horizontal with lila

Welcome to horizontal, the podcast about intimacy of all kinds. It's recorded while the opposite of vertical, but you probably know that.

This episode was recorded in October, 2017, on horizontal does america, my 10,000 mile cross-country road trip and recording tour. Through a series of fortunate events which I will call "six laughable fortuities," in honor of Milan Kundera, I wound up at the house of Dr. Lindsey Doe in Missoula, Montana. And Stevie was there. (Go back and listen to the intro of episode 40: sexplanations, for the full story.) Stevie, like Dr. Doe, is a huge ginormous YouTube star, but they both somehow agreed to put on robes, lie down with a stranger and record a spontaneous podcast.

Stevie Boebi is the creator and host of the first Lesbian Sex Ed video series. She's also a cat mom. (They make special guest appearances in her videos, including one in which she slightly annoys them for our amusement.)

Stevie... is gorgeous. She has long purple hair. And luscious lips. And a thousand watt smile. And pretty vivacious eyebrows. Detect you some admiration? Indeed. Indeed you do. She's also hilarious, charming, winsome, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and passionate about dismantling stereotypes, questioning identity politics, and teaching fact-based sex ed. As opposed to the other kind. Which exists in myriad forms, to our great chagrin.

Her full-on commitment to these topics is evinced by her (also ginormous) lexicon of YouTube videos with titles such as, "Lesbian Third Wheel," "Can Lesbians do butt stuff?" "How to Survive a Breakup," and "Gay Men Touched my Vagina for the First Time: Q&A and Afterthoughts." (By the way, I definitely watched - and enjoyed - the "Gay Men Touch Vagina for the First Time" video before I met Stevie and only realized that she was the vagina model when I went to write this intro!) Just to be uber clear though, a vagina refers to the internal anatomy of a pussy, and vulva refers to the external anatomy, so, unless they were fingering her (which it seems like one of them may have been?) they were actually touching: a vulva.

I suggest you fire up her YouTube channel when you wanna go down a rabbithole of loveliness, humor, pussy, and kickass straightforward tell-it-like-it-should-be sex ed. You can find her under Stevie Boebi on Twitter and Instagram, and just plain Stevie on YouTube.

In the first part of our conversation, we talk about getting punished for telling someone what a blow job is, her first girlfriend, daddy issues, the film festival premiere of her "how to eat pussy" video, being bi-romantic, repressed memories, molestation, a two-person game of Spin the Bottle, and the Love Feast.

Come lie down with us! You're already lying down? Oh good.

Credits!

All of season two is edited by Chad Michael Snavely. He's got lots of other podcasts on his plate, too. Check them out on ChadMichael.com. The nicest rock star on the planet, Alan Markley, created my intro music. He's plastic cannons on the Instagram. The lovely little me-drawing (complete with painted toenails!) on my cover art was designed by Shana Shay. Find her on 99 designs. Hire these people if you can!

Tune in next week on horizontal for the second part of my conversation with Stevie, in which I tell her the story of my great unicorn threesome.

Horizontal is the podcast about intimacy that's recorded while lying down. Wearing robes.

This episode was recorded on my horizontal does america tour, in October 2017. For two months, I circumnavigated the U.S. in a little blue Honda Civic. It was 10,000 solo miles of adventure with two intentions. 1) to feel free, and 2) to record with as many fascinating people as possible.

I knew that I wanted to go to Montana. I'd missed the entire state on my first cross-country road trip, in 2009. A friend said, "Go to Missoula!" By the grace of my friends, go I. So. I went.

How I came to be horizontal with Dr. Lindsey Doe goes like this: I drove the 6 hours from Billings to Missoula and arrived in a pile of yellow leaves next to a Ghetto Gypsy bus. (That's what it said on the front.) I didn't have a plan for Missoula. I didn't know anyone who lived there or have any recordings lined up or really anything specific in mind at all. I just wanted to see Big Sky Country. After 4 years of living in a room at the Villa the size of a postage stamp, so small that I had to loft my bed in order to turn around, I longed to feel spaciousness. I still long for that.

I drove in around dinnertime and strolled into a clothing shop next to an extremely happening biergarten. A place of microbrews. It felt like Portland. I drink no beers, because of the glutens, but I thought, "Ach! My people!" The next day I went to a yoga class and the instructor gave me a 15-minute walking tour of downtown Missoula. He left me on a street full of local shops. I poked around a store called "Upcycle," where everything is made out of something that used to be something else. Donovan, the proprietor, was sweet and chatty and we got to talking podcasts. He listens to them as he crafts. It's his thing. I told him about horizontal, how I'm finally making my own thing and actually putting it out into the world, how I'm actually making good on my mission to cultivate intimacy, seven years after my revelation that this is my thing.

"Oh," he said. "Are you here to interview my friend Lindsey Doe?"

"No," I replied, "But I'd like to be!" I only half-recognized the name, but I had a good feeling about this.

Lindsey, or Dr. Doe, is the creator of the wildly popular YouTube series Sexplanations, a doctor of Human Sexuality, and a certified clinical sexologist. She's the sex ed teacher you never had. She's the sex ed teacher you wish you'd had in high school. She's the sex ed teacher you wish you had in middle school! She's direct and clear, playful and enthusiastic. She's matter-of-fact, but fun about it, like a medical doctor who gets excited about "cool anatomy." She's brilliant at breaking things down in a way we can all understand, without talking down to us, and imbuing it all with a certain kind of Hermione-like, academic, striped-sweater sort of cheerfulness that I find entirely refreshing. In that way, she reminds me of one of my favorite educators of all time, my high school Art History teacher, David Bewley, who would practically dance about while teaching on particularly exciting eras like the Renaissance, and create helpful acronyms like DIC, D.I.C., in order to help us remember the order in which columns were invented — as you can hear, I still remember. (Doric, Ionic, Corinthian)

Lindsey gave Donovan permission to give me her phone number. I texted straightaway. When I didn't hear back the whole evening, I chalked it up. Figured it was too last minute. Sometimes my spontaneity works in my favor and sometimes, not so much.

I decided to drive up to Glacier National Park the next day, because it was the answer to the question, "What is the most breathtaking place in Montana?" I figured that I'd head across Idaho from there. I treated myself to a hotel in Whitefish, a fancy little ski town, because I was too tired to make it to Idaho that night.

The following afternoon, determined to hit a hot springs on the way, I set my course for Quinn's. As I was poking around the shops in Whitefish, and buying myself a plaid shirt because I was in Montana so it felt important, the yoga teacher from Missoula messaged to say that I shouldn't go to Quinn's because it's man-made. He told me to go to Jerry Johnson Hot Springs instead. Okay, then. I changed course.

The Maps app routed me back through Missoula.

Forty-five minutes north of Missoula, I got a message from Lindsey Doe asking if she'd missed me! And also, "what is it you're doing again? What's this with the robes?" She sounded highly skeptical and yet game at the same time. I felt vaguely worried that she wouldn't like me. "Stevie Boebi's in town right now, too. She's the go-to YouTuber on lesbian sex. Would you want to record an episode with her?"

YES.

"Okay, I'll see if she's interested."

I drove to Lindsey's house straightaway, listening to her YouTube videos en route. I arrived back in Missoula after sunset, and recorded these episodes, back-to-back. And that, is the story of how Lindsey Doe came on the podcast.

We have so much to learn from her. In the first part of our episode, we talk about body hair, strong jawlines, Puritan sexuality, cognitive dissonance, the real definition of intercourse, anal sex, puckering, and happy trails. Come lie down with us.

***

If you are educated by this work, become a part of it through Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila - if you aren't familiar with it, Patreon is a life changer for independent artists with the desire to make lawless, uncensored, and undiluted work. It allows each of you to become a patron of the horizontal arts, and to gain access in various ways to this process of spreading intimacy. You can become a patron at the base level for $2 a month, and the awards get more sumptuous as you offer more!

***

Credits!

All the episodes in season two have been edited by Chad Michael Snavely. Peruse his roster of podcasts on ChadMichael.com. My intro music was created by the nicest rock star on the planet, Alan Markley, plastic cannons on the Instagram. My lovely cover art was drawn by Shana Shay. Find her on 99 designs. Hire these people if you can.

***

Until next week, when Dr. Doe and I discuss the Tinder game, sexual disgust, mate pools, and demisexuality, as well as the matching hypothesis, the t-shirt experiment, chemistry, poly-tana, and sushi on naked bodies… may you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.

This is a special edition of horizontal, the podcast that takes you into my bed and lets your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations. horizontal aims to dispel shame, diminish loneliness, and cultivate connections.

This conversation was recorded last week at Hacienda Villa, the intentional community and center for sex education in Bushwick, Brooklyn: my home. In this episode, I lie down with Madison Young. Madison is a performance artist, an author, a sex educator, and a feminist pornographer.

Last week, Hacienda Studio, our event space, hosted three performances of Madison Young's one-woman show Reveal All Fear Nothing. It is literally like nothing else I've ever seen. Reveal All demystifies, illuminates, and celebrates the often-misunderstood worlds of kink, porn, and BDSM, through the words and body of an insider.

It is important work. It needs to be seen. And it needs to be seen by you. I don't want to reveal too much for her, because you should watch her reveal it yourself, but I must tell you this: I haven't even seen my own g-spot yet… but I've seen Madison's.

Did you even know that was possible?

You could say, quite accurately, that I was moved. In so many ways. Throughout the night, I laughed, I danced, I gasped, my heart hurt, I ran upstairs during intermission and gave my date a blow job … I cheered, and I was left with this liquid pool of gratitude at the astonishing generosity with which Madison has crafted this piece. She made us a gift. Go enjoy it!

Madison will be performing THIS WEEKEND in a two-night-only limited engagement at The Tank in Midtown Manhattan on Friday the 8th and Saturday of the 9th of June, 2018. Make it your mission to be there. You can get your tickets on RevealAllFearNothing.com - There is radical sexual healing to be had, merely by being a witness to this work.

In the first half of our episode, we talk about Madison's memoir, titled "Daddy," saturations, rainbow unicorn bondage, self-aftercare, how a porn star prepares, and the petition that stopped Madison from going to church.

And now you can do something that legions of fans have only dreamed of. You can come lie down with us.

***

If you are moved by this work, become a part of it through Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila — if you aren't familiar with it, Patreon is a life changer for independent artists with the desire to make lawless, uncensored, and undilutedwork. It allows each of you to become a patron of the horizontal arts, and to gain access in various ways to this process of spreading intimacy. You can become a patron at the base level for $2 a month, and the awards get more sumptuous as you offer more!

***

Credits!

Time for some credit. This episode was edited by Chad Michael Snavely, podcast maven. Check out his entire roster by heading to ChadMichael.com. My lovely intro music was created by the nicest rock star in the world, Alan Markley. He's on Instagram as plastic cannons. The horizontal cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, and her playful, sensual work can be found on 99 designs.

This is horizontal, the podcast about sex, love, and relationships of all kinds, recorded while lying down. On horizontal, we make our private conversations public, for their shame-dispelling, loneliness-diminishing, and connection-cultivating properties. As listener ghostheart put it in their silver-tongued review, this is the podcast that takes you into my bed and lets your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations.

In the second part of this episode, recorded in early October on my horizontal does america road trip, I lie down with Kennedy in Omaha, Nebraska. Horizontal does america was a 2-month long, 10,700 mile road trip and recording tour that I enjoyed during October and November of 2017. I miss being on the road!

Kennedy is the young wife of my college friend, Thom. The last time I visited Thom was on my first cross country road trip, in 2009. He was single and frustrated and working as a bartender. Now, he has a two year old, a house, a truly delightful wife, and he teaches carpentry at a magnet high school. It's like seeing the end of a movie where you were really rooting for the tortured underdog hero, and then you get to see the movie after the credits, where the character makes a life out of what he's always wanted. I'm so happy that he's happy.

At 20 years old, Kennedy is a mother, a college student, a giver of care, a seeker, a brave and humble warrior. She is a survivor of sexual assault who would prefer not to use the words "victim," "assault," or "survivor." She doesn't wish to identify with victimhood, or run the risk of people seeing that as her whole identity.

This is a prime example of a great sickness in our society, that a woman who is harmed, is likely to be blamed for having been harmed, and then further judged and blamed for using the term "victim" to accurately describe the role forced upon her by sexual assault. I am appalled and deeply saddened that Kennedy should even had to worry about this. It's only a small part of the story of Kennedy - but it is a part of that story. And we know that silence doesn't help. We know that silence and secrecy have caused women to suffer more egregiously than their wounds ever necessitated. We know that silence and secrecy has kept many of us from receiving proper treatment for trauma. We know that silence and secrecy degrades our mental health. We don't want this to happen anymore. Not to any girls. Not to any women. Not to any trans folx. Not to any. One.

We want freedom. We want the liberty to express our sexuality in any way that feels right and meaningful and joyous to us. We want the liberty to love and fuck and marry whomever we wish to love and fuck, and marry, whenever we wish to love and fuck and marry them. We have the right to speak aloud about the things that have happened to us. To paraphrase the writer Anne Lamott, and I think about his all the time, "If they wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better."

My wish for us: is that we continue, unabashedly, to put forth our own stories in the hopes that others may not need to live in shame. I am deeply honored by the generosity required for Kennedy to share her vulnerability with me, and by extension, with all of you. I hope you feel it, and you honor her for it, too.

In the first part of our episode, titled "you can make a human: horizontal with a young mother," we discussed topics that have never before been broached on the podcast — placenta fajitas, childbirth and misogyny, bodily fluids, being a young mother, and marrying a 36 year-old at 18

In this second half of the episode, we discuss sexual assault — I name it that, because that is its name. We also talk about victim-blaming and slut-shaming, trauma, comforting boys, the seven-year itch, sharing your partner, and the desexualization of mothers. Then Kennedy tells me a story about the first time she kissed a girl.

I'm pretty sure you want to lie down with us.

***

If you are moved by this work, become a part of it through Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila — if you aren't familiar with it, Patreon is a life changer for independent artists with the desire to make lawless, uncensored, and undilutedwork. It allows each of you to become a patron of the horizontal arts, and to gain access in various ways to this process of spreading intimacy. You can become a patron at the base level for $2 a month, and the awards get more sumptuous as you offer more!

***

Credits!

Time for some credit. This episode was edited by Chad Michael Snavely, podcast maven. Check out his entire roster by heading to ChadMichael.com. My lovely intro music was created by the nicest rock star in the world, Alan Markley. He's on Instagram as plastic cannons. The horizontal cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, and her playful, sensual work can be found on 99 designs.

This is horizontal, the podcast about intimacy of all kinds that's recorded while the opposite of vertical. Horizontal aims to make private conversations public, in order to dispel shame, diminish loneliness, and cultivate human connection. To paraphrase my eloquent listener ghostheart, I take you into my bed and let your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations.

In this episode, recorded on my horizontal does america road trip, I lie down with Kennedy. Kennedy is the young wife of my college friend, Thom. Thom and I went to theatre school together at NYU. I think he graduated one year before me, in 2002. I had a thing for Thom. I'm pretty sure we had sex. He's pretty sure we didn't. We're friends now. I visited him on my first cross country road trip, in 2009, when he was single and working as a bartender. And I visited him on my second, now that he has a two year old, a house, a wife, and works as a schoolteacher at a magnet high school.

During October and November of 2017, I drove 10,700 miles in a Honda Civic. By myself. Every single mile of it. Oh it was delicious! I circumnavigated the U.S. with two intentions: 1. To feel free, and 2. To record with as many fascinating people as possible.

At 20 years old, Kennedy is a mother, a college student, a giver of care, a seeker, a brave, humble warrior.

She is a survivor of sexual assault who doesn't like to use those words. She doesn't wish to identify with victimhood. She doesn't want people to see that as her whole identity. It is a prime example of a great sickness within our society, that a woman who is harmed, should be blamed for having been harmed, and then further judged and blamed for using the accurate term: "victim" to describe the role she has been forced into.

I am appalled that she even had to worry about this. It is only a small part of the story of Kennedy— but it is a part of that story. And we both know that silence doesn't help. We know that silence and secrecy have caused women to suffer more egregiously than their wounds ever necessitated. We know that silence and secrecy has kept many of us from receiving proper treatment for trauma and our mental health. We know that we don't want this to happen anymore. And that she, like I, wants us to be free. To express our sexuality in any way that feels right and meaningful and joyous to us. To love whomever we wish to love, whenever we love them. To speak aloud about the things that have happened to us. To put forth our own stories in the hopes that others may not need to live in shame. I am deeply honored by Kennedy's vulnerability, and the generosity required of her to share that vulnerability with me.

At first, when I arrived at Thom's place, I was concerned that Kennedy might not like me. As it turned out, she was concerned that I might not like her. Because due to some disappointingly backwards closedmindedness, more than a handful of Thom's friends, and I say that in quotation marks, "friends," were unkind to both of them when they got together. It is hard for me to understand why a true friend would stand in the way of you loving another consenting adult. But. That's what happened.

I was delighted to see my friend so happy.

In this episode, we discuss topics that have never before been broached on this podcast — childbirth and the sex afterwards, mismatched libidos, being a young mother, and ... placenta fajitas.

Let's get into the episode, dear ones. Come lie down with us.

***

If you are moved by this work, become a part of it through Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila — if you aren't familiar with it, Patreon is a life changer for independent artists with the desire to make lawless, uncensored, and undiluted work. It allows each of you to become a patron of the horizontal arts, and to gain access in various ways to this process of spreading intimacy. You can become a patron at the base level for $2 a month, and the awards get more sumptuous as you offer more!

***

Time for some credit. This episode was edited by Chad Michael Snavely, podcast maven. Check out his entire roster by heading to ChadMichael.com. My lovely intro music was created by the nicest rock star in the world, Alan Markley. He's on Instagram as plastic cannons. The horizontal cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, and her playful, sensual work can be found on 99 designs.

Welcome in to horizontal, the podcast about intimacy that's recorded while: the opposite of vertical. My guest and I wear cozy robes and lie down, shoulder to shoulder, with the microphone positioned above us. It's as though we've talked all night, and we're still stargazing, but the sun is just starting to make itself known in yellows and oranges around the horizon. Horizontal aims to make private conversations public, in order to dispel shame, diminish loneliness, and cultivate connection.

In this episode, I lie down with my friend Josh. Josh and I met at Circling, which is a sort of inter-relational meditation. Whereas in meditation with oneself, I will sit silently with my eyes closed, observing my internal landscape, the sensations In my body, my cloud-thoughts as they pass and my hamster-wheel thoughts as they come back around, In Circling, I have my attention not only on myself, but also on the others around me, how their presence and the shifts in the room affect me, the stories I make up about them (sometimes thought of as assumptions), and what I imagine about their internal landscapes. In Circling, I try to hold an awareness of myself while also endeavoring to be deeply present with others. When it's done right, it seems to me to be a practice of deep empathy, both for what it might feel like to be someone else, but also, empathy and a certain kind of respect for what it feels like to be me in the moment. A reverence for the truth of the moment.

That is the context in which Josh and I met. And at first, I had the story that Josh didn't really like me very much. It is a vibe I sometimes get from particular gay men and from pretty, unkind women. I've never asked him how he felt when we first met, but I was delighted to learn, when he hugged me some months into Circling together at Amy Silverman's Connection Movement nights in New York City, that he had a positive regard for me.

Josh is a fashion design-trained, floridly creative visual artist of many mediums, baker, cook, and new Circling facilitator. In Circling, he acts as an emotional lightning rod and visionary. He often expresses through sound, vibration, and convulsions, emotions that feel present in the room but latent— that others are either unwilling to express or unaware they exist. When I say that he is a visionary Circler, I mean that he literally has visions. He'll often have his eyes closed and when he opens them, he sometimes shares the images that came to him during someone's expression— there's usually something uncanny and relevant about it. Sometimes an object in the image is meaningful to the person, at otter times her seems to intuit what they desire in the moment but haven't thought to ask for. I often feel awe when he describes these images, and hearing him so bold with his associations has opened a gate for me to be bolder with mine.

We recorded this episode in his trailer at the Omega Institute, an expensive spiritual adult version of short-term sleepaway camp. Josh was towards the tail end of his work commitment there when I came to visit. I arrived late and tired, so we decided to record in the morning, during a rainstorm. The pitter-patter of the rain on the tin trailer is a sweet lulling to me. (I won't be offended if you fall asleep!)

If you enjoy lying down with us, become a patron of the horizontal arts! Patronage allows artists like me to make independent, uncensored, ad-free work, schedule recording tours, and devote my time to creating more horizontal goodness, for you! Becoming my patron has delicious benefits, ranging from quarterly lullabies to bonus episodes to tickets to live recordings to handwritten postcards! You can become a patron for $2 a month on up, and the rewards just get more sumptuous.

In the first half of our episode together, we talk about Josh's first gay stirrings, the right vegetables to put up your butt, spandex guy, porn energy work, and unintentional celibacy.

For some of my favorite yoga people, who have been asking me, "Which episode is the gayest?" Get ready. It is this one. Here. I'll prove it. Come lie down with us.

***

Here's the moment where I give credit where credit is due: This episode was edited by Chad Michael Snavely! Peruse Chad's other podcasts on chadmichael.com. My delectable cover art is by the illustrator Shana Shay, whom you can hire through 99designs— she's such a pleasure to work with. Horizontal's theme music is by Alan Markley, rock star and newly-minted Dad. You can find him on Instagram as plasticcannons.

Welcome back to horizontal, the podcast that makes private conversations public, or, in the words of listener ghostheart, "takes you into my bed and lets your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations."

In this episode, I lie down with my closest friend from high school, Joe McCue. I have a couple of guys who went to other high schools that I considered my "older brothers," whom I'm still in contact with, but you might say that people from that time in my life are few and far between. Which makes my friendship with Joe all the more precious to me. Joe and I went to an arts magnet school at Gibbs, called Pinellas County Center for the Arts, or PCCA for short. His major was Visual Art; mine was Performance Theatre. He was one year ahead of me in school.

Joe is now an osteopath. He spent eight years in undergrad, because he just adored the act of study, and kept starting majors and nearly finishing them, only to become swept away by another major and course of study (or at least, that's how it seemed to me). Eventually, he decided to become a doctor, and went to school for, I don't know, 9 more years or so. He's now finishing out his fellowship in Osteopathic Neuromusculoskeletal Medicine in Bangor, Maine.

This episode was recorded in Joe's sweet old house in Bangor, where he lives with two cats, a wife, a child, and the occasional miscellaneous borrowed pet.

Joe's house was the second stop on my 10,000 mile cross-country road trip, and this episode marks the first release from the series of recordings I made on my "horizontal does america" tour. In October and November of 2017, I, a couple of suitcases, and my recording equipment circumnavigated the United States in a Honda Civic - in order to lie down with people in their homes, in their cities.

Joe and I got horizontal in his guest room — his wife next door making phone calls from their bedroom, baby asleep, cats locked out, dog-sitting dog downstairs, cars going by on the sleepy country street. The next morning we went to Treworgy farm and did a photo shoot among the pumpkins. (For visual aids, such as photos of my Vargas girl-style pinup among the pumpkins, head to horizontalwithlila.com and sign up for the mailing list. You'll get behind the scenes images, special stories, and discounts on live shows delivered directly to your inbox!)

If you enjoy lying down with Joe and I, become a patron of the horizontal arts! Patreon is an innovation in the life of the artist. It's a website that crowdsources income on a monthly basis. It can make it possible for me to continue creating independent, uncensored, ad-free, homemade radio. There are lovely perks when you become my patron. For instance, for $25 a month you'll recorded love poems (the upcoming poem will be "She Walks in Beauty"). You'll also get two tickets to a live recording of horizontal, quarterly lullabies, an invitation to my secret FB group, and a post of what I call GPG: Genuine Public Gratitude (or not! If you want to remain a private patron, I will honor you privately!) There's loads of other perks on patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

Because I cannot bear to see them go to waste, here are some other titles I considered for this episode:

the paper anniversary

the nose couple

And

the vanilla episode

So you know what you should do, right? You should come lie down with us.

***

Credit where credit is due:

Here's the moment where I give credit where credit is due: This episode was edited by Chad Michael Snavely! Peruse Chad's other podcasts on chadmichael.com. My sinuous cover art is by the illustrator Shana Shay, whom you can hire through 99designs - she's a pleasure to work with. Horizontal's theme music is by Alan Markley, on Instagram as plasticcannons.

Welcome in to horizontal with lila, the podcast that makes private conversations public. We discuss the details of intimacy while the opposite of vertical, wearing robes.

In this episode, I lie down with my dear friend of 11 years, Matthew Stillman. Matthew Stillman is a genius. Matt's friendship, ingenuity, sheer breadth of knowledge and depth of compassion, keen interest, curiosity, and the ability to forge connections between seemingly unrelated subjects illuminates exactly what you were trying to unearth in essence but perhaps didn't have the cultural or historical vocabulary for ... He's changed my life. He's made my world bigger many, many times over. I owe my life at the Villa (and thus, this podcast) to his curiosity and insatiable desire to share.

In 2012, Matt loaned me a series of books to read (sometimes I think of it as my independent study / book club of one in human sexuality) and made himself available for all sorts of conversations surrounding those books. Each one vastly expanded my perceptions of what is true and possible. First came Arousal: the secret logic of sexual fantasies. Then Sex at Dawn. Then Esther Perel's mating in captivity.

For years, Matthew enacted a beautiful social experiment slash performance art piece. He sat in Union Square with a table and two folding jars, and a jar with a sign on it that read, "CREATIVE SOLUTIONS TO WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT: PAY WHAT YOU LIKE OR TAKE WHAT YOU NEED." He used his astonishing breadth of knowledge and ludicrous reserves of memory to offer people an expansion around their problems. My book club of one was not the most out-of-the-box creative approach Matthew has ever offered me in my life (that probably had something to do with "sacred rage"), but I didn't know about those books before then, who knows if and when I would have found my way to them if it wasn't for Matthew. They form the beginnings of how I started to live into my purpose.

As a person who knows a little bit about a few things, I had never personally known anyone who knows so much about so many things. Perhaps you are seeking a creative approach to something you've been thinking about. If so, get yourself over to stillmansays.com - The reason you should have a creative approach session with Matt, more than anything, more than the knowledge, more than the widsom, is his cavernous capacity for empathy. It is from a landscape of empathy that he will draw on all the reading and all the study and all the discourse that lives within him. Without his empathy, this wouldn't strike the chord that translates through you into action. But with his empathy, the springing forward, the impetus, the desire to shift, is the real gift of this work.

If you enjoy lying down with Matthew and I, become a patron of the horizontal arts! Patreon is a great advancement in the life of the artist, a website that crowdsources income. It can make it possible for me to continue creating independent, uncensored, ad-free, homemade radio. For $25 a month you'll get a monthly recorded love poem, two tickets to a live recording, quarterly lullabies, an invitation to a secret FB group that I curate, and a post of what I call GPG: Genuine Public Gratitude (or not! If you want to remain a private patron, that's ok too!) There's loads of other perks on patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

And if you want to lie down with us in person, the next horizontal storytelling pajama party will be held in Brooklyn on Sunday, April 29th. Details when you sign up for my lovely mailing list at horizontalwithlila.com

In the first half of this episode with Matthew, we speak of villagemindedness, our elders, orphan wisdom school, Matt's first great love, his wife, and proceeding as if you are needed.

Come, dear one. Come lie down with us.

***

This episode was edited by Chad Michael Snavely! Listen to the rest of the podcasts in his catalogue through chadmichael.com. My sumptuous cover art is by the illustrator Shana Shay, whom you can hire through 99designs. The theme music is by Alan Markley, on Instagram as plasticcannons.

In order to hire Matthew's brain to help you creatively approach your challenges, find him through stillmansays.com

Heyyy, Welcome back to season two of horizontal, the podcast that makes private conversations public, or, to paraphrase my listener ghostheart, the podcast that "takes you into my bed and lets your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations." We record while the opposite of vertical, wearing robes. It's a thing, the robes. It makes a difference!

In this episode, I lie down with Bryony Cole. Bryony is the host of one of my hands-down favorite podcasts, Future of Sex, which explores the intersection of the "evolving worlds of sex and tech." Her work grapples with questions like: how will VR affect relationships? Does sex with a humanoid robot constitute cheating?

Bryony also moderates live panels with some of the most fascinating innovators and radicals in sexuality and technology. She organizes and hosts sex tech hackathons across the globe, seeding innovation in the field. She's also, I must say, a stunningly gorgeous Australian beach babe, which would be a little difficult to deal with, if she wasn't also one of the sunniest, most accommodating humans on the planet. Her soft Australian accent makes my brain tingle ...

To follow all things Bryony and Future of Sex, get yourself over to FutureOfSex.org

If you enjoy lying down with us, become a patron of the horizontal arts! Patreon is a website that crowdsources income for artists. It can make it possible for me to continue making independent, uncensored, ad-free, homemade radio. For $10 a month you'll receive quarterly lullabies, sung by Lila. For $20 a month you'll get two tickets to a live recording! Lots of other perks on patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

For show notes (photos! vocab! resources!) and behind-the-scenes stories from the horizontal does america tour, sign up on horizontalwithlila.com

In the first half of our episode, we talk about catholic school skirts, the time I slapped a girl, being spared sex, and going to the chapel.

We got horizontal in Williamsburg, in Bryony's bed. It was summertime, and though I asked Bryony turn off her air conditioner, there was nothing to be done about … other people's air conditioners. At one point, the condensation from an air conditioner above her air conditioner began to drip drip drip … Ah, the sounds of summer in Brooklyn, ladies and gentleman.

If I were you, I'd come lie down with us.

Credit Where Credit Is Due:

This episode was edited by Bryony's "Future of Sex" editor, Chad Michael Snavely! Thank you, Bryony! Listen to the rest of the podcasts in Chad's catalogue through chadmichael.com. My sumptuous cover art is by the illustrator Shana Shay, whom you can hire through 99designs. The theme music is by newly minted papa Alan Markley, on Instagram as plasticcannons.

May you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.

Thank you, for lying down with us.

Welcome to the second episode of the second season of horizontal with lila, the podcast about intimacy recorded while lying down.

In this episode, I lie down with my sweet friend Fiona. Fiona is an architecture student, a first generation Nuyorican, a bisexual woman, and one of the most deliciously sensual humans I've ever known. At the time of this recording, she had recently trained as a tantrika and was giving erotic massage at a Tantric Temple, which is where she headed right after we finished recording … she was late!

Since then, has retired that persona, feeling that, while she fully supports the rights of women to do tantric sex work, it wasn't for her. However, she's dabbled in educational sex work as well, and really enjoys being a demonstration model in an intimate environment — for instance, showcasing hands-on sexual techniques during workshops given by the sex educator Kenneth Play.

This episode was recorded on a marathon day of podcasting in my friend Owen's basement — which is far less creepy than it sounds, as his basement is a combined recording studio and mother-in-law suite with a queen-sized bed, making it perfect for horizontal.

Fiona holds the record at the Villa for having sex with the most housemates. It seems that everyone is attracted to her! And, lucky for them, she enjoys many flavors of human. Also ... some of my housemates are— very good at sharing.

In the first part of our episode together, we talk about being child-free, various forms of birth control, swallowing come, tumblebugging, and coming out as poly.

If you enjoy lying down with us, become a patron of the horizontal arts. Patreon, the website that gives artists a platform to crowdsource income, can make it possible for a modern day broadcaster-golightly, such as myself, to make independent, uncensored, and, to this day, ad-free work. For five dollars a month I'll add you to my secret FB group, where I post behind-the-scenes photos and curate the most fascinating articles about love, sex, and relationships. There are lots of other perks as well, like free tickets to live horizontal storytelling shows, where you can lie down with us in person. Right now, you'll just have to pretend.

You know how to pretend, right? You just put your mind to it … and come lie down with us.

Credit where credit is due:

This episode was edited by Chad Michael Snavely, podcast impresario. Check out his impressive catalogue on chadmichael.com. My lovely cover art is by Shana Shay, hire her through 99designs.com. And my congratulations to the creator of my theme music, Alan Markley, plasticcannons on Instagram, on becoming a father.

For my show notes, stories from the horizontal does america road trip, and discounts on live shows, sign up on horizontalwithlila.com