Hopestream: Parenting Kids Through Addiction & Mental Health

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Jane isn't exactly sure at what age her older son began using substances regularly, but the degree of misuse seemed to come in waves. He stayed in therapy until he left for college - which is just when her younger son began having the same issues. He cycled through four high schools, attended a wilderness program, and eventually enrolled in the therapeutic boarding school where he is today.

Jane's family's relationship is pretty good, thanks to the many tools she's been learning and practicing in The Stream. Her sons are honest with her, they respect each other, and Jane's husband actively participates in their recovery process. But after both sons were home for a holiday visit, Jane realized she needed to address a boundary violation that occurred during their stay. We spoke for this episode the day her son was coming home, and the conversation could potentially happen - but should it?

Jane needed to talk through how she might approach this difficult conversation and wanted to consider whether acknowledging the boundary violation would throw her family’s relative calm into chaos. We also discuss strategies she can use to step outside the anxiety of imagining worst-case scenarios and getting sucked into future trips. In this coaching episode, Jane and I talk through three specific tools to address issues that so many parents find themselves confronting with a child who struggles with substance misuse.

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

It probably doesn’t surprise you that the majority of Hopestream Community members are moms. About 70% of therapists are women, as well, and women are significantly more likely than men to seek out their services.

Last year, we launched The Woods, our private community for dads, stepdads, and male co-parents. And as much as we would love to help more dads who have kids struggling with substances, they don’t come flocking to our services. 

I wanted to dive into this imbalance and asked Steve Andrews to join me for a conversation. As host of The Woods, Steve brings a lot of harrowing personal experience to the table. When his son first began misusing DXM, Kratom, alcohol, and marijuana in middle school, he had no idea how bad things would get. (To hear his whole story, check out his first appearance on the show at the link below.)

Now, with his son in full recovery, Steve is a practicing therapist. He’s seen this gender dynamic play out within himself, in The Woods, and the world of therapeutic practice. Today, he gives us his best take on why men seem to have a natural aversion to approaches like The Invitation to Change and CRAFT and how we can reframe those ideas in a more accessible way.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Steve’s Story, Hopestream Episode 183
• Never Split The Difference, book by Chris Voss
• Steve's website

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

The behavioral symptoms of young people caught up in substance misuse can be disheartening: open hostility, lying, cheating, stealing from family, and others. These symptoms can be hard to view as a result of the substances, and parents may instead blame their child for being “bad.” 

My guest today, Dr. Jennifer Fernandez, is a proponent of a compassionate model that sounds more complex than it is - the "biopsychosocial model." This model aims to contextualize all factors contributing to someone’s reliance on substances - not just genetics. She says this type of analysis can help those who love someone struggling with substances understand behavior that would otherwise seem irrational. And when we know more, it leaves room for the empathy we need to parent young people who can appear out of control. 

Dr. Fernandez is a doctor of clinical psychology and the founder and Clinical Director of the California Center for Change. She’s an expert in CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training), motivational Interviewing, and harm reduction, a concept many parents struggle with. She oversees psychotherapy and support groups founded on nonjudgmental principles. 

In today's wide-ranging episode, Jennifer and I discuss whether harm reduction is really just enabling, the power of motivational interviewing, what we can learn from a person’s “drug of choice”, and the importance of parents presenting a unified front.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

California Center for Change website

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Patrick Balsley's substance use began with alcohol in middle school and ended 11 years later with heroin- and cocaine-induced psychosis.  But instead of talking to Patrick about who he used to be, today I'm talking to him about the incredible things he's been doing with his life since then and what he's learned while helping so many other families in their pursuit of recovery.

Patrick founded Sana Counseling and Sana House, a recovery residence for men. He sits on the board of recovery high school Emerald School of Excellence, which began with two students and has grown to about 35 kids, most graduating and moving on to college or work programs.  He also serves on the board of the PIVOTPoint WNC therapeutic adventure program and the advisory board at the Atrium Health Foundation.  As you can tell,  his incredible range of experience - both personal and professional - makes him an incredible source for parents.

In this episode, Patrick and I discuss why many parents have the "it's just a phase" mindset during their child's experimentation, the compounding dangers of parents self-medicating to deal with their family dynamics, and the importance of early intervention for kids - and therapy for everyone.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Sana Counseling
• Sana Recovery - young men’s sober living in Charlotte, NC
• About Patrick Balsley
• Emerald School of Excellence - Charlotte, NC recovery high school
• Archway Academy, Houston, TX recovery high school
• Association of Recovery Schools
• Generation Found documentary
• CRAFT-Certified Therapist List (from Dr. Bob Meyers)
• Find CRAFT-practitioners at Helping Families Help

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Because I sit at a vantage point of seeing many parents working to understand and implement the Invitation To Change Approach (ITC) with their child who struggles with substance misuse, I see things others don't. I hear the frustrations and the celebrations, and I know that while an approach like the ITC is very powerful and effective, it isn't a magic wand.

Sometimes, the more difficult aspects of using a compassion and empathetic-centric approach to a very scary and challenging problem don't get talked about. In today's short, solo episode I wanted to highlight and pick apart some of the more difficult and less-discussed challenges you may be facing. There's also a short but important pep talk just in case you're feeling a bit deflated at the moment.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Beyond Addiction; How Science and Kindness Help People Change - buy it here
• Learn more about The Invitation To Change approach here

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When Dr. Nzinga Harrison was recently approached by her son, a high school senior, about going to his first party, she consented. He was unsurprised by her followup question: “Do you think there will be drugs there?” As an addiction psychiatrist and M.D. specializing in addiction medicine, Dr. Harrison had been talking with him about substances since he was very young, so the question wasn’t awkward. “Yeah, probably,” he replied. As her stomach twisted, she realized that the years of preparation for this stage of his life were about to be tested – if not at the party, then sometime soon afterward.

In the two years since our favorite doctor was last on the show, Dr. Harrison has organized much of her extensive knowledge about the roots of substance use disorders into a new book: Un-addiction: 6 Mind-Changing Conversations That Could Save a Life. The framework is comprehensive and data-driven, but also plainly written and easy to understand. I tried using sticky notes to mark the best parts, but gave up when I realized I was marking almost every page.

In this conversation, Dr. Harrison lays out these six conversations, sharing with us how the conversation with her son progressed, and covering a range of other topics, including:

• Conversational scripts for talking to kids about substances
• The importance of asking, “What do you know?” without judgment
• The nascent idea of “pre-addiction” and how understanding it can change the trajectory for someone struggling
• How your ZNA (zip code at birth) predicts health outcomes better than your current zip code
• How cultural traditions and rituals can create risk factors

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Un-Addiction book
• Eleanor Health
• Dr. Nzinga Harrison’s website

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When Dr. Robert Schwebel was approached by a local treatment agency about developing a drug program for adolescents, he was not interested. He decided to meet with the agency about the proposal, but also to share hard truths that he thought would encourage them to find someone else: Don't promise drug free kids overnight. Help them learn to make good decisions rather than telling them what to do. Incorporate life counseling. Rather than rejecting him, the program agreed to Robert’s suggestions and hired him.

Robert hoped to find and tweak an existing treatment program that incorporated these principles, but couldn't find one. In the 1990s, residential treatment centers were cash cows, with professionals often advising parents to place their kids in inpatient treatment at the first sign of experimentation. He describes most of those programs as "watered down 12-Step programs," demanding instant and complete abstinence - which he believed was unrealistic for most adolescents. So he started from scratch. The result was the widely adopted Seven Challenges Program.

One of the many programs that have adopted this adolescent-specific model is Elements Wilderness, and Lynn Smith, co-founder, and primary therapist there joins me and Robert to share the provider experience with the Seven Challenges model. We cover:

• How The Seven Challenges builds a climate of mutual respect and honest discussion
• Why practitioners don't insist on drug abstinence when adolescents are engaged in the challenges
• The power of asking kids what they like about drugs
• Why "come back when you hit rock bottom" is the wrong approach

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• The Seven Challenges website
• Elements Wilderness website

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Years before his gender transition, Jordan Held still remembers the day he asked his employer if he could wear the same clothing as the male faculty. The reply: "We're not ready for that yet." Whether or not your young person is questioning their sexual identity, gender, pronouns or any other aspect of themselves, you’ll get so much from this important conversation.

As a teenager, he had been a good student and athlete who just wanted to be the popular girl at school. He wore clothes that weren't comfortable, drank, smoked weed, hooked up with people he had no real interest in, and generally tried to fit in. But after college, Jordan met a trans man for the first time and many of the puzzle pieces from his early life began to fall into place.

While the administration of the school where he worked felt "not ready" for Jordan to dress as male faculty, he knew he couldn’t live his life as a lie forever. The administration’s denial was a catalyst for redirecting his life course.

Jordan Held now has a Masters degree in both Social Welfare and Sports Leadership, and a bachelor's degree in Kinesiology. He’s worked in residential mental health treatment, as well as the world's largest gender clinic, giving him a great deal of experience with the most pressing issues affecting teens and young adults - especially those who are exploring their sexual identity.

As a private practice therapist, Jordan has deep expertise in gender and sexual minority youth with complex histories of PTSD and trauma. Many have been in substance use treatment programs as well. In this episode, we discuss why some young people are going "stealth", the post-pandemic spread of school avoidance, why kids don't even consider marijuana a drug any more, and how parenting without shame creates bonds of trust that leave families stronger in difficult times.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Jordan Held LinkedIn
• Psychology Today
• Netflix show, Disclosure

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If you could stand outside your own life, watching your family relationships play out like a movie, what patterns of behavior might you notice about yourself?  If you could see those patterns now, wouldn’t it be much easier to improve them each day?  In this episode, we try to understand ourselves and our family dynamics more deeply through the lens of attachment theory.

If you’re like me, you’d never heard attachment theory mentioned in recovery spaces or literature.  But my guest today believes it has an important role to play in the families of children using substances.

Jack Hinman has provided therapeutic support for young adults for two decades across a wide variety of settings – hospitals, wilderness therapy, residential centers, and community mental health settings.  Serving these different roles has provided him a holistic overview of the therapeutic experience, and has only solidified his belief that attachment theory can be a key component to improving stressful family dynamics.

Today we discuss the four attachment styles, their superpowers, how they affect our relationships with our kids and partners, and how we can change them for the better.

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.  -  Aristotle

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Engage Life Transitions website 
• The Attachment Project (online attachment style quiz)

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When my son began using drugs and alcohol, I did what a lot of parents do: I dove headfirst into a world I didn't know existed, trying to evaluate all the possible programs and places he might go to get help. But there's so much to learn about the treatment world, and the knowledge is extremely specialized, making it almost impossible to sift through it effectively without a guide. On today's show, I spoke with someone who is that guide for families.

Joanna Lilley has been an educational consultant (though she prefers "therapeutic consultant") for a decade, and has worked in all sorts of settings, from wilderness therapy programs to academic institutions. She has connected hundreds of families to treatment programs, therapists, and other resources, and you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who has a more holistic and honest view of the industry.

Joanna is notorious for her blunt transparency, and she has a lot of knowledge to share. In this episode, we discuss:

• The importance of finding an independent educational consultant
• The ethical standards a consultant should be held to
• The role and value consultants bring to the table in a time of crisis
• Information consultants have that parents will never get from their own research
• The most important questions parents should always ask before engaging a consultant
• Why Joanna says not every family needs a consultant

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Joanna’s website:  (https://lilleyconsulting.com)
• Therapeutic Consulting Assoc.:  (https://www.therapeuticconsulting.org)

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This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.