In this Thanksgiving episode, we’re settling in together—just like we would the night before a big holiday—to talk about the messy, heartfelt, complicated world of family dynamics. Even though both of us are having quieter Thanksgivings this year, we’re deep in our own real-life family seasons, and this conversation comes straight from the thick of it. We explore why the holidays stir up so much, why cut-offs have become so common, and how we can show up for ourselves without losing connection to the people we care about.

We also dive into emotional tolerance, boundaries that actually work in real life, and the surprising ways expectations shape our holiday experience. If you’ve ever found yourself caretaking, peace-keeping, bracing for a “difficult someone,” or wondering how to handle the big personalities at the table—this episode will meet you right where you are.

 

Episode Highlights:

 [0:03] – Opening the Thanksgiving conversation and why this episode feels especially timely
 [1:16] – How our own holiday plans are shaping the way we’re thinking about family this year
 [2:49] – The pressure to perform during the holidays and why “doing less” may feel better
 [3:31] – Colette’s recent family gatherings and the emotional residue they stirred up
 [4:17] – Real stories from reunions and why so many adults are dealing with family cut-offs
 [5:34] – How cut-offs impact entire family systems and why they rarely bring relief
 [7:21] – Understanding emotional bandwidth and the “dial” approach to relationships
 [9:46] – Avoidance, repair, and why making the first move feels so vulnerable
 [11:46] – When someone can’t meet you emotionally—and how to interpret that
 [14:51] – The painful power dynamics created by the least emotionally developed family member
 [16:29] – Caring for everyone but yourself: preparing meals, hosting, and old relational wounds
 [17:22] – The essential role of expectations and how they can make or break a holiday
 [18:46] – Triangulation, family cliques, and protecting your emotional space
 [20:00] – Setting boundaries without being pulled into old patterns
 [21:58] – Self-care strategies when staying with—or hosting—challenging family members
 [23:20] – The nuance of “don’t abandon yourself” and holding two truths at once
 [25:56] – Choosing what’s worth addressing—and what you can let go for your own peace
 [28:09] – Why cut-offs are increasing and the need for a deeper cultural conversation
 [29:45] – Setting limits, protecting yourself, and managing difficult personalities
 [30:55] – Releasing holiday perfectionism and lettin

Pre-order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launches February 3rd. Secure your copy today and get VIP bonuses available only before launch day. https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you!

👉 Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/

Pre-order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launches February 3rd. Secure your copy today and get VIP bonuses available only before launch day.