People in insecurely attached relationships tend to put their partner on a pedestal, then knock them off every time they do not come through (which is often). This serves as a fantastic distraction from our negative feelings about ourselves, allowing us to focus on the other person and how they keep failing us. We believe the object of our desire withholds from us or punishes us because we are not as good as him or her, but we hope one day we’ll measure up. By all accounts we see them as perfect and ourselves as imperfect, thinking they can do no wrong… until they do. Over and over.

When we put people on a pedestal we expect the impossible from them; we want a fantasy to come true. We believe they are so much better than previous people we have dated and have unrealistic expectations of what they will bring to our lives. Unfortunately they let us down, showing us their human flaws. When the relationship ends, we blame them, but it’s really ourselves we have to blame because never had a realistic view of the relationship. We were living in fantasyland. Learn why we put people on pedestals and how focusing on your own feelings is the path to breaking that pattern.