"Spirituality is like nuclear fission—it has the power to illuminate and energize but also to destroy when mishandled." — Dan Koch

"Thriving isn't about a perfect life; it's about alignment between our deepest values and our lived reality." — Dan Koch

On our path to spiritual health, we need to keep our eyes open to the ways religion and spirituality have been exploited to coerce, control, and create chaos. Focusing on the intersection of religion and psychology, licensed therapist, researcher, and podcaster Dan Koch is creating a public conversation about spiritual harm and abuse, helping victims learn how to deal with spiritual trauma, and offering insight and guidance toward healthy religious and spiritual experiences.

From his own personal journey of religious trauma to his extensive research on spiritual abuse, Dan shares insights on how faith communities can both wound and restore. The conversation covers the psychological impact of religious trauma, the complexities of self-diagnosis, and practical strategies for self-knowledge and healing for anyone who has wrestled with faith, struggled with past church experiences, or have lost their religion.

In this conversation with Dan Koch, we discuss:

• The psychological study of spiritual abuse and harm, including conceptual definitions and the many factors that come along with them.
• The symptoms and most recognizable patterns that point to spiritual abuse
• The impact of abuse and trauma on psychological and spiritual health
• How to reappraise and challenge harmful core beliefs
• And how to find healing, joy, and transcendence as we deal with past trauma.

Spirituality: Pro-Social Benefits, with a Shadow Side of Harm, Exploitation, and Violence

Through With & For, as well as the broader work of The Thrive Center, we regularly explore the expansive benefits and positives that emerge from our inherent spirituality as human beings, and how that relates to our individual and collective thriving.

Religion and spirituality can be an immense force for good, offering countless pro-social benefits to the world, helping us our innate spiritual capacities is an essential factor in what it means to thrive.

But we have to acknowledge the harm and vice and corruption—the violence— that has been perpetrated through religious and spiritual contexts. Spiritual abuse is a serious matter and there’s no way we can cultivate a full understanding or integrated experience of healthy spirituality without coming to terms with its prevalence and effects.

Dan Koch’s attention to spiritual harm and abuse is about clearing the way toward a healthier spirituality grounded in care and healing. By exposing and exploring past traumas in the context of heathy and respectful relationships, we can grow into a more joyful faith and transcendent spiritual life.

About Dan Koch

Dan Koch is a licensed therapist supporting patients working through the trauma of spiritual abuse; and his work and insight in this domain emerges from his empirical research. He’s also host of the You Have Permission podcast. With a background in philosophy and theology, he explores questions of faith, doubt, and spiritual well-being. His research focuses on the psychological effects of religious trauma and how individuals can heal from spiritual abuse.

Find more of his work at dankochwords.com.

You can find his podcast, You Have Permission wherever you listen to podcasts and find exclusive episodes at patreon.com/dankoch.

Helpful Links and Resources

• Dan Koch’s Website
• Join Dan Koch’s Patreon
• You Have Permission Podcast
• Dan Koch’s Research on Spiritual Abuse
• The Spiritual Harm and Abuse Scale Clinical Screener
• Development of the Spiritual Harm and Abuse Scale (Article, May 2022)

Quotable

"I would just distinguish between self-knowledge and self-diagnosis—one leads to growth, the other can lead to unnecessary fear."

"Avoidance is both a symptom of trauma and a cause of it—it keeps the rest of the symptoms around."

"Spirituality is like nuclear fission—it has the power to illuminate and energize but also to destroy when mishandled."

"You can't worship a villain—when spiritual abuse distorts your image of God, it becomes almost impossible to stay in faith."

"Thriving isn't about a perfect life; it's about alignment between our deepest values and our lived reality."

Show Notes

• Dan Koch on spiritual abuse, religious trauma, and healing
• How beliefs about God shape emotional well-being
• Practical self-knowledge exercises to promote healing
• The impact of fear-based religious teachings on mental health
• Strategies for deconstructing harmful religious experiences

Understanding Spiritual Abuse and Religious Trauma

• Definition and key elements of spiritual abuse
• Difference between spiritual harm and abuse
• The role of power, control, and coercion in religious settings
• How religious trauma manifests in daily life
• Connection between religious trauma and PTSD

The Psychological and Emotional Impact of Religious Trauma

• The interplay between faith, fear, and mental health
• The long-term effects of toxic religious teachings
• How avoidance perpetuates trauma symptoms
• Self-diagnosis vs. self-awareness in spiritual healing
• The importance of challenging harmful core beliefs

Practical Strategies for Self-Knowledge and Healing

• Dan Koch's guided self-knowledge exercise
• How breath work can regulate anxiety from spiritual trauma
• Recognizing and reframing harmful core beliefs
• The power of contemplative practices in spiritual healing
• Using evidence-based approaches to reconstruct faith

How Churches and Communities Can Foster Spiritual Health

• How leadership can avoid coercive control
• Creating spaces for questioning and spiritual growth
• The importance of transparency in religious institutions
• Encouraging self-agency in spiritual communities
• Redefining authority and spiritual guidance in a healthy way

Pam King’s Key Takeaways

• Spirituality is like nuclear fission: its incredible power can be harnessed for abundant good that is essential to thriving, but when it is exploited or used irresponsibly, the fallout is catastrophic for human well-being.
• Thriving is an integrative process that can be better understood and better lived when we draw from psychological, philosophical, and theological sources.
• Sometimes our core beliefs are the source of spiritual harm and trauma, and these can be reframed, reappraised, and challenged—aligning us with self-respect, truth, and love.

About the Thrive Center

• Learn more at thethrivecenter.org.
• Follow us on Instagram @thrivecenter
• Follow us on X @thrivecenter
• Follow us on LinkedIn @thethrivecenter

About Dr. Pam King

Dr. Pam King is Executive Director the Thrive Center and is Peter L. Benson Professor of Applied Developmental Science at Fuller School of Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy.  Follow her @drpamking.

About With & For

• Host: Pam King
• Senior Director and Producer: Jill Westbrook
• Operations Manager: Lauren Kim
• Social Media Graphic Designer: Wren Juergensen
• Consulting Producer: Evan Rosa

Special thanks to the team at Fuller Studio and the Fuller School of Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy.