Growing up between worlds, third culture kids face unique challenges in developing their identity and sense of belonging. Can these experiences create a higher risk of struggling with pornography? John Kilmer reveals the impact of moving during crucial developmental stages, and how unprocessed grief and loss can lead to unwanted sexual behavior. Through John's story, we discover the burden AND the beauty of being a third culture man.

John Kilmer is a Mental Health Life Coach, Occupational Therapist, and Certified Husband Material Coach. He's a grateful follower of Jesus Christ who is passionate about men's inner healing work.  As a child, John traveled the world as the son of missionaries.  These early experiences deeply shaped his worldview, fostering curiosity and adventure. John lives with his wife and children at Deerhaven Farm and Retreat in the rural hills of northeastern Washington.  He enjoys canoeing, photography, hiking, and leading men's healing groups, both at his property and online.

Learn more about John at relaxedcaregiver.com.

Book a discovery call with John here.

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Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

How do neurodifferences like ADHD and autism relate to unwanted sexual behavior? How can embracing neurodiversity help us heal and outgrow porn? Candice Christiansen offers powerful perspectives and practical advice. This interview is delightful!

For neurodivergent individuals (and same or mixed neurotype couples) who are struggling, Candice is here to help you gain clarity to make your relationship, intimacy, and sex as enjoyable, wonderful, and pleasurable as possible!

Candice Christiansen is Autistic, ADHD, and a NeuroDifferent thought leader in the sexual recovery world. She is an "autism sexpert" who provides therapy and intimacy coaching to neurodivergent adults and mixed neurotype couples. Candice also provides EMDR and IFS therapy to complex trauma survivors with a variety of sex, relationship, and intimacy issues.

Candice is the founder of Namasté Center For Healing.

Learn more about Candice at candicechristiansen.com.

You can also email [email protected].

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Your Sexual Sensory Profile (free eBook by Candice Christiansen)
• Altogether Us (book with a chapter by Candice Christiansen)
• ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity (great YouTube video)
• Insight Timer (free meditation app)
• Unmasking Autism: Discovering The New Faces Of Neurodiversity (book)
• Divergent Mind: Thriving In A World Than Wasn't Designed For You (book)

Support the show

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

Have you ever thought about confronting a parent, but you're not sure how? In this episode, you'll learn the right questions to ask yourself when considering why and how to confront your parent(s) with compassion. 

Three important questions to ask: 

1. What happened (to them and to me)? 
2. How do I feel about what happened? 
3. What do I want going forward? 

Recommended reading (paid link): 

Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents, by Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson

Support the show

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

In this episode, my parents share the good and the bad of how they raised me, and how we are healing. It's a story of vulnerability, repentance, and redemption. 

"All families have difficulties. If you bury them, you grow apart. If you get them on the table and solve them, then you can heal from that." —Sandy Boa 

"Don't be afraid to go to the person and ask for forgiveness, because God's healing you and he's gonna heal the other person too. If you truly trust Him and you go with God, it's an amazing journey. Not easy but amazing." —Yvonne Boa 

Yvonne and Sandy Boa are my parents.

Support the show

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

What happens when you grow up in a family affected by sexual addiction? In this episode, Dr. Ken Adams reveals the burdens carried by adult children of sex addicts. 

This conversation is especially helpful for those of us who inherited sexual shame from our parents. You'll learn why and how to release shame that has been passed down to you...and how to stop the cycle of generational trauma.

Dr. Ken Adams is a world-renowned therapist and expert on sexual addiction, shame, and enmeshment. Learn more at drkenadams.com

Buy the first-ever book for adult children of sex addicts (this is a paid link):

A Light in the Dark: The Hidden Legacy of Adult Children of Sex Addicts by Kenneth Adams, Mary Meyer, and Culle Vande Garde

Support the show

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

What does it mean to become husband material? In this episode, you'll learn the importance of self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-leadership. Stay until the end for special appearances by 12 Husband Material Men! 

New opportunities:

• HMA is reopening in July. Join the waitlist at joinhma.com
• Come to our retreat in Santa Barbara in September! Register now at husbandmaterial.com/retreat

Support the show

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

What does it mean to outgrow porn? Dr. Robert Masters unpacks this concept (which he created) with stunning depth and clarity. 

Robert Augustus Masters is a psychotherapist, group leader, and relationship expert with a doctorate in psychology. His intuitive, uniquely integral work, developed over the past four decades, blends the psychological and physical with the emotional and spiritual.

Learn more at robertmasters.com.

Buy Robert's books (these are paid links):

• To Be a Man: A Guide To True Masculine Power
• Bringing Your Shadow Out of the Dark
• Spiritual Bypassing
• Emotional Intimacy

Support the show

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

What is emotional abuse? Dr. Jake Porter explains how to identify emotional abuse, heal from it, and stop emotionally abusing others.

Dr. Jake Porter is a Board Certified Counselor, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, APSATS Certified Clinical Partner Specialist, and the Founder of Daring Ventures. He is also the creator of Couple–Centered Recovery, a model for overcoming attachment wounds in couples experiencing the trauma of betrayal. 

Connect with Jake at drjakeporter.com

Support the show

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

What do I do with my sexual energy—especially if I'm single? In this episode, you'll learn the two types of sexual energy, why singleness can feel like a curse, and God’s good design for sexuality in singleness. You'll also hear real life examples of Christian men directing their sexual energy into deeper connection, pleasure, and creativity.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• God & Sex (sermon series from Reality San Fransisco featuring Dave Lomas)
• Finding Intimacy And Community As A Celibate Gay Christian (podcast and video by Preston Sprinkle featuring Art Pereira)
• Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance In The Age Of Indulgence (book by Anna Lembke; paid link)
• The Lord Will Fight For You (song written by Drew Boa, performed by Husband Material Men)

Support the show

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

In this episode, you'll learn why healing must happen in your body. Andrew Bauman reveals why talk therapy is not enough, what "the body keeps the score" actually means, how to use the body to outgrow porn and real-life examples of embodied healing. This interview is awesome!

Andrew Bauman is the founder & director of the Christian Counseling Center: For Sexual Health & Trauma (CCC). Andrew is an author and licensed mental health counselor with a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology from The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology.

Buy any of Andrew's books (these are paid links):

• Stumbling Towards Wholeness
• The Psychology Of Porn
• The Sexually Healthy Man
• How Not To Be An *ss

Also mentioned in this episode:

The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind, And Body In The Healing Of Trauma, by Bessel van der Kolk

Interested in healing? Sign up for the upcoming virtual retreat with Andrew Bauman: Becoming Husband Material (May 5-7)

Support the show

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!