It's Christmastown

CASEY TAYLOR joins us and SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED for THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED (2018) and: A tedious audio warning ... We are going to Pueblo! ... THEME ... Boofed the intro ... Meet Casey Taylor ... Elite Christian postal detectives ... Casey was USPS ... Red flags ... Never be friends with supervisors ... The Signed, Sealed, Delivered universe ... Cast rundown ... Haywith guy or Dorman guy ... The Expositional Challenge: Over the line ... Dave That Failed ... Plot Wrap-Up: Norman and Rita have wedding anxiety; Shane and Oliver doubt each other's commitment; gambling-addict sister; Rachel's husband, Icetown mayor; Dinosaur park, pie restaurant; real mayor shit; shame doesn't liquidate your assets ... Colorado is a commonwealth ... Colorado of the Mind ... Enormous vehicle, walking pace ... Student pursuer ... You have to drive in USPS ... The mail and The Knowledge ... Unprepared for the serial structure, loved it ... Enjoyably immersive ... Chemistry set ... Outsider-art production vibes ... Is Oliver Norman's dad? ... Pretending to steer the car ... A good Hallmark-hermeticism movie ... Four people at a real-estate broker's conference ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: No; all; appeal to Wallace Shawn; Raiders, before it turns bad; postal angels; Mr. Ass ... Eric Mabius Objectification Station ... Mannequin at J. Crew ... Casual daywear as depravity metric ... Eat Your Heart Out: Bistro Ramon; finding a single farmer's market; Norman's a pie guy; Rachel At The Farm Stand; Gumb; panicked craft services raid; no kettle chips for kids; gargantuan Francesa popcorn ... The Hallmark Expanded/Crossover: Meadow Soprano bursting into the ballroom; Vito Spatafore finding his own community, Meadow finding gentleness in Colorado; Meadow hunted by her past; too hermetic for other Hallmark properties; Arlington Road; Episodes 6, 13, 21, 29, 45, 49, 51, 58, 60, 76, 88, 91, 92 and 94 ... Barber-prescribed cocaine ... Overdetermined: You are also in prison; procedural Law & Order beats mitigate the overdeterminacy; "we're ominously going to see daddy" ... Man vs. Man, Man vs. Nature, Ashamed of Your Dad; too much allegory ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Serial-structure problems; voided by Oliver, wedding checklists; Ashamed of Husband ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Everything about Oliver; surreally chaste ... Cod lips, car magnet ... Whoa! Partner Chat: Checked out early; hair callbacks; call the non-canonical FBI; militarization of the USPS; the Oliver-Sherlock connection ... Great Moments in Moppetry: 1 ... Who Is the Real Villain?: Guilt/shame/alternative lifestyles; bridal shaming; product-driven publishing; technology; affected twerpy atavism; the carceral state ... Rating: 3 ... Dinged for Ramon ... Don't let Norman drive the bus ... Overtly sincere Christianity over demographic/product self-signaling ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: A rainbow of babies ... An thousand foreskins ... Pokemon go to the orphanage ... Norman, Hallmark's first overtly Jewish character ... Norman's shame at his ancestry ... A prison of bubbe ... Deliver Me ... NPR Bix Beiderbecke noise ... R. Crumb's shittier brothers ... USPS DISCLAIMER ... Bye, Dave ... Plugs! ... Merry Christmas! • MUSIC:"Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane • CASEY at The New Republic here • CASEY at Mel Magazine here • CASEY'S TWITTER here

We're on the ROAD TO CHRISTMAS (2018), we'll take you there, take you there, for: Exploring the space ... Notes from Jasper, LLC ... THEME ... Countdown to Christmas in July Countdown ... Tardiness apology ... ADHD cul-de-sac ... Talent show cringe horror ... Burn down the portrait studio ... L'Allegro and Il Penseroso ... BREAK ... Meet Zac Hug ... Ethical quandaries ... Funny, playful acting and plotting, with real stakes ... Jeb's life story ... The Expositional Challenge: Flex Bomb ... Plot Wrap-Up: Family breach, sassy twin sister, competent assistant, rescue animal Christmas celebration ... Everything more alive/artful than usual ... Twinkly POC pranking ... "Silly" is a good choice ... White Elephant parties ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: None ... Eat Your Heart Out: First appearance of acorn squash; CAST RUNDOWN; Dan Quinn; Christmas tree eggnog; OJ with a cinnamon stick; a goose is cooked, abundant and low value; colorless, numerous rolls; Hidden Valley Shrimp; bacon-wrapped dates, salami, spiced onions, crudités; strategic gift reserve; normal vegetarianism; Palestine and snap peas ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Colorado, Vermont, New Hampshire, the airport, and episodes 6, 13, 21, 29, 41, 45, 49, 51, 58, 60, 61, 70, 71, 76, 87, 88, 89, 91, and 92 ... Journalismism: Standard waivers; remote servers and thumb drives; doing it in person; QZK8's omnipresent weather man; yes, that's a demotion; easily dismissed obstacles; unconfirmed interviews; an actual family company; stories tell themselves; unrecorded quote ... Overdetermined: None ... The art of not underlining ... Crossover: A peak-TV overcast NY media take on this special vs. It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Planes, Trains and Automobiles ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: If work as an overall practice/necessity/task counts, yes ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: None ... The most-closeted character in Hallmark to date ... Is the representation great or not enough? ... Hallmark staring down demographic destiny ... Jeb's Medium piece about Hallmark, LINK: HERE ... Great Moments in Moppetry: 1 ... Assistant's Mini-Me ... Who's the Real Villain: None ... Rating: 5 ... The Leftovers: Allan Harmon adapting TS Eliot ... Jeb catches a stray; no party parking; But Wait, There's Echoes of Buckley ... LOT COP ... Extremely big and fabulous Jimmy Stewart ... Rejecting this alliance ... Teryl Rothery's nerves ... A nice Martha Stewart ... Nutley ... The Martha Stewart Cookbook ... Croquembouche ... Help you with the segments ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "Baker Street (Loop)," by Gerry Rafferty • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

JESSIE OPOIEN, CHARLES STAR and SARA KATE WILKINSON return for LOVE IN THE FORECAST (2020) and: Walking the dog ... Enjoying a whiteface Tyler Perry movie ... Cast rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: City vs. Country, and The Year of Leah ... Conway, AR. ... Problematize the discourse: Charles discovers Hallmark ... Constant condescension vs. Gumpian vibes and daunted by the city vs. Grandpa disdain ... Relationship oppressed ... Unspoken traumatic marriage ... Not a smart lady ... Accidental stalkers ... Cameron Diaz in There's Something About Mary ... Stripping jokes from a screwball plot ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: No supernatural beings; Brody the dog; canis ex machina; horndog demon buddy Darren ... This tiny farm town produced Scottie Pippen ... Charles discovers Hallmark diversity ... Nolan "Not playing for the same team" ... Tortured baseball metaphor ... From Out of Her League to Smeagol ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Nolan, from bro, to twerp, to sports turbro, to wimp ... Brain-damaged Mark returns to the farm ... Mark Brandon Appreciation Station ... Rumpelstiltskin Shit or intentional joke? ... Selective raining ... Mike Douglas, for Weather ... BREAK ... Eat Your Heart Out: What the f*** are those cheese sticks; whatcha got, Snack Man; Garfield torches an accelerant lasagna; Conway clam chowder; Chili's butter chicken; dry county; gift baskets ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Go Home, Female Journalist!; Leah's mom getting lost on the way to Portlandia; Love of Course (episode 50); the Hallmark floral distribution system, from episode 11, to 53, to anywhere ... Overdetermined: Laborious baseball analogies; "Science vs. Nature"; Amish resentment; fully loaded tater skins; go, team, go; [LINK] airbrushed image of the Tokyo Dome [LINK]; loving the country; "it always happens when you're not looking for it"; mom breaking herself off a piece; Sara Kate UNCENSORED; two overbearing nature vs. tech clips in five minutes ... Always diminishing Leah ... Just use GPS ... BREAK ... Crossover: Twister; Anchorman; Karen from Mean Girls; "We've Got a Great Big Conway" ... The bad fishing scene: manmade, overstocked, terrible casting, small pond, dead fish ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Absolutely Not ... Letters to Santa: Do we agree who is the real villain? ... Movie Rating: 2 ... Becoming an incel meme ... Horny Rating: 3 ... Not competent ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Charles' IMDB dive loves glamping; Rochelle's distracting sideline; Conway, Ontario; Straight-As to XXX ... "Feminist Hypocrisy" ... Double Daddy, Double Mommy, Dirty Teacher ... Jen Lilley casting ... Libra ... Kenny Chesney ... Dog content ... Choking Brody ... Witnessing male vulnerability and a real connection ... Buffalo Bill ... Bad ADR ... Chekhov's Dog ... Kidnapping a dog ... Plugs! ... Merry Christmas! • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "Riders on the Storm," by The Doors • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane • LINKS: Jessie's Twitter, Charles's Twitter, Sara Kate's Twitter

SARA KATE WILKINSON helps us get SWITCHED FOR CHRISTMAS (2017), and we rebel at: A dream board! ... Poetry slam Santa ... THEME ... Cry for help ... Enjoyable, not good ... Candace Cameron: Scene partner desperately needed ... Lack of discipline ... BREAK ... Leading Lady Leaderboard update/apology ... Cast rundown ... Inadvisable pandemic/president reference ... The Expositional Challenge ... Classic recap ... Small mop-up: Urban rural binary; clueing in the kids ... Littleton, Colorado ... Christmas at Area 51 ... Douchebag pageant disruptor ... The light benzo glaze of Tom Kinder ... Rosebud ... Kate's abandoned haunted-crush plot ... Chris succeeds/Kate Flounders ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Dad vs. D-D-D-D-Dead Mooommmmm ... It's not a hard vow, it's brunch ... Candace Cameron Bure shouldn't be appealing to Candace Cameron Bure ... Tom buys a NEO GEO ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Greg, leering Christmas goober; Hallmark Sex Idiot; running marriage trials; speaking of Wonderlic ... Eat Your Heart Out: Soviet-realist gingerbread; anguish cocoa; Christopher's Prime Steakhouse; [LINK TO SCREENSHOTS]; ice cream hiding; the top of Piper's head; a really lived-in fridge; juice pitcher error ... BREAK ... Psi Factor: The Candace Cameron Extended Universe: Deklin in Evergreen; potential twin; The Jaspar Project; hundreds of Candace Camerons; Denver geographic crossovers, the US mail ... PATREON PLUG!!!! ... Overdetermined: Performatively whining/projecting about each other's lives; dad reexplaining the entire plot premise; too little faith in the audience ... Crossover: The Gemini Man; Candace Cameron in The Bourne Festivity; Sliding Doors; Candace Cameron entering real WWII history ... BREAK ... The Swagony of Defeat: Two Balsam Hill scenes, and a rolling ornament tackle box; storing ornaments; holiday stunting; Ron DeSantis faces at the Balsam Hill website; adopt, don't shop ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes! ... Great Moments in Moppetry: 1 ... Low-key and cipher-like kids ... Rating: 2.5 ... Meant to say Danica ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: STEM girl ... Why did Kate and Chris not talk about this switch and happiness for each other and ground rules for each other? ... Nice to ask if he's pushy ... Like somebody that f*cks ... Obvious jump cut ... Boring without you, now they're art ... Avril Lavigne and Johnny Blue ... Natasha Bure's "Let's Be Real: Living Life as an Open and Honest You" ... Youths ... Dog spies the doppelgänger ... Changing in the women's restroom ... Steakhouse chat ... Follow Sara Kate on Twitter @SaraKateW ... Merry Christmas! • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

We run to and from YES, I DO (2018) and put the top down on our Canadian convertible for: Not the gain ... THEME ... Still asymptomatic ... Mostly incorrect Hallmark ingenue stats ... Good Memories from Jessica Lowndes ... A thankless character ... Nostalgic Christmas ... Listen up, urchins! ... Hallmark Ramada filming ... Soothing demeanor ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Chocolate sabotage, live on camera ... A "mild irritation" allergy ... Authentic TV anchor voice ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Oscar, beneficent if ill-timed non-grandpa; a level-8 Higgins; advanced web-grandparenting ... Semi-recuperative himbo character ... Marcus Rosner Appreciation Station ... The Christopher Reeve Problem ... Eat Your Journalismism Out: Nicole's seamless masthead rebranding; "Can you market the cover?"; adolescent novelist syndrome; Nicole, a tornado of unethical and extortionate influence; Robert Parker vibes; the testing phase; wedding on/cover off; is it authentic; CEO reverence again; white noodled "latchkey food"; pocket chocolate; food allergy; how many minutes is Charlotte in the sequel? ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: A Widow/widower Prequel Universe; 2001, A Romance Odyssey; Episode 52, "Dr. Chocolate's Great Metamorphosis," and a Hallmark luxury chocolatier universe ... Overdetermined: Charlotte's arc impeaches James' indictment; ill-fitting reassignment of token gendered tropes ... Crossover: Baking with Peter Lorre on the Food Network; Children cartoon-learning antiquated celebrity impressions; 22 Short Films About Leaving Glenn Gould at the Altar ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Two female leads, and it's 100 weddings and chocolate ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: James ... Rating: 3; Jen Lilley prejudice; points for trying new stuff; Lowndes and Rosner doing yeoman's work; extra effort, extra humor ... Letters to Santa: A new segment ideal, namely: ... Who Is the Real Villain?: Pay-to-play media ... It's always going to be capitalism ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Solid pratfall ... Carmen San Diego eavesdropping ... Dashing ... Letting the text be loose and funnyish ... Violation of our terms ... "What did I do to deserve this?" ... Writers/directors teams ... Christie Will Wolf deep-dive ... "Your ship has sailed in, and it's made of chocolate" ... "Mommy, I Didn't Do It" ... Lilley, to Lifetime, to Richard Gabai deep dive ... Too far ... The Canadian Beaumont ... A-Z Guide: Title Here ... James lives in his hangar ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "Baby Come Back," by Player • "Ride Like the Wind," by Christopher Cross • "Also Sprach Zarathustra," by The Ventures • "Baker Street," by Gerry Rafferty • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

JESSIE OPOIEN returns for PARIS, WINE AND ROMANCE (2019) and: Quality ultimatum ... Episode NINE??? ... Pandemic saved by a dog ... Microwaved hot dog ... Time has no meaning, dinnertime doubly so ... Does this feel "pandemic good"? ... Would endorse ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot mop-up ... This pinot's made in...OREGON CITY??? ... No conflict ... Pairing wine with Hallmark ... Respectable dialogue ... Moderately feminist crushing ... Bulgaria vs. Pregnancy ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Lacey and Uncle Trav give it a go ... Classic Lines: How fashionable; cute but floppy; dull dress and putty-ass shoes; platinum script, bronze budget; Don Johnson jacket ... Eat Your Heart Out: Standard escargots; cleaning snails; bizarro Oregon wine takes; 400 wines and cheeses; the Eiffel Tower actually...; Ritchie Ritch ... BREAK ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: La Chabert in Rome; Ski resort wine and aristocratic stock ... Overdetermined: "No" vs. wine pairings, wine touting flavor-untasted, the City of Love ... Crossover: It's already mostly a regular movie vs. Sideways in Paris ... Lolita Davidovich callback to Episode 77 ... Creeping by the elevator ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: ??? ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Anton the Oregon wine buyer ... Selling "perfect" ... Identifying wine blindfolded ... Rating: 3 ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Endorsing this movie ... The West coast wine blogger is going to post that right now ... Gallic relaxation ... Hittin' the parfumerie ... The unforgettable woman ... Open-flame hazard ... Plugs! ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "A Shot in the Dark," by Henry Mancini • "Un Jeune Homme Bien," by Petula Clark • "The Summer Wind," by Martin Prince (Feat. Frank Sinatra) • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane • LINKS: Follow Jessie, check out her podcast.

We wish for no more of THE BIRTHDAY WISH (2017) and instead want: Brian Williams to say "Leonard Cohen" ... The Three Canadians You Meet in Heaven ... THEME ... Governors and Dhalsim ... The city is healing ... Uptight at a Hallmark movie ... Busy for Hallmark ... Happy returns to mediocrity and confirmation bias ... Mackey Sasser and Mickey Tettleton (again) ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot mop-up ... Fun ensemble acting and characters ... Wise producer Bruce ... Strange Snowpiercer ... Russian Criminal Minds and Perry Mason ... Raymond Burr's breathing ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Optometrist ... Have bigger time-travel goals ... Eat Your Heart Out: Fried pickles; alfalfa sprouts on a sandwich; happy food dance; lived-in family moment; new to s'mores; afraid of street pretzels; nouvelle cuisine, extra sprouts; scallop puck with fish cake; one finger of still champagne; 2/3 of a beer pitcher; ribs, chicken, slaw, cornbread and kale pu pu platter with 3/4 lemonade ... Leering Black Hole Sun-style ads ... BREAK ... Plugs and sales tax! ... Letters to Santa: Marc Blucas; Andy @StudyOfSport Elrick's first two NBA Hallmark screenplays; let's remember some guys! ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: It's always wet and cold here vs. Pumpkin Pie Wars news ... BREAK ... Overdetermined: Planning everything since your dad dies; canyoning; bucket list; big budgets ... Crossover: Soapdish and Hoopie vs. Alex's newscaster role in San Andreas ... Dante's Peak vs. Volcano ... The Swagony of Defeat: 2017 Dodge Grand Caravan; this isn't what I drive; room in the van; great technology and features; White Collar analogy (again!); Tim Allen ... Brian Williams and our weapons ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Not even close ... Rating: 3-ish ... The Leftovers: Julie Sherman Wolfe, the machine ... Peter DeLuise as Bill Stamos ... Money Plane and extra Lawrences ... Swole Lawrence ... John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt ... Preakness poseurs ... Journey's "Patiently" ... Forlorn Nut ... 45 SPF ... Uninvited video chat ... 666 Drafts folder ... Merry Christmas! • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "First We Take Manhattan," by Leonard Cohen • "Perry Mason Theme," by The Blues Brothers • "Black Hole Sun," by Cibo Matto • "Here Comes the Money," by WWE and Jim Johnston • "Ride of the Valkyries," courtesy of the BBC • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

ANDY LEVY returns from finding LOVE IN WINTERLAND (2020) and: Mark Cuban's polycule ... THEME ... The Heartthrob Boyz ... Indoors ... A preview of being old ... ACME products ... Delighted to talk to anyone ... Three incredibly handsome men ... Stevie Ray Vaughn Chat ... Good pandemic distraction ... St. Elmo's Fire ... Less of an escape ... "Myeah-myeah myeah myeah myeah" ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... The Expositional Challenge: Only Andy may win ... Green Book, an incredible movie ... Absurd reality-show downtime ... Drifting from Hallmark movies ... Always the Wicker Man ... Well-written paint-by-numbers ... Half-hearted inclusive casting ... Moisture-wicking performance clothing ... Kevin McHale's body ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: No one, or Lauren, the reality TV producer ... Extremely mean ... No bad guy ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Episode 67; "City Girl Saves Small Town" adjacent to "Secret Prince" (Episode 58); Episode 49, Episode 63, "Denver," "Cash-Strapped Winter Resort Universe," Episodes 41, 58, 60, 80 and 81 ... Highly communicable prince ... Eat Your Heart Out: White chocolate fountain joke; pizza from the bus station; Six Layers of Snow Cake; New England Folger's Cake; here's a gingerbread man; Mountaintop Muffin and Winter Scramble; French Silk Pie; untouched green beans with lemon wedges, sauceless bird's nests of spaghetti, white wine; pot roast; chili starter; the Vermont Touch ... BREAK ... Overdetermined: The Black Box vs. The Photo Album Storyboard vs. The Things We Miss the Most ... Crossover: Ski School; paint me like one of your Canadian actresses; no fake gondola budget; Bachelor but with a Business Plan ... Letters to Santa: Chekhov's Solution callback; Christopher Kent's prompt for the ... Build a Buré Workshop: Love in the Time of Corona ... BREAK ... Rating: 2.5 ... The Leftovers: Did Hallmark reference climate change? ... There's less snow now ... [karen geier flocking callback] ... Frigid whirlwind hotel pool ... Knit a shower curtain ... Everything you hate about haggis happened in there ... "Don't protect me from reality; I'm on a reality show" ... Two first names/two last names/three last names ... The Dobrofsky's ... The Christmas Train (Episode 13) callback ... Higgins ... Sell winter ... Italia Ricci's unforgivable momness ... NewsRadio ... Off-leash freshly adopted dog ... Merry Christmas! ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "Epic Guitar Solo," by Steven Seagal • "Militia Song," by Camper van Beethoven • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

We got the fever, so we're putting LOVE ON ICELAND (2020) and: It's a lot of pressure ... THEME ... Hopelandic ... The minimum amount of movie ... Inheriting a wildlife preserve ... Iceland is the plot ... Not obstructing the scenery ... BREAK ... TV's Andy Levy chat ... Plugz ... Icelandic surnames ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Johann's poly interests; Charlie's choice of career or kisses; Northwestern and Evanston ... Happy Endings abroad ... Old people: the best part of the movie ... End the movie now! ... Four screenwriters ... Overheard convo quit ... More scenic footage, pls ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Nobody, or Johann ... Put-upon tour guide ... Scandinavian reptiloids ... Amiable love-interest ... Journalismism: Podcasting, fun stories to listen to; drunk-sounding boss; Icelandic actors; decently plausible podcast network ... Some Brief Observations on the Nature of Jolly Ranchers ... Eat Your Heart Out: Plausibly Scandinavian food; herring supreme ... Letters to Santa Interruption: Mo Bacon trucks are product placement; Bacon Jammers ... Eat Your Heart Out Resumed: Hot chocolate spa; compass points to burning eggs; B&B kitchen invasion ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Travel agencies and charter flights all the way down to a photographers' agency ... BREAK ... Overdetermined: Before the credits even finish; then again six minutes later ... Crossover: Chicago Dullard vs. Michael Lewis and Bjork ... BREAK ... Rating: 2.5 ... "I haven't been outside that much" ... Good bacteria ... The Leftovers: Arrow ... Clare Niederpruem ... Overlooking director Mariah Carey ... Leif Ericsson ... B-52's ... Vacationing spoiled rich kids ... Booking without double-checking ... Andre Agassi's camera ... Sigur and Rose ... Virgin Mountain ... Turn around and look ... Bubble hotel ... Merry Christmas! • MUSIC: "Mama Angola," by Retro Stefson • "Holiday," by FM Belfast • "Reykjavík," Sykur • "Svo hljótt," by Sigur Rós • "Mílanó," by Sigur Rós • "Glósóli," by Sigur Rós • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

SARA KATE WILKINSON'S empire lies in ruins in the LOVE AND SUNSHINE (2019) and she's: Not buying Winnie Cooper ... THEME ... Deeply irritable ... Letters to Santa: They mentioned 9/11; a long way to get a dog in a house; wrong since Episode 3; can houses burn in Hallmark?; "A Season of Recovery" ... Troops without trauma ... A strange age scale ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... Quaid In Full plug ... Michael Caine in Jaws 4 ... Danica McKellar on podcast probation ... The Expositional Challenge ... Jordan in the air ... Plot Mop-Up: Landscaping job; overstuffed with ex-partners; reenlisting the dog; military golden retriever ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Tricia Collins, Sunshine ... "We have politics about foster dogs" ... The Angels are in America ... Eat Your Heart Out: A diabetic party with lossless plates; bald eagle cupcakes; two-day welcome-home feast; Dear John apology pie; every possible dessert; three wine mentions; SURREAL SCREENSHOT; listener suggestions (memento mori; writer bubble fetish; Wuhan Virus); sugary lemonade; you just POURED the wine ... Agenda 21 ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Wedding planners (Episode 69); tulips, dogs, the Pacific Northwest and the military (Episodes 11, 18, 55, 57) ... Mark Deklin Intensity Appreciation Station ... Hallmark Made 9/11 happen ... Overdetermined: The 9/11 Trauma Swap; landscaping project summation; recapping relationships to a dog; "I guess we share more than a dog"; thank you for your service ... War on terraces ... BREAK ... Crossover: Jake Terry could appear in any action movie; or in Leave No Trace; the Parasite rock; an Iraq War town in the valley of Elah ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Passes within 90 seconds, fails for the rest ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Ben and Donna, pathological exes ... Great Moments in Moppetry: 3 ... LOOGY ... Chad Bradford arm error ... Rating: 2.5 ... So weighted with fetishized sacrifice that a light screenplay can't support it ... Two lives' chewed up by the machine ... Mythologized masculinity indivisible from patriotism ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Mark Deklin Appreciation Station #2 ... Pot your plants ... Pastel dog-washing hose ... Wife Chat: Dyeables shoes; sweatless workout; flowers that don't bloom at once; exposed deck picket ends; massive cheesecake; Danica cleans up after the party; engagement ring in pocket ... Ellie Kanner's LA comedy tie-in ... Infantilizing Bess Armstrong with technology ... "I have a debt I have to pay" ... War was challenging, but I made some buds ... Loving dogs isn't a personality ... Clawlike dog petting ... FBI sting fake movie ... "Based on a NYT mag article" ... Scientology ad ... Merry Christmas! • MUSIC: "Teenage Pregnancy," by Cake • "You Raise Me Up," by Josh Groban • "Let the Eagle Soar," by former US Attorney General John Ashcroft • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane