horizontal with lila

In this episode, I lie down with Philip Stehlik, of the sex-positive venture Cambyo.

Cambyo is designed to help people develop their intimate lives. Through their online publication, research, community building, and in-person events, such as a sort of salon / meeting in which people are invited to share their experiences around intimacy, sexuality, and relationships in semi-public, Cambyo aims to cultivate a safer space for people to discuss. On Medium, they publish real stories about people's intimate lives. If you want to contribute a story of your own to the ongoing, destigmatizing dialogue, please reach out to them!

I first met Philip at a small cocktail party in the West Village - Philip and Cambyo co-founder Matt Hunter were in town for just a few days, and by the strength of their charisma alone, and also a little nudge from Bryony Cole, host of the fabulous sex tech podcast "The Future of Sex," they gathered a mix of sex tech entrepreneurs, educators, activists, and therapists together for a night of conversation. Philip is German, and now based in San Francisco's sex-positive nexus. He's an excellent communicator, a world-class hugger, and somehow his presence simultaneously both calms and excites me - I wish he lived in New York!

This episode, as an experiment, was recorded in the basement event space at Hacienda Villa, called Hacienda Studio. It's roomy and echo-y, we're marooned on a little island of a mattress with a purple sheet in the middle of a huge space that spans almost the entirety of the brownstone, and the house itself makes some noise, as if it wants to be a third character in our conversation - but it was worth the experiment.

In the first part of our conversation, we talk about the lack of proper sex ed, the book that taught Philip about being a good lover, condoms, and VR porn. The second half has been released separately, by popular demand.

Won't you please...come lie down with us.

More horizontality, please:

To become a patron of the horizontal arts, support me on Patreon, a website for crowdsourcing patronage! Patronage allows artists like me to buy equipment, schedule recording tours, and devote my time to creating more horizontal goodness, for you! Becoming my patron has delicious perks, ranging from exclusive photos and behind-the-scenes video content, to handwritten postcards, spring cleaning phone calls, and creative input on future episodes! You can become a patron for $1 a month on up, and the rewards just get more sumptuous. patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

Credit where credit is:

Horizontal's badass theme music was created by Alan Markley, on Instagram as plasticcannons.

It's saucy cover art was designed and illustrated by Shana Shay. Hire Shana for character illustration and graphic design through 99designs.

Horizontal was mixed and mastered by Owen Muir of Self-Disclosure productions, right here in Brooklyn, New York. Stay tuned for Owen's own podcast, Self-Disclosure, a show where people talk openly for the first time about their experiences with mental health. Coming in August 2017 @psychdisclosure

To sign up for the horizontal show notes, exclusive subscriber content, and sensual horizontal photos, head to horizontalwithlila.com

This quickie episode was recorded live at my podcast launch pajama party on May 21st, 2017, at Hacienda Studio, a sex-positive event space in Bushwick, Brooklyn. My guests enjoyed reiki, massage, empathy sessions, and cookies upon arrival. After a brief cuddling tutorial from one of my housemates, a professional Cuddler, Fifty people in kimonos, flannels, onesies, and short-shorts got horizontal and snuggly on an enormous Megabed the size of three kings put together, while, on a bed-island across the room, my guest and I arranged ourselves as we would for any horizontal recording session - lying on our backs, almost ear-to-ear, sharing a pillow, microphones hanging down above us, with a starry blanket as our backdrop…

In this, the first of many quickies to come, I lie down with Ralph de la Rosa.

Ralph is a highly regarded meditation teacher in New York City. His Rebel Heart Meditation, a weekly class combining meditation, psychology, and neuroscience, was the first - and is still the only - meditation class I've ever attended regularly. He's a punk at heart, a feminist, an anarchist, a raw, utterly honest and relatable teacher, a truthful writer, and his forthcoming book about working with trauma in meditation will be published by Shambhala Publications in 2018. I will be the first to buy it carry it around with me like a talisman.

Full disclosure: Ralph and I first met through on-line dating, went on one date, didn't talk for six months, meditated alongside each other for three, and then became very dear friends. Ralph is also my birthday twin. Last year we celebrated on a weekend retreat with close friends that I dubbed "the option to fall apart edition." I think Ralph fell together, while I fell apart, and it worked out beautifully for the both of us.

To keep apprised of his offerings in cognitive behavior therapy, coaching, and meditation, visit ralphdelarosa.com.

In the span of this 20-minute quickie, Ralph manages to share a history of sexual repression, broaching his first sex ed talk, first porn, first time, the celibacy practices of the Hare Krishna, and spiritual sex.

Won't you please ... come lie down with us?

More horizontality, please:

To become a patron of the horizontal arts, support me on Patreon, a website for crowdsourcing patronage! Patronage allows artists like me to buy equipment, schedule recording tours, and devote my time to creating more horizontal goodness, for you! Becoming my patron has delicious perks, ranging from exclusive photos and behind-the-scenes video content, to handwritten postcards, spring cleaning phone calls, and creative input on future episodes! You can become a patron for $1 a month on up, and the rewards just get more sumptuous. patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

Credit where credit is:

Horizontal's badass theme music was created by Alan Markley, on Instagram as @plasticcannons.

It's saucy cover art was designed and illustrated by Shana Shay. Hire Shana for character illustration and graphic design through 99designs.

Horizontal was mixed and mastered by Owen Muir of Self-Disclosure productions, right here in Brooklyn, New York. Stay tuned in August 2017 for Owen's own podcast, Self-Disclosure, a show where people talk openly for the first time about their own experiences with mental health. You can find Owen on Twitter at @psychdisclosure

To sign up for the horizontal show notes, exclusive subscriber content, and sensual horizontal photos, head to horizontalwithlila.com

In this episode, I lie down with Dr. Zhana Vrangalova.

Dr. Zhana is a sex scientist, researcher, and professor of Human Sexuality at NYU. She has a PhD from Cornell in Developmental Psychology with a focus on casual sex. She co-founded The Casual Sex Project (thecasualsexproject.com), a website that allows people to share stories of real-life hookups - in a science-y, data driven sort of way. (If you listened to episode 3 with Mistress Leigh, this is the website that a dominatrix codes!)

In our event space at the Villa, Hacienda Studio, Dr. Zhana hosts Sex Science Socials, in which she wades through peer-reviewed studies on topics like Infidelity, Squirting, and Bi-Curiosity, and breaks the data down in a way we can all understand.

She believes that popular sex myths ruin lives, and spends her time both debunking those myths on DrZhana.com, and also replacing those messages - by working to make sex ed as accessible as porn. You can read her breakdown of scientific data on Facebook and Instagram. The Dr. Zhana icon, wearing her trademark glasses, is the stamp of "legit sex science."

As I like to think of it, Zhana makes sex safer, saner, and better-informed. Because she uses her given name, and she's such a well-respected, badass female force for sex-positivity in the world, Zhana's example inspired me to "come out" in a way, to publicly proclaim my sex-positivity, and the fact that I live in a sex-positive community...a choice which led to this very podcast. I'm proud to call Zhana my friend.

In the first part of our conversation, recorded at Zhana's apartment in Bushwick, we talk about sex ed in Macedonia, liking older boys, the jets at the recreation center pool, my first time, and the cartoon that inspired Zhana's very first masturbation session - and just a little bit about butt plugs. So heeey. *Come lie down with us.

*The second half of this episode will be released separately, by popular demand.

More horizontality, please:

To become a patron of the horizontal arts, support me on Patreon, a website for crowdsourcing patronage! Patronage allows artists like me to buy equipment, schedule recording tours, and devote my time to creating more horizontal goodness, for you! Becoming my patron has delicious perks, ranging from exclusive photos and behind-the-scenes video content, to handwritten postcards, spring cleaning phone calls, and creative input on future episodes! You can become a patron for $1 a month on up, and the rewards just get more sumptuous. patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

Credits:

Horizontal's badass theme music was created by Alan Markley, on Instagram as @plasticcannons.

It's saucy cover art was designed and illustrated by Shana Shay. Hire Shana for character illustration and graphic design through 99designs.

Horizontal was mixed and mastered by Owen Muir of Self-Disclosure productions, right here in Brooklyn, New York. Stay tuned for Owen's own podcast, Self-Disclosure, a show where people talk openly for the first time about their own experiences with mental health. Owen is on Twitter as @psychdisclosure.

To sign up for the show notes, exclusive subscriber content, and sensual horizontal photos, head to horizontalwithlila.com.

In the third episode of horizontal, I lie down with Mistress Leigh, a professional Dominatrix, fetish consultant, educator, and performer. Mistress Leigh went on a BDSM tour in May 2017 (did you know that there was such a thing?! You should probably find out about this on her website.). Keep up with her kinky antics on LeighEntertainment.com

As well as being a pro dom, she's a performer, a martial artist, and a general badass. She's full of characters and stories and charisma. This episode of Horizontal was recorded at Mistress Leigh's apartment, in her little loft nook, in another neighborhood in the land of Brooklyn.

We talk about fetish work, session-ing with disabled clients, dominant women / submissive men, the difference between power play and position, and feefees.

So hey...come lie down with us.

More horizontality, please:

To become a patron of the horizontal arts, support me on Patreon, a website for crowdsourcing patronage! Patronage allows artists like me to buy equipment, schedule recording tours, and devote my time to creating more horizontal goodness, for you! Becoming my patron has delicious perks, ranging from exclusive photos and behind-the-scenes video content, to handwritten postcards, spring cleaning phone calls, and creative input on future episodes! You can become a patron for $1 a month on up, and the rewards just get more sumptuous. patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

To sign up for the blog, including sensual horizontal photos and extensive show notes, head to horizontalwithlila.com

Credit where credit is:

Horizontal's intro and outro music was created by rock star musician Alan Markley, on Instagram as @plasticcannons.

The saucy character illustration was designed by Shana Shay - hire her through 99 designs.

This episode was mixed and mastered by Owen Muir of Self-Disclosure Productions, @psychdisclosure, right here in Brooklyn, New York.

In this episode, I lie down with Grant Stoddard. Grant is an experiential journalist who specializes in reporting from outside of his comfort zone (sometimes way, waaay outside). The wild situations he has experienced bodily have appeared in Thrillist, Vice, T, New York Magazine, Penthouse, and Maxim, among many others.

He's the author of one of my favorite memoirs of all-time, Working Stiff: The Misadventures of an Accidental Sexpert. When I was reading it on the bus, I laughed so hard that I completely missed my stop and had to double back about ten blocks. It follows Grant's journey from lovelorn small town virgin to sex writer at Nerve.com.

In 2002, Nerve was the very first place where I posted an on-line dating profile, after my friend Marley insisted that it wasn't a weird and scary thing to do. As a budding sex-positive advocate, I began devouring Nerve's sexy offerings, including erotica, photography, and Grant's column, "I Did It For Science!" Last year, he began collaborating with Kenneth Play, our community co-founder, and I met the author of "I Did It For Science" in my hallway.

This episode is the first Horizontal with Lila recorded on the road, in a cozy, creaky, charming airbnb in New Orleans, Louisiana, where Grant and I (along with another writer, her fiance, and my boyfriend Alex) were staying for the weekend in order to attend a Hacienda Maison play party themed "The Year of the Cock."

Andrew Sparksfire, owner of Hacienda Villa, the sex-positive intentional community in which I live, created Hacienda Maison down in NOLA as a sex-positive retreat center. The Maison is a sumptuously-appointed, several-storied, meticulously-restored plantation house, available to rent out for your sexiest events.

In this episode, we talk about sex parties (dubbed "play parties" in the sex-positive community), the alchemy of attraction, the benefits of having two partners, and Grant's first experience seeing female pubic hair.

So there. Come lie down with us in New Orleans.

You can hire Grant to sling some words for you. Peruse his zillion-article portfolio here.

More horizontality, please:

To become a patron of the horizontal arts, support me on Patreon, a website for crowdsourcing patronage! Patronage allows artists like me to buy equipment, schedule recording tours, and devote my time to creating more horizontal goodness, for you! Becoming my patron has delicious perks, ranging from exclusive photos and behind-the-scenes video content, to handwritten postcards, spring cleaning phone calls, and creative input on future episodes! You can become a patron for $1 a month on up, and the rewards just get more sumptuous. patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

For all things horizontal with lila, including show notes, horizontal-inpired writing, and saucy saucy photos, subscribe at http://horizontalwithlila.com

Without whom, it would not be possible:

Badass theme music by Alan Markley, on Instagram as @plasticcannons

Saucy cover art by Shana Shay (hire her!) on 99designs

Mixing and mastering magic and sorcery by Owen Muir of Self Disclosure productions, on Twitter as @psychdisclosure

Come lie down with us!

Welcome to the very first episode of horizontal with lila. Horizontal is the podcast of intimate conversations about sex, love, and relationships that's entirely recorded while lying down.

I invite you to eavesdrop on stories that might seem almost too personal for you to hear, which is, of course, exactly why I want you to hear them. Many episodes are recorded in bed at my home, Hacienda Villa, a sex-positive intentional community in Bushwick, Brooklyn.

Sex-positive = dispelling the shame surrounding sex through sexual education, open dialogue, and the celebration of all genders and sexual orientations, and all relationship structures and sexual acts between consenting adults. Intentional community = living together on purpose in accordance with common ideals, in order to offer everyone roots and wings.

I've been inspired, humbled, unburdened, seen, and thoroughly schooled by the everyday conversations we have in this house, and I thought it was a shame that we were the only people who got to hear them.

Hacienda's mission is to bring sex-positive culture to the world. This is my part.

In this episode...

In this episode, I lie down with my housemate Mirelle. Mirelle is a sensual nurturer - sometimes nicknamed the Mama of the Villa, at other times the MVP, and a member of what she calls the Villa Dream Team, a group of my housemates, or, Villans, who provide a kind of fantasy fulfillment service, curating scenes and initiating people into sensations, kinks, settings, configurations, and stories that they've previously only dreamed of. She is profoundly and happily polyamorous - she has many relationships, many loves. She's a bisexual woman, an outstanding cook, a connoisseur of delight, and somehow manages to lovingly sustain an incredibly intricate and extensive web of partners and lovers, with such tender attentiveness to the way people wish to be loved, that I feel deeply impressed by the way that she relates. I think Mirelle could teach a multi-part course on intimacy.

This episode was recorded in my loft bed at the Villa, on a snow day.

We talk about the word "slut," love languages, overcoming shame, feeding your delight, intimacy, polyamory, comets, fantasies, and fear - mine. Come lie down with us, and you'll wish your head was on the pillow next to Mirelle.

More horizontality, please:

To become a patron of the horizontal arts, support me on Patreon, a website for crowdsourcing patronage! Patronage allows artists like me to buy equipment, schedule recording tours, and devote my time to creating more horizontal goodness, for you! Becoming my patron has delicious perks, ranging from exclusive photos and behind-the-scenes video content, to handwritten postcards, spring cleaning phone calls, and creative input on future episodes! You can become a patron for $1 a month on up, and the rewards just get more sumptuous. patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

To subscribe to the horizontal blog, for the shownotes, horizontal musings and sensual photos, head to https://horizontalwithlila.com

Just pictures? Instagram @horizontalwithlila

Without whom, it would not be possible:

Badass theme music by Alan Markley, on Instagram as @plasticcannons

Saucy cover art by Shana Shay (hire her!) on 99designs

Mixing and mastering magic and sorcery by Owen Muir of Self Disclosure productions, on Twitter as @psychdisclosure