Today we learned that kids can’t read analogue clocks anymore – one poor student even thought 9:58 was “9:8.” Then in a police interrogation, a suspect accidentally let one rip right as he was being charged… earning Priyanka Chopra’s old nickname “Farty Chopra” a comeback. Over in the Glossys: Jimmy Kimmel’s suspension has Colbert, Letterman and Fallon all up in arms, Reese Witherspoon does a killer Nicole Kidman impression, and Cardi B’s flogging CDs from a car boot with Gayle King. Oh, and Snoop Dogg says Stevie Wonder is the only artist he’d ever need, while Benson Boone’s cameraman got arrested for literally taking the piss in a Florida shop.

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