Parenting Post-Wilderness: Parenting a Struggling Teen Before, During and After Treatment

When you grow up inside fear, survival, instability, or emotional chaos, those experiences don’t just disappear when you become an adult. They quietly shape the stories you carry about safety, relationships, success, control, and even what it means to be a “good” parent. And without realizing it, you might begin to pass those same narratives on to your own children.

In this deeply personal and thought-provoking conversation, I sit down with Kellyn Smythe to explore how intergenerational narratives and trauma get handed down through families, often without anyone consciously intending to do so. Kellyn shares the extraordinary story of growing up under a false identity after his mother fled an abusive relationship, spending years living in hiding, constantly carrying the belief that danger was always just around the corner. And his whole world was turned upside down once again when he learned the truth many years later.

But this episode isn’t just about Kellyn’s story. It’s about all of us.

It’s about the ways fear, anxiety, perfectionism, hypervigilance, and emotional survival patterns quietly move through generations. It’s about recognizing the narratives we inherited from our own parents and asking ourselves whether those stories truly belong to us… or to our children.

And perhaps most importantly, it’s about hope. Because awareness creates choice. And repair, connection, and new relational experiences really can begin changing the story.

In this episode on intergenerational narratives and passing on trauma to our children, we discuss:

• How family narratives and survival patterns get passed down through generations
• Kellyn’s experience growing up under a hidden identity
• The impact of fear, hypervigilance, and perfectionism on parenting
• Why many parents unknowingly pass their own anxiety and unresolved trauma onto their children
• The connection between intergenerational trauma and family dynamics
• How rupture and repair can create deeper connection within families
• Why awareness is the first step toward changing generational patterns
• The difference between acknowledging painful experiences and making them your identity
• How new relational experiences help create healing and emotional resilience
• Why repair and authentic connection matter more than perfection in parenting

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Simple tasks that seem easy to you become overwhelming battles for your teen or young adult with ADHD. One small request turns into a massive blow-up. And when we don’t understand the ADHD brain, it can feel like they’re being disrespectful, lazy or even manipulative. 

In today’s episode, I’m joined by therapist and ADHD expert Debbie Murad to unpack what’s really happening underneath ADHD and emotional dysregulation in teens and young adults. Debbie explains why so many ADHD behaviors are misunderstood as intentional defiance when they’re actually rooted in brain development, executive functioning challenges, dopamine regulation, and overwhelm.

We also talk about the emotional toll ADHD takes on teens themselves. Because behind the missed assignments, emotional explosions, forgotten responsibilities, and impulsive behaviors, many teens are silently carrying shame, self-loathing, anxiety, and the exhausting feeling that they can never quite keep up with everyone else.

This conversation is especially important for parents who feel burned out, triggered, confused, or stuck in constant conflict with their teen. Because understanding what’s happening neurologically can completely change the way you respond, and ultimately strengthen the relationship with your child.

In this episode on ADHD and emotional dysregulation in teens, we discuss:

• Why ADHD behaviors are often mistaken for disrespect or defiance
• What emotional dysregulation actually looks like in teens or young adults with ADHD
• The difference between supporting your child and over-accommodating them
• Why teens with ADHD can become overwhelmed by seemingly “simple” tasks
• How ADHD impacts self-esteem, shame, and relationships
• Why parents often take ADHD behaviors personally
• The connection between ADHD, impulsivity, dopamine, and addiction risk
• How hyperfocus can become both a strength and a challenge
• The link between ADHD, perfectionism, anxiety, depression, and burnout
• How parents can become better advocates for their neurodivergent child
• Why mindfulness and emotional regulation work for parents matters too
• The importance of helping teens build executive functioning skills instead of doing everything for them
• How understanding your child’s brain can transform your relationship with them

More about Debbie Murad

Debbie Murad brings over 30 years of expertise as a Clinical Social Worker, having worked with a wide spectrum of clients, including adolescents struggling with executive functioning, mental health and addiction issues.
As the founder and CEO of Beach Cities Gateway, a transitional program for emerging adults, Debbie specializes in guiding young people through the challenges of mental health, addiction, and executive functioning.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Summer can feel terrifying when you’re parenting a struggling teen or young adult. The routines disappear. Structure falls away. And suddenly you’re left wondering how to support your child without slipping into control, conflict, or constant anxiety.

And if your teen is coming home from treatment? The pressure can feel even heavier.

Today, I sit down with Hilary Moses to talk about what parents often misunderstand about summer break, especially when supporting a struggling teen during summer break after treatment. Because summer isn’t just “time off.” For many families, it’s a major transition period filled with fear, guilt, uncertainty, and a loss of structure.

We talk about the difference between healthy structure and control, why parents often panic when they see old behaviors resurface, and how to create support systems that actually help your teen build resilience instead of dependence.

Hilary also shares practical ways parents can approach screens, friends, boredom, jobs, driving, boundaries, and expectations during the summer months without falling into exhausting power struggles.

Most importantly, this episode is a reminder that you don't have to create a perfect summer. You're not trying to raise a perfectly compliant child. You are helping a young person slowly learn how to navigate real life with support, structure, and connection.

In this episode on supporting your teen’s transition home from treatment during summer break, we discuss:

• Why summer break can feel so destabilizing for struggling teens and families
• The hidden challenges of bringing a teen home from treatment during summer
• How to create healthy summer structure without micromanaging your teen or young adult child
• Supporting your child with jobs, responsibilities, and independence
• What parents often misunderstand about motivation and accountability
• How to approach “red flag” friendships with more nuance
• Why isolation and loneliness are major risks during summer break
• How fear pushes parents back into controlling patterns
• What healthy boundaries and expectations actually look like at home
• Why parents need resilience just as much as their kids do

More about Hilary Moses

Hilary Moses, MSW, LCSW, is a widely-esteemed therapist and parent coach who, throughout her career as a wilderness clinician and program clinical director was among the most highly regarded in the field. Hilary is a national public speaker and presenter, has written and developed parenting and transition curricula, facilitated hundreds of workshops and family seminars, and was an adjunct professor for the Masters in Social Work program at Arizona State University’s Watts College of Public Service and Community Solutions. 

Hilary co-authored, “H.O.M.E: Strategies for Making home a SUCCESS during and after Treatment”.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

You bring your child home from treatment and expect things to get better. But instead, everything feels off. They’re overwhelmed. Irritated. Withdrawn. Maybe even struggling more than you expected. You don’t understand. Why is this so hard? Did we do something wrong?

This special episode will help you understand something most parents never fully see… until now.

Because what your teen experiences coming home from treatment isn’t just a transition. It can feel disorienting, overstimulating, and deeply unsettling in ways that are hard to explain, especially if you’ve never lived it yourself.

Today, I’m joined by Casie Fariello, who shares a deeply personal and unexpected experience that gave her a rare, firsthand understanding of what it actually feels like to lose autonomy, feel stripped of identity, and then try to re-enter everyday life after treatment.

And what she realized changed everything about how she relates to her son.

In this episode on what it feels like to come home from treatment, we discuss:

• Casie’s story that gave her a firsthand understanding of what it feels like to transition home from treatment;
• Why reintegration after treatment can feel overwhelming, even when your teen “seems fine”;
• The loss of autonomy, identity, and safety your child may experience in treatment and how that impacts their behavior at home;
• Why your teen may withdraw, resist connection, or seem ungrateful after coming home;
• How overstimulation (phones, noise, people) can make early reentry incredibly difficult;
• The hidden grief both you and your teen may be carrying after time apart;
• Why kids may “check the boxes” in treatment and what that means when they return home;
• How your own fear, guilt, and judgment can show up during this phase (and what to do with it);
• Simple, powerful ways to support your teen: space, autonomy, and patience;
• What it really means to “relearn” how to be a family again after treatment;
• And much more.

More about Casie Fariello
Casie is the co-founder of the online parent support group Other Parents Like Me (OPLM.com). She also has a son who went to treatment, including wilderness.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Is your child pushing back, arguing over everything, ignoring rules, or seeming impossible to parent right now? It’s easy to wonder: Is this normal teen behavior… or something more serious like ODD?

When conflict becomes the norm at home, many parents start fearing they’re losing their child. You might even feel like you’re failing as a parent. But not all defiance is ODD. Sometimes, what looks like defiance is actually normal development, emotional dysregulation, stress, or a family dynamic that can be changed.

In this conversation, I’m joined by counselor, parenting coach, and school counselor, and mom herself, Brittney King, to unpack the difference between typical teen pushback and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. We talk about why many parents misunderstand defiance, how power struggles accidentally fuel the problem, and what helps teens far more than lectures, anger, or making consequences harsher.

If you’re parenting a struggling teen or young adult and feeling exhausted by constant conflict, tune in to learn a ton from Brittney.

In this episode on ODD in teens, we discuss:

• The difference between normal teen behavior and true ODD
• Why defiance can be a healthy part of adolescent development
• How ADHD and emotional dysregulation can look like Oppositional Defiant Disorder
• Why lectures and punishments often make conflict worse
• The two biggest reasons teens stop opening up to parents
• Why connection must come before correction
• How clear boundaries and consistent consequences build trust
• What curiosity can reveal beneath your teen’s behavior
• How to become the safe place your teen turns to when it matters most

About our guest

Brittney King is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), ADHD-certified provider (ADHD-CCSP), and parenting coach who helps parents of struggling teens feel more confident and connected.

As a junior high school counselor, she sees firsthand how ADHD and executive functioning challenges impact teens, and the stress it creates for families. As a mom of 5, including one neurodivergent child (AuDHD), Brittney blends professional expertise with real-life experience. She’s passionate about helping parents raise resilient, emotionally healthy kids and feel supported every step of the way. 

Check out her free webinar for parents of neurodivergent kids who are looking for answers on how to help their child at home & at school

Download her free worksheet for ways to support healthy mental and emotional development in your teen.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

When you find out your child is harming themselves, you’re thrown into a world you don’t understand.

Fear hits first. Then confusion. Maybe even anger.
Is this a cry for help? Is it manipulation? Is my child suicidal?
And most of all… what am I supposed to do?

If your teen is self-harming, you’re not alone in these questions. And you’re not failing as a parent.

In this conversation, I sit down with therapist Courtney Deadman to unpack what teen self-harm actually is, and what it isn’t. Because so much of what parents believe about self-harm keeps them stuck in fear, reactivity, and disconnection… when what their teen or young adult kid needs most is something very different.

We talk about why self-harm is often a coping mechanism (not necessarily a suicide attempt), why punishment and consequences can make things worse, and how you can begin to approach your teen in a way that builds trust instead of shutting them down.

In this episode on when your teen or young adult kid is self-harming, we discuss:

• What self-harm actually means (and why it’s more nuanced than you think)
• The difference between self-harm and suicidal intent
• Why some teens use self-harm as a coping mechanism
• The biggest mistakes parents make when they discover self-harm
• Why consequences and punishment often backfire
• How to talk to your teen without judgment or fear taking over
• What “harm reduction” looks like and why it matters
• The role of curiosity, trust, and connection in your response towards your struggling teen
• How self-harm shows up differently across genders
• Why supporting yourself as a parent is essential in this process

More about Courtney Deadman

Driven by a genuine passion for human growth, Court sees therapy as a collaborative, sometimes messy, but ultimately transformative process. Her goal isn’t perfection - it’s helping people reclaim ownership of their lives and move forward on their own terms. They balance compassion with accountability, helping clients make sense of their experiences without minimizing the impact of trauma. Whether working through longstanding wounds or recent upheaval, she focuses on empowering individuals to reconnect with their own resilience, voice, and capacity for change.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Your teen’s behavior might feel confusing, frustrating, or even manipulative… but when you understand the boy brain, it starts to make a lot more sense.

In this episode, I sit down with Mark Spalding (LCSW) to unpack what’s really going on beneath behaviors like complaining, blaming, or playing the victim, and why so many parents feel emotionally pulled in when it happens.

We start with a situation many parents know all too well: your teen calls home (especially from treatment), and everything they share is negative. They sound convincing. Urgent. Sometimes even alarming. And you’re left feeling confused, guilty, and unsure what’s actually true.

But let’s also zoom out a bit. 

Because these moments aren’t just about what your teen is saying. They’re about how the adolescent brain works.

We explain how the boy brain works: from the powerful drive for validation and belonging, to the imbalance between reward and consequence, to the speed at which emotions override logic. 

When you understand this, you start to see why your teen might lean into certain behaviors, and why it’s so easy for you, as a parent, to get pulled in.

Most importantly, we talk about how to respond in a way that supports your teen without rescuing them and how to step out of patterns that may actually be holding them back.

In this episode on the boy brain explained, we discuss:

• Why teens often focus on the negative (also during calls from treatment)
• What the “proximity effect” is and how it impacts your teen’s reactions
• Why teens may take on a victim role and why it can feel rewarding
• The neuroscience behind teen behavior, incl. emotional reactivity and reward sensitivity
• Why belonging and validation can outweigh consequences in the boy brain
• How teens can hold parents emotionally hostage (often without realizing it)
• What’s happening in your teen’s brain when logic “doesn’t work”
• How to respond to your teenage boy without overreacting, rescuing, or escalating
• Why competence is what builds confidence
• How over-helping can unintentionally undermine your teen’s growth
• The role of parent guilt, fear, and past experiences in these dynamics
• How to stay grounded, set healthier boundaries, and increase your influence as a parent

More about Mark Spalding

Mark Spalding is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Family Life Educator, trained Neurotherapist, and Field Instructor at the University of Utah. He is the co-founder of Live Strong House, Utah's premier therapeutic boarding school for boys, as well as the owner of Milestone, their young adult boys program.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

You wait all week for that call… and then it comes. But your child sounds miserable. They’re complaining about everything. The food, the people, the program. They tell you it’s not working. That they shouldn’t be there. Maybe they even promise they’ll do better if you just bring them home.

And suddenly, you’re right back in it: confused, overwhelmed, and questioning everything.

Did I make the wrong decision?
Is this actually helping them?
Should I be doing something different?

In this episode, Seth and I talk about an extremely common (and emotionally triggering) experiences parents face when their child is in treatment: the weekly call filled with negativity, complaints, and pressure to “fix” it.

Because here’s the truth: just because your teen is struggling, doesn’t mean something is wrong. And just because they’re telling you something, doesn’t mean you should take it at face value.

We walk you through what’s really going on underneath these conversations, why your teen might be showing up this way, and how to respond in a way that supports their growth without getting pulled into fear, guilt, or rescuing.

In this episode on when your teen is complaining about treatment, we discuss:

• Why teens often complain or “push back” during treatment (and what’s actually underneath it)
• How discomfort, challenge, and growth can show up as negativity
• The difference between valid concerns vs. emotional reactions
• Why it’s important not to blindly believe, nor completely dismiss, what your teen is saying
• How to gather accurate information without escalating the situation
• The common parenting patterns that get activated (rescuing vs. dismissing)
• What it looks like to respond in a grounded, supportive way
• How to give your teen or young adult autonomy instead of stepping in to fix things

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

You’re lying awake at night, running through every possible scenario. Should I step in? Should I say something? Should I let this go?

When your teen is struggling, it can feel nearly impossible to know what’s actually yours to handle and what isn’t. And without clarity, it’s so easy to slip into overthinking, overfunctioning, and trying to control things that were never yours to begin with.

In this episode, we’re introducing a simple but powerful framework: the Circles of Control, Influence, and Concern. This practical tool can help you step out of the constant confusion and into a more grounded, connected way of parenting. One where you stay present with your teen without losing yourself in the process.

[I go much deeper into this framework, and much more, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.]

We talk about why so many parents get stuck focusing on the wrong things, how that actually increases stress (for both you and your child), and what it looks like to shift your energy back to where it truly matters.

Because when you start to understand what is in your control as a parent, everything begins to change: your boundaries, your responses, and even your relationship with your teen or young adult child.

In this episode on what is in your control as a parent, we discuss:

• The three circles: control, influence, and concern, and what each one really means;
• Why parents often spend most of their time in the wrong circle;
• How trying to control what isn’t yours actually increases stress and disconnection in your family;
• Real-life examples (like school refusal and eating habits) to show you how to apply this framework;
• The difference between control language vs. influence-based communication;
• How to stay present and supportive without overfunctioning or rescuing;
• And much more.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Trust is one of the most fundamental parts of every relationship. If you don’t trust your teen, or you notice they don’t trust you, it will be hard to build the kind of parent-child relationship you want to have with your struggling teen or young adult.

But sometimes it can feel like an impossible task to ‘just trust’ your teen again, especially if that trust has been broken before. So how does trust actually work and more importantly… how do you begin to rebuild it when it feels broken?

In this episode, I sit down again with Danny Frazer to break down the anatomy of trust, using Brené Brown’s powerful BRAVING framework. We don’t just talk theory - we explore what this actually looks like in real-life parenting, especially when your teen is struggling.

Because here’s the truth: trust isn’t built in big, dramatic moments. It’s built (and rebuilt) in the small, everyday interactions between you and your child.

And often, it starts with you.

In this episode on how to rebuild trust with your teen, we discuss:

• What trust actually means (and why it feels so complicated as a parent);
• Brené Brown’s BRAVING framework explained in a practical, relatable way for parents of struggling teens and young adults;
• Why boundaries are essential for building trust (not the opposite);
• How reliability shows up in the small, everyday moments;
• The role of accountability and repair in strengthening your relationship;
• Why integrity and consistency matter more than perfection;
• How to practice non-judgment and shift into curiosity with your teen;
• What it really means to be generous (without becoming passive);
• Why parents need to go first when it comes to rebuilding trust;
• And much more!

More about Danny Frazer

Danny Frazer has spent nearly 30 years working in wilderness therapy and behavioral healthcare, including co-founding Open Sky Wilderness Therapy in 2006 and serving in leadership roles across the organization. For six of those years, he worked in admissions at Open Sky, speaking with and supporting thousands of families as they navigated the difficult decision of whether residential treatment was the right step for their family. Those conversations deeply shaped how he understands the realities parents face when contending with an at-risk child.

Today, he works as a leadership and business coach, helping leaders in behavioral healthcare navigate these complex, high-stress environments. He also volunteers his time as a board member of the Deer Hill Foundation, an outdoor adventure education and service learning program for youth located in Southwest Colorado. And, he is an active parent of two boys, including a teenager, an experience that continues to ground his work and perspective.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.