High-performing people don’t need more motivation. They need safety.

In this episode, I’m joined by coach Cara Calvin to talk identity shifts, nervous system patterns, and why so many capable people freeze in the gap between where they are and where they want to be.

We cover:

• Why rest can feel unsafe (and what to do about it)

• Micro-actions that build momentum when you feel stuck

• Lack mindset and the “I want to… but I can’t” trap

• Leadership, burnout, and the cost of living in hustle mode

• Systems that reduce chaos (shared calendars, weekly planning, morning routines)

• How personal growth can pressure relationships, and how to bring your partner with you

  
  

If you’re a high-functioning person who looks fine on the outside but feels wired, tired, or numb on the inside, this episode will land.

Subscribe for more conversations on relationships, mental health, and living well.

School goes back soon across New Zealand.
And for many parents, that brings a mix of relief and worry.

Will this year be easier socially?
Will old struggles show up again?
Will my child cope when I’m not there?

In this Ask Charlotte episode, I respond to a parent asking how to set their child up for a resilient start to the school year and unpack what resilience actually looks like for children.

Not toughening up.
Not pushing through.
Not coping quietly.

Real resilience is built when children:

• Can name what they are feeling

• Know what behaviour is and is not okay

• Feel safe to talk about their day

• Learn how to ask for help early

• Understand which problems are adult problems, not theirs to solve alone

  
  

In this episode, I cover:

• How to support your child’s mental health as school starts back

• Why emotional literacy matters

• How bullying can come from friends and why that matters

• How to help your child talk without forcing conversations

• Teaching help-seeking as a life skill

• Small parenting shifts that make a big difference across the year

  
  

If your child struggled last year, feels anxious about going back to school, or you want to set this year up differently, this episode offers clear, practical ways to support them.

This is not about perfect parenting.

It is about helping your child feel safe, supported, and not alone when school life gets hard.

So many couples tell me there’s nothing wrong in their relationship… but it feels flat, distant, or like they’re just co-managing life. The love is there — but the deep conversations aren’t. And, many people have just never been taught how to share on that deeper level - so it feels uncomfortable, awkward and even impossible. In this episode of the Feel Better Podcast, I’m talking about how to share more deeply with your partner so you can move beyond “yeah, my day was fine/busy” and back into real intimacy and connection.We’ll talk about:- Why good relationships still drift into shallow, surface-level check-ins- How to set up your time and body language so deeper sharing actually feels possible- My “make like a therapist” approach to asking better questions (without feeling like a weirdo)- Exactly what to ask instead of “How was your day?”- How to have a regular “let me in” chat about the bigger picture of life, goals and stress- Why timing matters (spoiler: 5.40pm over the chopping board is not it)- The difference between listening to fix and listening to understand- A simple gratitude practice that helps you feel more like a teamIf you’ve been feeling like housemates, co-parents, or logistics managers, this episode will give you really practical ways to rebuild emotional closeness — in small, doable moments.And, if you want to take a further step to build better connection in your relationship, I'm ready for ya! Come and join me for Give Me 10 Minutes — a weekly 10-minute audio + discussion guide designed to help you reset communication, understand each other’s triggers, and feel more like you’re on the same team again.✨ Listen in if:You miss the deeper chats you used to have, you’re tired of superficial “we’re fine” conversations, or you want your relationship to feel closer, warmer and more understood again.

As parents, we’re only ever as settled as our least settled child – and kids’ mental health can feel like a minefield to navigate. In this Ask Charlotte episode of the Feel Better Podcast, I answer three listener questions about children’s wellbeing: separation anxiety, supporting kids through the illness or death of a loved one, and how to help kids actually relax (without everything turning into screen time).

You’ll hear gentle, practical strategies for:

• Separation anxiety – how to be a “detective” about what your child is really scared of, using play, stories and concrete goodbye rituals to help them feel safe at kindy or school.

• Illness, ICU and grief – age-appropriate ways to explain serious illness and death, what to say, and creative ideas to include kids when someone they love is very unwell or has died.

• Helping kids relax – creating realistic screen limits, setting up cosy “down-time” spaces, using meditations and audio stories, and modelling rest yourself so kids see what healthy relaxation looks like.

If you’ve ever Googled “how to support my child’s mental health”, “child separation anxiety at school”, “how to talk to kids about death and illness”, or “how to get my kids to relax without screens”, this episode is for you.

🔗 Mentioned in this episode:
My e-book What To Do When Your Child Is Experiencing Anxiety, contains the very best of my advice around children and anxiety, and it's available at charlottecummings.nz

✨ Connect with Charlotte
Website & resources: charlottecummings.nz
Instagram: @charlottecummings.nz
Email your question: [email protected]

Ask Charlotte is part of the Feel Better Podcast, created to make everyday mental health support more accessible for real families.

In this episode of the Feel Better Podcast, I’m talking about one of the trickiest parts of modern life: how to decide what to let go of when your plate is just too full. If you’re overwhelmed, overcommitted, or stuck in that endless “should I give this up?” loop, this episode will really help.

I’m sharing the exact questions and frameworks I use with my clients – and the ones I’ve had to painfully learn myself. (Let’s be honest: this is one of the live issues in my own life too.)

In this episode, I walk you through:

• How to figure out whether you actually need to give something up

• How to decide what to even put on the table when everything feels important

• A gentle, practical discernment process if there’s a specific role, commitment or project you’re thinking about letting go of

I also talk about:

• Whether the people you love are paying the price for your schedule

• What your health, wellbeing and relationships are revealing about your load

• How our unbearable feelings (fear of failure, disappointing others, being seen as less capable) keep us stuck

• Seasons of life, evolving identity, and aligning your commitments with your longer-term goals

• What you might gain emotionally—peace, capacity, time—by stepping away from something

You’ll come away with a whole list of reflection questions to help you make clearer, kinder decisions about your time and energy.

✨ Resource: I’ve created detailed show notes and journalling questions for this episode, which you can download at charlottecummings.nz.

Affairs don’t always start with attraction — they often begin with emotional closeness that slowly crosses a boundary. In this Ask Charlotte episode, I'm answering listener questions about how to protect your relationship from emotional affairs, why betrayal can still hurt even when there hasn’t been physical intimacy, and what healthy friendship boundaries look like in marriage.

You’ll hear:💬 The early signs of emotional over-connection💬 Why emotional betrayal cuts so deeply💬 How to rebuild trust and keep closeness safe💬 What to consider when friendships with the opposite sex start to feel complicated

This episode will help you reflect on where you're at and how you can minimise the chances of betrayal impacting your relationship.

If you struggle to slow down, switch off, or stop feeling guilty when you rest — this episode is for you. So many of us are caught up in productivity culture, running on empty and living in a constant state of burnout and overwhelm. I want to help you change that.

In this conversation, I’m breaking down why true rest can feel so hard — from the way our nervous system reacts to stillness, to the hidden “unbearable feelings” that keep us stuck in go-mode — and how we can start to heal our relationship with rest.

I’ll walk you through:

• Why rest is a vital part of mental health, self-care, and work-life balance — not a luxury.

• How to reframe your self-talk (“I’m learning to rest” instead of “I’m bad at resting”) so change actually sticks.

• Practical rest strategies you can use right now — including micro-rests, building restful spaces, setting rest goals, and scheduling downtime into busy days.

• How modelling rest for your kids teaches them healthier coping skills — and how rest can boost creativity, problem-solving, and emotional resilience.

I also share some honest personal stories (including the one my husband and many podcast listeners still tease me about!) to show you that rest doesn’t have to look perfect — it just has to work for you.

If you’re tired of rushing, overworking, or always needing to “earn” your downtime, this episode will help you embrace rest as a daily practice — and build a calmer, more sustainable life that truly supports your wellbeing.

🎧 Press play, take a deep breath, and let’s start rewriting your story with rest — one pause at a time.

In this Ask Charlotte episode, I’m answering three listener questions that so many people wrestle with when it comes to faith, spirituality and church — and each one opens up an honest, compassionate conversation about what it means to believe (or not) in a changing world.

I recognise this episode won't be for everyone, but for the people whose story it fits, I hope it's helpful.

🌱 Question 1: “What do I do if I feel like I’m losing my faith — but I don’t want to?”
We unpack why faith shifts and deconstruction are a normal part of spiritual growth, how to navigate the grief that often comes with change, and how to nurture your spirituality when old beliefs no longer fit.

👶 Question 2: “How can I share faith with my kids when I don’t trust church — and my partner doesn’t believe?”
We explore practical, non-dogmatic ways to talk about God, Jesus and values, how to give children freedom of choice, and how to build a sense of meaning and ethics outside of traditional religion.

🏡 Question 3: “How do I know if a church is safe?”
From leadership power dynamics to financial transparency and red flags for spiritual abuse, I share key signs to look for — plus how to protect your autonomy and belong to a faith community without losing yourself.

Whether you’re questioning long-held beliefs, healing from church trauma, raising children in a mixed-belief household, or searching for a safer, more authentic spiritual home, this episode will meet you where you are — with honesty, nuance and hope.

🎧 Tune in for grounded guidance, real-life strategies, and a reminder that it’s OK for your faith story to evolve.

We’re told to “just forgive” — by our families, by religion, by self-help books — but almost nobody tells us how.

In this episode, I share a different way to think about forgiveness: not as a moment of sainthood or a spiritual badge of honour, but as a deeply human, mental and emotional process.

We’ll talk about why forgiveness is always optional, how to name and understand the barriers that keep you stuck, and how to plan practical steps that move you towards freedom — if that’s what you choose.

You’ll also hear how you can move forward while recognising that forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, excusing, reconciling, or pretending it didn’t happen — and how approaching it as a process for your own healing can help you reclaim power, choice, and lightness in your life.

So many couples find themselves in a sexless relationship — often without ever talking about it. It's estimated that this is reality for as many as 20-30% of couples. And, mismatched libido is the top physical intimacy issue that couples report.

I've had lots of listener questions on this topic, so in today's episode I'm answering your questions.

- Does a sexless relationship mean our relationship is doomed?

- Am I right to feel like leaving my relationship over this?

- Is there something wrong with us?

- Can things ever change?

I talk about why mismatched desire is so common, what really sits underneath it, and how you can start to rebuild connection and closeness without shame, pressure, or blame. Spoiler: this is never a one person issue!