Modern Love

Mark Jason Williams and his mom often butted heads on two issues: She was uncomfortable when he brought up anything about being gay, and he was tired of her incessantly talking about how he survived childhood cancer.

By the age of 40, Mark had reached his wit’s end. He stopped pleading for her to change and instead proposed a $100 bet. But the real change in their relationship came when Mark broke his end of the bargain. Today, Mark and his mother, Betty Williams, tell their story.

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“The only three men I had ever imagined a future with all told me that something was missing,” Oz Johnson wrote in her Modern Love essay. When Oz was 23, her boyfriend said she met 99 percent of his criteria, but she was missing 1 percent. Over a decade later, another man broke up with her via email. Their love was almost perfect, he said, but not enough to last.

What is this missing, unquantifiable feeling? Oz used to be haunted by these rejections, but now she has come to embrace the search for imperfect love.

After: Nancy Cardwell wasn’t looking for love — but then, at 58 years old, she fell passionately in love with tango. Her newfound zeal for the dance took her to Buenos Aires, where she fell in love again — this time, with a man named Luis.

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Felice Neal was in the checkout line at Whole Foods when she dropped her sweet potato. A handsome customer behind her said, “I think this is yours.” Felice was smitten.

Felice believes this meet-cute was fate — and it opened her up to new ways of looking for love in a city full of millions of strangers.

Then, Jessica Strange shares her story about losing her husband, and selling the house they had lived in with their children. These days, she looks at photos of their old home on Zillow. Even though the rooms look different now, she finds solace in them. “I picture us in these spaces loving, living, fighting, making up, making out, raising our babies,” she wrote in her Tiny Love Story.

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When it came to dating, Aly Tadros was used to hiding the messy parts of her life. “Why even bother? As soon as a guy finds out about my baggage, he bolts,” she wrote in her Modern Love essay.

That is, until Dan from OkCupid came along. His dating profile read: “I’m a feminist. I respect women while simultaneously enjoy dominating them.” That was the start of Aly’s journey into B.D.S.M.

Today, Aly shares her story about exploring domination and kink, and what it has taught her about setting boundaries and demanding honesty. She calls this mind-set “kink courage” — and it’s changed the way she lives her life.

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In her early 20s, Annabelle Allen longed to know what her dad had been like when he was her age. How did he spend his Saturdays? What was his first impression of her mom? When did he feel lonely? But Annabelle’s dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease at age 62, and ever since, memories of his past had started slipping away.

Recently, Annabelle was cleaning up her parents’ storage bin when she made an incredible discovery: more than a dozen of her dad’s old journals. They were a gift that gave her a window into her father’s past — and strengthened their connection in the present. After Annabelle’s essay, she shares an update on her father and reflects on the ways they have both been caring for one another.

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For years, Evan Sterrett’s relationship with his boyfriend had become “reruns of the same drama.” Evan wanted space; his boyfriend wanted commitment. But one summer, their relationship received a guest star — a third partner who resuscitated their joie de vivre.

Today, we hear Evan’s story about navigating the complex geometry of throuplehood. Then, we meet Samatra and April Doyle. They don’t live together and don’t co-parent, but they are married and intend to be together forever.

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Growing up in an ultra-Orthodox Hasidic community, Sara Glass was used to following strict rules — including what to wear, when to get married and whom to love. “I had strong feelings that I really should be with a woman and not with a man,” she told our host, Anna Martin. “But I wanted to do what God said was right.”

Sara married her first husband at age 19. After two marriages to men, and years of working as a psychologist who strove to create a safe space for her clients, Sara was done hiding that she was gay. Today, Sara shares her experience of leaving the Hasidic community and finally embracing her true self.

Click here for Sara's Modern Love essay and more info about this episode.   

Modern Love is back for the new year! Look out for new episodes on Wednesday afternoons.

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What’s the most unusual place you’ve ever been on a date? We asked Modern Love listeners and the responses did not disappoint. Rummaging through landfills, listening to cases in night court … the stories get weird. Plus, there’s one that our host, Anna Martin, considers the most bizarre of all (hint: dead bodies).

For our last episode of 2022, we start with Dev Aujla’s essay about how he wound up traveling on a cargo ship across the Atlantic ocean with a woman who, weeks earlier, had broken up with him at the advice of her astrologer. Then, we hear from all of you.

This is our last episode before the holidays. We’ll see you in 2023!

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Brandon Kyle Goodman never knew his father, but he did know his Uncle Ronnie. Uncle Ronnie was Brandon’s godfather, originally his mom’s college bestie — and essentially, her sibling. Uncle Ronnie owned a hair salon, used words like “fabulous” and “honey” and was “the only person who never questioned my effeminate nature,” Brandon said. But when Brandon became an adult, their relationship changed.

Today, Brandon reads his essay about the enduring bond with Uncle Ronnie. Then: Franki Kidd tells us about a stranger she met outside a bodega in Queens who changed her life.

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An A-student, a striving employee and a loyal friend, Terri Cheney is the sort of person who seems to have it all together. But, beneath her glowing facade, she faced the highs and lows of bipolar disorder. She kept her mental illness separated from her personal and professional lives, but she could not conceal this part of herself when it came to dating.

After Terri’s essay, we peek into another story: the romance of Dave and Janelle Funchess. When they met, he knew he wanted to date her. For a while it didn’t happen, because she was with someone else. He was patient and persistent, until she said yes.

Today’s stories:

• “Take Me as I Am, Whoever I Am,” Terri Cheney
• “He Had a ‘Hunch’ They’d Get Hitched,” Judy Mandell

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