Ex-it Strategy

In this episode

• Kelli declared at eight years old that she wanted to be an attorney.  Her caring and compassionate nature, and her passion for advocating for children, led her to the practice of family law. 
• Kelli seeks to help families through some of the most difficult times in their lives while keeping the best interest of the children and her clients at the forefront when advocating on their behalf. 
• Kelli is originally from South Carolina but enjoyed her undergrad years in the mountains of North Carolina at Western Carolina University where she majored in Business Law.  After graduation, Kelli headed west to the University of Tulsa College of Law where she worked on her first family law cases as a student with the Boesche Legal Clinic, and later as a Licensed Legal Intern at a family law firm.  Kelli was admitted to practice in Florida and began her legal career with Children’s Legal Services of the Florida Department of Children and Families, advocating for abused and neglected children.  Kelli and her family relocated back to North Carolina in 2009 and refocused her practice on serving families here in the triangle area.
• When not assisting clients, Kelli serves as a volunteer Guardian ad Litem with District 11, being the voice of children who are abused, neglected, or dependent.  As a board member of the Cleveland Area Backpack Buddies, she is privileged to work with an outstanding group of volunteers and area elementary schools to alleviate the needs of food-insecure children and families in her community.  At the heart of all Kelli does, are her four daughters.  She and her husband enjoy cheering them on in all that they do and spending time together as a family.
• We discuss what to expect when you first reach out to a lawyer. It's important to remember that you can turn back, it doesn't mean you have to get separated or divorced but you can get all the info you need to make an informed decision.
• Often times people see us after getting separated and don't have the benefit of the advice we could have offered before taking some actions.
• We discuss the importance of not just googling for information or relying on what a friend learned from their divorce because the information may get lost in translation or not be applicable to your case.    

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). 

In this episode

• Tasha Sullivan, MSW – Senior Director of Domestic Violence Services talks about what InterAct is and how it can help people who find themselves in an abusive relationship.
• InterAct is the only provider of domestic violence and sexual assault services in Wake County, North Carolina - saving lives, rebuilding lives, and securing safer futures for individuals and families in our community.
• Tasha started at InterAct as a volunteer and has now been there for over 15 years.
• Everyone can be affected by domestic violence, it does not discriminate.
• InterAct has multiple 24-hour programs and they are most busy in the middle of the night. 

Tasha talks about all the programs that InterAct offers to the community:

• InterAct’s three 24-hour crisis lines serve as lifelines for victims and survivors of domestic and sexual violence who need to take immediate steps toward achieving safety.
• InterAct has a full-time presence in each of Wake County’s two domestic violence courtrooms. Additionally, victims of domestic violence can electronically file for a domestic violence protective order at InterAct.
• InterAct provides individual counseling, case management, and support to victims and survivors of rape and sexual assault. 
• InterAct’s Emergency Shelter Program serves as a “home away from home” for Wake County families who have experienced domestic violence and need emergency shelter.  

Mentioned in this episode:

• If you're interested in volunteering all the opportunities are listed on the website.

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). 

In this episode

• Today's guest is Ryan Kelly, MSW, Associate Director of Victim Services from InterAct.
• Ryan shares about her role and InterAct and how she helps survivors of domestic abuse.
• Ryan shares about the ways domestic violence shows up in relationships, physical abuse is often only one piece of the problem. She breaks down the power and control wheel that is taking control over their partner.
• Do you feel like you have the autonomy to do what you want to do and feel safe? This is a good gauge to identify if you are in an abusive relationship.
• We highlight how domestic violence does not discriminate against race, sex, or socioeconomics.
• We talk about what to look for in relationships that could be red flags of domestic abuse:
  • Does it progress quickly
  • You see an attack on autonomy
  • The perpetrator attacks healthy relationships in the survivor
• Ending a relationship with an abusive partner can be dangerous.
• We need to become better at listening because people in an abusive relationship may not directly disclose abuse.
• We also need to get better at believing people when they disclose abuse and not find excuses for abusive behavior.
• You don't need to know the truth to support someone, often asking questions about the nature of the abuse can cause the survivor to feel like you are victim-blaming.
• The National Coalition to Against Domestic Violence estimates about 10 million men and women in the United States experience intimate partner violence per year. 
• The pandemic exasperated the instances of domestic abuse.
• The good news is that a lot of people transition successfully from being victims to survivors. 

Mentioned in this episode:

• If you're interested in volunteering at InterAct all the opportunities are listed on the website.

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). 

In this episode

• Lepage Associates is home to a highly experienced team of experts dedicated to helping you with your concerns. 
• They recognize that when people seek a psychologist, therapy, or psychiatric services, they are experiencing a problem they would like solved. 
• By the time you start to think about seeking a mental health service, you have likely tried at least some alternatives, and those have not improved the situation to your satisfaction or given you the answers you seek.
• BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Hostile Emails, Personal Attacks, and Social Media Meltdowns
• Dr. Lepage gives an overview of what her practice does.
• We talk about ways to communicate with ex-spouses that are not disruptive to co-parenting.
• "Brief" is a really good communication style to learn. 
• The more irritated or agitated we are, the harder it is to be our best selves as a parent that day. So to the extent, we can keep boundaries in our own lives and not jump into these pools of hostility when we don't have to, it's not only great for our own mental health, but it's great for our parenting.

Rules for effective communication

• Always ask, "Do I need to reply to this at all?"
• Leave out the three "A's"
  • Advice
  • Admonishments
  • Apologies

Mentioned in this episode:

• Articles and Podcasts mentioned
•  The High Conflict Institute

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). 

In this episode

• We talk about the Will Smith and Chris Rock drama, and how Will's marriage is well known as a non-traditional or open marriage.
• We share about open marriage stories we've heard as lawyers.
• We are great at drafting contracts, if you'd like a non-traditional marriage agreement reach out to us.
• What percentage of marriages are open? Less than 1%.
• What percentage of open marriages end in divorce? 92%
• In North Carolina, the Paramore can get in trouble by two claims: Alienation of Affection and Criminal Conversation.
  • Criminal conversation is basically the simple fact that you had sex with a married person.
  • Alienation of Affection is basically you have interfered in this relationship, this marriage, and had an affair with the person and caused them to leave their spouse.
• Most of these claims typically settle instead of going to trial, generally, they're used as a negotiation point.

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). 

In this episode

• SAFEchild stands for Stop Abuse For Every Child and is a Wake County organization that offers a full range of child abuse prevention and intervention services to children and families at no cost. 
• Cristin DeRonja, SAFEchild’s executive director since 2015, joined the organization in 2004 and has served many roles. She has worked with first-time moms as a mentor for SAFEchild’s Welcome Baby program, drawn upon her family systems training as a program facilitator for several SAFEchild parenting groups, including the Nurturing Program and PLUS, and presented the Funny Tummy Feelings program in schools to first graders. 
• Cristin was instrumental in establishing the SAFEchild Advocacy Center in 2010 and achieving SAFEchild’s National Accreditation in 2017.
• Cristin shares about the services offered to parents both victims and abusers that focus on stopping the cycle of abuse and rehabilitation.
• Some of the biggest protective factors that decrease child maltreatment is having positive social connections.
  • We discuss how COVID has impacted SAFEchild over the past few years.
• It is very easy to access the services of SAFEchild by visiting their website and filling out the intake form.
• They offer free parenting classes, medical evaluations, and more.
• Cristin offers advice to parents: "You don' need to have all the answers yourself. Knowledge is power."  

 In This Episode: 

• SAFEchild - Eliminate Abuse & Empower Families
• The ACES Ted Talk - How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime | Nadine Burke Harris

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). 

In this episode

• Jamie comes back onto the show for a second time. 
• Jamie is a private investigator that works for Blackman Detective Services. 
• We talk about serving papers and how important it is to keep a case moving in the court system. 
• We talk about the different levels of serving people that private detectives take, but that doesn't always work smoothly so they have to find the person and hand the papers to them personally. 
• PI's have even used newspaper ads to find hard-to-find people.
• Jamie shares some funny stories of times when people were being difficult that are sure to make you laugh.  

 In This Episode: 

• blackmenpi.com 
• Call them at 919-821-0016

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). 

In this episode, Elizabeth and Sarah provide answers to some of the most frequently asked questions regarding North Carolina divorce law. 

Some of these questions include: 

• Do you really have to be separated a year to file for divorce?
• What if the other party will not leave your home?
• Do you have to have a separation agreement or court order to be legally separated? 
• Why is the day of separation so important?
• Can you and your spouse use the same divorce attorney?
• What is the difference between legal and physical custody?
• What does the court look at when determining custody?
• Why do I have to provide so much financial information to my attorney and the other side?

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). 

    In This Episode: 

• Infidelity relationships outside of the marriage account for almost 60% of separation and divorces.
• This episode airs the day after Valentine's Day 2022, so happy valentines day!
• How soon can you date:
  • At least wait until you're separated, (legally, not just a verbal agreement)
• When you're separated in NC, you have to be separated for a year and a day before you can get divorced.
• We talk about all the issues that can come up from dating during your separation.
• We discuss some of North Carolina's outdated laws.
• We suggest not talking about your dating, separation, or divorce on social media.
• Consider not introducing the person you are dating to your children until they have time to heal and adjust from the divorce.
• Elizabeth talks about the four-seasons rule. This means being with someone with all four seasons to get to know them more completely.
• We talk about how judges consider common arguments given by people going through a divorce when it comes to dating, kids, and co-parenting agreements.
• If you're still in the middle of custody issues and you still got a custody trial come. For sure, that girlfriend or boyfriend is going to be subpoenaed to come and testify at court. And they're going to get all their documents subpoenaed until you're just making it even more difficult.

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). 

    In This Episode: 

• During the pandemic there has been an increase in domestic violence. We have to protect people in violent relationships. That's something we've observed just as family law enterprise. 
• We also talk about coming out of the pandemic (we hope), and what we've learned just in our practice, people staying at home together. Did it make their situation better or worse?
• What do you do when you and your spouse or ex have different opinions on vaccinations, even before the pandemic?
• How has covid changed the dating environment for people who have gone through separation/divorce, and now they find themselves getting back in the playing field. COVID has complicated dating for sure.
• That's why our job is challenging sometimes is that people are on different ends of the spectrum and can't find a middle ground and if it becomes a legal issue like a separation or custody agreement, it can be difficult to navigate those challenges without some outside help, especially when people find themselves at an impasse or tend to bring out the worst in each other.
• We talk through  the crazy housing market and how to deal with that. Some couples may not be able to afford to purchase two new places either financially or because of availability and find themselves faced with learning how to live together with their ex.
• Our job, as your attorney, is to let you live your life and parent your children. We get to be the bitch. We get to determine when to talk to the other party. 
• Our job is to get you out of this mess and let you work on yourself.
• We discuss whether we feel that virtual mediations are still as effective as in-person mediations were pre-COVID or do they have their advantages or disadvantages?
• Question: Have you  seen or heard a lot of people that just feel like right now it's too expensive to get divorced with some of the stuff that happened with COVID?

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two).