ON BOYS Podcast

By Janet Allison, Jennifer LW FinkHealth & Fitness Education Kids & Family

ON BOYS Podcast episodes

May 31, 2018 113: Lying, Risk, & How to Advocate for Boys (Listener Q&A, Part 2)
Welcome to Part 2 of our first Listener Q & A!
This week, Jen & Janet tackle 3 more questions:
"What strategies do you use to deal with a sudden increase in lying in pre-teen boys?"
"What's the best way to allow young boys to be adventurous/risky physically while maintaining a clear, safe boundary and being a responsible parent?"
"How do you talk about the needs of boys and the help they need without sounding dismissive of girls or anti-feminist? For example, as the mother of a boy, I'm not entirely sure I agree with making scouting gender-neutral. I think boys benefit from boys-only time. But how do I make that point without sounding sexist or anti-progressive?"
Have we mentioned that you ask GREAT questions?
In this episode, Jen & Janet dig in and discuss:
Why tweens are likely to lie (Hint: the tween -- & teen -- years are all about separating from your parents).
How your response to your son's lies will influence his future behavior (Not-so-fun fact: If you consistently come down hard on your kids, they're more likely to lie.)
When -- and which -- consequences are appropriate for boys caught in a lie?
The role of risk in boys' development.
How parental hovering can interfere with boys' development -- and inadvertently increase the risk of injury or inactivity.
Why moms and female teachers may be boys' most effective advocates!
How to advocate for boys without sounding sexist or anti-progressive.
Jen & Janet have a lot of fun recording these podcasts -- as you can see in this fully uncut Youtube video. (Go to 3:30 if you want to see Jen & Janet crack up over a poop joke.)
Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 113:
Episode 112: Potty Talk, Vaping & School (Listener Q & A, Part 1)
"I Didn't Do It!" -- Jen's Scholastic Parent & Child article about why kids lie and how to foster truthfulness
Let Them Take Risks - U.S. News article inspired by Jen's 14 -year-old son
Encouraging Your Son to Take Healthy Risks -- article by Jen
For Our Boys - BuildingBoys' call for moms to advocate for boys
Got a question you’d like us to answer in a future episode? Leave it in the comments below.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
25 min
May 31, 2018 113: Lying, Risk, & How to Advocate for Boys (Listener Q&A, Part 2)
Welcome to Part 2 of our first Listener Q & A!

This week, Jen & Janet tackle 3 more questions:

* "What strategies do you use to deal with a sudden increase in lying in pre-teen boys?"
* "What's the best way to allow young boys to be adventurous/risky physically while maintaining a clear, safe boundary and being a responsible parent?"
* "How do you talk about the needs of boys and the help they need without sounding dismissive of girls or anti-feminist? For example, as the mother of a boy, I'm not entirely sure I agree with making scouting gender-neutral. I think boys benefit from boys-only time. But how do I make that point without sounding sexist or anti-progressive?"

Have we mentioned that you ask GREAT questions?

In this episode, Jen & Janet dig in and discuss:

* Why tweens are likely to lie (Hint: the tween -- & teen -- years are all about separating from your parents).
* How your response to your son's lies will influence his future behavior (Not-so-fun fact: If you consistently come down hard on your kids, they're more likely to lie.)
* When -- and which -- consequences are appropriate for boys caught in a lie?
* The role of risk in boys' development.
* How parental hovering can interfere with boys' development -- and inadvertently increase the risk of injury or inactivity.
* Why moms and female teachers may be boys' most effective advocates!
* How to advocate for boys without sounding sexist or anti-progressive.

Jen & Janet have a lot of fun recording these podcasts -- as you can see in this fully uncut Youtube video. (Go to 3:30 if you want to see Jen & Janet crack up over a poop joke.)
Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 113:
Episode 112: Potty Talk, Vaping & School (Listener Q & A, Part 1)

"I Didn't Do It!" -- Jen's Scholastic Parent & Child article about why kids lie and how to foster truthfulness

Let Them Take Risks - U.S. News article inspired by Jen's 14 -year-old son

Encouraging Your Son to Take Healthy Risks -- article by Jen

For Our Boys - BuildingBoys' call for moms to advocate for boys

Got a question you’d like us to answer in a future episode? Leave it in the comments below.
25 min
May 24, 2018 112: Potty Talk, Vaping & School (Listener Q&A, Part 1)
When we put out a call for listener questions, you sent us some doozies!
In this, our first-ever Listener Q & A (Part 1), we tackle three of your questions:
"I just finished listening to the podcast episode with Amy Lang. I know she says we should begin talking to boys about bodies at 5 but wonder if this still applies to boys who are always using potty words and have horrible filters? My son unfortunately goes to school and talks to his friends about poop and butts."
"At what age is 'experimenting' with vaping developmentally acceptable and when is it a red flag?"
"When do you need to back the school and their approach and when do you challenge it?"
We also laugh A LOT.
In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:
Potty talk (young boys LOVE talking about poop & butts & pee)
Fecal transplants (trust us: it was related to the topic at hand!)
Vaping -- and what to do if you discover your son has been experimenting
School conflicts -- when to back the school, and when to back your boy (and how to effectively do both)
Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 112:
Everybody Poops, by Taro Gomi
Fecal Transplantation, by Johns Hopkins Medicine
Episode 110: Talk to Boys About Sex with Amy Lang
Boys, Porn & Masturbation - great info from Amy Lang
E-Cigarettes -- information on vaping from the Nemours Foundation, a credible, reliable source of health information
Episode 101: Homework and Boys
Enjoy our zany recording day in the fully uncut version on Youtube - you'll hear both part 1 and 2.
Got a question you'd like us to answer in a future episode? Leave it in the comments below.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
22 min
May 24, 2018 112: Potty Talk, Vaping & School (Listener Q&A, Part 1)

When we put out a call for listener questions, you sent us some doozies!

In this, our first-ever Listener Q & A (Part 1), we tackle three of your questions:

* "I just finished listening to the podcast episode with Amy Lang. I know she says we should begin talking to boys about bodies at 5 but wonder if this still applies to boys who are always using potty words and have horrible filters? My son unfortunately goes to school and talks to his friends about poop and butts."
* "At what age is 'experimenting' with vaping developmentally acceptable and when is it a red flag?"
* "When do you need to back the school and their approach and when do you challenge it?"

We also laugh A LOT.

In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:

* Potty talk (young boys LOVE talking about poop & butts & pee)
* Fecal transplants (trust us: it was related to the topic at hand!)
* Vaping -- and what to do if you discover your son has been experimenting
* School conflicts -- when to back the school, and when to back your boy (and how to effectively do both)

Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 112:

* Everybody Poops, by Taro Gomi
* Fecal Transplantation, by Johns Hopkins Medicine
* Episode 110: Talk to Boys About Sex with Amy Lang
* Boys, Porn & Masturbation - great info from Amy Lang
* E-Cigarettes -- information on vaping from the Nemours Foundation, a credible, reliable source of health information
* Episode 101: Homework and Boys

Enjoy our zany recording day in the fully uncut version on Youtube - you'll hear both part 1 and 2.

Got a question you'd like us to answer in a future episode? Leave it in the comments below.
22 min
May 17, 2018 111: Self-Esteem and Boys
Photo by ASDA NRCS Montana
According to the Oxford Living Dictionaries, self-esteem is "confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect." That's something we want for our kids. We're not talking about participation trophies simply for showing up; we're talking about a true sense of pride that comes for knowledge of your capabilities.
Nurturing that kind of self-confidence is a crucial part of helping boys grow into healthy men. But how do we do that?
It's not as hard as we adults often think. In this episode, Jen shares some "little things" that actually turned out to be big things, including her youngest son's base-crawling adventure at a local 4th of July celebration, and her oldest son's dandelion sale, which sparked a lifelong interest in entrepreneurism. The key, Janet says, is to start early, and give boys multiple opportunities to contribute in a meaningful manner. And boys give us plenty of clues as to how we can help them. As the proverb says, "It is easiest to ride a horse in the direction that it is already going."
The best part is that building boys' self-esteem is a win-win-win situation: Boys develop a strong sense of self-worth; develop skills they can use to help their families, schools and communities; and gain the experience and skills they need to care for themselves and others in adulthood.
BTW, Jen talks with her hands A LOT. Check out the uncut, video version of this episode at https://youtu.be/pl8euUNcz5E.
In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:
How "little things" are actually important opportunities to build -- or squelch -- boys' self-esteem
The link between responsibility & self-esteem
Boys' drive to contribute to their families, schools and communities
The role of failure in developing self-esteem (and how you can help boys productively handle failure)
The link between risk & self-esteem -- and why it's so important to let our boys try things beyond their current capability
How to preserve boys' self-esteem in school
The right (and wrong) way to praise
Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 111:
Why Boys Do What They Do -- Jen's blog post about her son's adventure crawling around the bases
5 Ways to Boost Your Child's Self-Confidence -- Motherlist post by Vicki Little
Let Them Take Risks -- U.S. News article by Jen
Let Him Fail - blog post by Janet
Creating High Self-Esteem in Your Boys - BuildingBoys blog post

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
33 min
May 17, 2018 111: Self-Esteem and Boys
Photo by ASDA NRCS Montana

According to the Oxford Living Dictionaries, self-esteem is "confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect." That's something we want for our kids. We're not talking about participation trophies simply for showing up; we're talking about a true sense of pride that comes for knowledge of your capabilities.

Nurturing that kind of self-confidence is a crucial part of helping boys grow into healthy men. But how do we do that?

It's not as hard as we adults often think. In this episode, Jen shares some "little things" that actually turned out to be big things, including her youngest son's base-crawling adventure at a local 4th of July celebration, and her oldest son's dandelion sale, which sparked a lifelong interest in entrepreneurism. The key, Janet says, is to start early, and give boys multiple opportunities to contribute in a meaningful manner. And boys give us plenty of clues as to how we can help them. As the proverb says, "It is easiest to ride a horse in the direction that it is already going."

The best part is that building boys' self-esteem is a win-win-win situation: Boys develop a strong sense of self-worth; develop skills they can use to help their families, schools and communities; and gain the experience and skills they need to care for themselves and others in adulthood.

BTW, Jen talks with her hands A LOT. Check out the uncut, video version of this episode at https://youtu.be/pl8euUNcz5E.

In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:

* How "little things" are actually important opportunities to build -- or squelch -- boys' self-esteem
* The link between responsibility & self-esteem
* Boys' drive to contribute to their families, schools and communities
* The role of failure in developing self-esteem (and how you can help boys productively handle failure)
* The link between risk & self-esteem -- and why it's so important to let our boys try things beyond their current capability
* How to preserve boys' self-esteem in school
* The right (and wrong) way to praise

Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 111:
Why Boys Do What They Do -- Jen's blog post about her son's adventure crawling around the bases

5 Ways to Boost Your Child's Self-Confidence -- Motherlist post by Vicki Little

Let Them Take Risks -- U.S. News article by Jen

Let Him Fail - blog post by Janet

Creating High Self-Esteem in Your Boys - BuildingBoys blog post
33 min
May 10, 2018 110: Talk to Boys about Sex with Amy Lang
Amy Lang is a sex educator -- and the mom of a teenage boy who is utterly mortified by his mom's career. If anyone understands just how awkward talking about sex with your son can be -- and how important it is to push through despite your the discomfort -- it's Amy.

Amy is the creator of Birds + Bees + Kids, a fantastic resource for parents, childcare providers and educators. She speaks frequently about sex education and has written two books about sexuality and dating. She's down to earth and a whole lot of fun. We laughed a lot while recording this episode!
In this episode, Jen, Janet & Amy discuss:
When to have “The Talk” with your son
How to initiate the conversation – and what to say
Why you gotta explain oral and anal sex
How to convey sexual values and talk about consent
Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 110:
http://birdsandbeesandkids.com/ -- Amy’s website
It’s Not the Stork: A Book about Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends, by Robie H. Harris
Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids: A Guide to Sharing Your Beliefs about Sexuality, Love and Relationships, by Amy Lang
Tea Consent – YouTube video using a cup of tea as an analogy to help you and your boys understand consent
My Unfortunate Erection – song from The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee
https://buildingboys.net/health/sex/ -- Jen’s series of informational blog posts
=======================================================================
And YES, you can watch the UNCUT version of our conversation on YouTube!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
34 min
May 10, 2018 110: Talk to Boys about Sex with Amy Lang

Amy Lang is a sex educator -- and the mom of a teenage boy who is utterly mortified by his mom's career. If anyone understands just how awkward talking about sex with your son can be -- and how important it is to push through despite your the discomfort -- it's Amy.

Amy is the creator of Birds + Bees + Kids, a fantastic resource for parents, childcare providers and educators. She speaks frequently about sex education and has written two books about sexuality and dating. She's down to earth and a whole lot of fun. We laughed a lot while recording this episode!
In this episode, Jen, Janet & Amy discuss:

* When to have “The Talk” with your son
* How to initiate the conversation – and what to say
* Why you gotta explain oral and anal sex
* How to convey sexual values and talk about consent

Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 110:
http://birdsandbeesandkids.com/ -- Amy’s website

It’s Not the Stork: A Book about Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends, by Robie H. Harris

Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids: A Guide to Sharing Your Beliefs about Sexuality, Love and Relationships, by Amy Lang

Tea Consent – YouTube video using a cup of tea as an analogy to help you and your boys understand consent

My Unfortunate Erection – song from The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

https://buildingboys.net/health/sex/ -- Jen’s series of informational blog posts

=======================================================================

And YES, you can watch the UNCUT version of our conversation on YouTube!

34 min
May 03, 2018 109: Gun Play and Boys
Photo by Craig Marren via Flickr
Is Gun Play Really Okay?
A generation ago, gun play was an acceptable part of childhood. Parents gave their kids toy guns as gifts -- yes, even Red Ryder BB guns! (and yes, that's A Christmas Story reference) -- and boys regularly played Cops and Robbers and War both at school and in the neighborhood.
Today, we're a little more leery of gun play. And no wonder. Mass shootings seem to happen with alarming regularity, and without exception, the shooters so far have been male.
No one wants their son to grow up to be the next school shooter. No one wants their son to kill another human being in anger. So, yeah -- we're understandably nervous when our boys nibble their toast into a gun shape and say, "bang!"
But what's the best way to respond to boys' fascination with guns and weapons?
Note ~ Girls play with guns, too. This is my friend's daughter playing at the beach with some conveniently shaped sticks just recently:
In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:
Why boys are so attracted to gun play
The benefits of gun play (Yes -- there ARE benefits!)
The risks of gun play, especially for African-American boys (12 year old Tamir Rice was playing with a toy gun when he was shot by police.)
Common sense guidelines for gun play
How teachers and childcare professionals can uphold school rules that ban pretend violence without shaming boys
Links we mentioned (or should have!) in Episode 111:
Gun Play -- American Journal of Play article by professor emeritus Jay Mechling
Voices on Gun Play - round-up of parents' thoughts, feelings and concerns regarding gun play, by Janet
Is Gun Play OK? -- article by Jen
Weapons Play is OK -- blog post by Jen (apparently answering the question she posed in the above article!)
When it Comes to Toy Guns, Little Black Boys Don't Have the Luxury of Play -- BoysAlive! post by Karlie Johnson
Common Sense Guidelines for Gun Play -- blog post by Jen
Guidelines for Gun Play -- blog post by Janet
Gun Play at School: What's a Teacher to Do? - blog post by Janet
==============================
Watch the UNCUT version on Youtube here.
==============================

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
29 min
May 03, 2018 109: Gun Play and Boys
Photo by Craig Marren via Flickr

Is Gun Play Really Okay?

A generation ago, gun play was an acceptable part of childhood. Parents gave their kids toy guns as gifts -- yes, even Red Ryder BB guns! (and yes, that's A Christmas Story reference) -- and boys regularly played Cops and Robbers and War both at school and in the neighborhood.

Today, we're a little more leery of gun play. And no wonder. Mass shootings seem to happen with alarming regularity, and without exception, the shooters so far have been male.

No one wants their son to grow up to be the next school shooter. No one wants their son to kill another human being in anger. So, yeah -- we're understandably nervous when our boys nibble their toast into a gun shape and say, "bang!"

But what's the best way to respond to boys' fascination with guns and weapons?

Note ~ Girls play with guns, too. This is my friend's daughter playing at the beach with some conveniently shaped sticks just recently:

In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:

* Why boys are so attracted to gun play
* The benefits of gun play (Yes -- there ARE benefits!)
* The risks of gun play, especially for African-American boys (12 year old Tamir Rice was playing with a toy gun when he was shot by police.)
* Common sense guidelines for gun play
* How teachers and childcare professionals can uphold school rules that ban pretend violence without shaming boys

Links we mentioned (or should have!) in Episode 111:
Gun Play -- American Journal of Play article by professor emeritus Jay Mechling

Voices on Gun Play - round-up of parents' thoughts, feelings and concerns regarding gun play, by Janet

Is Gun Play OK? -- article by Jen

Weapons Play is OK -- blog post by Jen (apparently answering the question she posed in the above article!)

When it Comes to Toy Guns, Little Black Boys Don't Have the Luxury of Play -- BoysAlive! post by Karlie Johnson

Common Sense Guidelines for Gun Play -- blog post by Jen

Guidelines for Gun Play -- blog post by Janet

Gun Play at School: What's a Teacher to Do? - blog post by Janet

==============================

Watch the UNCUT version on Youtube here.

==============================
29 min