Mindfulness Mode

Transforming broken relationships using mindfulness is the topic today because my listener, Monica, responded to my request on a previous show. I asked listeners to send in show topic requests and then I'd send out a Mindfulness Mode mug to the person who submitted the topic I chose. That is Monica.

Having interviewed over 600 guests for Mindfulness Mode, I’ve certainly gained a lot of expertise on how mindfulness can help a lot of aspects of your life. I don’t consider myself a relationship expert, but I do know that mindfulness can make a huge difference when interacting with people and when building and growing relationships.

Thinking way back, I remember my first wife getting really angry with me and taking off her ring, dropping it in my shirt pocket, and then telling me in no uncertain terms what I could do and where I could go.

If I had known then what I know now, I would have handled the situation completely differently. What led up to that emotional explosion, would have been different too. I would have used my mindfulness skills to be better connected so that she knew I had no intention of being a schmuck.

In spite of that memory, the marriage was mostly positive with very few disagreements. The reason the marriage ended was not because we didn’t get along.

I’ve now been married over 20 years to an amazing woman and the mother of our son. She’s taught me a lot about relationships and, interestingly, so has my son.

Mindfulness definitely takes a central role in what I’ve learned about making relationships work.

Here are seven important points about using mindfulness to improve broken relationships.

1/ Believe in You - You are enough, you are a gift, you are meant to be here, you are talented and valuable. Learn to love yourself and your relationships will prosper.

2/ Listen with your whole self – Listen with your eyes, with your body language, with your words. Repeat things back, practice every day being a great listener.

3/ Be A Giver (Give 110%) - Giving is what feeds us. Have you ever noticed that if you are feeling down and you decide to help someone or be a giver, then you immediately start to feel better? It’s true. Being a giver helps you and the other person.

4/ Forgive – If you’re not able to forgive people for things, you probably aren’t able to forgive yourself for some of the things you’ve done. We traditionally think that forgiving is for the other person, but it is actually a huge benefit to you. Forgiveness allows you to let go of anger and pain that has been holding you back.

5/ View others with compassion. – If you pay attention to your inner voice, you will notice that you sometimes judge others or situations and you may be missing some compassion at times. If you practice viewing everyone and everything with compassion, your relationships will begin to change. The way you think will begin to change. You will start to feel more fulfilled, more content, and happier.

6/ Honesty – Be honest with yourself. When making commitments to yourself, don’t cheat. Be true to yourself. Being truly honest with others will help your relationships as well. Practice being more honest in your life and it will have huge benefits.

7/ Practice Gratitude – Be grateful, even for the little things. Sometimes we dwell on what is going wrong, or what is holding us back, and we might say to ourselves, I don’t have anything to be grateful for right now. Step back a bit and be thankful. Consider using a gratitude journal. Write down 5 things you’re grateful for every morning when you first wake up.

If I had known these seven Mindfulness Tips about relationships, my ex-wife would never have dropped her ring in my shirt pocket, and life would have been different. But it’s not too late for YOU to make a difference with your relationships and start practicing these tips every day.

• Book: Getting To Zero: How to Work Through Conflict in Your High-Stakes Relationships by Jayson Gaddis

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• The Relationship School With Jayson Gaddis

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Stories are so powerful that they’re remembered 22X more than facts and data alone. If you’re in business, make a lasting impression on your potential clients with your story. My friend Elizabeth Johnston is The Story Expert, as well as a Literary Prof at Concordia University in Montreal and an On-line Teacher. She is hosting an online retreat that will unearth your stories. I will be a guest speaker. You’ll learn: • why story is important • the power of story circles • how to connect story to your business, and so much more! Here’s the link to register: www.MindfulnessMode.com/TellYourStories Dates: March 3 to 5, 2021

Mark Van Buren is your go-to guide for all meditation and mindfulness-based training. With well over a decade of experience in the field, Mark instructs meditation workshops, lectures, professional development days, corporate wellness classes, and silent retreats in a practical, yet accessible way. He offers simple tools and practices that can reduce stress, help with anxiety and depression, manage pain, and transform the many difficult aspects of life. He holds a bachelor's degree in religious studies and in recent years has become a best-selling author.

• Website: www.AuthorMarkVanBuren.com

• Pema Chodron

• The emotions are still the same; they come, they go. I am able to relate more skillfully and wholesomely to them most of the time. There's definitely more space, less identification with them. I can be with them [emotions] without getting swept away.

• The breath and the body are great anchors. The breath is always right there. The body is always in the present moment. To feel yourself breathing, you are already connected to your life and to reality.

• Book: A Fools Guide To Actual Happiness by Mark Van Buren

• I've been in both positions [bullied and bullier]. As a result of being bullied, I can very easily shut myself off as a protection mechanism. That's something that I've had to work with.

• The Three Pillars of Meditation; Giovanni Dienstmann

Hypnosis, much like mindfulness, is a powerful state of focused awareness. Mindfulness can be used to become more grounded and more content. Hypnosis is a specific tool that can help uncover and dissolve the root cause of many issues people suffer from every day. Hypnosis allows you to access healing resources within the subconscious mind, promoting natural healing from within. Hypnosis is used to help people discover the subconscious reasons for their symptoms, behaviors, or habits. When these reasons are discovered, certain tools and techniques are used to help release them and relearn a new positive way of thinking, subconsciously. Hypnosis has been sanctioned and used by the medical community since 1958 to help patients overcome chronic pain, create anesthesia, and heal psychogenic illnesses.

• Mindfulness will teach you to live in the moment, focus on your breathing, and realize the value of gratitude. Through mindfulness, I have learned to experience a state of focused awareness and daily meditation has improved my life greatly. As a result of meditation, I feel more grounded, more focused, and definitely more connected to my emotions. Hypnosis can be used in the form of self-hypnosis or a hypnotist can help you achieve a state of hypnosis and deal with issues that are holding you back.

• Hypnosis can help you become more aware of your emotions and deal with specific issues that are causing you to be stuck or frustrated. Many people have used hypnosis successfully to change mind blocks and move forward in life in order to fulfill their goals and dreams.

• Book: The Secret Language of Feelings by Calvin D. Banyan

• Mind Your Other Mind With Hypnotist, Erika Flint

Peter Gibb grew up as an introvert who yearned to be an extrovert, then learned over the years that good communication has little to do with introversion and extroversion. He has spoken and consulted on Mindful Conversation in 18 countries and 3 languages over a 

• Website: www.PeterGibb.org

• I love humor. Humor makes me feel alive and humor is a way of connecting. Humor is also very personal.

• I think fear is stopping a lot of people from having mindful conversations. I'm afraid that if I show you who I really am, you're going to say get out of here. We're all vulnerable.

• Book: King of Doubt by Peter Gibb

• I was not the subject of the bullying, but I got very close to it. In my coaching and consulting around Mindful Conversation, I worked in a lot of different companies and government agencies and I worked in a hospital for about a year.

• Change Your Luck To Live A Charmed Life; Gay Hendricks and Carol Kline

Daniel Mangena is an entrepreneur, philanthropist, best-selling author and qualified Reality Transurfing practitioner. His work has been featured in major publications all over the world including NBC, CBS, Market Watch and FOX. He was also recently included in The Wall St Journal’s Masters of Success feature. Through his work he aims to serve and uplift the lives of as many people as possible, helping them to live abundant, joyful, purpose-driven lives.[show-notes-bio]

• Website: www.dreamwithdan.com/

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• Eckhart Tolle

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• I don't believe we can have a deliberate hand in anything unless we are present. Mindfulness is a gateway to that presence and it allows us to have dominion over ourselves on all levels including our emotions.

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• The breath allows us to center and allows us to ground and allows us to change the part of the brain we are operating in and to get to a really clean space to be able to move forward in a direction that we consciously we chose. 

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• Book: The Surrender Experiment: My Journey Into Life's Perfection by Michael A. Singer

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• This man is the only person I ever bullied to be in my program. We were friends and I had it in me that this guy was really going to be served by my program. Generally speaking, I don't have sales conversations with people, I have opportunity conversations with people to share what the opportunity is and to understand if I want them to be part of my community or not. I just knew that this guy was going to add to our community. He finally said yes. For about a year he kind of bimbled. Then after while he said, I really want to take this seriously. He decided to upgrade it to the higher level of my program. Within three months he was making ten to twenty-five thousand dollars a week. Initially he was trying to use his music as the source of his abundance. He had a very traumatic experience around 2008.

• 466 The Four Sacred Gifts; Indigenous Wisdom Shared by Author Anita Sanchez

Fabio Mattiussi is the founder of MindFlow, the first Adaptive Meditation app. Beginning his career as a professional computer hacker, Fabio’s has always been passionate about the human mind and obsessed with understanding why people do what they do. He has studied neuroscience, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and Hypnotherapy for years and practiced those learnings with hundreds of people in his global journey. Fabio is now a coach and creator of meditation courses, using sophisticated, yet easy to follow practices based on Neuro Language Programming and Neuroscience. Discover the happiness, calm, and wellness you deserve.

• Website: MindFlow App – The First Adaptive Meditation App

• Claudio Stemberger (Executive Coach, lived under three dictatorships: Communism, Fascism, Nazism. Bio)

• When I do not meditate for a week, I can feel it. Even simple breathing exercises when I wake up and when I go to bed, just simple box breathing. Four seconds inhale, four seconds exhale and so on, it makes a very big difference.

• I do box breathing exercises every morning right after waking up and every night before going to sleep (the box breathing exercises I included in MindFlow for beginners and experts)

• Book: Tools of Titans – Tim Ferris

• I was bullied. It was one of my bosses in the past. It was one of the first jobs in the United States. When I started to work there I was really happy and then things started to look really odd.

• Living A Better Life with Jerzy Gregorek

Hope For Recovery With Author Hope Andersen

Rodney C. Burris is an expert at team-building and program development, teaching workshops across the U.S. and abroad. He holds a Psychology degree from The John Hopkins University and a Master's in Nonprofit  Management from Capella University. Rodney has assisted numerous companies with team-building, communication, data evaluation, and program development. His workshops and seminars are among the most popular in the United States and abroad. Rodney is the author of the book, Get Off the Cycle and RUN!

• Website: www.rodneycburris.com

• James Worthy

• I didn't always know how I was feeling. The word I used was, I don't like it. I feel bad. Mindfulness has made me take a step back and ask, what is feeling bad?

• Every single morning I count [as part of my breathing].

• Book: Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

• I worked in schools in Baltimore and schools around the country. What I realized was that being with kids in various socio-economic levels, regardless of public or private, the better schools were never based on funding, on the type of technology they had.

• 056 Living a Mindful and Congruent Life with Andy Gray

Sean Morgan teaches about fulfillment and the concept that life is about more than a daily grind or making money; it is about our search for meaning and happiness in life. Sean shares best practices and ancient wisdom based on his experiences and experiments in slow travel, lifestyle design, and being a digital nomad. Sean believes the true meaning of life is connected to simple and down to earth concerns such as family, friends, and nature.

• Website: www.DownToEarth.tips

• Byron Katie (Author of The Work)

• Mindfulness and Byron Katie's ‘The Work' has taken me from chronic type of neurotic emotional issues to complete peace. That's a big transformation with emotions.

• The Wim Hof Method is one of the 43 Life Hacks. That brings a lot of awareness to your breathing.

• Book: The Work by Byron Katie

• I went to this upper middle class high school and there were all these athletes with brand named clothing. They tried to make others feel they were less.

• Create New Realities With A Simple Decision; Bob Doyle

Melanie Weller is a Medical Visionary with a paradigm-shifting process to access genius, health, and flow in your body and business using the vagus nerve as a portal to health, growth, and success. Melanie brings over 25 years of experience to her leading edge systems where leverages vagus nerve principles for visionary development, performance enhancement, and fine tuning genius. Melanie is a Physical Therapist, Board-Certified Orthopedic Clinical Specialist, Certified Athletic Trainer, and Certified Exercise Expert for Aging Adults. She also co-authored a sleep course for continuing education credits for the American Physical Therapy Association.

• Website: embodyyourstar.com

• Dawson Church

• As a result of mindfulness I have transcended the anger.

• My diaphragm is what I consider my ‘personal earth', so breathing is what grounds me.

• Book: Anatomy of the Spirit by Caroline Myss

• As a young kid I was definitely bullied and I really relate to your story about voice because I grew up in a house where it wasn't safe to express your emotions. I was a shy child and very early on I didn't trust myself. That sense of trust in myself was easily disrupted.

• 466 The Four Sacred Gifts; Indigenous Wisdom Shared by Author Anita Sanchez