Whenever we stand at the edge of a fresh start — a new year, a new season, a birthday, or even a random Monday when we’re just done with our old patterns — we tend to make big promises to ourselves.

We write goals, buy planners, and decide we’re finally going to “be different this time.”

And then, a few weeks later… most of it fizzles.

For years, I believed this happened because of a lack of discipline or structure.

But the truth?

We all have incredible discipline for the things that truly matter to us.

You don’t forget to care about your child.

You don’t forget to check in on someone you love.

You don’t forget the things that feel deeply connected to who you want to be.

So the real question becomes:

How do we bring that same energy — the energy of “this matters” — into the habits we want to change?

That’s what this week’s episode of Heal Your Relationships is all about.

I’ll walk you through a gentle, loving, deeply effective process for changing habits — one that works far better than discipline, grit, or self-reprimand.

It’s based on your values, not willpower.Because when something aligns with your values, it stops feeling like a chore… and starts feeling like a natural extension of who you are becoming.

Timestamps:

• 00:55 — Why Thursdays are my favorite day (connecting with you)
• 01:41 — The January “change energy” and why it fizzles
• 02:31 — We’re disciplined in what genuinely matters
• 04:11 — How values direct our energy and identity
• 05:06 — Real-life examples of values shaping choices
• 08:09 — Using values to take on a new habit
• 11:05 — Building “bridges” between the habits you love and the ones you resist
• 12:59 — A practical writing exercise to transform any habit

Try one change this week:

Instead of forcing discipline, ask:

“What value of mine is this habit connected to?”

Then write 20–30 “bridges” — reasons why this new habit strengthens something you already care deeply about.

You’ll feel the resistance soften.

This episode is an invitation to step off the self-punishment roller coaster and into a more loving, realistic, deeply human way of growing. If it brings you one moment of relief, clarity, or self-kindness, it has done its job.

Oh—and if you have something you're navigating and would love my take on it... 

🗣️ You can submit a question or situation for a future episode right here (totally anonymous!):

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