Freedom from Attachment

To be in the present moment we need to accept what is. Not what we want the situation to be or how we would prefer to feel, but what is ACTUALLY going on right now. That’s very hard to do when attached to someone because we tend to live in a fantasy where things are the way we want them to be, and we act from that place, instead of how we actually feel according to reality. Non-acceptance keeps us stuck because we’re focused on the perceived problem (usually created by our thoughts) about the other person rather than the solution. Then we put ourselves down when we can’t move past it, which pushes us even further away from acceptance. It’s exhausting when what we want and what we have are two different things, but through accepting reality, we’re able to let go and focus on creating more of what we say we want.

What is an example of non-acceptance? Attaching to the idea that the person you’re with is a match because there are some really amazing things, even though red flags to the contrary abound. We avoid reality because we want to avoid the truth and all the feelings associated (disappointment, abandonment, loneliness, judgment, etc.). When we DO accept and allow those uncomfortable emotions, it enables us to move through it rather than staying stuck in denial. Fantasizing and wanting more where there clearly is no more keeps us stuck, while allowing us to dabble in reality. If things are ever going to change, it must begin with acceptance.

To be in the present moment we need to accept what is. Not what we want the situation to be or how we would prefer to feel, but what is ACTUALLY going on right now. That’s very hard to do when attached to someone because we tend to live in a fantasy where things are the way we want them to be, and we act from that place, instead of how we actually feel according to reality. Non-acceptance keeps us stuck because we’re focused on the perceived problem (usually created by our thoughts) about the other person rather than the solution. Then we put ourselves down when we can’t move past it, which pushes us even further away from acceptance. It’s exhausting when what we want and what we have are two different things, but through accepting reality, we’re able to let go and focus on creating more of what we say we want.

What is an example of non-acceptance? Attaching to the idea that the person you’re with is a match because there are some really amazing things, even though red flags to the contrary abound. We avoid reality because we want to avoid the truth and all the feelings associated (disappointment, abandonment, loneliness, judgment, etc.). When we DO accept and allow those uncomfortable emotions, it enables us to move through it rather than staying stuck in denial. Fantasizing and wanting more where there clearly is no more keeps us stuck, while allowing us to dabble in reality. If things are ever going to change, it must begin with acceptance.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. We often judge ourselves based on expectations of what OTHER people think is acceptable. Sometimes those people are specific (partner, mother, boss, friends, etc.) and sometimes they are the universal and imaginary “them.” We try so hard to be successful, and when we fail or fall short, we punish ourselves. I used to do it, and most of my relationships reflected that. I didn’t know how to create kindness inside of me because I was certain I had this huge invisible flaw that said I deserved to be punished.

Our inner critic beats us up more than anyone else. We are at its mercy until we start taking action toward being kind and compassionate to ourselves. This is not an easy task. We are so focused on taking care of ourselves externally (massages, vacations, relaxing, unplugging, etc.), that we avoid the huge mess inside. That’s not to say self-care isn’t important… it absolutely is. But it doesn’t replace showing yourself emotional kindness. Learn how to stop beating yourself up and feel a sense of well-being by being kind to yourself.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. We often judge ourselves based on expectations of what OTHER people think is acceptable. Sometimes those people are specific (partner, mother, boss, friends, etc.) and sometimes they are the universal and imaginary “them.” We try so hard to be successful, and when we fail or fall short, we punish ourselves. I used to do it, and most of my relationships reflected that. I didn’t know how to create kindness inside of me because I was certain I had this huge invisible flaw that said I deserved to be punished.

Our inner critic beats us up more than anyone else. We are at its mercy until we start taking action toward being kind and compassionate to ourselves. This is not an easy task. We are so focused on taking care of ourselves externally (massages, vacations, relaxing, unplugging, etc.), that we avoid the huge mess inside. That’s not to say self-care isn’t important… it absolutely is. But it doesn’t replace showing yourself emotional kindness. Learn how to stop beating yourself up and feel a sense of well-being by being kind to yourself.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. We often judge ourselves based on expectations of what OTHER people think is acceptable. Sometimes those people are specific (partner, mother, boss, friends, etc.) and sometimes they are the universal and imaginary “them.” We try so hard to be successful, and when we fail or fall short, we punish ourselves. I used to do it, and most of my relationships reflected that. I didn’t know how to create kindness inside of me because I was certain I had this huge invisible flaw that said I deserved to be punished.

Our inner critic beats us up more than anyone else. We are at its mercy until we start taking action toward being kind and compassionate to ourselves. This is not an easy task. We are so focused on taking care of ourselves externally (massages, vacations, relaxing, unplugging, etc.), that we avoid the huge mess inside. That’s not to say self-care isn’t important… it absolutely is. But it doesn’t replace showing yourself emotional kindness. Learn how to stop beating yourself up and feel a sense of well-being by being kind to yourself.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. We often judge ourselves based on expectations of what OTHER people think is acceptable. Sometimes those people are specific (partner, mother, boss, friends, etc.) and sometimes they are the universal and imaginary “them.” We try so hard to be successful, and when we fail or fall short, we punish ourselves. I used to do it, and most of my relationships reflected that. I didn’t know how to create kindness inside of me because I was certain I had this huge invisible flaw that said I deserved to be punished.

Our inner critic beats us up more than anyone else. We are at its mercy until we start taking action toward being kind and compassionate to ourselves. This is not an easy task. We are so focused on taking care of ourselves externally (massages, vacations, relaxing, unplugging, etc.), that we avoid the huge mess inside. That’s not to say self-care isn’t important… it absolutely is. But it doesn’t replace showing yourself emotional kindness. Learn how to stop beating yourself up and feel a sense of well-being by being kind to yourself.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. We often judge ourselves based on expectations of what OTHER people think is acceptable. Sometimes those people are specific (partner, mother, boss, friends, etc.) and sometimes they are the universal and imaginary “them.” We try so hard to be successful, and when we fail or fall short, we punish ourselves. I used to do it, and most of my relationships reflected that. I didn’t know how to create kindness inside of me because I was certain I had this huge invisible flaw that said I deserved to be punished.

Our inner critic beats us up more than anyone else. We are at its mercy until we start taking action toward being kind and compassionate to ourselves. This is not an easy task. We are so focused on taking care of ourselves externally (massages, vacations, relaxing, unplugging, etc.), that we avoid the huge mess inside. That’s not to say self-care isn’t important… it absolutely is. But it doesn’t replace showing yourself emotional kindness. Learn how to stop beating yourself up and feel a sense of well-being by being kind to yourself.

How often do you feel that deep need for someone to text or call you—some acknowledgment they’re thinking of you? When you have that intense desire to hear from somebody, maybe spending hours thinking about them, they become your Band-Aid. How so? Look at what happens when you DO hear from them. Do all the muscles in your body become momentarily relaxed? Maybe you even feel a kind of rush or euphoria. Suddenly you feel back in control (although it’s a false sense of control). This feeling translates to being in a comfort zone where you’re no longer on edge.

Band-Aids are what we use to avoid feel disappointment, pain or other unwanted emotions. Often these feelings overwhelmed us as kids so we developed a pattern to blunt them in order to get through life. As an adult, these early pains can be reawakened, with an emptiness screaming inside when we are in an attached relationship. We feel like we’re being emotionally abandoned all over again so we need our Band-Aid to momentarily feel better. Learn how this just perpetuates the cycle and keeps us more attached; learn how to gently remove the Band-Aid.

How often do you feel that deep need for someone to text or call you—some acknowledgment they’re thinking of you? When you have that intense desire to hear from somebody, maybe spending hours thinking about them, they become your Band-Aid. How so? Look at what happens when you DO hear from them. Do all the muscles in your body become momentarily relaxed? Maybe you even feel a kind of rush or euphoria. Suddenly you feel back in control (although it’s a false sense of control). This feeling translates to being in a comfort zone where you’re no longer on edge.

Band-Aids are what we use to avoid feel disappointment, pain or other unwanted emotions. Often these feelings overwhelmed us as kids so we developed a pattern to blunt them in order to get through life. As an adult, these early pains can be reawakened, with an emptiness screaming inside when we are in an attached relationship. We feel like we’re being emotionally abandoned all over again so we need our Band-Aid to momentarily feel better. Learn how this just perpetuates the cycle and keeps us more attached; learn how to gently remove the Band-Aid.

How often do you feel that deep need for someone to text or call you—some acknowledgment they’re thinking of you? When you have that intense desire to hear from somebody, maybe spending hours thinking about them, they become your Band-Aid. How so? Look at what happens when you DO hear from them. Do all the muscles in your body become momentarily relaxed? Maybe you even feel a kind of rush or euphoria. Suddenly you feel back in control (although it’s a false sense of control). This feeling translates to being in a comfort zone where you’re no longer on edge.

Band-Aids are what we use to avoid feel disappointment, pain or other unwanted emotions. Often these feelings overwhelmed us as kids so we developed a pattern to blunt them in order to get through life. As an adult, these early pains can be reawakened, with an emptiness screaming inside when we are in an attached relationship. We feel like we’re being emotionally abandoned all over again so we need our Band-Aid to momentarily feel better. Learn how this just perpetuates the cycle and keeps us more attached; learn how to gently remove the Band-Aid.