LOVERS by Shan

In this episode, I want to break down what I know about “knowing” someone is the one, before you know their true character. This isn’t meant to knock anyone who chooses to mate this way, because culturally a lot of us subscribe to the importance of instant attraction even if we don’t think we do - but instead to provide you with some knowledge that I wish I had before letting love at first sight lead me astray. Love at first sight is a global phenomenon - meaning no matter where you go, there it is in different languages, stories and beliefs.

In this episode I define what love at first sight is, explain why the brain likes to do it, provide insight into how love at first sight might just be another brand of discrimination, explain how it can be used wisely and also share the dangers of placing a lot of emphasis on how couples met.


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BLISSY
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Follow Shan:
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https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSE2Lr9RfYXiFtiX1jk5qng
[email protected]

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Let’s talk about submission! My fav definition of this comes from Hafeez who simply said to submit is to sub (be underneath) another person’s mission. Now, one of the main purposes of romantic relationships is to be stronger together - a concept we’ve gone into before when we discussed self expansion theory on episode 4 featuring Jeannie Mai. The Self expansion theory states that the best way to expand, together, is to take stock of each other’s strengths, then create a dynamic that aligns with that reality.

But what happens when in the end of this audit, you realize that your strengths fall outside of traditional gender roles? And furthermore you realize that the man’s strengths are perfectly suited to aid in the woman’s success? How does it work and furthermore CAN it work when a man realizes his partner’s potential and then makes her mission, his main mission? That’s what we are going to be talking about on this episode featuring Jade Novah and Devin Johnson.

Thanks to the sponsors of this episode.

Hungryroot
Go to http://www.hungryroot.com/LOVERS
Use code LOVERS for 30% off your first order!

That’s Hungryroot.com/LOVERS. Don’t forget to use our link, so they know we sent you.

Betterhelp

Discover your potential with BetterHelp
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That's www.betterhlp.com/lovers for 10% off your first month.

Follow Jade:
https://www.instagram.com/jadenovah/

Follow Devin:
https://www.instagram.com/mrdevinaire/?hl=en

Follow Shan:
https://www.instagram.com/shanboodram
https://www.tiktok.com/@shanboody
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSE2Lr9RfYXiFtiX1jk5qng
[email protected]

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For women in their 30s, 1 in 5 will experience problems conceiving their first child. Deja Riley, our starring guest gives firsthand advice of what it's like to go through over two years of fertility treatments. A grueling experience that's cost her over $20,000 and almost her marriage.

In this episode Deja tells all: her experience with IUI, IVF, miscarriage, a chemical pregnancy, eastern medicine, and finally surrender. To keep up with Deja's journey follow her

Deja:
http://instagram.com/Dejariley 
@Doseofduality- her podcast
http://Dejariley.com

Follow our other special guests

Krizia: 
http://instagram.com/kriziacruz_

Krystal
http://instagram.com/krystalfranklintv


Thanks so much to the sponsors of this episode. 

SKIMS
Fits Everybody Collection
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Then using promocode LOVERS

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Follow Shan:
https://www.instagram.com/shanboodram
https://www.tiktok.com/@shanboody
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSE2Lr9RfYXiFtiX1jk5qng
[email protected]

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In this episode, I sit down with my mom and sister to talk about our sex ed growing up and now as parents ourselves, what we believe is the most important lesson to teach our kids when it comes to sex and love...

You'll also hear a good bit of a past episode that you can listen to in its entirety here.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovers-and-friends-with-shan-boodram/id1586679298

I also explain how I plan to bring up conversations about sex to my daughters and what I hope they take away from those. 

Thanks to the sponsors of this episode!

Lume 
New customers GET $5 OFF a Lume Starter Pack with code LOVERS at http://www.LumeDeodorant.com


Intimissimi 

Go to http://www.intimissimi.com/jlo


ZocDoc: 

http://www.ZOCDOC.com/LOVERS


Betterhelp!

Go to betterhelp.com/lovers for 10% off your first month!

http://www.betterhelp.com/lovers

Follow Lauren:

https://www.maketheshiftcoach.com/
https://www.instagram.com/maketheshiftwithlauren/


Follow Shan:
https://www.instagram.com/shanboodram
https://www.tiktok.com/@shanboody
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSE2Lr9RfYXiFtiX1jk5qng
[email protected]

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Up to 1 in 4 known pregnancies may end in miscarriage. For many of us, this stat is old news - but as we continue to have this conversation aloud after generations of keeping this pain private - what I do think is new is considering how the father feels about the loss. It seems like a no-brainer, but speaking from personal experience, it hadn’t really crossed my mind until recently. So, let’s talk about it with our special guest Mike Johnson on this episode of Lovers and Friends.

According to a study conducted by School of Sciences fathers displayed less “active grief” than their female partners, BUT they were more vulnerable to feelings of despair and difficulty in coping 8 weeks following the loss.
The National Library of Medicine found that of 40 men who’s partner had a miscarriage, 59% said they had a deepened awareness of the fragility of life, 45% mourned the loss of their family’s hopes and dreams, 40% reported a strong sense of vulnerability and powerlessness to help their wife and half did not share feelings with their partner at all.
These are numbers that I believe our starring guest can bring a face too, and this is a face you might recognize. Mike Johnson has already been a guest on Lovers and Friends in one of our biggest episodes “Tall, Dark, Handsome and Sexually Insecure.”

Follow Mike Johnson
http://instagram.com/mike_johnson
https://www.feelingseen.com/

Thanks to the sponsors of this episode.

Hungryroot!
Just go to Hungryroot.com/LOVERS, to get 30% off your first delivery and get your free veggies.

Intimissimi
Go to intimissimi.com/jlo again thats intimissimi.com/jlo

Betterhelp!
Go to betterhelp.com/lovers for 10% off your first month!

Follow Shan:
https://www.instagram.com/shanboodram
https://www.tiktok.com/@shanboody
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSE2Lr9RfYXiFtiX1jk5qng
[email protected]


Sources:
https://time.com/3982471/men-are-the-forgotten-grievers-in-miscarriage/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8064426/
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/02646839908404587#.Vb9xQc4qefQ

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Open relationships. Now, you can clutch them pearls and raise those eyebrows all you want to, but this conversation is not going away - especially not in America. 
Using two separate samples based on the U.S. Census, researchers found that one-fifth of the population in the United States has engaged in consensual non-monogamy at some point in their lives and if the trend continues, the only place this number is going is up. So… are open relationships the bandaid, the cure or the curse of our generation? And furthermore, how do you actually start one? Like for real? Let’s talk about it on this episode of Lovers and Friends.

We have a loaded conversation between our starring guests on this episode, Swaggy C and Bayleigh. A married couple with a new baby, but an old, inactive desire to explore consensual non-monogamy within their marriage. There are a lot of themes to pull from this interview like: what happens when non-monogamy is one person’s yum and the other’s yea I guess if that will make you happy… OR the dangers of using non-monogamy as a punishment for unfulfillment… OR the joys/ struggles of having a partner who is supportive of your desires, but not all the way cooperative. However what stood out to me in this episode is how to go from being curious to actually being actively open...for real.

FOLLOW THE GUESTS ON THIS EPISODE

Follow Bayleigh:
https://www.instagram.com/bayydayy
https://www.youtube.com/c/SwayleighGang
https://www.tiktok.com/@bayydayyy


Follow Chris “Swaggy C”:
https://www.instagram.com/swaggyctv
https://www.youtube.com/@KingSwaggy


Follow Dr. Monica: 
https://www.therapyforqpoc.com
[email protected]


THANKS TO THE SPONSOR OF THIS EPISODE

BET
Watch Zatima starring Crystal Renee Hayslett and Devale Ellis by joining the millions who stream Black culture at
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Better Help
Discover your potential with BetterHelp. 
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Hello Fresh
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Dipsea
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Follow Shan:
https://www.instagram.com/shanboodram
https://www.tiktok.com/@shanboody
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSE2Lr9RfYXiFtiX1jk5qng
[email protected]


Open relationship reading list From Dr. Monica: 

IG Educational Pages 
·      Evita Sawyers | @lavitaloca34
·      Chanee Jackson Kendall | @chaneespeaks
·      Jhen | @monogamishpod
·      Kevin Patterson | @polyrolemodels
·      @polyamouraousblackgirl
·      Leanne Yau | @polyphiliablog
 
Books 
·      Pre-Order | A Polyamory Devotional: 365 Daily Reflections for the Consensually Non-monogamous | Evita Sawyers
·      Love is Not Colorblind | Kevin Patterson
·      Polysecure | Jessica Fern
·      The Ethical Slut | Hardy & Easton 
·      More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory | Ricket & Veaux
·      Polyamory & Jealousy | Ricket & Veaux

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Becky G is an award-winning, chart topping, international superstar who has always been grateful for her life, but at one point, hated herself and the experience of being alive.

In order to get out of that dark place and to get the clarity she needed to heal she knew she needed a superhero, but what she didn’t know is “that hero” would ultimately need to be herself. In this episode Becky G candidly shares how learning to love herself, advocate for her needs and set boundaries has opened up a world of abundance, power, and arguably most importantly, self compassion. 

Follow Becky G
https://www.instagram.com/iambeckyg/
https://www.tiktok.com/@iambeckyg
https://www.youtube.com/@beckyg

You can still watch old episodes of Becky’s Facebook Watch Show: Face to Face with Becky G 

https://www.facebook.com/watch/iambeckyg/1684197931784162/

AND OF COURSE WATCH THESE INTERNETS FOR BECKY’S COACHELLA PERFORMANCES THIS APRIL!

And if you came here looking for quick links to the incredible sponsors of this episode, we got you! 

EveryPlate 

http://www.everyplate.com/podcast 
Use Code: Lovers149

Lomi: 
http://www.lomi.com/lovers
Use Code: Lovers


BET
Watch Zatima starring Crystal Renee Hayslett and Devale Ellis by joining the millions who stream Black culture at
http://www.bet.plus

Follow Shan:
https://www.instagram.com/shanboodram
https://www.tiktok.com/@shanboody
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSE2Lr9RfYXiFtiX1jk5qng
[email protected]

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Does making friends get harder as you get older?  How the hell do I make friends?

According to the American Perspective Survey, May 2021,  a lot of people are not  satisfied with the size of their friendship group. About half of Americans (51 percent) report they are very satisfied or completely satisfied with the number of friends they have. 30 percent say they are only somewhat satisfied, and 17 percent say they are not too or not at all satisfied with the number of friends they have.

If you fall in that range of little to no satisfaction in friendships, here’s what you need to know about creating a bond. 

So how long does it take to make a new friend?
-50 hours of time before you consider them a casual friend 
- 90 hours before becoming real friends 
- 200hours- before becoming close friends 
- source: 'Journal of Social and Personal Relationships' 

As the New York Times reported in 2012, there are “three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other.” Cultivating emotionally intimate relationships, in other words, takes more work than just compliments.

In this episode I sit down with my friends Krista and Tabia and we talk about our friendships, the ups, downs and the work it takes to make them work. 

A special thank you to Kamil Lewis, LMFT and Danielle Byard-Jacskon, Bumble Friendship Expert for lending their expertise on forming friendships. 

Thanks to the sponsors of this episode. 

ZocDoc: 
https://www.zocdoc.com/

Ritual
https://ritual.com/lovers for 10% off your first 3 months 

Follow the guests on this episode:

Follow Shan:
https://www.instagram.com/shanboodram
https://www.tiktok.com/@shanboody
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSE2Lr9RfYXiFtiX1jk5qng
[email protected]

Follow Krista: 
https://www.instagram.com/itskrista/
https://www.instagram.com/almost30podcast/
https://www.instagram.com/morningmicrodose/
https://www.instagram.com/moderntarot/

Follow Tabia:
https://www.instagram.com/tabiacharles/

Follow Danielle Bayard-Jackson
https://www.instagram.com/daniellebayardjackson/
https://www.instagram.com/friendforward/

Follow Kamil Lewis, LMFT
https://www.instagram.com/kamil.lewis/?hl=en
https://www.instagram.com/theexpansivegroup/?hl=en
https://www.instagram.com/safewordpod/

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In this episode, I am answering 10 questions submitted by YOU, allll about sex! 

I am looking forward to making more Q+A episodes, so feel free to submit your questions around sex, love and dating. 

Huge thank you to the sponsors of this episode Ritual 

Use code Lovers for 10% your order for 3 months. 

Http://ritual.com/lovers

Follow Shan:
https://www.instagram.com/shanboodram
https://www.tiktok.com/@shanboody
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSE2Lr9RfYXiFtiX1jk5qng
[email protected]


Follow Jared: 
Http://instagram.com/enjoyjaredbrady

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Lauren Jauregui talks about breaking things off with Ty Dolla Sign, writing Always Love, holistically healing and then finding real love again with another woman.

Lauren Jauregui rose to prominence as a member of the girl group Fifth Harmony, which became one of the best- selling girl groups of all time.

Since then, she has gone on to release her solo projects “Expectations” and “Prelude.” Lauren has also collaborated with Steve Aoiki, Halsey, Tainy (Tiny), and Ty-Dolla Sign whom she publicly dated for about 2 years. 

Her hit, Always Love, pays homage to the end of her relationship with Ty and in this episode we get under the covers of that song to discuss the reason for the split, the lessons from that love lost and the discoveries she's made about who she is and what she needs since.

Follow @Laurenjauregui on all social media platforms

If you are an international listener, catch her on tour starting in March https://www.laurenjauregui.com/
Listen to “Always Love” the single and her project “Prelude” which are out now

Thank you to the sponsors of this episode

MAGIC SPOON
Go to http://magicspoon.com/lovers to grab a variety pack and try it today! And be sure to use our promo code LOVERS at checkout to save five dollars off your order!

DIPSEA
For listeners of Lovers and Friends, Dipsea is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to http://DipseaStories.com/lovers

BETTER HELP
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BUMBLE
Download Bumble in your App Store and put yourself first when you look for love. Also, learn how Bumble can help make your search simpler and more satisfying at http://Bumble.com by clicking on "The Buzz"

Follow Shan:
https://www.instagram.com/shanboodram
https://www.tiktok.com/@shanboody
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSE2Lr9RfYXiFtiX1jk5qng
[email protected]

Follow Lauren: 

https://www.instagram.com/laurenjauregui/

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