Many insecurely attached people are anxious and/or avoidant. If they sense someone is emotionally available, they will create excuses to run because it is scary and unfamiliar. Instead of being open and vulnerable, which would be completely unfamiliar to them, they look for perfect. Focusing on finding flaws and supposed deal breakers with potential partners serve as an excuse for staying distant. Until the anxious/avoidant begins to love him or herself enough to withstand the “feared engulfment” of intimacy, there will be no true connection and their relationships will never evolve. We do this unconsciously, which is why I created this podcast.

Insecurely attached folks tend to be tied up in drama and struggle. It may not be consciously apparent to them, as they do not believe they are the source of it, but it takes two to tango. And until they recognize responsibility for their part, they will continue searching for the elusive perfect partner who never shows up. Finding yourself stuck in this circle of hell is something I know very well. When you are ready to start feeling your feelings and having a loving relationship with yourself, you will consciously stop looking for deal breakers and have enough awareness to start opening yourself up to the possibility of a healthy relationship with another perfectly flawed human.

Many insecurely attached people are anxious and/or avoidant. If they sense someone is emotionally available, they will create excuses to run because it is scary and unfamiliar. Instead of being open and vulnerable, which would be completely unfamiliar to them, they look for perfect. Focusing on finding flaws and supposed deal breakers with potential partners serve as an excuse for staying distant. Until the anxious/avoidant begins to love him or herself enough to withstand the “feared engulfment” of intimacy, there will be no true connection and their relationships will never evolve. We do this unconsciously, which is why I created this podcast.

Insecurely attached folks tend to be tied up in drama and struggle. It may not be consciously apparent to them, as they do not believe they are the source of it, but it takes two to tango. And until they recognize responsibility for their part, they will continue searching for the elusive perfect partner who never shows up. Finding yourself stuck in this circle of hell is something I know very well. When you are ready to start feeling your feelings and having a loving relationship with yourself, you will consciously stop looking for deal breakers and have enough awareness to start opening yourself up to the possibility of a healthy relationship with another perfectly flawed human.

I pushed against the universe and its gifts for many years. I didn’t trust it (or myself), and felt the need to control every aspect of my life. Of course that led to nothing fulfilling, so I felt like I was mainly on the “naughty list.” Why didn’t good things happen to me? Now I know it’s because I didn’t allow those gifts to present themselves. I was too busy resisting what came naturally and forcing what I thought I wanted.

I really started cultivating my relationship with the universe a few years ago. Bit by bit I stopped forcing things… my will, my agenda, the idealized pictures in my head. It’s a huge shift to accept the unknown, and an even bigger one to embrace it, because it requires letting go of everything that is safe and familiar. It doesn’t happen all at once; for me it was a process to recognize I didn’t always know what was best for me. I had to open myself up to the idea that there could be a bigger, more amazing life in store if I would just allow it.

Gifts don’t always come in the package you expect, or arrive when you want them to, which is why it’s so important to surrender. If you view possibilities through a pinhole, those gifts are never seen. Having a trusting relationship with the universe requires authenticity—getting to the root of your true desires and acting in accordance with them. It requires you to discard everything that screams at you to do things a particular way. It requires surrender and allowing the unknown to surprise you. Do this, and the gifts you’ve been holding yourself back from receiving will start to show up. Listen in to learn more about the magic of the universe and how to trust it. You’ll be amazed at how much will come to you, in ways you never could’ve imagined.

I pushed against the universe and its gifts for many years. I didn’t trust it (or myself), and felt the need to control every aspect of my life. Of course that led to nothing fulfilling, so I felt like I was mainly on the “naughty list.” Why didn’t good things happen to me? Now I know it’s because I didn’t allow those gifts to present themselves. I was too busy resisting what came naturally and forcing what I thought I wanted.

I really started cultivating my relationship with the universe a few years ago. Bit by bit I stopped forcing things… my will, my agenda, the idealized pictures in my head. It’s a huge shift to accept the unknown, and an even bigger one to embrace it, because it requires letting go of everything that is safe and familiar. It doesn’t happen all at once; for me it was a process to recognize I didn’t always know what was best for me. I had to open myself up to the idea that there could be a bigger, more amazing life in store if I would just allow it.

Gifts don’t always come in the package you expect, or arrive when you want them to, which is why it’s so important to surrender. If you view possibilities through a pinhole, those gifts are never seen. Having a trusting relationship with the universe requires authenticity—getting to the root of your true desires and acting in accordance with them. It requires you to discard everything that screams at you to do things a particular way. It requires surrender and allowing the unknown to surprise you. Do this, and the gifts you’ve been holding yourself back from receiving will start to show up. Listen in to learn more about the magic of the universe and how to trust it. You’ll be amazed at how much will come to you, in ways you never could’ve imagined.

I pushed against the universe and its gifts for many years. I didn’t trust it (or myself), and felt the need to control every aspect of my life. Of course that led to nothing fulfilling, so I felt like I was mainly on the “naughty list.” Why didn’t good things happen to me? Now I know it’s because I didn’t allow those gifts to present themselves. I was too busy resisting what came naturally and forcing what I thought I wanted.

I really started cultivating my relationship with the universe a few years ago. Bit by bit I stopped forcing things… my will, my agenda, the idealized pictures in my head. It’s a huge shift to accept the unknown, and an even bigger one to embrace it, because it requires letting go of everything that is safe and familiar. It doesn’t happen all at once; for me it was a process to recognize I didn’t always know what was best for me. I had to open myself up to the idea that there could be a bigger, more amazing life in store if I would just allow it.

Gifts don’t always come in the package you expect, or arrive when you want them to, which is why it’s so important to surrender. If you view possibilities through a pinhole, those gifts are never seen. Having a trusting relationship with the universe requires authenticity—getting to the root of your true desires and acting in accordance with them. It requires you to discard everything that screams at you to do things a particular way. It requires surrender and allowing the unknown to surprise you. Do this, and the gifts you’ve been holding yourself back from receiving will start to show up. Listen in to learn more about the magic of the universe and how to trust it. You’ll be amazed at how much will come to you, in ways you never could’ve imagined.

Insecure attachment doesn’t just show up in relationships (although it seems to dominate in this area!). It creates issues in all aspects of our lives, and resistance to change keeps us stuck in it. Moving out of our comfort zone and taking emotionally-inspired action is frightening. This is true for everyone, but particularly for those with insecure attachment because we fear vulnerability and don’t trust ourselves.

The more resistance we have, the more fear builds. And that fear becomes harder to overcome, so we feel even more stuck (fun, huh?). Instead of taking emotional action, we think we can figure things out in our head, strategizing our way out. This leads absolutely nowhere. Trust me, I tried it for years. Actually, it’s even worse than nowhere because you drive yourself nuts in the process, not understanding why all that mental energy has zero effect. You can see how this cycle of resistance, fear and strategizing can take up all your headspace and focus. It’s exhausting, but your subconscious likes it because it keeps you safely away from change. Unfortunately it does nothing for an authentic and joyful life.

I’ve covered many different aspects of attachment and its effects, but it all comes down to breaking through resistance and taking emotionally-inspired action. There must be an openness, walking full frontal into your fear. Until you do, you will repeat the same patterns and believe you have no power to change. You absolutely DO have the power, though. Thinking otherwise is just an excuse to keep you stuck. Isn’t it time you get out of your own way and take action toward the life you want?!

Insecure attachment doesn’t just show up in relationships (although it seems to dominate in this area!). It creates issues in all aspects of our lives, and resistance to change keeps us stuck in it. Moving out of our comfort zone and taking emotionally-inspired action is frightening. This is true for everyone, but particularly for those with insecure attachment because we fear vulnerability and don’t trust ourselves.

The more resistance we have, the more fear builds. And that fear becomes harder to overcome, so we feel even more stuck (fun, huh?). Instead of taking emotional action, we think we can figure things out in our head, strategizing our way out. This leads absolutely nowhere. Trust me, I tried it for years. Actually, it’s even worse than nowhere because you drive yourself nuts in the process, not understanding why all that mental energy has zero effect. You can see how this cycle of resistance, fear and strategizing can take up all your headspace and focus. It’s exhausting, but your subconscious likes it because it keeps you safely away from change. Unfortunately it does nothing for an authentic and joyful life.

I’ve covered many different aspects of attachment and its effects, but it all comes down to breaking through resistance and taking emotionally-inspired action. There must be an openness, walking full frontal into your fear. Until you do, you will repeat the same patterns and believe you have no power to change. You absolutely DO have the power, though. Thinking otherwise is just an excuse to keep you stuck. Isn’t it time you get out of your own way and take action toward the life you want?!

Insecure attachment doesn’t just show up in relationships (although it seems to dominate in this area!). It creates issues in all aspects of our lives, and resistance to change keeps us stuck in it. Moving out of our comfort zone and taking emotionally-inspired action is frightening. This is true for everyone, but particularly for those with insecure attachment because we fear vulnerability and don’t trust ourselves.

The more resistance we have, the more fear builds. And that fear becomes harder to overcome, so we feel even more stuck (fun, huh?). Instead of taking emotional action, we think we can figure things out in our head, strategizing our way out. This leads absolutely nowhere. Trust me, I tried it for years. Actually, it’s even worse than nowhere because you drive yourself nuts in the process, not understanding why all that mental energy has zero effect. You can see how this cycle of resistance, fear and strategizing can take up all your headspace and focus. It’s exhausting, but your subconscious likes it because it keeps you safely away from change. Unfortunately it does nothing for an authentic and joyful life.

I’ve covered many different aspects of attachment and its effects, but it all comes down to breaking through resistance and taking emotionally-inspired action. There must be an openness, walking full frontal into your fear. Until you do, you will repeat the same patterns and believe you have no power to change. You absolutely DO have the power, though. Thinking otherwise is just an excuse to keep you stuck. Isn’t it time you get out of your own way and take action toward the life you want?!

Checklists show up in every area of our lives, serving as a means of distancing and staying safe: a “perfect” mate, job, friend, house, vacation, city to live in, etc. They are really just another set of rigid rules that keep us focused on the picture in our head instead of the reality in front of us. Checklists are usually built on our limited past; if we didn’t get what we wanted as children, this musty, dusty list keeps us trying to get those things in our present. Or it might be that you received X in the past, so you don’t expect the present to be any different or better. Your list keeps possibilities narrowly defined. Have you ever noticed you have this huge list, but you can never manage to tick everything off? It feels like work, pulling you AWAY from what you really want.

We think if we get our checklist just right, all our wants will be realized… or we can keep things safely the same (depending on our objective). It’s a means of trying to control outcomes, which never serves your true desires. You’re way better off chucking the checklists, being in the moment and feeling into what you really want. Forget about your job being in X industry or X town. Forget about all the “requirements” you have in a partner. They just keep you closed to possibilities. If you pay attention to your gut instead of the checklist, you’ll be led toward what you truly want. Learn why checklists keep you stuck and operating at the same level rather than expanding your life and leading to fulfillment.

Checklists show up in every area of our lives, serving as a means of distancing and staying safe: a “perfect” mate, job, friend, house, vacation, city to live in, etc. They are really just another set of rigid rules that keep us focused on the picture in our head instead of the reality in front of us. Checklists are usually built on our limited past; if we didn’t get what we wanted as children, this musty, dusty list keeps us trying to get those things in our present. Or it might be that you received X in the past, so you don’t expect the present to be any different or better. Your list keeps possibilities narrowly defined. Have you ever noticed you have this huge list, but you can never manage to tick everything off? It feels like work, pulling you AWAY from what you really want.

We think if we get our checklist just right, all our wants will be realized… or we can keep things safely the same (depending on our objective). It’s a means of trying to control outcomes, which never serves your true desires. You’re way better off chucking the checklists, being in the moment and feeling into what you really want. Forget about your job being in X industry or X town. Forget about all the “requirements” you have in a partner. They just keep you closed to possibilities. If you pay attention to your gut instead of the checklist, you’ll be led toward what you truly want. Learn why checklists keep you stuck and operating at the same level rather than expanding your life and leading to fulfillment.