“Allow the thought to be there, but change your relationship to the thought,” says Judy Ho, PhD, clinical neuropsychologist and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. Dr. Ho shares her toolbox for overcoming self-sabotaging and self-destructive behavior. She explains to Will Cole and Seamus Mullen how trauma plays a role and why we might find ourselves in situations that mimic old wounds. She teaches de-stressing practices: box-breathing, slowing down our thoughts by writing them down, and physicalizing an emotion to create distance between yourself and it. Ho says that the perception that we don’t have control is wrong—we do have the power to choose and self-sabotaging behavior can be transformed. Also: You didn’t ruin everything by eating that one piece of cake.

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