As a kid, if you felt alone or abandoned (whether family was physically present or not), you learned to believe that was normal. Alone became safe because it’s what you knew. Fast-forward to your adult life where this manifests as a fear of ending up with 22 cats and a black-and-white TV. Because of your belief, you find it hard to connect with people. You may think no one “gets you” and that all your relationships are ultimately doomed, but you work hard at the mediocre ones because it’s better than ending up with 22 cats. You’re afraid of being alone, but at the same time your actions lead you toward it because it’s what you think you deserve.

Maybe you take on all the responsibility in a relationship so it makes it harder for your partner to leave (it doesn’t), but you also avoid intimate connections. You settle for breadcrumbs because you think it’s all you can handle. If someone offered you the full loaf, you wouldn’t know what to do with it anyway. All of this validates the “I am alone” belief, which gives you a sense of comfort on one hand because it’s familiar, but it also robs you of peace and well-being.

From my experience working with clients over the years, this is one of the most prevalent and hardest beliefs to kick. The lengths people will go to support it is astonishing, yet they have no clue they’re doing it. It’s subconscious sabotage. Breaking down the “I am alone” belief takes patience and emotional courage, but once you do, you will realize how YOU were the one keeping yourself single. You’ll see how all of your actions and patterns fed into your myopic perspective of what was possible. There is a whole universe beyond your negative beliefs, and once you start to discover them, surrender, accept, be open to receiving and say “I don’t know” with a sense of wonder for what’s possible, you will find yourself on the other side of “I am alone” for good.