In this insightful episode, we tackle one of the most challenging conversations a parent can face during a divorce: telling your children. Therapist Oona Metz joins us to share expert advice on how to approach this delicate subject with honesty and sensitivity. Oona emphasizes the importance of being both vulnerable and resilient, modeling these qualities for your children. She explains that while every parent wants to protect their kids, it is crucial to communicate honestly about family changes, providing a balance between acknowledging sadness and reassuring them that the family will navigate through this together. Oona advises that the timing of the conversation should be considered carefully, with older children being told sooner due to their ability to sense household tension, while much younger children should be informed closer to any major changes, like a parent moving out.

Oona also stresses the importance of using a calm, unified approach when delivering the news. Ideally, both parents should work together to create a set of agreed-upon statements to guide the conversation, ensuring consistency and avoiding potential conflicts in front of the children. For parents who must deliver the news alone, Oona reassures that it is better to have one thoughtful, composed parent communicate the message than two parents who disagree. The first conversation should be kept brief and focus on the decision to separate, using the term "separation" initially to introduce the concept of divorce gently. While avoiding intricate details about the reasons for the separation, it’s crucial to offer a simple explanation like “We haven’t been getting along” and reassure your children that efforts were made to resolve issues. Emphasize that while some aspects of their lives might change, your love and commitment to them remain constant. Finally, encourage your children to express their feelings and assure them that they can approach you with any questions or concerns as everyone adjusts to the new family dynamics.

Learn more about Oona Metz: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/oona-metz-licsw