Freedom from Attachment

I really wanted to call this "Fear is a _______". It's very clear we live in a society built on it. Not just a global fear, but an individual fear. Fear does not cause love and love does not cause fear, so if you want anything to change, move toward abundance. Abundance equals safety where scarcity equals fear. Make sense?

History repeats itself with fear. It's constant, and for me, I do not wish to make the same decisions over and over again just because I'm afraid. I see there being a choice and an opportunity to change.

All of the negative beliefs we have which create a sense of lack, abandonment, or feeling different, are created in our early years.

We are not born this way. And so this brief episode is about all the ways fear shows up, and a ton of tips on how to work with it. How to really shift from being controlled by fear on the outside, to flipping it so it comes from a place of peace, inner wisdom and compassion.

Listen in to learn more about where fear rules (and it’s not just people who have different beliefs than you). Become aware and move away from this overwhelming trend toward scarcity, pain and the same old history!

Do you associate being a “good person” with Godly, sweet or even superior? What does that even mean? Being selfless? Making fewer mistakes? Collecting brownie points for helping someone? Being a martyr or just doing something because you think it’ll earn you a halo doesn’t serve you OR other people. It’s an empty gesture because it doesn’t come from a pure, authentic place. The problem is, we have these ideas about what being “good” means, so we try to fit ourselves into that box and wonder why it doesn’t bring us joy.

You have to look at your motivation. People aren’t projects and you don’t win anything for being a “good person.” Learn why continuing with these inauthentic patterns can be painful and detrimental to your dreams. I’ll break this myth down and look at what’s behind it. I hope you’ll join me!

Do you associate being a “good person” with Godly, sweet or even superior? What does that even mean? Being selfless? Making fewer mistakes? Collecting brownie points for helping someone? Being a martyr or just doing something because you think it’ll earn you a halo doesn’t serve you OR other people. It’s an empty gesture because it doesn’t come from a pure, authentic place. The problem is, we have these ideas about what being “good” means, so we try to fit ourselves into that box and wonder why it doesn’t bring us joy.

You have to look at your motivation. People aren’t projects and you don’t win anything for being a “good person.” Learn why continuing with these inauthentic patterns can be painful and detrimental to your dreams. I’ll break this myth down and look at what’s behind it. I hope you’ll join me!

Insecure attachment issues are very painful. Some may be familiar with John Bowlby’s attachment theory on childhood development. I talked about these in Podcast #63: Your Attachment Style, and encourage you to listen to it for an overview. Here I take the Anxious/Avoidant style a step further. Based on my own experience, and talking with hundreds of clients, the supposedly rare style of an Avoidant/Anxious/Avoidant is not so rare. This is when an independent person (avoidant) thinks they’ve found their soulmate in another avoidant, then becomes anxious that he/she will leave. This may manifest in choosing someone who likes you more than you like them (how could they possibly leave you?)so even if you have a lack of interest--it gives you something, or trying to rescue/fix someone (how can they leave if they need you?), or any number of different scenarios. The problem is, these relationships keep you avoiding YOURSELF and that’s not a place you want to live. Learn more about this style of attachment and how to break the pattern plus I also cover what true avoidant and true anxious behavior are in terms of characteristics--so you can find your style and do something about it. There’s a lot of info, so listen closely!

Insecure attachment issues are very painful. Some may be familiar with John Bowlby’s attachment theory on childhood development. I talked about these in Podcast #63: Your Attachment Style, and encourage you to listen to it for an overview. Here I take the Anxious/Avoidant style a step further. Based on my own experience, and talking with hundreds of clients, the supposedly rare style of an Avoidant/Anxious/Avoidant is not so rare. This is when an independent person (avoidant) thinks they’ve found their soulmate in another avoidant, then becomes anxious that he/she will leave. This may manifest in choosing someone who likes you more than you like them (how could they possibly leave you?)so even if you have a lack of interest--it gives you something, or trying to rescue/fix someone (how can they leave if they need you?), or any number of different scenarios. The problem is, these relationships keep you avoiding YOURSELF and that’s not a place you want to live. Learn more about this style of attachment and how to break the pattern plus I also cover what true avoidant and true anxious behavior are in terms of characteristics--so you can find your style and do something about it. There’s a lot of info, so listen closely!

Our heads have the same thoughts daily, so when new information comes in (like how to fix yourself) we grab on to it thinking it's the answer. We think it over, wrapping our thoughts around it, but nothing really changes... at least not permanently. Take for example all the recent racism, hatred and violence. These aren’t products of the heart, love or compassion. It was all learned at the level of the mind. Most of us are cut off from our deeper feelings, of knowing who we are or what we truly want, and it keeps us stuck in a state of lack. A lack of clarity, courage, and deep resilience tells us we can’t do anything to change our lives, especially if we have a major attachment to someone or something. Fear operates in the mind, so if you want to change your life, your actions and your feelings (good or bad), listen to this show. Isn't it time to for real change?

Our heads have the same thoughts daily, so when new information comes in (like how to fix yourself) we grab on to it thinking it's the answer. We think it over, wrapping our thoughts around it, but nothing really changes... at least not permanently. Take for example all the recent racism, hatred and violence. These aren’t products of the heart, love or compassion. It was all learned at the level of the mind. Most of us are cut off from our deeper feelings, of knowing who we are or what we truly want, and it keeps us stuck in a state of lack. A lack of clarity, courage, and deep resilience tells us we can’t do anything to change our lives, especially if we have a major attachment to someone or something. Fear operates in the mind, so if you want to change your life, your actions and your feelings (good or bad), listen to this show. Isn't it time to for real change?

*BONUS TRACK* Break-ups are hard. We may go numb, live in denial or feel powerless. If we’re insecurely attached, we are likely unable to see beyond the lack/scarcity that we believe a break-up will bring. What if there is no one else? That thought can be friggin’ scary, and it keeps us stuck in that same pattern of scarcity. When we are so attached to the other person that we can’t connect with our deeper feelings, a break-up is seriously hard to do. The trick is to focus on what you’re gaining instead of losing… and that’s what this bonus podcast is about.

*BONUS TRACK* Break-ups are hard. We may go numb, live in denial or feel powerless. If we’re insecurely attached, we are likely unable to see beyond the lack/scarcity that we believe a break-up will bring. What if there is no one else? That thought can be friggin’ scary, and it keeps us stuck in that same pattern of scarcity. When we are so attached to the other person that we can’t connect with our deeper feelings, a break-up is seriously hard to do. The trick is to focus on what you’re gaining instead of losing… and that’s what this bonus podcast is about.

You've broken up. Perhaps it was today, weeks ago, months ago or years ago, but you’ve already done what most people think is the hard part: actually breaking up. If you're avoidant, you might have compartmentalized your feelings, trying to erratically cope with feeling like crap, and think you have “moved on”. Or perhaps you're invested in the life of your ex, following him/her on social media, remaining friendly or staying in some sort of painful contact.

When coping with insecure attachment, many of us try to keep reliving the relationship, which just brings up the pain over and over again. So how do you make a breakup emotionally healthy, and view it as an opportunity for growth? I’ll share some ways to move beyond basic survival into feeling good about yourself in the breakup aftermath.