Mental State: Straight talk about all things mental health and more

In this Mental State episode, host Mary continues a conversation with addiction counselor Amber Hollingsworth (Put the Shovel Down) about how families can support a loved one with addiction without reinforcing denial or becoming the “villain.” Hollingsworth says families are often told they are powerless, but their typical protective reactions—confrontation, evidence-gathering, rallying others, and “holding accountable”—usually trigger defensiveness, deepen denial, and create long power struggles that keep addiction going. She contrasts TV-style interventions with her “invisible intervention,” a behind-the-scenes, strategic approach that avoids triggering defenses, uses empathy to access the person’s own motivation to change, and includes boundaries. They discuss how addiction distorts the whole family system, guilt and resentment (“guilt-zement”), the blurred line between codependency and trauma responses, the need for practical backup plans, and the importance of reclaiming one’s own life instead of revolving around the addiction.  Visit Amber Hollingsworth on her YouTube channel Put the Shovel Down.

Mary Barbour - marybtherapy.com

Podcast Disclaimer

The information shared on this podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of the host. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapist-client relationship. If you're experiencing mental health challenges, please seek support from a qualified professional.

On Mental State, Mary interviews addiction specialist Amber Hollingsworth, creator of Put The Shovel Down, to challenge myths about addiction and recovery. Amber argues people don’t need to “hit rock bottom” or initially want recovery; many begin change for external reasons, and treatment should engage ambivalent clients rather than dismiss them. She describes addiction as continuing a behavior despite harm, often marked early by repeatedly breaking promises to oneself, shame spirals, and a “rebound effect” where substances worsen the very symptoms they relieve. Addiction develops along a continuum from habit to coping to dependency, frequently replacing other coping skills and weakening human connection, especially amid trauma and attachment wounds. Recovery is driven by hope and can be tested via sustained sobriety (e.g., 30 days) to move past withdrawal, and Amber emphasizes addiction is highly fixable with multiple paths to improvement. Part two will focus on helping loved ones, boundaries, and enabling. Visit Amber Hollingsworth on her YouTube channel Put the Shovel Down.

Mary Barbour - marybtherapy.com

Podcast Disclaimer

The information shared on this podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of the host. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapist-client relationship. If you're experiencing mental health challenges, please seek support from a qualified professional.

Mary Barbour hosts Dawna Daigneult on the final episode of a three-part series on Daigneult’s worth conscious theory, reviewing birthright self-worth, false selves, and how therapy can nurture disowned “parts” with permission, compassion, and integrative approaches like transactional analysis and overlaps with IFS. Dawna explains worth-affirming “building blocks” that honor lived truth across development, including respecting a child’s voice while providing structure, illustrated by a parenting example about eating peas. She introduces the “yes and no knot,” formed when a child’s internal yes meets contradictory caregiver no’s (e.g., being told feelings are allowed but punished for expressing them), leading to impaired relationships and sometimes personality disorder dynamics. They discuss untangling knots without villainizing parents by recognizing intergenerational limits and universal worth, and suggest a practice of recalling an early felt memory of worth, such as Dawna's grandmother brushing her hair, ending with a reflection on where one still tries to earn conditional worth.

Learn more about Mary and her therapy practice here:

https://marybtherapy.com

Learn more about Dawna here:

https://zestoflife.com/

Buy Dawna's Book here:

https://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Self-Worth-Worth-Conscious-Psychotherapeutic-Practice-ebook/dp/B0F9TR71FS?ref_=ast_author_mpb

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, mental health treatment, legal advice, or individualized professional support.

The conversations shared here are intended to explore ideas related to mental health, trauma, relationships, healing, and personal growth. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship with me, my guests, or any clinician mentioned on the show.

If you are experiencing emotional distress, a mental health crisis, or thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, please call 988 in the United States, go to your nearest emergency room, or contact a licensed mental health professional in your area.

Please use your own judgment and consult with an appropriate professional before applying anything discussed on this podcast to your personal life, health, relationships, or treatment decisions.

Mary Barbour continues a conversation with Dawna Daigneult about Worth Conscious Theory, focusing on how birthright self-worth becomes buried under layered family conditions and injunctions, leading some people to build fragile false selves and pursue “counterfeit” goals that serve family values rather than personal truth (e.g., a child pressured to stay in TaeKwonDo to be a “winner”). Donna explains how clients often feel humiliation and relief when realizing they built on the wrong foundation, and she uses imagery, somatic awareness, and reframing to replace heavy, conditional beliefs (e.g., “I have to be thin to be beautiful”) with lighter, worth-based alternatives. She introduces the “conscious moment technique,” adapted from Russ Harris’ ACT “choice point,” to help clients notice moments they default to self-consciousness and practice worth-conscious internal dialogue, including empowering the “inner child” to talk back to an internalized critical voice.

Learn more about Mary and her therapy practice here:

https://marybtherapy.com

Learn more about Dawna here:

https://zestoflife.com/

Buy Dawna's Book here:

https://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Self-Worth-Worth-Conscious-Psychotherapeutic-Practice-ebook/dp/B0F9TR71FS?ref_=ast_author_mpb

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, mental health treatment, legal advice, or individualized professional support.

The conversations shared here are intended to explore ideas related to mental health, trauma, relationships, healing, and personal growth. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship with me, my guests, or any clinician mentioned on the show.

If you are experiencing emotional distress, a mental health crisis, or thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, please call 988 in the United States, go to your nearest emergency room, or contact a licensed mental health professional in your area.

Please use your own judgment and consult with an appropriate professional before applying anything discussed on this podcast to your personal life, health, relationships, or treatment decisions.

Part one of a three-part conversation features author and therapist Dawna Daigneault discussing her book, Understanding Self-Worth: A Guide to Worth-Conscious Theory and Psychotherapeutic Practice, and introducing “birthright self-worth,” the idea that worth is inherent from birth rather than earned. Dawna distinguishes self-worth from self-esteem, explains how family systems can condition worth through transactional acceptance, and connects self-worth needs to early survival needs, emphasizing that the “how” of meeting needs (e.g., attunement vs. apathy or anger) shapes worth. She expands Eric Berne’s parental injunctions into intrusive versus abusive forms (e.g., “Be someone I like”) and describes how children prioritize attachment over authenticity, influencing adult relationships. Dawna outlines four rebuildable pillars—awareness, self-respect, self-esteem, and self-confidence—and describes therapeutic strategies for gently identifying conditions, protecting worth, and reducing shame and self-loathing.

Learn more about Mary and her therapy practice here:

https://marybtherapy.com

Learn more about Dawna here:

https://zestoflife.com/

Buy Dawna's Book here:

https://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Self-Worth-Worth-Conscious-Psychotherapeutic-Practice-ebook/dp/B0F9TR71FS?ref_=ast_author_mpb

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, mental health treatment, legal advice, or individualized professional support.

The conversations shared here are intended to explore ideas related to mental health, trauma, relationships, healing, and personal growth. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship with me, my guests, or any clinician mentioned on the show.

If you are experiencing emotional distress, a mental health crisis, or thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, please call 988 in the United States, go to your nearest emergency room, or contact a licensed mental health professional in your area.

Please use your own judgment and consult with an appropriate professional before applying anything discussed on this podcast to your personal life, health, relationships, or treatment decisions.

Breaking Toxic Relationship Cycles: Gabrielle Tattersall on Anxiety, Self-Worth, and Healing on the Mental State podcast. Mental health expert Mary Barbour interviews love and relationship coach Gabrielle Tattersall about her journey from chronic anxiety, depression, self-sabotage, and toxic relationships to building self-worth and healthy love.

Gabrielle describes feeling “lost” in her twenties, believing at 28 it was too late to change and hoping a “Prince Charming” would rescue her. She traces her low self-worth to age 11 after classmates criticized her appearance, leading to obsession with external validation, an eating disorder, and later a boob job. She recounts early relationship abandonment at 17 and repeated short, intense relationships marked by disrespect, ghosting, and anxious-avoidant dynamics.

A turning point came after discovering a partner’s messages to a prostitute, prompting radical responsibility, therapy and CBT, and a commitment to daily healing, emotional regulation, and choosing secure partners. 

Find Gabrielle on all of her socials at @gabrielletattersall 

Mary Barbour hosts Mental State with guest Gabrielle Tattersall, a love and relationship coach who shares how she broke decades of anxiety, self-sabotage, and toxic relationships. Gabrielle says she currently coaches women and describes her first major boundary: cutting off men quickly when she noticed inconsistency, game-playing, or disrespect. She explains that healing doesn’t stop toxic people from appearing, but helps you recognize misalignment, trust intuition, and choose peace over desperation. Gabrielle contrasts past relationships—exhausting, anxious, and performative—with her current partner’s calm consistency, acceptance, and support during hard times. They discuss generational messaging about women needing men and how increased awareness around mental health, narcissism, and gaslighting helps. For women stuck in cycles, Gabrielle advises seeking therapy or coaching and redirecting obsessive energy into self-focus through journaling, meditation, breathwork, organization, hobbies, and building a life they love. They also caution against obsessively consuming social media about toxic relationships and instead creating new neural pathways through inspiring interests. The episode teases a next installment with practical strategies, supportive networks, and steps to reclaim your life.

Breaking Toxic Relationship Cycles: Gabrielle Tattersall on Anxiety, Self-Worth, and Healing on the Mental State podcast. Mental health expert Mary Barbour interviews love and relationship coach Gabrielle Tattersall about her journey from chronic anxiety, depression, self-sabotage, and toxic relationships to building self-worth and healthy love.

Gabrielle describes feeling “lost” in her twenties, believing at 28 it was too late to change and hoping a “Prince Charming” would rescue her. She traces her low self-worth to age 11 after classmates criticized her appearance, leading to obsession with external validation, an eating disorder, and later a boob job. She recounts early relationship abandonment at 17 and repeated short, intense relationships marked by disrespect, ghosting, and anxious-avoidant dynamics.

A turning point came after discovering a partner’s messages to a prostitute, prompting radical responsibility, therapy and CBT, and a commitment to daily healing, emotional regulation, and choosing secure partners. 

Find Gabrielle on all of her socials at @gabrielletattersall 

Hosts Adam and Mary, both therapists, provide advice on setting realistic expectations, managing reactions, and creating exit strategies during family gatherings, especially when facing challenging relatives. They also suggest embracing solitude with self-care practices and forming new traditions, such as Friendsgiving, if one is unable to be with family. Additionally, tips for those working through the holidays or feeling lonely are shared, emphasizing proactive mental health care and community connection. The episode aims to offer practical guidance to enjoy the holidays while maintaining mental well-being.

DM or reach out for more info about working with us or media opportunities. 

Visit Mary at marybtherapy and  @marybtherapy   

and Adam at adamboardmanmft.com and @adamboardmanmft

Disclaimer: This information is for educational purposes only; it solely provides self-help tools for your use. This podcast does not provide health care or psychological therapy services and does not diagnose or treat any physical or mental ailment of the mind or body. The content is not a substitute for therapy or any advice given by a licensed psychologist or other licensed or registered professionals.

Mary Barbour and Adam Boardman discuss George Mumford's book 'The Mindful Athlete,' which connects mindfulness techniques with peak sports performance and personal growth. Mumford, a mindfulness coach for elite athletes like Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant, shares how mindfulness can manage stress, improve focus, and unlock full potential in sports and life. Adam, specializing in athlete mental health, finds the book a valuable, accessible resource for athletes. Both hosts share personal experiences with mindfulness and its practical applications, highlighting the book's relevance to broader aspects of life beyond sports. They recommend the book for its insights into performance psychology and mindfulness.

DM or reach out for more info about working with us or media opportunities. 

Visit Mary at marybtherapy and  @marybtherapy   

and Adam at adamboardmanmft.com and @adamboardmanmft

Disclaimer: This information is for educational purposes only; it solely provides self-help tools for your use. This podcast does not provide health care or psychological therapy services and does not diagnose or treat any physical or mental ailment of the mind or body. The content is not a substitute for therapy or any advice given by a licensed psychologist or other licensed or registered professionals.