Going Terribly

Happy 150 Episodes to us! And who better to celebrate with than not-a-bastard, not-an-orphan, and definitely not-the-son-of-a-whore, Alexander Hellenberg! He's writing a mobster pirate musical! I mean, he's basically LMM himself.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Giant orange heads and other rashes of prickly misfortune

- The continued pitch for future hot spot "Hellaburgers"

- A very sad (and filthy) story about a manatee

- Tampon defenestrations

- A celebration of the southern US and its women, from beach to peach

Follow Rum Runners here! https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100091729314382

Do you ever feel like the world revolves around you? Well, it certainly did for Robert Todd Lincoln AKA The Angel of Death. Come learn of the macabre curse that was responsible (possibly) for the deaths of no fewer than three American presidents! And a Beatle even!

Other discussion topics may include:

- A celebration of musical legends, like Drew Lachey and Rhea Perlman

- Presidential assassinations and other forms of light porch vandalism

- Three words: Gangster Rain Man

- Do short people *actually* age? Or is it all a hoax?

- Tales of the finger pickin', the oyster lickin', and the curse stricken

This is one of those episodes where you'll LEARN ALL THE THINGS! About the invention of the first home pregnancy test, the blood type that most attracts mosquitos, and the deadliest animal in the United States... and no, it's not the mosquito even though it should be! Those buttfaces.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Ask your personal physician if hitting a deer with a motor vehicle is right for you

- Could Elon Musk give you skin cancer?*

- The embarrassment of losing a Grammy to an incest song

- A spoiler about the ending of Oppenheimer. But not really.**

- Finally, a 100% excusable reason to do a Bill Cosby impression

*We're not saying he will. We're just presenting the question.

**But kinda?

Do you ever have a poop, and you look at it, and you just think, damn, that's a nice-looking poop? Well if not, you're missing out!

Other discussion topics may include:

- Real cool times, featuring frozen blood and scum dances

- Dollops vs. Smooth coils: How do you like yours?

- The crime busting secrets of national dog networks

- Why Snow White has been the true villain all along

- How much dairy is too much dairy, or The Nation Alice Cream Crawl's first known casualty

Alice has actually been away in the Southern Tier of New York for the past two and a half weeks, and we didn't miss an episode! We're just that good. To reward us, listen to Alice tiptoe around why she doesn't like Mexican food.

Other discussion topics may include:

- The sweetest things: Sugar water, baby churros, and blood

- Ignoring the Mandela Effect, but exploring the Ospreay Effect

- An incredible (and terrible) idea for a cruise ship university

- Parallel parking at gas pumps

- Tot flights, impossible beef, and other things that sound like something they're not

It's time for everybody's favorite segment: It Went Terribly! And it's a week late because last week was Independence Day. Or should we say it's "a week before the Ides of July" because the ancient Romans liked to refer to numbers backwards like that?

Other discussion topics may include:

- Do you have a difficult time controlling your front fart volume?

- Recent news about Julius Caesar's stabbing (no, really)

- Ham sandwich lies

- Dementia, abortion, overdoses, and other topics you didn't expect

- But also, kangaroo balls

Let's have some real talk about America. The shootings. The jingoism. The lack of 1/4 and 1/3 cup markings on Pyrex liquid measuring cups.

Oh, you wanna hear dirty anagrams made out of presidents' names instead? Yeah, we can do that, too.

Other discussion topics may include:

- How to make enemies with every Bostonian celebrity ever

- The weaponization of pepperoni pizza

- The origin of the United States, from documents and tariffs to slave owning and cousin sexing

- Insurance ducks, moose parties, French licks, and other secret meats

- America's all-time most prestigious hornball maniac

SO MUCH SEMI-RECENT SEMI-DECENT NEWS! ICE CREAM! PLAYWRITING! 5 DOZEN CUPCAKES GONE MISSING!

AND VOTE FOR ALICE'S 20 SECONDS OF FAME HERE! HTTPS://PORTAL.LANIKAIUKULELES.COM/20-YEARS?SUBMISSION=1445480266

(YOU CAN EVEN VOTE MORE THAN ONCE WITH INCOGNITO BROWSER TABS! BUT YOU KNOW, DON'T GO DOING ANYTHING UNETHICAL...)

Other discussion topics may include:

- The legendary Filipino onion ice cream

- Machiavellian fishing tests

- How to pinch off pee, both literally and metaphorically

- Very last warnings, final songs, and second to last resting places

- Old German male names. Yes, including that one.

Did every 90s band have a song about abortion? And why are they all just objectively fantastic songs?

Other discussion topics may include:

- Amazing throats, and how they could be a bad thing

- The best banana-fish fruit on the market today

- Terrible ways to go, such as plane crashes, dying during childbirth, or getting sucked into a chocolate pipe

- The new game show craze: Bird Poop or Sunscreen?

- Three words: Dangly kangaroo balls

It's National Forklift Safety Day! So put on those wrist braces and compression sleeves and mouth guards and dental dams cuz you don't want an unsafe incident. Neither the string cheese nor spaghetti kind.

Other discussion topics may include:

- The eating of each other's sins...and other acts of love

- An apology to TBS. With caveats.

- Serious medical conditions, such as albinism, nutcoin, and jerkoff elbow

- A breakdown of all of Billy Joel's wives. No, seriously.

- Some very disappointing news about earwax