This episode of Fly to Freedom is a heartfelt answer to a listener question that echoes what so many people feel in eating disorder recovery: How do I find the willpower to recover when it feels like I love both anorexia and recovery?

If you’ve ever felt torn—like you're standing between two lives, both calling your name—this episode is for you.

I’m sitting down with you, heart to heart, to explore the unbearable split that can happen in recovery. When one part of you is desperate for peace and freedom, and another part is still clinging to the eating disorder, it can feel like choosing between two identities, two versions of love, or two paths that both feel vital.

But what if it’s not willpower that you need?
What if it’s clarity?

In this episode, I share:

• Why it’s not weakness to feel torn between recovery and anorexia

• What’s really going on in your brain, body, and nervous system that keeps you attached to the eating disorder

• Why anorexia often feels like love, but is actually a trauma bond disguised as safety

• How to begin choosing recovery even when you don’t feel ready

• A powerful journaling practice and practical steps to take when you feel stuck

• The difference between survival mode and fully living—and why you deserve so much more than just surviving

Whether you’re at the very start of recovery or deep in the messy middle, this episode is a loving invitation to see things more clearly, to stop waiting for courage to arrive, and to begin choosing yourself again and again.

You don’t need more willpower.
You need support. You need truth. You need love.
And you’re allowed to take the next step—even if your hands are shaking.

Resources & Support
🌱 Come and be held in the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle — our private, compassionate recovery community filled with people who truly get it.

💬 If this episode brought something up for you, feel free to reach out on Instagram or email me your thoughts or questions — I love hearing from you.

🎧 And if you're ready for deeper, personalised support, I currently have a few 1:1 coaching spaces available.

You don’t have to figure this out alone. You never did.
And you were always enough—just as you are.