanning 25 years as a Strategist in the Advertising industry, she combines her own lived experiences, with great insight into what makes us tick and what influences us to behave the way we do.

Connect with Anna:

Website: thebeliefscoach.com

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/annadonaghey

Instagram: instagram.com/bigdrinkrethink

Produced by winteraudio.co.uk

Mentioned in this episode:

To pre-order my book, What Are You Thirsty For on Amazon select here: https://amzn.eu/d/3v3T6Mq