"My kids never help", "It's like pulling teeth", "Our family life feels disconnected", "They don't care about me or what I do for them"; frustration over the lack of help in our homes from our children can send us into a spiral of hard days. The sentiment that "kids will be kids" and we need to cater to their whims can topple the structure of our families. In this episode, with the help of Hunter, Gather, Parent by Michaleen Doucleff, we are going to challenge the Western assumptions we all hold about parenting to bring a breath of fresh air and an ease to our parenting that just may revolutionize the way you think about your home environment! 

Time Stamps

• 8:00 - Intro to Hunter, Gather, Parent

  
  



• 10:13 - The silo parenting present in western culture (WEIRD)

  
  



• 15:51 - The drive to help and belong is naturally present in our kids from the beginning

  
  



• 20:30 - In the long run, forcing your kids is detrimental

  
  



• 21:30 - Example of five year old girl from the Nani Gandi Tribe

  
  



• 23:00 - Never force a kid to stay and work

  
  



• 25:00 - Less praise, more acknowledgement

  
  



• 26:38 - Independence vs. Autonomy

  
  



• 30:01 - “We clean it up” vs. “You clean it up”

  
  



• 34:15 - Example of autonomy the Hadzabe community

  
  



• 41:05 - Chore charts and how they work against intrinsic motivation

  
  

Related Episodes

Systems and Values for Easier Days and Stronger Family Connections (Entitlement Trap by Linda Eyre and Richard Eyre)

How To: Create Pockets of Peace

Books Mentioned:

How to Raise Kind Kids // Thomas Lickona

Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans // Michaeleen Doucleff

Sponsor:

GABB WIRELESS

We LOVE devices that help our kids stay safe and be able to adventure while still being able to contact us safely and allow us to know where they are without being the kind of technology that steals their mental health and attention. Gabb wireless is an incredible company that we FULLY endorse for just that. Go to https://gabbwireless.com and use code FINDTHEMAGIC to get $50 off any device!

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  

Scroll to the bottom of the page

Click on write a review

Tap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)

Review of the week:

AngelinaEM

04/12/2023

My new best friends.

I am a busy mom of 4 (7 yo and under) and Find the Magic is something that I do for myself. I connect with these women SO well and they make me feel like I’m doing the best job, even when I feel like I’m not. Thank you ladies for being here for us mothers. ♥️

Get full access to Her Mother Tongue at hermothertongue.substack.com/subscribe

229 // Applying Our Four Pillars: Connection, Being Present, Unconditional Love, & Healthy Boundaries

When we first started Find the Magic, we realized through research and experience that many of the strategies and ideas we found in books boiled down to four pillars: Connection, Being Present, Unconditional Love, & Healthy Boundaries. We labeled these pillars because they figuratively hold up the loving, kind, respectful homes we are striving to cultivate. We have found that if you are seeing behavioral issues with children or a lack of peace within yourself, these pillars can serve to help you recalibrate. In this episode we discuss how to ACTUALLY apply and do these four pillars. 

Time Stamps

10:00 - What are the Four Pillars?

11:09 - When our kids openly disobey

13:32 - The stories we tell ourselves are important and shape our responses

16:08 - Wholehearted parenting leads to kids who honor their own and others emotions

20:07 - How do you “make” a child do something?

21:51 - Pillar #1: The importance of connection 

24:10 - Connect in the moment by acknowledging emotion and truly seeing them

25:58 - Physical touch is a meaningful way to connect in the moment

28:50 - Child Whisperer – type 3 energy

32:10 - Preventative connection - acknowledging when kids are behaving well, holding hands, etc.

33:22 - Caregiving tasks ARE connection times

35:23 - Pillar # 2: Being present

37:00 - Wholehearted attention some of the time is WAY better than half-hearted attention always

38:20 - See the present moment as the main event rather than the precursor

41:26 - In yoga the transition to the posture is the posture

43:05 - Mantra for being present is “Here I am.”

45:00 - A human need is to be witnessed

47:27 - Pillar #3: Unconditional Love

50:00 - What does love look like when I misbehave?

54:07 - Pillar #4: Healthy Boundaries

55:05 - Hold boundaries early

1:00:00 - Maintain boundaries for yourself - take time to refuel

Related episodes

Four Pillars of Wholehearted Parenting We Apply to Any Problem

223 // The Power of Being Present NOW

HOW TO Reconnect with Life, Your Marriage and Your Kids / Deep Dive into Connection

Let Your Phone Be a Tool Not Your Master: Screen Detox Tips and Boundaries for Real Life

183 // Putting Our Attention on the Beautiful Call of Our Lives with Johann Hari’s Stolen Focus

Curbing Your Screen Attachment

How to WAKE UP to Your Life

Links & Books Mentioned

Blue spaces: why time spent near water is the secret of happiness

Good Inside // Dr. Becky Kennedy

Sponsor:

GABB WIRELESS

We LOVE devices that help our kids stay safe and be able to adventure while still being able to contact us safely and allow us to know where they are without being the kind of technology that steals their mental health and attention. Gabb wireless is an incredible company that we FULLY endorse for just that. Go to https://gabbwireless.com and use code FINDTHEMAGIC to get $50 off any device!

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  

Scroll to the bottom of the page

Click on write a review

Tap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)

Review of the week:

I am a busy mom of 4 (7 yo and under) and Find the Magic is something that I do for myself. I connect with these women SO well and they make me feel like I’m doing the best job, even when I feel like I’m not. Thank you ladies for being here for us mothers. ♥️

Get full access to Her Mother Tongue at hermothertongue.substack.com/subscribe

Friendships are exceedingly important, especially for mothers, in fact friendship is becoming a huge factor to over all health and wellness in a happy life. In this week's episode, we address listener questions and dive into how we can find and cultivate friendships and how that will look different in each stage of our lives as well as the age old question, should we have another baby? We dive into the intention to start from a whole place when making this decision and how Taralyn and Felica made the choice themselves.

Related Episodes

Patience with Aggressive Behavior, Friendships in Motherhood and Making Peace with Your Inner Landscape

Guidance for the Changing seasons of Motherhood

Time Stamps

• 11:57 - How to navigate friendships and create a community?

  
  



• 13:17 - Take a look at what friendships do you currently have

  
  



• 15:07 - Take the extra step to be vulnerable and create friendships

  
  



• 19:00 - Connection can look different in various stages of life

  
  



• 20:55 - Relationships can be a crossroads of human souls

  
  



• 25:00 - Don’t be afraid to instigate events

  
  



• 26:56 - How do you know you’re done having babies?

  
  



• 28:30 - The answer is inside of you

  
  



• 30:35 - There is a peace within

  
  



• 33:45 - Never make the decision to add another kid during a state of “lack”

  
  

Sponsor:

GABB WIRELESS

We LOVE devices that help our kids stay safe and be able to adventure while still being able to contact us safely and allow us to know where they are without being the kind of technology that steals their mental health and attention. Gabb wireless is an incredible company that we FULLY endorse for just that. Go to https://gabbwireless.com and use code FINDTHEMAGIC to get $50 off any device!

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  

Scroll to the bottom of the page

Click on write a review

Tap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)

Review of the week:

normalizing motherhood

I have been listening to you ladies for some time, but todays episode was so spot on that I found myself crying. Felicia talked about “seeing our kids” in defiant behavior, and as she did, I actually felt so seen myself (after a very difficult day with my own 3 kiddos). Thank you for normalizing this difficult and hilarious thing called motherhood. I have found SO much inspiration, wisdom, practical help, and pure relief in your conversations. I am so grateful for finding your show

Get full access to Her Mother Tongue at hermothertongue.substack.com/subscribe

This episode is the encouragement and reminder you need to recommit to living. Felica touches on the tenants of why we choose to be intentional with our screen use and find presence in our lived reality. She offers practical tips and how to's for detoxing from our devices as well as mindset reframes for why we are doing so. Happy detoxing!

Related Episodes

Finding Our Family Through Digital Minimalism

Finding Solitude Through Digital Minimalism

Saving Our Kids & Ourselves from Screens & Social Media with Collin Kartchner

Books & Links Mentioned

Digital Minimalism⁠ // Cal Newport

Time Stamps

• 1:30 - Recommended water bottle



• 3:00 - The importance of digital minimalism



• 5:00 - You don't need a huge social media presence



• 5:44 - The fallacy of "If you didn't post it, it didn't happen"



• 6:40 - Too much media input isn't good for our brains



• 7:40 - Think of ways that you can make connections in real life



• 8:24 - Digital Detox



• 9:58 - A mantra for why you are making your choice to detox
  
  Sponsor:

GABB WIRELESS

We LOVE devices that help our kids stay safe and be able to adventure while still being able to contact us safely and allow us to know where they are without being the kind of technology that steals their mental health and attention. Gabb wireless is an incredible company that we FULLY endorse for just that. Go to https://gabbwireless.com and use code FINDTHEMAGIC to get $50 off any device!

Review of the week:

THE ONLY PODCAST I RELIGIOUSLY LISTEN TO
This podcast saved my motherhood! I read all of Janet Lansbury’s books prior to my first daughter and told myself I can do this…then when my second was born (daughter had just turned 3), I started to fall apart. I found this podcast…and [went] down the amazing rabbit hole of this podcast. They dive into incredible topics, things I am thinking of, they read and discuss books I’ve read or are in my to-read list…I just cannot say enough good things about this podcast and these women. I listen while doing laundry, walking, making dinner…wherever I can. The mamas are like having coffee with best friends–they keep SO REAL. And during the pandemic–bless you girls. This time is so challenging, sometimes I feel like I am barely getting by–but they make me laugh because they remind you that everyone is going through this thing called life and motherhood–even now. Hugs and loves from NJ!

Thank you for the kind reviews!

We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  

Scroll to the bottom of the page

Click on write a review

Tap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)

Get full access to Her Mother Tongue at hermothertongue.substack.com/subscribe

Are you carrying the weight of the things you own? Are you carrying the weight of your todo list? Do you think thoughts like "I should be able to keep up with the chores." or "There must be something wrong with me, everyone else is doing it!"
Today's interview is with Leslie Alder, she guides caregivers through their clutter and chaos and out the other side to lighten the load that parenting and motherhood so often place on our shoulders.
Felica and Leslie dive into the mindset shifts needed to access the feelings you want to feel in your environment. They question the more is more culture that we live in and offer an anecdote for slow living that could bring us a slow peace that we desperately all need.

Link to Things We Talked About with Leslie

Slow Home Podcast: The Tortoise with Brooke McAlary

Slow Home Book: The Simple Home: A Month-by-Month Guide to Self-Reliance, Productivity and Contentment

Go fund me for Milo

Sponsor:

GABB WIRELESS

We LOVE devices that help our kids stay safe and be able to adventure while still being able to contact us safely and allow us to know where they are without being the kind of technology that steals their mental health and attention. Gabb wireless is an incredible company that we FULLY endorse for just that. Go to ⁠https://gabbwireless.com⁠ and use code FINDTHEMAGIC to get $50 off any device!

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

⁠Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  ⁠

Scroll to the bottom of the page

Click on write a review

Tap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)

Review of the week by Cara Partridge:

Life changing

…Having a baby is one thing, but raising that baby, your child(ren) can be exhausting and confusing at times. Am I doing this right, should I do this? Etc. etc. This podcast halps shed light on parenting and literally gives the best advice. The title “Finding the magic” could not be more spot on. I find myself being able to be more connected to my children and husband sometimes when I just feel lost. It helps me understand nd see more clearly into our relationships. The more I listen, the more I love. Thank you so much for all you girls do. You rock!

Time Stamps

• 1:50 - The magic of caring for sick kids



• 5:45 - How the adventure to New Zealand began



• 7:40 - How to live more minimally



• 11:22 - What is my motivation for change?



• 12:51 - A flawed filter of viewing our life is “I’m probably doing it wrong.”



• 15:50 - Replicating a more contemplative state



• 17:09 - Way of life in New Zealand and how it was a reframe



• 19:44 - Ritual is routine with intention



• 21:58 - “I don’t have enough time or energy”



• 24:12 - “All of this clutter is making me overwhelmed”



• 26:35 - It’s the stories we tell ourselves that bring meaning



• 31:00 - What does my house mean to me? And what systems can I make?


• 34:05 - Recap: I get to choose how to use my time and energy, overwhelm doesn’t come from the clutter––it comes from what I am making it mean, I haven’t figured this out YET.


• 36:00 - Leslie’s morning routine

Get full access to Her Mother Tongue at hermothertongue.substack.com/subscribe

Our bodies are intelligent. They are the home to our mind, spirit and psyche and are affected by our emotions whether we acknowledge them or not. Making the connection between our bodies and our emotions can lead us to a place of wellness and wholeness. This week we explore the mind body connection with the work of Dr. Gabor Mate (When the Body Says No). We also dive into how we can process those emotions and perhaps allow them to move through and heal us. Feeling pain is hard. There is no way around it. Oftentimes, we try to numb it or avoid it. We continue our conversation we started in episode 222 about negative emotions. How does the repression of negative emotions affect our bodies? We discuss grief and anguish and we wrestle with the concept of finding the balance in relationships between authenticity and attachment. Can we be true to ourselves and also have nurturing relationships? It’s a balance we all face. 

Here are some of the questions we discuss that may be contributing to a build up of unprocessed negative emotions in your life:

1- In my life’s important areas, what am I not saying no to?

2 - How does my inability to say no impact my life?

3- What bodily signals am I overlooking?

4 - What is the hidden story behind not saying no?

5 - Where did I get these stories?

Related episodes:

222// HOW TO Make Room for Negative Emotions and Why Processing Anger is So Important From the Work of Susan Cain and Gabor Mate

Staying Open to The Present

216 // What Resentment Reveals and Understanding Envy

How to Process Jealousy and Resist the Gaping Pit of Comparison

Books and Links We Mentioned: 

When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection // Gabor Mate, M.D.

Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole // Susan Cain

Kali Ma Meditation Felica Mentioned 

Sponsor:

GABB WIRELESS

We LOVE devices that help our kids stay safe and be able to adventure while still being able to contact us safely and allow us to know where they are without being the kind of technology that steals their mental health and attention. Gabb wireless is an incredible company that we FULLY endorse for just that. Go to https://gabbwireless.com and use code FINDTHEMAGIC to get $50 off any device!

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  Scroll to the bottom of the pageClick on write a reviewTap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)

Review of the week:

I’ve listened to this podcast from day one and obsessively check my podcast feed every Monday to see what the new episode is. Episodes are always exactly what I need to hear. They give concrete tips and ideas for a more wholehearted life and do it without making you feel guilty or like you need to change. Their views on parenting speak right to my heart and I am so grateful for the work they put into their thoughts every week. They’re changing my family one episode at a time. 

Get full access to Her Mother Tongue at hermothertongue.substack.com/subscribe

There is a lot of parenting advice out there and it can seem overwhelming to sift through. In this episode Felica breaks down her favorite steps to connecting to our child during recurrent misbehavior or unreasonable tantrums and a new way to see our kids during their hard moments.

Related episodes:

207 // We Are All Good Inside: Parenting Without Using Shame and Repairing When We Do, with Dr. Becky Kennedy Part 1 

210 // Navigating Tricky Transitions With Kids Ahead of Time and What to Do When Whining Feels Unbearable: Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy Part 2 

108 // Using Play to Diffuse Power Struggles and Connect With Your Child (based on Playful Parenting by Larence J. Cohen)

118 // Become a Child Whisperer / Parenting Your Kids True to Their Nature (based on the work of Carol Tuttle)

Sponsor:

GABB WIRELESS

We LOVE devices that help our kids stay safe and be able to adventure while still being able to contact us safely and allow us to know where they are without being the kind of technology that steals their mental health and attention. Gabb wireless is an incredible company that we FULLY endorse for just that. Go to https://gabbwireless.com and use code FINDTHEMAGIC to get $50 off any device!

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  
Scroll to the bottom of the page
Click on write a review
Tap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)

Review of the week:

So very helpful!

I’ve been so thrilled with this podcast. It’s been a huge help and has made me feel like I’m not alone in my challenges. You both are inspiring to me and helped me decide to learn to play the piano in the next 5 years after listening to your episode on a grown mindset.

Get full access to Her Mother Tongue at hermothertongue.substack.com/subscribe

When experiencing beautiful moments of joy, wonder, or gratitude it can be easy to want to cling on to those moments and not want to let go. On the flip side, when we experience difficult, dark, or heavy moments it's hard not to try to rush through, avoid, or numb out in order to escape the present. In this episode, Katelin explores what we gain when we truly embrace the present moment during both the highs and the lows.
Time Stamps

1:11 - Reluctance to let time pass
3:00 - “We suffer when we cling to or resist experience. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional” - Byron Katie
4:40 - When we resist being in the present, we also suffer
6:25 - Mindfulness is a powerful tool
6:40 - “The moment you realize you are not present, you are present." - Eckhart Tolle
8:00 - Being present with a stomach bug :/

Related Episodes
Staying Open to The Present
Books & Links Mentioned
The Power of Now // Eckhart Tolle 
Loving What Is // Byron Katie
Why Mindfulness Is a Superpower: An Animation
Sponsor:
GABB WIRELESS
We LOVE devices that help our kids stay safe and be able to adventure while still being able to contact us safely and allow us to know where they are without being the kind of technology that steals their mental health and attention. Gabb wireless is an incredible company that we FULLY endorse for just that. Go to https://gabbwireless.com and use code FINDTHEMAGIC to get $50 off any device!
Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:
Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  
Scroll to the bottom of the page
Click on write a review
Tap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)
Review of the week from bhelmich:
When my daughter turned about 8 months I started to notice I was really struggling with all the challenges of motherhood. I was at a breaking point and felt like I couldn’t share my honest thoughts with anyone without the sting of their silent judgement. This podcast was a saving grace; not only have I learned some great tools and coping mechanisms, but I no longer feel like I am ALONE or I’m doing something wrong or I’m a terrible mother if I meet some hardships in parenting. I now realize it is completely normal and I am so much more patient with myself and my daughter. I look forward to listening to this on my way to work every day so much! I feel like I’m having an intelligent, productive conversation with some great people and reflecting on myself and growing after every podcast! I really don’t think I could ever thank these women enough!

Get full access to Her Mother Tongue at hermothertongue.substack.com/subscribe

We spend lots of time embracing positivity and focusing on ways to be positive, but where does that leave space for negative emotions? In this episode, we delve into why it's important to actually feel and process the difficult stuff, specifically the big emotion of anger. We know that flying off the handle in anger isn’t helpful, but neither is bottling it up. So where does that leave us? How can we process it in a healthy way? We use the work of Gabor Mate and Susan Cain to explore answers to this important question.

Related Episodes

Connection vs. Detachment: Fulfilling Our Own Needs Without Becoming Islands of Selfishness  

Four Pillars of Wholehearted Parenting We Apply to Any Problem 

Putting Connection First 

Books and Links We Mentioned

Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole // Susan Cain

When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection // Gabor Mate, M.D.

5 Steps to Transforming Resentment

Hold on to Your Kids // Gabor Mate

https://drgabormate.com/liberal-conservative-anger/

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  

Scroll to the bottom of the page

Click on write a review

Tap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)

Review of the week from kaygutke:
Since I have been listening to this podcast I have been such a better parent! They are so uplifting, yet real. I love how to the point they are with things but have fun in it too. Great balance and great advice that applies perfectly! Thank you ladies!

Time Stamps

• 9:55 - The place of negative emotions in our lives


• 18:41 - The importance of processing healthy anger


• 23:00 - How can we actually process anger in a healthy way


• 24:47 - Name the emotion


• 28:54 - The difference between Rage, Healthy Anger, and Resentment

Get full access to Her Mother Tongue at hermothertongue.substack.com/subscribe

This episode is a sleep meditation that Taralyn has guided many people through in person, and at their request, she has recorded it to use anytime you’d like. Simply play before bed and enjoy the relaxation:) Simply download the episode, and then you can listen to it even without wifi and on airplane mode.

Related episodes:

Who Needs Sleep? How To Make Our Rest A Little Better

How Light Affects Our Sleep, Fertility, Our Child’s Behavior, and More with Andy Mant

Our Daily Meditation: this is the meditation that Taralyn does every morning. You simply push play and she walks you through it. It’s an easy way to get yourself into the habit.

Books and links she mentioned:

Taralyn’s Fave Sleep Music: Slow Wave Sleep – Delta Waves // Kelly Howell

Stress Less, Accomplish More // Emily Fletcher

Taralyn on instagram:):

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  

Scroll to the bottom of the page

Click on write a review

Tap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)

Review of the week from Myka Almazan:

I love these mamas, their vulnerability and the amazing tips, stories and info they share on this podcast! I look forward to each new episode each week. Every mama should be tuned in. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!

Get full access to Her Mother Tongue at hermothertongue.substack.com/subscribe