Make Your Damn Bed

Forgiveness is not an all-or-nothing process. You can partially release by choosing to stop ruminating, and even if you don’t feel entirely at peace yet, it is important to recognize that you have made meaningful progress. Every step you take away from feeling resentment is a step toward your sense of freedom. - Kinga Mnich, PhD 

THE SOURCE:

1. https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-forgiveness/
2. https://www.neurologylive.com/view/neurobiology-forgiveness
3. https://www.simplypsychology.com/articles/forgiveness-psychology-science

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. 

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if morality is flexible and competence is subjective, how can we build self esteem around our values?

Your ability to perceive society as "just" also affects your ability to regard yourself.

The more internally motivated you are (outside of systemic expectations) the more you have to rely on competence over community + morality judgements.

THE SOURCES:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0022103121001104

https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2015.01878/full

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/me-we/201312/10-sources-low-self-esteem

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. 

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

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Self respect is a practice, not a vibe. Self respect isn't about the big wins making us feel big, but the small, consistent acts that make us feel like ourselves. The more small, value aligned choices we make, the more respect we earn for ourselves.

THE SOURCE: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202601/why-self-respect-is-so-powerful

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. 

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

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Self respect has nothing to do with the approval of others, or reputation, but it is about discipline and honesty and doing the brave thing. Facing accountability is self respect. Assessing risks worth taking and taking them, is self respect. Facing the things you've ignored is self respect.

"It is the phenomenon sometimes called alienation from self. In its advanced stages, we no longer answer the telephone, because someone might want something; that we could say no without drowning in self-reproach is an idea alien to this game. Every encounter demands too much, tears the nerves, drains the will, and the spectre of something as small as an unanswered letter arouses such disproportionate guilt that one's sanity becomes an object of speculation among one's acquaintances. To assign unanswered letters their proper weight, to free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves—there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect. Without it, one eventually discovers the final turn of the screw: one runs away to find oneself, and finds no one at home."

Joan Didion's article: On Self Respect

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. 

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

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forgiveness requires a willingness to move beyond our negative feelings. fortunately, we are predisposed to heal + forgiveness is a big part of that. we just need to create the conditions to allow our natural mechanisms to function.

R — Recall the Hurt: Honestly remember the transgression, without minimizing or maximizing it. This is not rumination but a clear-eyed acknowledgment of what happened and how it affected you.

E — Empathize: Try to understand the transgressor's perspective — their state of mind, history, and circumstances — not to excuse but to humanize. Research shows that perspective-taking is a crucial mediator of forgiveness: it becomes harder to sustain pure resentment toward someone you genuinely understand.

A — Altruistic Gift: Recall a time you needed forgiveness from someone and received it, or a time you were the one who caused harm. Recognize forgiveness as a gift you can offer — not because it's deserved but because you know what it's like to need it. This step frames forgiveness as a generous act rather than a capitulation.

C — Commit: Make a public or written commitment to forgiving — journaling about it, telling a trusted person, or simply writing a statement. Commitment makes the decision more durable and resistant to resentment's return.

H — Hold onto Forgiveness: Expect that resentment will return and prepare to recommit to forgiveness when it does. Forgiveness is often a process rather than a one-time achievement; renewing the commitment when resentment resurfaces is normal and expected.

THE SOURCE:

1. https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-forgiveness/
2. https://www.neurologylive.com/view/neurobiology-forgiveness
3. https://www.simplypsychology.com/articles/forgiveness-psychology-science

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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Info on War Tax Resistance.

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. 

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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forgiveness isn't excusing harmful behavior, and it surely isn't forgetting. forgiveness is about your personal healing journey. it's not about absolving them, but instead, it's about reclaiming your agency.

THE SOURCE:

1. https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-forgiveness/
2. https://www.neurologylive.com/view/neurobiology-forgiveness

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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Info on War Tax Resistance.

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund

The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. 

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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are you avoiding danger or discomfort?

To figure this out you can:

1. name the threat
2. identify your feelings
3. learn to identify true threats vs. discomfort
4. practice responding with a stretch rather than reacting with a snap.
5. rehearse new endings to similar stories

It may take some practice to build up your capacity for peace and safety.

THE SOURCE: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DbLwPVqOpzH/

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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Info on War Tax Resistance.

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. 

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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Self-awareness is a tool to help you live, not the entire point of living.

Every single thing we do, think, and say is a form of spellwork. We are energetic beings who release and absorb energies with every second that passes. Naturally there will be some unavoidable energetic interruptions that we will have no control over, but there are countless forms of energy that we nurture or ignore depending on our moods and our subconscious minds and our immediate reactions. 

The more aware we are of our capacity to decide on which of these energies we want to absorb or nurture, the easier it is to make decisions from a conscious place rather than an automatic one. 

There’s a limit to self awareness. Sometimes it goes full fucking circle and you need to make yourself less aware so you can return to joy and life and conscious presence.

Kinzermb on IG wrote: "It’s funny that the very people we judged for being oblivious are the very people we need to take a lesson from. Because not everything is about noticing, life is about experiencing. And often times, the self aware person in all their thinking will do whatever they can to avoid discomfort while the less “aware” person will accept it as a part of life. It seems now there is a wisdom in this so called ignorance, and we call that wisdom acceptance. Because though one may not ponder the nature of reality like you do, they may not ponder how they are being perceived constantly. You see there are pros and cons to both but if you never leave your mind, and that constant self awareness, you’ll never have an opportunity to enjoy your life. Leave your comfort zone. Experience discomfort, show yourself you can survive it and actually learn from it, and your life will improve.” 

SOURCES:

IG THETRAUMAEDUCATOR 

IG CHRISTABELMINTAHNWANKWO

IG KINZERMB

IG AMYTHELIFECOACH

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. 

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

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Sometimes the kindest and wisest thing you can do in a relationship is clearly and concisely distance yourself from it until you figure out how to navigate it more appropriately. 

To develop a robust grief process we must 1. Mourn what is lost. 2. Name what is good. 3. Release what was not. 

Stepping back, creating distance, and taking space are crucial aspects to the healing process. 

There is huge difference between a well intentioned apology and real long term repair. If you have a conflict or suffer from a betrayal your brain and body can’t just lean into a well worded and well intentioned apology as a bandaid for all of the harm that was caused. I wish words were enough but that’s like saying a broken arm can be healed with a diagnosis. Just because the X-Ray says you have a broken arm it doesn't solve the problem. The diagnosis is a great start to healing properly, but it doesn’t mean the work stops there. You’ve got to prove to your brain and body that you’re not going to let this get worse, happen again, and you’re going to behave differently now so you can create a safe space to relax and heal properly, which takes time. 

SOURCES:

IG THETRAUMAEDUCATOR 

IG CHRISTABELMINTAHNWANKWO

IG KINZERMB

IG AMYTHELIFECOACH

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.

Info on War Tax Resistance.

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund

The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. 

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SOURCE:

1. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692
2. https://envisiontherapydfw.com/forgiveness-isnt-trust-its-releasing-the-burden-they-left-behind/

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.

Info on War Tax Resistance.

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund

The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. 

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.