horizontal with lila

Welcome back to part 2 of 4 episodes with my dear friends, primary poly partners, kinky lovers, and entrepreneurs, leaders in the poly / kink People of Color community, Tiana & Orion.

In episode 78. surprise surprise he liked black chicks, we dove into Tiana's sexual development. We talked about natural musk, her parent's divorce, commuting between the two households, what Tiana & Orion's parents have in common, face-sitting on teddy bears, her first inklings of exhibitionism, being a good girl, then fucking til you die!, how Tiana met her husband in middle school by dropping books on him, the story of their marriage, a very good tip for good anal play, the taint, camming on Chaturbate, looking for threesomes on Feeld, Tiana's first polycule and first triad, and how her ex demolished their relationship by wiping out their accounts on payroll day. And that was just the first quarter of our conversation, and you should listen to it first.

In this episode, we discuss Orion's family legacy: the violence of his father, his mother's pattern of dating abusive men, coding love based on what we experienced as children, and how even abuse can be coded as love if it was all you could get from your caregivers, witnessing more than one way to father, poverty & private school, Orion's interplay with the archetype of the strong black woman, us-against-the-world, compartmentalization, bullying, Orion, The Soldier, and The Beast, going to the Renaissance Faire as a black couple, microaggressions at a white boat party, how Orion is the first black male primary partner that Tiana has had, and Orion's biggest difficulty being in relationship with Tiana. (I don't think you'll guess what it is!)

And this is just part two!

You definitely want to hear part three & four of this conversation.

Tiana and Orion allow us to witness the inner workings of their relationship, talking through the biggest strain that they have have experienced so far, live, involving broken agreements, a communication breakdown, and sex with secondary partner. It's fresh, and alive. New information is revealed in the conversation: there is hurt, and introspection, and questioning, and loving challenge, and we get to hear — in real time — how they work through the Deep Feels.

They are beyond generous to allow us this true window into their poly life. It is an edge. I am deeply honored that they would navigate that edge and allow us to listen in. This has my aim for the podcast all along— to allow you to eavesdrop on a private conversation, so that we can learn some of the forms that intimate dialogue can take. I feel certain there's something there for you, poly or not.

In order to listen to part three and four, become a patron of the horizontal arts! Go to Patreon.com / horizontal with lila ... At the base tier of $10/month, you get access to The Full Horizontal, including all the part twos going back to the beginning (or in this case, threes and fours) plus access to the secret patrons Facebook group, and a monthly video of intimacy tips and a love poem.

In keeping with my commitment to myself to rewire my nervous system for joy by celebrating triumphs of any size, I have something to share:

On May 21st, 2019, I will celebrate 2 years of horizontal. A Horizontal-Aversary!

I have never loved a project for so long before. I have never felt so powerfully committed to a mission before. And I have never before had the soul-satisfaction of knowing that my work resonates. I am going to mark this occasion in two ways: first, with another Confetti Project Open Studios photo shoot, and then, on May 21st, with a Horizontal-Aversary party at which the invitees are all previous horizontal guests & current patrons. (Become one in the next 10 days for an invite!)

I plan to attempt the recording of an episode unprecented in the horizontal-verse!

I'd be honored if you'd celebrate this milestone with me in any one of these ways: becoming a patron, sending me a personal message about how a particular horizontal concept or episode has made a difference for you, or by sharing this art I've made you with the people you love most in the world.

Thank you for listening.

Come lie down with us again in the The Bronx, New York.

My name is Lila, and I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, storytelling, sex, and stargazing, among other things. I've metaphorically rolled them up in audio form and called it a podcast. Horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. It's intimacies of all kinds. It's consensual eavesdropping. It's us lying down right next to each other, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.

During Seasons 1 and 2, I got horizontal with one guest at a time, but Season 3 will be mostly comprised of threesomes: myself plus two guests who are in some kind of relationship with one another. Typically, each conversation is between two and three hours long, and divided into two parts — the part ones are available in all the podcast places, and the part twos are available exclusively for my patrons. But this episode is something truly remarkable. We recorded for over five hours, and we went both broad and deep. I'll be dividing this conversation into four parts: the first two, episodes 78 & 79, will be available in all the podcast places, and the last two 80 & 81, will be exclusive to patrons of the horizontal arts.

To become a patron, go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila — at the base tier of $10/month, you get access to The Full Horizontal, including all the part twos (or in this case, threes and fours) plus access to the secret patrons Facebook group, and a monthly video of intimacy tips and a love poem.

In this and the following 3 episodes, I lie down with two of the people I love most in the world, Tiana and Orion. I've known Orion for 13 years, and Tiana for 1. They are: my people. I cherish them. With great regard. I believe in them. I believe in them like a good parent believes in their kids. I see them.

Orion is a massage therapist, a father, a personal trainer, a polysaturated lover, and a newly-minted kink educator. Orion and I met at the very beginning of my yoga teaching career. We worked at the same gym. I knew him when he had dreads. I knew him when he was married. I knew him when he became a father. For many years, we saw each other every single week — I'd teach him a private yoga class, and he would give me a massage, and we would tell each other all about our lives. He is one of the most overscheduled people I have ever known, but he always always made time for me. It was therapeutic in so many ways. He healed my body when I was training acrobatics. He made space for my moods and did not judge my depression. He knew of every heartbreak, every abandoned project, every new desire, all the plans and all the schemes. He was a primary confidant. He is firmly in my corner.

Tiana is the glittersaurus: the sparkliest, most fabulous human I have ever personally known and loved. She is an entrepreneur with a pet-care business, a professional dominatrix, a model and a stylist for fun, a craft-er, and not for nothin', one of the most gorgeous women that exists. She is so beautiful, and yet focuses so little on the physical beauty of her lovers, that I joke that she's like Fleur from Harry Potter, "I am beautiful enough for ze both of us!" She has singlehandedly inspired me to live into the Burning Man principle of radical self-expression with the way I present myself every single day. I think some people might be surprised that before a year ago, I wasn't fully self-expressed with my clothing. But I wasn't. I was always concerned about being "too." "Too too." But Tiana, because of her willingness to be gloriously bold, to tolerate the attention that that brings (and it brings all kinds), and to go larger, bigger, shinier when she feels challenged, not LESS, she unlocked that for me, and I am so grateful.

Tiana and Orion are polyamorous, which means they have many loves, and they are primary partners, which means that they prioritize their connection, even though they are linked romantically and/or sexually to multiple other partners and lovers and romantic friends.

In this episode, Tiana, Orion, and I talk about natural musk, her parent's divorce, commuting between the two households, what Tiana & Orion's parents have in common, face-sitting on teddy bears, first inklings of exhibitionism, being a good girl, then fucking til you die, Tiana meeting her husband in middle school, the story of her marriage, a tip for good anal play, the taint, camming on Chaturbate, looking for threesomes on Feeld, Tiana's first polycule and first triad, and how her ex ended their marriage by wiping out their accounts. And this is just the first quarter of our conversation. (!)

This podcast was edited by Chad Michael Snavely- he's Chad Michael.com on the interwebz. My intro music was created by Alan Markley, @plasticcannons on Instagram, and my sensual cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, whom you can find on 99 Designs.

Come lie down with us, in the Bronx.

Welcome to the second threesome of Season 3!

Horizontal is still Slow Radio. It's still consensual eavesdropping. It's still us reclining, sharing secrets, in your ears. But while the first two seasons had me lying down as though post-coital and stargazing with only one person at a time, in Season 3 I'll often get horizontal with two people at a time: people who are in some kind of relationship with one another. In this case, they are co-hosts, business partners, and friends.

In this episode, 76, and the following, episode 77, I lie down with Dominick Q and Bryan Stacy of The Discerning Dick, a monthly series focused on generating worthy inquiry and meaningful introspection into the forces that shape a man's sexuality, behavior and intimate relationships.

I attended the first three Discerning Dick events at The Assemblage in Manhattan, and it gave me an echo of the feeling of the day I got to be a fly on the wall during a men's group meeting in Ashland, Oregon in 2008. Undoubtedly, what I saw and heard was changed somewhat by the fact of my witnessing. But what I heard was still a powerful window into minds and bodies that I wanted desperately to understand.

Dominick Q is a men's group leader, an executive mentor, a speaker, and a writer. Bryan is a sexual health advocate, a testicular cancer survivor, and the co-founder of the app biem, which is designed to allow people to easily get tested for STI's and share their test results with partners.

Bryan and I have been planning to produce an event together — look out for TESTFEST 2019!

Dom & Bryan also co-host the "Man Amongst Men" podcast, which they call a "High Achieving Man's Journey to Personal Development."

They are both men who have spent the majority of their lives focused on standard notions of external success. And now they are focused on what that energy might look like, and what it might eventually do out in the world, if they first focus on their inner world.

They are cisgendered straight white males trying to heighten their self-awareness in order to do better, to be constantly in the process of becoming better men without claiming to have arrived at it, and sincerely making the effort to bring other cis straight white men along with them.

I can think of many men that I would like them to talk to.

Men also suffer from the indoctrination of a culture that shames us for our natural human sexuality yet objectifies women to sell things to nearly everyone. These men aim to be a bridge between a man who doesn't know that he's swimming in water… and the sex educators and personal development leaders of the world. They aim to speak directly to men who feel stuck in a lackluster sex life or mired in sexual habits that are destructive or secretive, or both.

Just as it is a white person's responsibility to educate themselves and other white people about intersectionality, injustice, and the perniciousness of racism, so too is it a man's responsibility to educate himself and other men about intersectionality, injustice, and the perniciousness of sexism.

I deeply, Heartbreakingly believe that a lack of self-inquiry combined with sexual repression is a direct cause of the lion's share of violence on this planet. They are aiming for the root. And I want to do everything in my power to stand for that.

Dominick and Bryan don't claim to be experts; they just aim to be willing: willing to be educated, to be called-in, to adjust their worldview, and to tell other men what they've discovered, publicly.

Find Dom's work on dominickq.com and dominickq on Instagram, the Biem app in the app store and Bryan on Instagram as @talkingnut, and you can find their projects together, including the Man Amongst Men podcast, on DoInnerWork.com

*

On April 27th, The Joy List and I are hosting The Sleepover, which is not a sex party, but an overnight opportunity to indulge in copious playfulness, connection, and joy! There shall be:

Pajamas

SNAX

personal development quizzes

Intimacy games

A sound bath meditation

Sensation Play with car buffers and pinwheels

a giant teddy bear named Tiny

And

Surprises

You can get 20% off of your ticket if you use the secret code: HORIZONTALITY, in all caps.

*

In this first part of our conversation, we talk about erections, the three forces that shaped their early view of sexuality: Faith, Family, & Friends, scrambled porn, an addiction to masturbation, what the Bible actually says about premarital sex, Unitarian Universalism, bargaining with God over sexuality, and how Bryan's sexual shame kept him from getting tested, and led to a dual diagnosis of testicular cancer and chlamydia.

Come lie down with us in New York, New York.

Welcome to Season 3 of horizontal! This is the podcast of intimacies recorded while reclining. It's still Slow Radio. It's still consensual eavesdropping. It's still us lying down, sharing secrets, in your ears. But while the first two seasons had me lying down with only one person at a time, season three will often add another guest to my pillow. I'll be lying down with people who are in some kind of relationship with one another. And I intend to encompass as many types of human relationships as I can. They might be friends, family members, teammates, mentors and acolytes, business partners, lovers, exes, metamours, co-parents… You know what this means, right? That's right: This season is going to be a Lila sandwich. My first two guests of Season 3, Dan and Jimanekia are a manager and her client, as well as friends. Jimanekia is a Sex Educator, Queer media consultant, Sexual Assault expert, and Trauma Specialist. She is widely-studied and deeply-informed. Her work comes from the well of her own transformations, her personal navigation through profound pain and culture shock after culture shock, and the fierce desire to protect others from suffering at the intersection of sexual assault, race, class, privilege, and trauma. She is the host of the podcast Trauma Queen, a mini-series about healing for assault survivors and their allies. She speaks with survivors, therapists, partners, educators, and experts. Her podcast a gift to the world, a resource for survivors and those who love them, and, everyone with a beating heart, really, with each episode providing actionable, practical steps. She teaches without teaching, educates without educating. You'll see. Find Jimanekia on her website Traumaqueen.love and you can follow her on Twitter and Instagram @Jimanekia. Dan — also known as Dannielle — Owens is a queer Femmeboy activist, and Jimanekia's manager. Dannielle also manages two other previous horizontal guests, Stevie Boebi, the go-to lesbian sexpert on YouTube, episodes 42 & 43, and Meghan Tonjes, singer-songwriter and accidental leader of the booty revolution, episodes 24 & 25. Dan uses the pronouns he/him as well as she/her, interchangeably. Let me model how that might go for you: He is the CEO of genderfluid clothing label & inclusive marketplace Radimo, which plays with gender the way I love to see gender played with, and focuses on directly supporting clothing made by queer, trans, black, POC, plus-size humans, women, and disabled small business owners. Radimo's pieces are modeled by folx with different body types, skin tones, and gender identities. You can find the whole line on the website Radimo.LA … She engages in all sorts of glorious gender fuckery, on Instagram with the handle @boygodking , on YouTube as Dannielle Owens-Reid, and her forthcoming book, "From One Cult To The Next," is a memoir about ending toxic relationships and the healing thereafter. Many of you know that all the part twos of each episode are available exclusively to patrons of $5 a month and up. I've revamped my Patreon tiers with shiny new perks, and the upgrades will all go into effect next Friday, April 12th, alongside the release of part two of my conversation with Dan & Jimanekia. If you become a patron of $5 a month in the next seven days, you will be grandfathered in with access to The Full Horizontal, and my gratitude for being an early patron of the horizontal arts! After April 12th, the first tier of patronage will be $10 a month, and it will include: access to all the part twos & the secret patrons Facebook group with behind-the-scenes access, along with a monthly video with curated intimacy tips! If you adore the love poem of the month, fret not, O patron my patron, it will be part of the video! The perks for $25, $50, and $100 a month are even more delectable, and include my favorite new perk, in which I will plan a monthly date for you! With yourself or with a friend or a family member or a lover. Check Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila for all the saucy details. I'm also running a sweet little special offer. If you become a $10/month patron by the end of April, I'll send you a handwritten thank you love note and a bit of horizontal swag (maybe a magnet, maybe a bumper sticker, maybe something else) in the actual MAIL. Sigh! I still Love getting mail as much as I did when I used to send bedazzled letters back and forth with my friend from summer camp in 1995. Also, I've been told that my handwriting is "ridiculous," "astonishing," and "like a font!" These are actual reviews, with no exaggeration. In this first part of this episode with Dan and Jim, we tell our origin stories, which include loneliness, divorce, cancer, sex-positivity, intimacy, braces, bio dads and adoptive dads, relocating 10 times by the age of 9, latchkey kids, alcoholism, bipolar disorder / intervention, manipulation, therapy PTSD / advice columns, gaslighting, inclusivity, gender neutrality / queerness, microaggressions, racism, sluthood, LGBTQIA in the black community, rape, eating disorders, being an empath, burnout, sex ed ….and how we came to possess our superpowers. We cover a lot of ground in this one. We'd better get into it. Come lie down with us in Los Angeles, California. *** Chad Michael Snavely has edited every horizontal episode since the beginning of Season 2. He's a podcast impresario, and you can find his whole body of work on chadmichael.com. Alan Markley composed the intro music, and he's busy being a rock star on Instagram as plasticcannons. Shana Shay created my saucy cover art, and you can hire her on 99 Designs. Next week's episode, part two of my episode with Dan and Jimanekia, in which we dig into their relationship with each other, is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts. Remember that if you'd like access to The Full Horizontal for $5/month, you'll need to become a patron before April 12th, next Friday. And if you become a $10/month patron before the end of April, I'll send you a handwritten thank you love note in my glorious handwriting, plus a bit of horizontal swag! Until next week: may you have someone (or someones) to love, something to do, and so many things to look forward to.

This conversation is not like the others. It's still Slow Radio. It's still a conversation about intimacies of all kinds. But this time, to close out Season Two, this time we recorded while sitting relatively upright, because my guest, is my Dad.

We recorded about a year ago, sitting on a somewhat noisy leather couch sectional, in a house that's perpetually under construction, because my father loves the process of things.

My father's name is Anthony, but he's Anthony only to the family, and Tony to his friends. He's always been "Dad" to me. He was born in Boro Park — at the time a half-Italian, half-Orthodox neighborhood in Brooklyn, New York. It's also where I was born. He almost became a priest, but become a child psychologist instead. I suppose he would have ministered to souls either way. As far back as I can remember, my father's greatest love has been carpentry. The house I grew up had a garage that functioned exclusively as my dad's woodshop. I didn't share my father's fascination with building things, but to this day, I love the smell of sawdust, and have a great warm respect for those who craft with their hands.

My Dad's a Catholic. I am not. The story goes: my parents gave me the choice between Hebrew School and Sunday School, and I chose neither. They didn't force me to go. As a teenager, I became a Unitarian Universalist. My Dad has always respected my choices and approved of me.

After the age of 12, when my parents got divorced, I didn't live with my father. My mother moved us down to Florida, and my father stayed in New York. In this conversation, I ask him questions I had never questioned before.

When I was 17, and I moved back to New York to go to college at NYU, my father moved me in and out of the dorms. He came to every play and avant-garde piece I did in college (like the Antigone I did in the fountain at Washington Square Park), and for many years thereafter. He has been free with his affirmation, and has always supported any choice that I enthusiastically made for my life. While my mother questioned the prudence of studying theatre in college, and threatened to pull her support if I persisted, my Dad said that he would support me to the best of his ability. He approved when I wanted to become a yoga teacher. He approved when I wanted to become an AcroYoga teacher. He approved when I wanted to dance Argentine tango in Buenos Aires. He said yes when I asked him to loan me his car for two months in the summer of 2008 to make my first cross-country road trip, teaching AcroYoga all along the way. He didn't mind that I put 10,000 miles on it. He approved when I decided to move to Portland. He approved when I had a Saturn Return crisis and all I wanted to do was travel for a year. He received me when I burned out 9 months into that year and spent a couple of months at my mom's place, and then flew up to stay a cold winter in his fixer-upper house with him, stacking firewood and nursing myself back to adulthood. He approved when I told him that I lived in a sex-positive intentional community whose mission is to eradicate shame and encourage freedom of expression. He approved when I started a podcast, even though I'm broadcasting my secrets out into the universe, and he is a very private person. And, though a private person, he agreed the moment I asked him to make an episode with me, even though he has no interest in being recorded anywhere else. You see, he still has the capacity to surprise me. But maybe it's exactly true to character. Because this*is my* project. And my father has always, always supported what I mean to do in the world.

So you see, my father has been easy to love.

In this episode, the first part of our conversation, we talk about his father, a grandfather I never met, also named Tony: who battled with the prejudice against Italians, beat his kids with a machine strap, gave a eulogy in Harlem, never told my Dad that he loved him, and raped at least one of his daughters. My father broke the cycle of abuse. It only takes one generation to break a cycle, and that generation can be yours.

We also talk about why my father decided to go to seminary, the ad hoc sex ed that he got by asking priests, and why he decided not to be ordained (it's probably not what you think. At least, it's not what I thought.)

Dad regularly goes on tangents, so we meander a lot here, even more than usual, and there's a lot of reminiscing. He also uses the word "whatnot" more than anyone I've ever heard. Actually, I can't recall hearing anyone else use the word "whatnot."

***

In just a few weeks, I'll be transitioning to a very different Patreon model and streamlining my tiers. The lowest tier will be $20 / month, and will give access to x unreleased, raw episodes (with never-before-heard guests) plus other choice, what do the kids call it these days? Premium content.

If you want to be grandfathered in with access to The Full Horizontal, all the part twos at $5, $10 (which includes the monthly love poems), or $15 per month (which includes a ticket to a live event), now is the time to become a patron of the horizontal arts! Go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila, if you want to be a part of my mission to cultivate intimacy across the globe.

This is the best conversation I've ever had with my Dad in my life. And I had it, because I was making something for you.

So: come sit down with us.

***

Chad Michael Snavely is my editor. He's a podcast maven. Find his full roster on chadmichael.com. Alan Markley composed my intro music. Seek him on Instagram as plasticcannons. Shana Shay created my cover art. Hire her for graphic design and character illustration on 99 Designs.

This episode comes with a call to action: If they are alive, accessible to you, and you are willing and curious — interview your parents. You don't how many chances you'll get. And if you never recorded them, you might wish you did.

In next week's episode, the second half of my conversation with my Dad, we discuss how he met and married my mother in Brazil, the day of my birth, forgiveness, feminist vs. mainstream pornography, how my mother left my father, why my Dad didn't move to Florida to be close to me, how he feels about the fact that I don't want kids, and the kind of partner that he seeks now. He also tells me a story about my Grammy and a radio agent. For access to that episode and all the part twos, become a patron of the horizontal arts now, before the tiers go up in a few weeks! Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

Until next week, may you have someone to love, something to do, and many many many things to look forward to!

Thank you for being, in this case, relatively upright, with us.

My name is Lila, and I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, storytelling, sex, and stargazing, among other things. So I metaphorically rolled them up in audio form and called it a podcast. Horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. It's intimacies of all kinds. It's consensual eavesdropping. It's us lying down right next to each other, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.

Each horizontal session with a guest is between 2 and 3ish hours long, and divided into two episodes. Part ones, like this one, are available anywhere you get your podcasts, and part twos are available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.

As you might imagine, the part twos go deep, since we've been marinating in conversation for over an hour. And at the very very end, my guest tells me a story of some intimacy. For access to The Full Horizontal,go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila, and become a patron of $5 or more per month, because...

Fair warning, horizontal lovers!

When I launch Season 3, (and it is happening Soon) I'll be shifting some things, revealing a couple of surprises, and revamping my Patreon tiers: If you've already become a patron, you'll be grandfathered in with access to all the episodes and my gratitude for being an early listener.

In this episode, recorded in a slender little apartment in Brooklyn, New York, I lie down with Lee. Lee is a Pleasure Guide: a Tantrika, a Bodyworker, an Intimacy Coach. She's a Sensuality specialist.

I first met Lee when she was working with a friend of mine at The Women of Venus (which you'll hear about in part two, episode 71). I've been trying to get her to move in with us at Hacienda Villa for about a year now.

When I'm around Lee, I feel warm and grounded. She is exceptionally supportive and clear-eyed, at the same time. Her belief in the version of me that I love the most, my favorite self, and my potential to embody that self and act beautifully on the world is like … an amulet that she has made by hand. She has her finger on the pulse of the Great Mystery, without being a prig about it. She's a girl's girl, a woman's woman, with a generous dash of humility, and a fierce commitment to stand for her own growth, and for yours.

For all of the information about Lee's Intimacy and Pleasure Coaching practice, find her on LeeNoto.com

This episode was recorded in Lee's bed, in another part of Brooklyn, and though you are spared the trains screeching around the bend like they do when I record in my room, there's a few sonic visitors: an old heating unit, a creaky ceiling that is someone else's floor, some pretty raucous neighbors, and… a plane or two. City living. Local color.

In this part of our conversation, we talk about slow-going sex and celibacy, plant medicine journeys and masturbation, objectifying yourself and faking orgasms, promiscuity as rebellious self-expression, pushing buttons just to know what they're for, the glorious practice of bragging, a Tiger Mom, and driving herself to perfection so hard that her face paralyzed itself to get her attention.

To see pictures from this recording session, and get behind-the-scenes access to horizontality and my sex-positive life, follow @horizontalwithlila on Instagram, and sign up for my missives on horizontalwithlila.com

And now, come lie down with not one, but two recovering perfectionists, in Brooklyn, New York.

***

Let me give some credit where credit is due: Chad Michael Snavely is my editor. He's a podcast maven, and you can find his full roster on chadmichael.com. Alan Markley composed my intro music, and his exploits can be witnessed on Instagram as plasticcannons. Shana Shay created my cover art, and you can hire her for graphic design and character illustration on 99 Designs.

In next week's episode of horizontal, the second part of my conversation with Lee, episode 71, we discuss intentional masturbation, receiving oral sex, fantasies of auto-cunnilingus, giving yourself what you wish for a partner to give you, the indefinable mystery of tantra, red tantra, white tantra, urban tantra, a tantric temple called The Women of Venus, Mama Gena's practices of Trinities, Swamping, and Spring Cleaning...

And Lee & I do something unprecedented on the podcast, something I've never heard recorded anywhere else: we each do a Spring Clean on a topic we're struggling with in real time, stream of consciousness style, and entirely unedited. I feel a little bit nervous to share it, actually, but that's when I know I have something really worthwhile to reveal.

Next week's installment is available exclusively to my beloved patrons of the horizontal arts. Become one and get access to The Full Horizontal catalog on Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

On Saturday, March 16th, Lee is curating an event called Eating Out: an Erotic Feast inspired by oral sex. She calls it an Edible Education. For all the details, visit her at LeeNoto.com and sign up for her mailing list.

On Thursday, March 28th, I'm leading The Art of Trust: an Intimacy Games Workshop. If you've seen any of the shots from my Intimacy Warriors photoshoots, you might have an inkling of what this workshop will be like. We'll play games like Sphinx, Hot Seat, Human Conveyor Belt, and the Touch Gauntlet. Details coming soon.

Until next week, may you have someone to love, something to do, and many things to look forward to!

Thank you for getting horizontal.

This episode is a little different than the others. It's a quickie.

If you've been listening to horizontal, you know that: at the end of every conversation with a guest, I ask them to tell me a story. Each full conversation is between two and three hours long. It gets divided into two parts and released as two episodes. Part ones are available to everyone in all the podcast places. Part twos are available exclusively to my patrons through Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila. Sign up there for access to The Full Horizontal.

Naturally, our conversations get deeper and deeper as my guest and I drop in together. So when, at the very end of those part twos my guest tells me a tale, (except in the case of Annie Lalla, because we ran out of time!) it is a tale of intimacy of some kind. Any kind. It can be about friendships, lovers, family. It has been about being carried down a mountain on the back of a hunky guide, a literal and figurative friend death, the first time ejaculating where stuff came out, a big fat freaky wedding, and a miscarriage, among many, many other things. I always tell my guest that it can be any story that falls under the umbrella of intimacy, with any kind of tone or outcome, as long as it's a story that they truly desire to tell it to me.

This quickie episode (which consists of three little stories, rather than one big one) was recorded live at my last Horizontal Storytelling Pajama Party, which was held at Hacienda Studio in Brooklyn. At Horizontal Storytelling, we all donned pajamas, had milk and cookies, got exceedingly cozy, and curled up together, all 50 of us, to listen to just the stories, back to back, by six storytellers, one after the other. I got horizontal with my guest just like we do when we record a full episode, wearing robes, sharing a pillow, microphone positioned above us, gazing upward as though stargazing, or post-coital, or the wee-morning hours of a really good sleepover. I'm planning to host another one (or something like it) in the Spring of 2019, so make sure you're on the mailing list through horizontalwithlila.com and all the details shall come!

In this quickie I get horizontal with Kenneth Play, my friend, my housemate, and world-renowned Sex Hacker, Sex Coach, Sex Educator, and co-founder of Hacienda Villa, the intentional community in which I live and love, and where I am a founding member. We've been living in the same house for four and half years. I introduce him quite fully in the episode, so I'll just say here that I have been privileged to live in the same house as a Master of Sex. Kenneth taught me how to verbalize specifically the kind of oral sex that I desire. He taught me how to insert and operate my nJoy pure wand dildo. He also taught me the most nourishing technique I've ever come across for grounding with my lover after sex.

And now he's gathered all these tips, tricks, and techniques from his teachers — some of the greatest sex educators and coaches and tantra masters alive — as well as from hours upon hours of, let's call it "laboratory practice," and distilled them into a Sex Ed video series that is accessible to everyone. It focuses on giving pleasure to women and those with vulvas and consists of The Oral Course, The Squirting Course, The Penetration Course, & the Sex Hacker Bundle

This quickie was edited by Mr. Chad Michael Snavely, bearded man, podcast impresario. His roster is available on chadmichael.com. My sensual cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay based on my photograph. Hire this woman through 99 designs. And my intro music was composed by Alan Markley, rock star, and plasticcannons on Instagram.

Speaking of Instagram. Feel free to reach out to me there if you have any questions, ideas for dream guests, or musings spurred by any of the episodes. It's lovely to know that you're listening, and pondering.

And if you want access to The Full Horizontal, right now you can still get that when you become a patron of $5 a month and up. Very soon, I'll be launching Season 3, and with it, I'll be streamlining my tiers and raising the bar for patronage. But if you lock it in now, baby, you'll be grandfathered in, with my gratitude for being an early patron of the horizontal arts. I have big dreams, and every single patron helps me happen them. Patreon.com/ horizontalwithlila

In other words, come lie down with us, in Bushwick, Brooklyn.

I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, sex, storytelling, and stargazing, among other things. So I metaphorically rolled them all up in audio form and called it a podcast. horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. It's intimacies of all kinds. It's us lying down, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.

Each session with a guest is between 2 and 3 hours long, and divided into two episodes. Part ones are available anywhere you get your podcasts, and part twos are available only to patrons of the horizontal arts. Become a patron of $5+ per month soon, because...

When I launch Season 3, I'll be shifting some things, revealing a couple surprises, and revamping my Patreon tiers: If you're already in as a patron, you'll be grandfathered in with access to all the episodes at the 5 - 15 dollar level. Fair warning, lovers!

***

This Thursday night in Brooklyn, come Valentine's with us!

Valentine's Day is in less than a week, and I would usually be fretting about what to do.This was especially true if I was single, but it was also very much true when I was part of a couple. What could I do that wouldn't have me feeling lonely? How could I turn this day of forced romance and commerce and couples privilege... into a day that would actually be nourishing for Me?I tried dating myself on Valentine's. I tried friend-time. I tried tango festivals. I tried Galentine's Day.

But what I actually desired was an intimate, pleasure-focused experience for myself. I desired sensation play, delicious treats (that were safe for me to eat), titillating performance, immersive theatre, and one-on-one connection. I really wanted to make Valentine's day about delighting all of my senses, not about the arbitrary fact of whether I was romantically linked to another person on that day.So I'm curating it.

It's called 14 Rooms, and it will be on Valentine's night. It's an event for everyone, whether you're not in a relationship, in a relationship, in a polycule, in a situationship — no matter what our quote unquote status is, we can gather and explore intimate moments of different kinds.

Together. As a community celebrating pleasure, our senses, and our aliveness. Celebrating Big Love.

Come Valentine's with us. It will be delicious.It's the Valentine's I've always wanted.

P.S.

If you're short on funds but full of enthusiasm, send me a message through horizontalwithlila.com or Instagram to see about a possible volunteer shift.

***

Apropos of everything - in this episode, I lie down with Annie Lalla, Goddess of Love and world-class relationship coach. Annie stands for true love. She is a gladiator of empathy.

In this first part of our conversation, we talk about the correlation between self-esteem and soul mates, how couples cross-train each other, footnoting our parents for the superpowers born on the back of their crazy, optimizing for aliveness, empathy algorithms, integration and differentiation (the inhales and exhales of relationship), the phrase "I'm angry, but I love you more than I'm angry," and using your creativity to adjust your emotional response to your reality.

I first met Annie when she gave a talk about true love in the Speaker Series I co-lead at Burning Man 2018. The theme was The Year of the Robot, and we had... technical difficulties. The mic was down, so somebody found Annie a little toy bullhorn, and we all gathered round her like children at storytime, to press our burning questions into her hands like love letters. She is one of the most poignant extemporaneous speakers that I've ever witnessed on stage.

I took copious notes, because I'd literally never heard anybody speak about love the way that Annie does. These are some of the words I captured:

"cartographer of love"

"kilojewels of energy"

"There's an I that has to be sacrificed on the altar of us. If you're not feeling terror, you're not actually playing the game."

"the sacred mirror"

And

"Nothing compares to the gymnasium, to the dojo of a true love relationship."

I imagine by now, you know how I feel about words. I savored Annie's words, wrote them down in red ink, and fervently hoped that she would get horizontal with me someday. The time wasn't right at Burning Man.

But when I booked my ticket to Miami, taking a loving risk to go meet a man I'd been communicating with for four months, but had never met in person (a risk I imagined that Annie would approve of mightily) and I found out that Annie was in Miami!

Well!

Come lie down with us on a big white bed with a view of the ocean, in Miami, Florida.

***

For horizontal photos and behind-the-scenes videos (like the one I took of Annie's glorious red carpet ocean-view apartment), follow @horizontalwithlila on Instagram. I've been getting reallly into Instagram lately, and I have a cache of colorful photos to share.

If you are in need of the services of a Love Coach (and really, who isn't?) you can commune with all things Annie through annielalla.com

This episode was edited by Mr. Chad Michael Snavely, bearded man, father, and podcast impresario. Have a peek through his roster on chadmichael.com. The character illustration and graphic design for my cover art was drawn by Shana Shay. Look her up on 99Designs. And my sweet intro music was composed by Alan Markley, rock star father and @plasticcannons on Instagram.

Next week's episode, 68, part two of my conversation with Annie, will be available to patrons of $5 a month and up. The Patreon tiers will change in the next month or so, so lock in access to The Full Horizontal at the grandfathered rate by becoming a patron now! Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

Welcome to my newest patrons, Bob & Lee! And so much gratitude to Julene for raising her Patreon pledge.

After my trip to Miami, I'm feeling turned on by life. I wish you that! And as always, I wish us someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.

Thank you for becoming horizontal.

People say "do what you love." And I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, sex, storytelling, and stargazing, among other things. So I metaphorically rolled them all up in audio form and called it a podcast. Welcome to horizontal! It's Slow Radio. It's intimacies of all kinds. It's us in your ears, sharing secrets.

If you've been listening, you know that each recording is between 2 and 3 hours long, and divided into two episodes. The part ones are available anywhere you get your podcasts, and the part two are available only to patrons of the horizontal arts. Right now, when you become my patron of $5 per month or more, you get access to all the part twos going forward, and going back to the beginning. Go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila and join in now, because...

In a month or two, some big changes are coming to the podcast and the Patreon. When I launch Season 3, those who already have access to all the episodes will be grandfathered in at the same patronage level, with my deep gratitude for being an early listener. In other words, if you want access to all the episodes for $5+ per month, become a patron Now and lock that down! Fair warning, lovers!

I have an announcement. I'm over-the-moon delighted to share the details of my Valentine's Day event, a spectacular Spectacular. It's called 14 Rooms, and it will be an intimate, immersive, sensual Valentine's experience. I usually don't like Valentine's Day very much, for obvious reasons. So I'm throwing a Valentine's that I would want to attend.

A townhouse full of delights for all the senses, including:

4-handed massages

live erotica readings

the best hot cocoa you've ever tasted

sensual performances

sweet smells from the oven

a hot tub

and a giant teddy bear named Tiny.

And that's not even what's in the 14 rooms...

Each room unlocks a secret: an intimate, sensual, immersive experience.

Your ticket comes with 5 tokens, which you can exchange for delights and experiences. Choose how to spend them — on treats, on libations, on a rendezvous or two. If you wish to collect more experiences (there are 14 rooms of delight, after all!) you may purchase more tokens for $5 each, cash, from someone very prettily dressed. 1 token for a treat, 2 tokens for a rendezvous.

This event is for people not in relationships + people in relationships + people in situationships + people who frankly don't give a damn + everyone, Everyone. Let's celebrate sensuality and loveliness all together! I usually dislike Valentine's Day, so I'm curating an event that *I* would love to go to!

Buy your tickets here, and come Valentine's with us!

Okay, here we go.

In this episode, I lie down with Wednesday Martin, PhD, #1 New York Times bestselling author, social researcher, anthropology scholar, and one of the most knowledgeable people about female sexuality on the planet. She would demur, and say that she merely interviewed 31 female sexuality experts across a range of disciplines, but I'll say that she has integrated, synthesized, and made their work widely accessible. She's managed to harmonize a vast array of historical, anthropological, scientific, and anecdotal wisdom on the subject.

She is the author of many books, all in some way about quote unquote bad women. Marlene Dietrich, stepmothers, the rich mommies of the Upper East Side, and now, adulteresses. In her new book Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free, she debunks fallacy after fallacy, and highlights the conditions that invite female sexual autonomy to flourish. In other words, a woman after my own heart.

I admire Wednesday's career immensely. I hope to have that kind of reach and grandiosity, some soon day. She said it's gonna happen. I'll just take her word for it, since her words have gotten her where she is.

In this first part of our conversation, we talk about social media's crackdown on sex educators, the dark legacy of abstinence-only education, male attempts to control female sexuality and reproduction, and female counter-strategies, the single worst thing to ever happen to women, how the transition from tribal living to nuclear family homes cost women an important power base, a surefire formula for the uniquely human female dependence on men, and how, for me, living in a sex-positive community provides a counter-formula.

It's such a rich episode, anthropologically, historically, contextually. Come lie down with us in New York, New York.

In this and next week's episode, I lie down with my college friend, the actor-romantic, Triple Threat, improviser, mimic, voice-over artist, chameleon, ham, and all-around delightful, well-adjusted human, Burl Moseley.

He's such a phenom that he recently got his own song on the musical TV show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. If I were you, just before listening to this episode, I'd go straight to YouTube and type in "Don't be a Lawyer." He sings, acts, and dances the bejeesus out of it, in a full-on bright-pink 90s suit with a chunky tie. I have watched it an embarrassing number of times, I have insisted that my housemates watch it, and when I arrived at Burl's apartment to record this episode in early December, I danced around his place singing it back to him. I'm reaally into it. And if you've ever known a lawyer (and I've dated two!) I'm pretty sure you'll be into it as well.

Burl and I both went to NYU's Tisch School of the Arts for Drama. He was a luminary in my favorite improv troupe, and I always made it a point to show up to their shows and cheer them on. Improv was never my thing, but Burl is a natural improviser … I think that's part of the reason he's so good at life-ing.

In this first half of our conversation, we talk about the origins of being such a live wire, the two types of military kids, making as many friends as possible, casual misogyny and male friends, Burl's "showing out" at school, and my attitude problem, our childhood crushes, how Burl felt about his parent's PDA, the first kiss ritual, the mom & dad sofa, and trying to undo the damage that Disney has done.

If you enjoy cozying up with us, and want to listen to next week's episode with Burl (episode 64), become a patron of the horizontal arts. Patreon is the love child of crowdfunding and a subscription service, and you can access all the part twos of every episode by becoming a patron of $5 a month or more.

Welcome to my newest patrons: Michael and Daniel, and an extra joyous thank you to Tiana, Rex, and Donald, for raising their pledges this month!

I'm deeply committed to Intimacy Maven as a career choice, and continuing to create work that diminishes loneliness, dispels shame, and alchemizes human connection, in multiple mediums. You can help me happen it.

Next week's episode will be released next Friday and available to patrons of $5 and up. In it, we discuss the three C's of relationshipping, reflective listening, Burl's first kisses, willyoubemygirlfriendyoucananswermetomorrow, how movie sex and porn sex are like pro wrestling, my theory about why young people are having less sex, relationship takeaways, how Burl feels about marriage now, and a story about emotional release.

I've got just a few more episodes in Season Two, and the grand finale is something really special. I can't wait to share it with you.

And then, I have some exciting twists coming for Season Three, which will start in the next couple of months, and I'll also be revamping my Patreon tiers then, so if you want to be grandfathered in at the $5 level (meaning that the tier will go up, but you'll still get access to all the episodes) go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila and become part of my mission to make the world a more intimate place!

For more horizontality in your inbox once a week-ish (okay, full disclosure, lately it's been once a month-ish), sign up on horizontalwithlila.com for my raw personal writing, photos of me horizontal in unexpected places, images of my guests and links to the show notes, and the occasional bit of additional fabulosity, like a plug for my sex educator housemate's online course on how to be a great lover.

Here are the humans who helped make horizontal happen: Chad Michael Snavely edits horizontal. Peruse his podcast roster on chadmichael.com. Shana Shay drew horizontal. Hire her through 99designs. Alan Markley scored horizontal. Find him on Instagram as plasticcannons.

And now, come lie down with us, in a place called Hollywood, in Los Angeles, California.