In this episode

• Why do you have to pay for an initial consultation. This is the reserved time for you to sit with your attorney to get a snapshot of what's going on and answer your questions, educate you of your legal rights and options, and help you develop your plan moving forward.
• You will be listened to and not "talked-at."
• Make sure you tell us all the facts, we are not biased or judgmental. We want to help you.
• Really what an initial consultation boils down to is information gathering.
• It is an extremely comprehensive consultation. 
• If you do a consultation does that mean we are your attorney? No. It does conflict us out from representing your opposing party.
• If I found an online template that is much cheaper, why should I hire an attorney? We discuss this mentality.
• We talk about how legal fees work, what a retainer is, and how an attorney bills for their time.
• We define what an hourly rate is from your attorney's perspective.
• Can the opposing party pay for your initial retainer? 

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free, and you'll never miss an episode. And if you like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). 

In this episode

• Let's take a relatively simple case where you have temporary custody and support hearing that is limited to two hours with two issues. It will likely take your attorneys four to six hours to prepare.
• We walk through some common outcomes for time spent in court in various situations.
• All the judge has to go on, often times is the credibility of the testimony of those on the stand. So freezing up or not representing yourself well can be very costly.
• We talk about the sad fact that "people lie all the time."
• In our experience it never goes as you plan. 
• A lot of people don't understand that your attorneys are timed in court and the time needs to be spent on issues that can effect the outcome, not just the issues that have upset you personally.
• Post separation support is difficult to settle because there is no equation like there is in child support.
• We talk about the efficacy of mediation and why we love it.
• If one person has more money than their spouse, it can be sad reality that they can litigate their spouse until they're broke. It is sad, but it does happen.
• If someone offers you mediation you should attempt it in good faith.

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free, and you'll never miss an episode. And if you like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). 

In this episode

• We discuss what is happening in celebrity news in the case of Adam Levine. Has he cheated in the eyes of the law?
• From Adam Levine "I used poor judgment in speaking with anyone other than my wife in any kind of flirtatious ma manner, I did not have an affair. Nevertheless, I crossed the line during a regrettable period in my life. In certain instances, it became inappropriate. I have addressed that and taken proactive steps to remedy this with my family."
• North Carolina is a no fault state, so whether or not someone cheated is not necessary for a divorce in our state.
• We talk about what constitutes as illicit sexual behavior in North Carolina and what it effects legally.
• What do attorneys and judges look for in proving alienation of affection?

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free, and you'll never miss an episode. And if you like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). 

In this episode

• The idea around parental alienation is that one parent is doing things to alienate their child from the other parent. It could be saying bad things about the other parent, not allowing communication, restricting access, etc. 
• Richard Gardner was the first one to coin this term. Here are a couple of facts about him:
  • He had no research experience.
  • It was based on nothing but clinical opinion. 
  • He was a part-time clinical professor as a psychoanalyst. 
  • And it was horrible. 
  • It was very misogynistic. 
  • He would always say 90% of the time, it was mothers alienating a father.
• Some examples of parental alienating; Telling false stories about the parent, telling negative stories, not communicating with the parent with the other parent, and not allowing access. Inflexible, Pretty restricting, acting like the other parent is dangerous, portraying them as difficult or scary to the child. These are all things that can do damage to a child's relationship with that parent.  
• The cases most strongly presented to the court are when there's actual physical withholding of the children. Everyone asks at what point can the child decide they don't want to go in the visit, and it's not going to matter. There is no actual age that a child can determine if they want to go in for a visit.
• Do we talk about the effects on the children of this behavior by their parents?
• Do we talk about what tips would you give the other non-alienating parent?
• If you could manage to tell good stories, boost their image, be flexible, promote access, and promote that relationship, your child benefits from that relationship. If you damage that relationship, you are hurting your child. Parental alienation, when it's severe, is considered child abuse.
• Most of the time, both parents share some responsibility for this. Maybe one parent is doing a lot of the alienating behaviors, but the other parent might be doing some as well.

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free, and you'll never miss an episode. And if you like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). 

In this episode

• Meredith Pope is a realtor with Inhabit Real Estate. And Christina Jasper is a mortgage lender and the branch manager at Benchmark Mortgage.
• They both specialize in helping people going through divorce and separation work and helping people decide what they're gonna do with their house? Who's gonna keep it, and how are we gonna finance it?
• A lot of times, the house is the biggest asset or cash asset. They may have some retirement or something, but that's all people many going through divorce have to divide.
• Christina and Meredith explain that it is possible for you to make a stable financial plan when you've had to take care of the kids for five years or have a lower-paying job. 
•  Rental prices are going up. This is the best time for those folks actually because the market is cooling off a little bit, and there are more opportunities now than there were even a couple of months ago.
• They explain that communication should be separate because there are so many opportunities to disagree. Meredith, and people like her, can serve as that much-needed mediation.
• Christina and Meredith recommend resolving the financial issues, contract, and separation agreement first and THEN putting custody or custody and child support in a court order because you can modify those in the future.
• One reason they love their job is seeing their clients making individual decisions when they're used to making joint decisions. They go from not knowing which end is up to empowered individuals capable of making it on their own. 

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free, and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). 

In this episode

• Kelli declared at eight years old that she wanted to be an attorney.  Her caring and compassionate nature, and her passion for advocating for children, led her to the practice of family law. 
• Kelli seeks to help families through some of the most difficult times in their lives while keeping the best interest of the children and her clients at the forefront when advocating on their behalf. 
• Kelli is originally from South Carolina but enjoyed her undergrad years in the mountains of North Carolina at Western Carolina University where she majored in Business Law.  After graduation, Kelli headed west to the University of Tulsa College of Law where she worked on her first family law cases as a student with the Boesche Legal Clinic, and later as a Licensed Legal Intern at a family law firm.  Kelli was admitted to practice in Florida and began her legal career with Children’s Legal Services of the Florida Department of Children and Families, advocating for abused and neglected children.  Kelli and her family relocated back to North Carolina in 2009 and refocused her practice on serving families here in the triangle area.
• When not assisting clients, Kelli serves as a volunteer Guardian ad Litem with District 11, being the voice of children who are abused, neglected, or dependent.  As a board member of the Cleveland Area Backpack Buddies, she is privileged to work with an outstanding group of volunteers and area elementary schools to alleviate the needs of food-insecure children and families in her community.  At the heart of all Kelli does, are her four daughters.  She and her husband enjoy cheering them on in all that they do and spending time together as a family.
• We discuss what to expect when you first reach out to a lawyer. It's important to remember that you can turn back, it doesn't mean you have to get separated or divorced but you can get all the info you need to make an informed decision.
• Often times people see us after getting separated and don't have the benefit of the advice we could have offered before taking some actions.
• We discuss the importance of not just googling for information or relying on what a friend learned from their divorce because the information may get lost in translation or not be applicable to your case.    

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). 

In this episode

• Tasha Sullivan, MSW – Senior Director of Domestic Violence Services talks about what InterAct is and how it can help people who find themselves in an abusive relationship.
• InterAct is the only provider of domestic violence and sexual assault services in Wake County, North Carolina - saving lives, rebuilding lives, and securing safer futures for individuals and families in our community.
• Tasha started at InterAct as a volunteer and has now been there for over 15 years.
• Everyone can be affected by domestic violence, it does not discriminate.
• InterAct has multiple 24-hour programs and they are most busy in the middle of the night. 

Tasha talks about all the programs that InterAct offers to the community:

• InterAct’s three 24-hour crisis lines serve as lifelines for victims and survivors of domestic and sexual violence who need to take immediate steps toward achieving safety.
• InterAct has a full-time presence in each of Wake County’s two domestic violence courtrooms. Additionally, victims of domestic violence can electronically file for a domestic violence protective order at InterAct.
• InterAct provides individual counseling, case management, and support to victims and survivors of rape and sexual assault. 
• InterAct’s Emergency Shelter Program serves as a “home away from home” for Wake County families who have experienced domestic violence and need emergency shelter.  

Mentioned in this episode:

• If you're interested in volunteering all the opportunities are listed on the website.

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). 

In this episode

• Today's guest is Ryan Kelly, MSW, Associate Director of Victim Services from InterAct.
• Ryan shares about her role and InterAct and how she helps survivors of domestic abuse.
• Ryan shares about the ways domestic violence shows up in relationships, physical abuse is often only one piece of the problem. She breaks down the power and control wheel that is taking control over their partner.
• Do you feel like you have the autonomy to do what you want to do and feel safe? This is a good gauge to identify if you are in an abusive relationship.
• We highlight how domestic violence does not discriminate against race, sex, or socioeconomics.
• We talk about what to look for in relationships that could be red flags of domestic abuse:
  • Does it progress quickly
  • You see an attack on autonomy
  • The perpetrator attacks healthy relationships in the survivor
• Ending a relationship with an abusive partner can be dangerous.
• We need to become better at listening because people in an abusive relationship may not directly disclose abuse.
• We also need to get better at believing people when they disclose abuse and not find excuses for abusive behavior.
• You don't need to know the truth to support someone, often asking questions about the nature of the abuse can cause the survivor to feel like you are victim-blaming.
• The National Coalition to Against Domestic Violence estimates about 10 million men and women in the United States experience intimate partner violence per year. 
• The pandemic exasperated the instances of domestic abuse.
• The good news is that a lot of people transition successfully from being victims to survivors. 

Mentioned in this episode:

• If you're interested in volunteering at InterAct all the opportunities are listed on the website.

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). 

In this episode

• Lepage Associates is home to a highly experienced team of experts dedicated to helping you with your concerns. 
• They recognize that when people seek a psychologist, therapy, or psychiatric services, they are experiencing a problem they would like solved. 
• By the time you start to think about seeking a mental health service, you have likely tried at least some alternatives, and those have not improved the situation to your satisfaction or given you the answers you seek.
• BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Hostile Emails, Personal Attacks, and Social Media Meltdowns
• Dr. Lepage gives an overview of what her practice does.
• We talk about ways to communicate with ex-spouses that are not disruptive to co-parenting.
• "Brief" is a really good communication style to learn. 
• The more irritated or agitated we are, the harder it is to be our best selves as a parent that day. So to the extent, we can keep boundaries in our own lives and not jump into these pools of hostility when we don't have to, it's not only great for our own mental health, but it's great for our parenting.

Rules for effective communication

• Always ask, "Do I need to reply to this at all?"
• Leave out the three "A's"
  • Advice
  • Admonishments
  • Apologies

Mentioned in this episode:

• Articles and Podcasts mentioned
•  The High Conflict Institute

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). 

In this episode

• We talk about the Will Smith and Chris Rock drama, and how Will's marriage is well known as a non-traditional or open marriage.
• We share about open marriage stories we've heard as lawyers.
• We are great at drafting contracts, if you'd like a non-traditional marriage agreement reach out to us.
• What percentage of marriages are open? Less than 1%.
• What percentage of open marriages end in divorce? 92%
• In North Carolina, the Paramore can get in trouble by two claims: Alienation of Affection and Criminal Conversation.
  • Criminal conversation is basically the simple fact that you had sex with a married person.
  • Alienation of Affection is basically you have interfered in this relationship, this marriage, and had an affair with the person and caused them to leave their spouse.
• Most of these claims typically settle instead of going to trial, generally, they're used as a negotiation point.

Help your friends who may be going through a divorce go from victim to victorious and bitter to better.

If you like The Ex-it Strategy, visit our website to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like the Ex-it Strategy, We'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two).