For most of us we know commitment is a major undertaking, but when it comes to the commitment many of us make to ourselves, we do not realize we commit to feeling bad.

It isn't the only issue we carry, but if you look at your choices—how many do not feel good? We tend to overlook the personal pain we put ourselves through to make others happy, while hoping they may see us as we want them to. I used to do it—it was my pattern to commit to the same things over and over. I thought that was just the way I was, but then I realized my commitment to feeling bad was a choice, so something had to change. Once we clue into this being part of our belief system, we can change it, but it takes time. There is no quick fix.

Even in seeking out some form of help, we do not realize our bigger commitment to feeling bad. Change is far scarier. Most people don't commit to relationships or jobs out of love, they commit out of fear. They commit out of the fear of loss or scarcity. And when we seek out help, we aren’t necessarily ready to change that commitment. It’s a tall mountain to climb when it comes to learning to enjoy because fear gets in the way, and our commitment to it is what starts the drama because it’s what we know. This undermining creates problems, and it keeps us from changing.

In a relationship, it isn't the other person who is to blame. If you don’t feel safe, look at how you don't commit to things which feel good, and look at the things you do commit to (often on autopilot). What’s the difference? They both stem from fear because we often do not commit to things we love and commit to the familiar instead. Fear is very familiar.

I look at my own track record with commitment and what I've been willing to commit to and I'll tell you it was pure crap for a long time. I had no idea how to feel good so my choices reflected the quality of my life. I thought the answer was outside—somehow or some way things would change enough for me to feel okay. It wasn’t until I could trust myself and give myself a sense of safety where I found I could commit easily to joy and what feels good. I let go of commitments that did not serve me.

When will it be time to let go of being committed to misery and fear?

For most of us we know commitment is a major undertaking, but when it comes to the commitment many of us make to ourselves, we do not realize we commit to feeling bad.

It isn't the only issue we carry, but if you look at your choices—how many do not feel good? We tend to overlook the personal pain we put ourselves through to make others happy, while hoping they may see us as we want them to. I used to do it—it was my pattern to commit to the same things over and over. I thought that was just the way I was, but then I realized my commitment to feeling bad was a choice, so something had to change. Once we clue into this being part of our belief system, we can change it, but it takes time. There is no quick fix.

Even in seeking out some form of help, we do not realize our bigger commitment to feeling bad. Change is far scarier. Most people don't commit to relationships or jobs out of love, they commit out of fear. They commit out of the fear of loss or scarcity. And when we seek out help, we aren’t necessarily ready to change that commitment. It’s a tall mountain to climb when it comes to learning to enjoy because fear gets in the way, and our commitment to it is what starts the drama because it’s what we know. This undermining creates problems, and it keeps us from changing.

In a relationship, it isn't the other person who is to blame. If you don’t feel safe, look at how you don't commit to things which feel good, and look at the things you do commit to (often on autopilot). What’s the difference? They both stem from fear because we often do not commit to things we love and commit to the familiar instead. Fear is very familiar.

I look at my own track record with commitment and what I've been willing to commit to and I'll tell you it was pure crap for a long time. I had no idea how to feel good so my choices reflected the quality of my life. I thought the answer was outside—somehow or some way things would change enough for me to feel okay. It wasn’t until I could trust myself and give myself a sense of safety where I found I could commit easily to joy and what feels good. I let go of commitments that did not serve me.

When will it be time to let go of being committed to misery and fear?

For most of us we know commitment is a major undertaking, but when it comes to the commitment many of us make to ourselves, we do not realize we commit to feeling bad.

It isn't the only issue we carry, but if you look at your choices—how many do not feel good? We tend to overlook the personal pain we put ourselves through to make others happy, while hoping they may see us as we want them to. I used to do it—it was my pattern to commit to the same things over and over. I thought that was just the way I was, but then I realized my commitment to feeling bad was a choice, so something had to change. Once we clue into this being part of our belief system, we can change it, but it takes time. There is no quick fix.

Even in seeking out some form of help, we do not realize our bigger commitment to feeling bad. Change is far scarier. Most people don't commit to relationships or jobs out of love, they commit out of fear. They commit out of the fear of loss or scarcity. And when we seek out help, we aren’t necessarily ready to change that commitment. It’s a tall mountain to climb when it comes to learning to enjoy because fear gets in the way, and our commitment to it is what starts the drama because it’s what we know. This undermining creates problems, and it keeps us from changing.

In a relationship, it isn't the other person who is to blame. If you don’t feel safe, look at how you don't commit to things which feel good, and look at the things you do commit to (often on autopilot). What’s the difference? They both stem from fear because we often do not commit to things we love and commit to the familiar instead. Fear is very familiar.

I look at my own track record with commitment and what I've been willing to commit to and I'll tell you it was pure crap for a long time. I had no idea how to feel good so my choices reflected the quality of my life. I thought the answer was outside—somehow or some way things would change enough for me to feel okay. It wasn’t until I could trust myself and give myself a sense of safety where I found I could commit easily to joy and what feels good. I let go of commitments that did not serve me.

When will it be time to let go of being committed to misery and fear?

Feeling your feelings matters if you are interested in a truly fulfilling life and general sense of wellbeing. It’s hard to do because our patterns of thought attempt to “save us” from our emotions. We become overwhelmed by them, which is why we tend to avoid or compartmentalize, keeping our emotions at a distance. Many of us learned this in childhood. When we felt hurt, sad, lonely or unloved, we didn’t want that pain, so we disconnected. And that pattern carried over to adulthood where it has kept us stuck in fantasyland. It’s safer to believe an unrealistic or ideal story than to pay attention to how we actually feel about reality.

We live in fear of our feelings, keeping us stuck and unable to move forth. If we fear a situation will bring us pain, we avoid it. This leads to anxiety and discomfort… which just creates MORE feelings of unease. It really behooves you to feel what is there so you can unpack the pain-filled closet and let it go. When you stop resisting your emotions and let them out, it’s like releasing a pressure valve; each time you do it you release a little more pain. If you don’t, it will undermine all of your attempts at a positive sense of wellbeing.

Learn how to break the pattern of avoidance and change this dynamic with yourself. If you’re in a painful relationship, or can’t get over a past one, the only way out of the quagmire of negative emotions is to feel them. When faced with choosing to avoid your feelings or allow, always allow. I promise you’ll not only survive, you’ll actually start to see changes.

Feeling your feelings matters if you are interested in a truly fulfilling life and general sense of wellbeing. It’s hard to do because our patterns of thought attempt to “save us” from our emotions. We become overwhelmed by them, which is why we tend to avoid or compartmentalize, keeping our emotions at a distance. Many of us learned this in childhood. When we felt hurt, sad, lonely or unloved, we didn’t want that pain, so we disconnected. And that pattern carried over to adulthood where it has kept us stuck in fantasyland. It’s safer to believe an unrealistic or ideal story than to pay attention to how we actually feel about reality.

We live in fear of our feelings, keeping us stuck and unable to move forth. If we fear a situation will bring us pain, we avoid it. This leads to anxiety and discomfort… which just creates MORE feelings of unease. It really behooves you to feel what is there so you can unpack the pain-filled closet and let it go. When you stop resisting your emotions and let them out, it’s like releasing a pressure valve; each time you do it you release a little more pain. If you don’t, it will undermine all of your attempts at a positive sense of wellbeing.

Learn how to break the pattern of avoidance and change this dynamic with yourself. If you’re in a painful relationship, or can’t get over a past one, the only way out of the quagmire of negative emotions is to feel them. When faced with choosing to avoid your feelings or allow, always allow. I promise you’ll not only survive, you’ll actually start to see changes.

Feeling your feelings matters if you are interested in a truly fulfilling life and general sense of wellbeing. It’s hard to do because our patterns of thought attempt to “save us” from our emotions. We become overwhelmed by them, which is why we tend to avoid or compartmentalize, keeping our emotions at a distance. Many of us learned this in childhood. When we felt hurt, sad, lonely or unloved, we didn’t want that pain, so we disconnected. And that pattern carried over to adulthood where it has kept us stuck in fantasyland. It’s safer to believe an unrealistic or ideal story than to pay attention to how we actually feel about reality.

We live in fear of our feelings, keeping us stuck and unable to move forth. If we fear a situation will bring us pain, we avoid it. This leads to anxiety and discomfort… which just creates MORE feelings of unease. It really behooves you to feel what is there so you can unpack the pain-filled closet and let it go. When you stop resisting your emotions and let them out, it’s like releasing a pressure valve; each time you do it you release a little more pain. If you don’t, it will undermine all of your attempts at a positive sense of wellbeing.

Learn how to break the pattern of avoidance and change this dynamic with yourself. If you’re in a painful relationship, or can’t get over a past one, the only way out of the quagmire of negative emotions is to feel them. When faced with choosing to avoid your feelings or allow, always allow. I promise you’ll not only survive, you’ll actually start to see changes.

Are you a rock star when it comes to working on yourself? You slurp up every personal development workshop, book, audio, etc. like a tasty shake… yet you still struggle with the same issues. You’ve applied all your knowledge from these experts and healers but still feel stuck. Maybe you’ve seen small shifts in your thinking and behavior. You’re able to handle things better—that is until you’re emotionally triggered by something, taking you back to square one. You realize you’re not in control of your emotions or your reactions to situations, and you’re frustrated. The mental tools you’ve applied aren’t working.

Many people contact me after they’ve done a bunch of work on themselves because they still aren’t seeing much progress. They feel lost and misguided (and sometimes even pissed off!). What they don’t understand is that true change happens internally, at the emotional level. It’s drawing connections to past feelings and situations to better understand your subconscious patterns. This can’t be accomplished intellectually—it happens through taking emotional risks. There is no medal for reading 75 self-help books. The reward you’re seeking is self-awareness and change, which does not correlate to the volume of material you’ve consumed. If it did, I would have achieved emotional freedom a LONG time ago! For years I looked outside myself for answers, working diligently to appear perfect while hiding what was going on inside. It was lonely and frustrating. If you’ve done a lot of work on yourself and are still stuck, this podcast is for you!

Are you a rock star when it comes to working on yourself? You slurp up every personal development workshop, book, audio, etc. like a tasty shake… yet you still struggle with the same issues. You’ve applied all your knowledge from these experts and healers but still feel stuck. Maybe you’ve seen small shifts in your thinking and behavior. You’re able to handle things better—that is until you’re emotionally triggered by something, taking you back to square one. You realize you’re not in control of your emotions or your reactions to situations, and you’re frustrated. The mental tools you’ve applied aren’t working.

Many people contact me after they’ve done a bunch of work on themselves because they still aren’t seeing much progress. They feel lost and misguided (and sometimes even pissed off!). What they don’t understand is that true change happens internally, at the emotional level. It’s drawing connections to past feelings and situations to better understand your subconscious patterns. This can’t be accomplished intellectually—it happens through taking emotional risks. There is no medal for reading 75 self-help books. The reward you’re seeking is self-awareness and change, which does not correlate to the volume of material you’ve consumed. If it did, I would have achieved emotional freedom a LONG time ago! For years I looked outside myself for answers, working diligently to appear perfect while hiding what was going on inside. It was lonely and frustrating. If you’ve done a lot of work on yourself and are still stuck, this podcast is for you!

Are you a rock star when it comes to working on yourself? You slurp up every personal development workshop, book, audio, etc. like a tasty shake… yet you still struggle with the same issues. You’ve applied all your knowledge from these experts and healers but still feel stuck. Maybe you’ve seen small shifts in your thinking and behavior. You’re able to handle things better—that is until you’re emotionally triggered by something, taking you back to square one. You realize you’re not in control of your emotions or your reactions to situations, and you’re frustrated. The mental tools you’ve applied aren’t working.

Many people contact me after they’ve done a bunch of work on themselves because they still aren’t seeing much progress. They feel lost and misguided (and sometimes even pissed off!). What they don’t understand is that true change happens internally, at the emotional level. It’s drawing connections to past feelings and situations to better understand your subconscious patterns. This can’t be accomplished intellectually—it happens through taking emotional risks. There is no medal for reading 75 self-help books. The reward you’re seeking is self-awareness and change, which does not correlate to the volume of material you’ve consumed. If it did, I would have achieved emotional freedom a LONG time ago! For years I looked outside myself for answers, working diligently to appear perfect while hiding what was going on inside. It was lonely and frustrating. If you’ve done a lot of work on yourself and are still stuck, this podcast is for you!

I used to put so much effort into past relationships because I realized I never felt good enough… or deserving… or having much value. I thought by “doing enough” I could “be enough,” so the effort and the struggle continued for years. I did not recognize that mentally trying to come up with solutions to my perceived shortcomings was keeping me stuck in a merry-go round of pain as an adult. I was thinking about this recently as I was walking and wondered, “Wow, did I EVER feel good enough?”

This belief stemmed from not feeling accepted as a child (something I recognized in hindsight), which pushed me to mentally be somebody else… somebody who I thought would be accepted and deserving of love and attention. I met the demands of others instead of doing what I felt inside. It took considerable effort to be someone else, which carried over into my adult relationships. I thought that’s what I had to do to be accepted; it was my pattern. So I ended up in relationships where I got little to no attention, took on all the burdens, played the martyr and the victim, because that’s what I knew. I would then put forth a lot of effort, which of course got me nowhere, resulting in me beating myself up for not doing enough. I lived in a constant state of self-punishment and need for validation. See how easily this cycle perpetuates itself?

When you have an internal feeling of lack, there’s an urge to overcompensate. You feel you need to do, do, do instead of just be. And unless you recognize this comes from something inside you, you will continue attracting partners who don’t give you what you need, making you feel like you have to work for their love, then feeling like a failure when it doesn’t work. It’s time you look inside yourself to identify the old beliefs that are running the show so you don’t pass up someone who requires nothing more of you than simply being… you.