**This episode talks about suicide. If you are suicidal, please call/text/chat 988**

My friend Caysen Crum (New Hampshire RM, Southern Utah University Grad, HXP Guide, Further Physician, Minersville Utah) joins us to share his story of doing everything he could to be “Mr. perfect and straight” (including serving a perfectly obedient mission, dating women, excelling at sports/academics) and how that eventually led to depression and suicidal ideation. Caysen talks of his love for everyone else—but how he had no love for himself.

Caysen talks about hitting rock bottom with his decision to end his life and how a grandmother changed that decision. Caysen then talks about therapy (super helpful to end his internalized homophobia) and then powerful spiritual experiences while in Africa on an HXP trip including deep confirmation that God made Caysen gay—and that is a good thing allowing Caysen life mission of blessing others to be possible. Caysen also talks about how shame has no place in our lives and how it is eliminated “by the Atonement of Jesus Christ” and good therapy.

Cayson talks about helpful people along the way (his YSA Bishop, therapist, camp counselor and others).

It is hard to put into words how powerful Caysen’s story is—how he teaches of loving Heavenly Parents and our role of the Savior—and his journey to accept being gay. I was brought to tears a few times by the spiritual maturity, doctrinal insights. and goodness of Caysen. Our world and church are better off with people like Caysen part of it.

If you are figuring out your sexual orientation/gender identity, need more Jesus/hope in your life, or want to better support queer Latter-day Saints, please listen to Caysen’s powerful story. You are a good man, Caysen. Thank you for being on the podcast.

Links:

Caysen’s Lift and Love story on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C_QlDVIPkdJ/?igsh=MXJ3cTVjdjJvdnlkNQ%3D%3D

Cayson’s IG: @caysencrum

Facebook Group to Support LGBTQ Latter-day Saints:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143