Her Mother Tongue

We have all been here; there are times in life of discontent, resentment, perhaps even depression and often these coincide with a forgetting of ourselves. In this episode Felica interviews Tessa Brown, an artist and writer who focuses her work on womanhood and feminine energy and happens to be Felica's dear friend.

They dive into reclaiming our younger selves and the decisions we made, wrestling with motherhood and its expectations as well as considering how we can build bridges to parts of our lives that we want to include and ask the right questions to determine what things we should leave behind. 

Time Stamps

3:30 - What do we say yes to?

6:45 - How did past selves make decisions for our future?

14:35 - What is the right question to ask

18:00 - The power of manifestation

22:30 - Not merge with collective

24:05 - I get to decide who comes onto the island

25:25 - Do I want this life?

Related Episodes

Living Life Untamed and Releasing Others to do the Same (Untamed by Glennon Doyle)

EP 99 HOW TO OWN YOUR OWN DESIRES AND THE ART OF INTIMACY WITH DR. JENNIFER FINLAYSON-FIFE

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  

Scroll to the bottom of the page

Click on write a review

Tap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)

Review of the week:

she.will.be.katie

11/07/2022

Absolute favorite

This is the only podcast that I cannot wait for the new release each week. There’s so much to contemplate in each episode. Yet at the same time its easy enough to digest that, even when my mom brain is at an all time high, I finish each episode inspired. Thank you 💛

In today’s episode we talk about how to deal with your children squabbling repeatedly and what to do when you feel like you just can’t get it together. 

Time Stamps

• 13:42 - How to help our kids have a positive sibling relationship

  
  



• 19:17 - Sibling situation is working out a social dynamic for the real world

  
  



• 21:50 - We learn in families how to read people

  
  



• 21:21 - Emotional Preparing

  
  



• 25:00 - Code words

  
  



• 27:30 - Beware of comparison

  
  



• 31:48 - I feel like I’m drowning

  
  



• 37:43 - Life is a balancing act

  
  



• 40:40 - Be kind to yourself and others

  
  

Books & Related Episodes

How to do the work // Nicole Le Pera

HOW TO Prepare Children for a New Sibling: a Conversation with Upbringing 

Systems and Values for Easier Days and Stronger Family Connections (Entitlement Trap by Linda Eyre and Richard Eyre)

Understanding Praise and How We Can Use It to Give Our Kids Confidence Instead of Insecurity

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Review of the week:

Good for dads too!

As a father of two grown children and now taking care of my 16 year old nephew along with my wife, I still find lots of great tips and inspiration from these three amazing humans. I love the “high 5” and “facepalm” stories and the podcast is a soothing way to start a day or listen to in the drive home after a busy day at work. I wish I had something like this when my kids were younger as I think back to some situations I could have handled better. Thank you Find the Magic for all the times you made me smile, laugh, think and grow as a parent.

Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  Scroll to the bottom of the pageClick on write a reviewTap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)

Some parenting wisdom feels true to our core; that is how we felt when we read much of the wisdom from Hunter Gather Parent by Michaleen Doucleff. Today we are sharing our favorite nuggets from the book pertaining to disciplining our kids. The advice is less prescriptive and more in line with what we know to be true as parents and humans. Our children are learning. Our role is to see them with love and respect and teach them the ways of their family tribe. We tackle how to direct our kids with less force, create cooperation, and reduce the amount of anger in our homes. 

Find part one of our conversation here - 

230 // Pt 1: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans // Michaeleen Doucleff

Books, Quotes, & Links Mentioned

Understanding Praise and How We Can Use It to Give Our Kids Confidence Instead of Insecurity

Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans // Michaeleen Doucleff 

“When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it's our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.”― L.R. Knost

Time Stamps

7:15 - Premise of Hunter, Gather, Parent

9:50 - 100 commands vs. 3 commands per hour

12:00 - A request is giving our kids the chance to obey or rebel

14:30 - Master the facial expressions and gestures

15:11 - Ask 3 times calmly

18:59 - Parent is the pole analogy

22:11 - Don’t talk for your kids

25:17 - At intersecting points, redirect your kids to the family

27:58 - Misbehavior is a call for responsibility & freedom

29:00 - Our work is their play

32:15 - We can infuse connection into our daily chores

35:35 - Never in anger

39:19 - Take a breath & say nothing when feeling angry

41:10 - Yelling trains our kids not to listen

43:15 - When we respond with kindness & quiet, we teach them to do the same

48:13 - How we see our kids is changes how we act towards them

Sponsor:

GABB WIRELESS

We LOVE devices that help our kids stay safe and be able to adventure while still being able to contact us safely and allow us to know where they are without being the kind of technology that steals their mental health and attention. Gabb wireless is an incredible company that we FULLY endorse for just that. Go to https://gabbwireless.com and use code FINDTHEMAGIC to get $50 off any device!

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  

Scroll to the bottom of the page

Click on write a review

Tap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)

Review of the week:

Cherise L&D nurse, 03/15/2023

I just want to take the time to thank you for being such a positive change in my life. I started listening to you guys while I was in nursing school back in 2020. Your very first podcast on morning routines changed my life forever. I then purchased “Miracle Morning” and have lived by this since then. I wake up every morning, oil pull, set my diffusers, do yoga, sip on tea, and if I have time run with my dog (I even make sure to do this on my work days). Being a busy mom of 2 kids ages 7 and 4 that I partially homeschool (they’re also in a homeschool co op), wife, and a nurse, I can’t thank you ladies enough. Your podcasts help center myself as a parent. It’s so easy to get caught up in the day to day busy lifestyle, and when I do find that happening, I pop my ear buds in and go on a run and listen to you ladies. I tell every single mom about your podcast. You have made such a positive change for my family. I truly can’t even begin to tell you how much gratitude I have for your show.

Thank you,

Cherise

"My kids never help", "It's like pulling teeth", "Our family life feels disconnected", "They don't care about me or what I do for them"; frustration over the lack of help in our homes from our children can send us into a spiral of hard days. The sentiment that "kids will be kids" and we need to cater to their whims can topple the structure of our families. In this episode, with the help of Hunter, Gather, Parent by Michaleen Doucleff, we are going to challenge the Western assumptions we all hold about parenting to bring a breath of fresh air and an ease to our parenting that just may revolutionize the way you think about your home environment! 

Time Stamps

• 8:00 - Intro to Hunter, Gather, Parent

  
  



• 10:13 - The silo parenting present in western culture (WEIRD)

  
  



• 15:51 - The drive to help and belong is naturally present in our kids from the beginning

  
  



• 20:30 - In the long run, forcing your kids is detrimental

  
  



• 21:30 - Example of five year old girl from the Nani Gandi Tribe

  
  



• 23:00 - Never force a kid to stay and work

  
  



• 25:00 - Less praise, more acknowledgement

  
  



• 26:38 - Independence vs. Autonomy

  
  



• 30:01 - “We clean it up” vs. “You clean it up”

  
  



• 34:15 - Example of autonomy the Hadzabe community

  
  



• 41:05 - Chore charts and how they work against intrinsic motivation

  
  

Related Episodes

Systems and Values for Easier Days and Stronger Family Connections (Entitlement Trap by Linda Eyre and Richard Eyre)

How To: Create Pockets of Peace

Books Mentioned:

How to Raise Kind Kids // Thomas Lickona

Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans // Michaeleen Doucleff

Sponsor:

GABB WIRELESS

We LOVE devices that help our kids stay safe and be able to adventure while still being able to contact us safely and allow us to know where they are without being the kind of technology that steals their mental health and attention. Gabb wireless is an incredible company that we FULLY endorse for just that. Go to https://gabbwireless.com and use code FINDTHEMAGIC to get $50 off any device!

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  

Scroll to the bottom of the page

Click on write a review

Tap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)

Review of the week:

AngelinaEM

04/12/2023

My new best friends.

I am a busy mom of 4 (7 yo and under) and Find the Magic is something that I do for myself. I connect with these women SO well and they make me feel like I’m doing the best job, even when I feel like I’m not. Thank you ladies for being here for us mothers. ♥️

229 // Applying Our Four Pillars: Connection, Being Present, Unconditional Love, & Healthy Boundaries

When we first started Find the Magic, we realized through research and experience that many of the strategies and ideas we found in books boiled down to four pillars: Connection, Being Present, Unconditional Love, & Healthy Boundaries. We labeled these pillars because they figuratively hold up the loving, kind, respectful homes we are striving to cultivate. We have found that if you are seeing behavioral issues with children or a lack of peace within yourself, these pillars can serve to help you recalibrate. In this episode we discuss how to ACTUALLY apply and do these four pillars. 

Time Stamps

10:00 - What are the Four Pillars?

11:09 - When our kids openly disobey

13:32 - The stories we tell ourselves are important and shape our responses

16:08 - Wholehearted parenting leads to kids who honor their own and others emotions

20:07 - How do you “make” a child do something?

21:51 - Pillar #1: The importance of connection 

24:10 - Connect in the moment by acknowledging emotion and truly seeing them

25:58 - Physical touch is a meaningful way to connect in the moment

28:50 - Child Whisperer – type 3 energy

32:10 - Preventative connection - acknowledging when kids are behaving well, holding hands, etc.

33:22 - Caregiving tasks ARE connection times

35:23 - Pillar # 2: Being present

37:00 - Wholehearted attention some of the time is WAY better than half-hearted attention always

38:20 - See the present moment as the main event rather than the precursor

41:26 - In yoga the transition to the posture is the posture

43:05 - Mantra for being present is “Here I am.”

45:00 - A human need is to be witnessed

47:27 - Pillar #3: Unconditional Love

50:00 - What does love look like when I misbehave?

54:07 - Pillar #4: Healthy Boundaries

55:05 - Hold boundaries early

1:00:00 - Maintain boundaries for yourself - take time to refuel

Related episodes

Four Pillars of Wholehearted Parenting We Apply to Any Problem

223 // The Power of Being Present NOW

HOW TO Reconnect with Life, Your Marriage and Your Kids / Deep Dive into Connection

Let Your Phone Be a Tool Not Your Master: Screen Detox Tips and Boundaries for Real Life

183 // Putting Our Attention on the Beautiful Call of Our Lives with Johann Hari’s Stolen Focus

Curbing Your Screen Attachment

How to WAKE UP to Your Life

Links & Books Mentioned

Blue spaces: why time spent near water is the secret of happiness

Good Inside // Dr. Becky Kennedy

Sponsor:

GABB WIRELESS

We LOVE devices that help our kids stay safe and be able to adventure while still being able to contact us safely and allow us to know where they are without being the kind of technology that steals their mental health and attention. Gabb wireless is an incredible company that we FULLY endorse for just that. Go to https://gabbwireless.com and use code FINDTHEMAGIC to get $50 off any device!

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  

Scroll to the bottom of the page

Click on write a review

Tap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)

Review of the week:

I am a busy mom of 4 (7 yo and under) and Find the Magic is something that I do for myself. I connect with these women SO well and they make me feel like I’m doing the best job, even when I feel like I’m not. Thank you ladies for being here for us mothers. ♥️

Friendships are exceedingly important, especially for mothers, in fact friendship is becoming a huge factor to over all health and wellness in a happy life. In this week's episode, we address listener questions and dive into how we can find and cultivate friendships and how that will look different in each stage of our lives as well as the age old question, should we have another baby? We dive into the intention to start from a whole place when making this decision and how Taralyn and Felica made the choice themselves.

Related Episodes

Patience with Aggressive Behavior, Friendships in Motherhood and Making Peace with Your Inner Landscape

Guidance for the Changing seasons of Motherhood

Time Stamps

• 11:57 - How to navigate friendships and create a community?

  
  



• 13:17 - Take a look at what friendships do you currently have

  
  



• 15:07 - Take the extra step to be vulnerable and create friendships

  
  



• 19:00 - Connection can look different in various stages of life

  
  



• 20:55 - Relationships can be a crossroads of human souls

  
  



• 25:00 - Don’t be afraid to instigate events

  
  



• 26:56 - How do you know you’re done having babies?

  
  



• 28:30 - The answer is inside of you

  
  



• 30:35 - There is a peace within

  
  



• 33:45 - Never make the decision to add another kid during a state of “lack”

  
  

Sponsor:

GABB WIRELESS

We LOVE devices that help our kids stay safe and be able to adventure while still being able to contact us safely and allow us to know where they are without being the kind of technology that steals their mental health and attention. Gabb wireless is an incredible company that we FULLY endorse for just that. Go to https://gabbwireless.com and use code FINDTHEMAGIC to get $50 off any device!

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  

Scroll to the bottom of the page

Click on write a review

Tap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)

Review of the week:

normalizing motherhood

I have been listening to you ladies for some time, but todays episode was so spot on that I found myself crying. Felicia talked about “seeing our kids” in defiant behavior, and as she did, I actually felt so seen myself (after a very difficult day with my own 3 kiddos). Thank you for normalizing this difficult and hilarious thing called motherhood. I have found SO much inspiration, wisdom, practical help, and pure relief in your conversations. I am so grateful for finding your show

This episode is the encouragement and reminder you need to recommit to living. Felica touches on the tenants of why we choose to be intentional with our screen use and find presence in our lived reality. She offers practical tips and how to's for detoxing from our devices as well as mindset reframes for why we are doing so. Happy detoxing!

Related Episodes

Finding Our Family Through Digital Minimalism

Finding Solitude Through Digital Minimalism

Saving Our Kids & Ourselves from Screens & Social Media with Collin Kartchner

Books & Links Mentioned

Digital Minimalism⁠ // Cal Newport

Time Stamps

• 1:30 - Recommended water bottle



• 3:00 - The importance of digital minimalism



• 5:00 - You don't need a huge social media presence



• 5:44 - The fallacy of "If you didn't post it, it didn't happen"



• 6:40 - Too much media input isn't good for our brains



• 7:40 - Think of ways that you can make connections in real life



• 8:24 - Digital Detox



• 9:58 - A mantra for why you are making your choice to detox
  
  Sponsor:

GABB WIRELESS

We LOVE devices that help our kids stay safe and be able to adventure while still being able to contact us safely and allow us to know where they are without being the kind of technology that steals their mental health and attention. Gabb wireless is an incredible company that we FULLY endorse for just that. Go to https://gabbwireless.com and use code FINDTHEMAGIC to get $50 off any device!

Review of the week:

THE ONLY PODCAST I RELIGIOUSLY LISTEN TO
This podcast saved my motherhood! I read all of Janet Lansbury’s books prior to my first daughter and told myself I can do this…then when my second was born (daughter had just turned 3), I started to fall apart. I found this podcast…and [went] down the amazing rabbit hole of this podcast. They dive into incredible topics, things I am thinking of, they read and discuss books I’ve read or are in my to-read list…I just cannot say enough good things about this podcast and these women. I listen while doing laundry, walking, making dinner…wherever I can. The mamas are like having coffee with best friends–they keep SO REAL. And during the pandemic–bless you girls. This time is so challenging, sometimes I feel like I am barely getting by–but they make me laugh because they remind you that everyone is going through this thing called life and motherhood–even now. Hugs and loves from NJ!

Thank you for the kind reviews!

We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  

Scroll to the bottom of the page

Click on write a review

Tap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)

Are you carrying the weight of the things you own? Are you carrying the weight of your todo list? Do you think thoughts like "I should be able to keep up with the chores." or "There must be something wrong with me, everyone else is doing it!"
Today's interview is with Leslie Alder, she guides caregivers through their clutter and chaos and out the other side to lighten the load that parenting and motherhood so often place on our shoulders.
Felica and Leslie dive into the mindset shifts needed to access the feelings you want to feel in your environment. They question the more is more culture that we live in and offer an anecdote for slow living that could bring us a slow peace that we desperately all need.

Link to Things We Talked About with Leslie

Slow Home Podcast: The Tortoise with Brooke McAlary

Slow Home Book: The Simple Home: A Month-by-Month Guide to Self-Reliance, Productivity and Contentment

Go fund me for Milo

Sponsor:

GABB WIRELESS

We LOVE devices that help our kids stay safe and be able to adventure while still being able to contact us safely and allow us to know where they are without being the kind of technology that steals their mental health and attention. Gabb wireless is an incredible company that we FULLY endorse for just that. Go to ⁠https://gabbwireless.com⁠ and use code FINDTHEMAGIC to get $50 off any device!

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

⁠Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  ⁠

Scroll to the bottom of the page

Click on write a review

Tap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)

Review of the week by Cara Partridge:

Life changing

…Having a baby is one thing, but raising that baby, your child(ren) can be exhausting and confusing at times. Am I doing this right, should I do this? Etc. etc. This podcast halps shed light on parenting and literally gives the best advice. The title “Finding the magic” could not be more spot on. I find myself being able to be more connected to my children and husband sometimes when I just feel lost. It helps me understand nd see more clearly into our relationships. The more I listen, the more I love. Thank you so much for all you girls do. You rock!

Time Stamps

• 1:50 - The magic of caring for sick kids



• 5:45 - How the adventure to New Zealand began



• 7:40 - How to live more minimally



• 11:22 - What is my motivation for change?



• 12:51 - A flawed filter of viewing our life is “I’m probably doing it wrong.”



• 15:50 - Replicating a more contemplative state



• 17:09 - Way of life in New Zealand and how it was a reframe



• 19:44 - Ritual is routine with intention



• 21:58 - “I don’t have enough time or energy”



• 24:12 - “All of this clutter is making me overwhelmed”



• 26:35 - It’s the stories we tell ourselves that bring meaning



• 31:00 - What does my house mean to me? And what systems can I make?


• 34:05 - Recap: I get to choose how to use my time and energy, overwhelm doesn’t come from the clutter––it comes from what I am making it mean, I haven’t figured this out YET.


• 36:00 - Leslie’s morning routine

Our bodies are intelligent. They are the home to our mind, spirit and psyche and are affected by our emotions whether we acknowledge them or not. Making the connection between our bodies and our emotions can lead us to a place of wellness and wholeness. This week we explore the mind body connection with the work of Dr. Gabor Mate (When the Body Says No). We also dive into how we can process those emotions and perhaps allow them to move through and heal us. Feeling pain is hard. There is no way around it. Oftentimes, we try to numb it or avoid it. We continue our conversation we started in episode 222 about negative emotions. How does the repression of negative emotions affect our bodies? We discuss grief and anguish and we wrestle with the concept of finding the balance in relationships between authenticity and attachment. Can we be true to ourselves and also have nurturing relationships? It’s a balance we all face. 

Here are some of the questions we discuss that may be contributing to a build up of unprocessed negative emotions in your life:

1- In my life’s important areas, what am I not saying no to?

2 - How does my inability to say no impact my life?

3- What bodily signals am I overlooking?

4 - What is the hidden story behind not saying no?

5 - Where did I get these stories?

Related episodes:

222// HOW TO Make Room for Negative Emotions and Why Processing Anger is So Important From the Work of Susan Cain and Gabor Mate

Staying Open to The Present

216 // What Resentment Reveals and Understanding Envy

How to Process Jealousy and Resist the Gaping Pit of Comparison

Books and Links We Mentioned: 

When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection // Gabor Mate, M.D.

Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole // Susan Cain

Kali Ma Meditation Felica Mentioned 

Sponsor:

GABB WIRELESS

We LOVE devices that help our kids stay safe and be able to adventure while still being able to contact us safely and allow us to know where they are without being the kind of technology that steals their mental health and attention. Gabb wireless is an incredible company that we FULLY endorse for just that. Go to https://gabbwireless.com and use code FINDTHEMAGIC to get $50 off any device!

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Open Find the Magic in the podcast app  Scroll to the bottom of the pageClick on write a reviewTap the stars to rate us and then write us some feedback:)

Review of the week:

I’ve listened to this podcast from day one and obsessively check my podcast feed every Monday to see what the new episode is. Episodes are always exactly what I need to hear. They give concrete tips and ideas for a more wholehearted life and do it without making you feel guilty or like you need to change. Their views on parenting speak right to my heart and I am so grateful for the work they put into their thoughts every week. They’re changing my family one episode at a time. 

There is a lot of parenting advice out there and it can seem overwhelming to sift through. In this episode Felica breaks down her favorite steps to connecting to our child during recurrent misbehavior or unreasonable tantrums and a new way to see our kids during their hard moments.

Related episodes:

207 // We Are All Good Inside: Parenting Without Using Shame and Repairing When We Do, with Dr. Becky Kennedy Part 1 

210 // Navigating Tricky Transitions With Kids Ahead of Time and What to Do When Whining Feels Unbearable: Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy Part 2 

108 // Using Play to Diffuse Power Struggles and Connect With Your Child (based on Playful Parenting by Larence J. Cohen)

118 // Become a Child Whisperer / Parenting Your Kids True to Their Nature (based on the work of Carol Tuttle)

Sponsor:

GABB WIRELESS

We LOVE devices that help our kids stay safe and be able to adventure while still being able to contact us safely and allow us to know where they are without being the kind of technology that steals their mental health and attention. Gabb wireless is an incredible company that we FULLY endorse for just that. Go to https://gabbwireless.com and use code FINDTHEMAGIC to get $50 off any device!

Thank you for the kind reviews! We appreciate them so much. Here is how to leave a review for us  on iTunes:

Review of the week:

So very helpful!

I’ve been so thrilled with this podcast. It’s been a huge help and has made me feel like I’m not alone in my challenges. You both are inspiring to me and helped me decide to learn to play the piano in the next 5 years after listening to your episode on a grown mindset.