Parenting Post-Wilderness: Parenting a Struggling Teen Before, During and After Treatment

Learning to let go is one of the hardest but most necessary parts of parenting a struggling teen, especially when your child’s behaviors feel frightening, confusing, and completely out of your control.

In this episode, I’m joined again by Michelle, a mom who has walked a long, painful, and ultimately transformative path with her daughter, who was later diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Together, we talk honestly about what it looks like to parent through intense fear, misdiagnosis, shame, and the overwhelming urge to control in order to keep your child alive.

Michelle shares what it was like before she understood her daughter’s mental health struggles, when substance use, self-harm, and suicidality felt like “bad choices” instead of symptoms, and how that misunderstanding led to extreme lockdowns that, in hindsight, caused more harm than healing. She also opens up about the guilt that followed, and how she learned to meet herself with compassion instead of self-blame.

This is a deep conversation about parenting a struggling teen when fear drives your decisions, and how letting go doesn’t mean giving up. Instead, it means changing how you show up. Michelle reflects on learning new ways to communicate, recognizing when “help” is actually invalidating, and managing the anxiety that comes with giving your teen or young adult more independence.

If you’ve ever felt consumed by fear around your struggling teen’s behavior, obsessed with keeping your child safe, or unsure where your responsibility ends and theirs begins, this episode is for you.

In this episode on learning to let go, we discuss:

• What it feels like to parent before you understand your child’s mental health diagnosis;
• How fear can lead to control, and why control often backfires;
• Letting go of the belief that you can save your teen’s life;
• The difference between supporting your child and managing your own anxiety;
• How certain “helpful” behaviors (like constant checking or cheerleading) can be invalidating;
• Practical tools for responding to fear without letting it run the show;
• Learning new ways to communicate that build trust and self-advocacy in your teen or young adult child;
• Redefining your role as your teen becomes a young adult;
• And more!

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

✨ 6-week Boundaries Masterclass ✨
Starting January 13th -- Early Bird price until December 31st!

👉🏼 Click here to sign up, or go to bethhillmancoaching.com/boundariesmasterclass

I hope to see you there!

There’s a kind of grief many parents of struggling teens carry that doesn’t always get named.

It’s not just the fear.
It’s not just the exhaustion.
It’s the quiet heartbreak of realizing that the life you once imagined for your child may never unfold the way you thought it would.

In this episode, I’m joined by Paul King, a father with lived experience navigating teen substance abuse and relapse. Paul shares his family’s story from the early warning signs, to trauma, to years of substance use, treatment, and relapse. Together, we talk about anticipatory grief, the ongoing grief parents live with when their child is still alive, still struggling, and still at risk.

We also explore why relapse is part of recovery, why trying to “fix” or control our kids can leave parents burned out and hopeless, and how learning to separate your child from their behavior can change everything. This is a conversation about grief, love, boundaries, and learning how to cope when the path forward looks nothing like what you expected.

If you’re parenting a child impacted by teen substance abuse, you’re not alone—and you’re not doing it wrong.

In this episode on teen substance abuse and relapse, we discuss:

• Paul’s story as a dad living with his daughter’s substance abuse;
• What anticipatory grief is and why so many parents experience it;
• Grieving the life you thought your child would have;
• Why relapse is common, and why it doesn’t mean treatment “failed”;
• Why “rock bottom” isn’t necessary for recovery;
• How boundaries and self-care as a parent actually support your teen’s healing;
• What coping can look like when your child continues to struggle;
• And much more.

More about Paul King

Paul is a calm, kind communicator studying a Diploma of Counselling. Across his working life he has chosen people‑centred roles: running his own homeopathy clinic, supporting students and community members in education, producing stories with care in media and training, and now hosting a podcast and volunteering on the Family Drug Support helpline.

Learn more about Paul’s work on https://familyhopesupport.com/ or listen to his podcast ‘Family Support In Addiction Recovery’.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

✨ 6-week Boundaries Masterclass ✨
Starting January 13th -- Early Bird price until December 31st!

👉🏼 Click here to sign up, or go to bethhillmancoaching.com/boundariesmasterclass

I hope to see you there!

When your kid keeps struggling and nothing seems to change, it’s natural to focus all your energy on them. Their choices. Their behavior. Their refusal to do things differently. But have you ever tried looking at your own part? Because even though it might feel unfair, change in families often starts with the parents.

In this episode, Seth and I talk about what happens when families feel stuck in repeating patterns with your teen, even maybe after therapy, treatment, boundaries, and countless conversations. We explore why change rarely comes from doing more of the same, and why the most meaningful shifts often begin in places parents aren’t taught to look: their reactions, beliefs, and sense of safety in the home.

We unpack the difference between supporting and rescuing, structure and control, belief and fear. And we talk honestly about the discomfort parents face when they start asking themselves, “What is my part in this dynamic?”, especially when their teen is the one making risky or painful choices.

This episode is not about blaming parents or letting teens off the hook. It’s about understanding how family dynamics shape behavior, why repeating cycles persist, and how parents can become the catalyst for change, without lecturing, rescuing, or giving up.

In this episode on what to do when you feel stuck in repeating patterns with your teen or young adult, we discuss:

• How fear, control, and rescue can unintentionally keep cycles going;
• What it really means for parents to “look at their part”, and why it’s so hard;
• The messages teens receive from you about safety, capability, and trust;
• Why change in families often starts with parents, even when it feels unfair;
• How shifting beliefs creates space for real change in your family;
• And more!

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

✨ 6-week Boundaries Masterclass ✨

Starting January 13th -- Early Bird price until December 31st!

👉🏼 Click here to sign up, or go to bethhillmancoaching.com/boundariesmasterclass

I hope to see you there!

If you’re parenting a teen with a mental health condition, like borderline personality disorder, you may recognize the constant confusion: Is this normal? Am I helping, or making it worse? Why does nothing seem to work?

In this episode, I’m joined by Michelle Park, a mom who courageously shares her family’s long and winding journey of parenting a teen with borderline personality disorder. Michelle takes us all the way back to early childhood, through misdiagnoses, masking, suicide attempts, and multiple levels of care, and into the crucial shifts that ultimately helped her daughter and family heal.

What makes this conversation so powerful isn’t just the treatment story. It’s the parenting transformation Michelle had to make along the way. She opens up about letting go of fixing, silver-lining, and minimizing pain and learning instead how to validate emotions, sit with discomfort, and radically accept her daughter for who she is.

This episode is honest, emotional, and hopeful. It’s for those of you who are exhausted, scared, and wondering whether change is even possible, both for your teen and for yourself.

In this episode on parenting a teen with borderline personality disorder, we discuss:

• Michelle’s journey through early signs of emotional dysregulation in her daughter and how they’re often missed;
• The impact of misdiagnosis, masking, and “whack-a-mole” treatment;
• What borderline personality disorder can look like in teens and young adults;
• Why validation (not fixing) became the turning point in Michelle’s parenting;
• How long-term treatment supported real, lasting change for Michelle’s family;
• The important role parents play in recovery, and why family work matters so much;
• Letting go of expectations and redefining success for your struggling teen;
• Finding hope, support, and community as a parent of a child with a mental health condition.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)
• NEABPD (National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder)

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

✨ 6-week Boundaries Masterclass ✨

Starting January 13th -- Early Bird price until December 31st!

👉🏼 Click here to sign up, or go to bethhillmancoaching.com/boundariesmasterclass

I hope to see you there!

It’s never an easy decision to send your struggling child to treatment, whether it’ll be their first time or their tenth. As a parent, you’re exhausted, scared, unsure what’s actually best, and constantly questioning whether things are really as bad as they feel, or if you’re just out of options.

Today, Seth and I sit down for a short conversation on what so many parents silently carry: the fear of failing your child, the worry about keeping them safe, the confusion about what’s “normal,” and the sinking feeling when home no longer feels like a place where healing is happening.

Together, we talk about how to make sense of the patterns you’re seeing, how to approach this decision without blame or panic, and why communicating openly is often the first step toward clarity. We also share what we see in our own families and in the families we support: the moments when a higher level of care may be necessary, the moments when patience matters, and how to keep going when you feel completely stuck.

In this episode on deciding whether to send your teen to treatment (again) or not, we discuss:

• What it means when a teen or young adult feels stuck or unsafe at home;
• How to tell the difference between a momentary struggle and an ongoing pattern;
• Why parents often feel they’ve “failed”, and why that’s not true;
• How to start a conversation about returning to treatment without blame;
• When to bring in a coach, therapist, family specialist, or other neutral third party;
• How to poke holes in black-and-white thinking when crisis narrows your vision;
• The importance of vocalizing concerns rather than holding everything inside;
• Why there’s no single “right answer”, only the next informed step forward.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

What if the behaviors you see in your struggling teen aren’t just “problems,” but signs that the identity they were given no longer fits? What if their resistance, shut-down, or self-destructive choices are really the early stages of something Jake Wood knows all too well: the painful beginning of learning to trust yourself again after trauma, addiction, and conditioning?

In today’s conversation, Jake returns to share the part of his story most parents never get to hear from their own child: what it feels like on the inside when the systems that shaped you ( family expectations, culture, religion, diagnostic labels, school, recovery programs) tell you who you’re supposed to be, while your true self is begging for air.

Jake walks us through the years he spent trying to fit into a system that convinced him he was broken… until everything collapsed. Addiction, relapse, spiritual pressure, shame, and finally a life-threatening cancer diagnosis stripped him of every identity he’d ever carried. The belief system he built his whole life on fell apart and he had to rebuild from the inside out.

For parents, this conversation is a window into what your child may be wrestling with beneath the behavior. The confusion. The shame. The feeling of being “the identified patient.” The pressure to be who the system says they should be. And the long, messy, necessary process of learning to trust themselves again after trauma and conditioning.

Jake’s journey reminds us that breakdowns in our teens aren’t always signs of failure, but can also be signs of a self being born.

If you’ve ever wondered why your child reacts the way they do, why consequences don’t “fix it,” or why their behavior seems to carry so much pain, this episode will help you see their struggle with new compassion… and perhaps see your own inner work more clearly, too.

In this episode on learning to trust yourself again after trauma and conditioning, we discuss:

• How systems (family, school, religion, culture) shape identity, and shame;
• What it feels like to be the “identified patient” in a family;
• Why teens may crumble when they can’t meet expectations;
• How addiction, relapse, and shame cycles destroy self-trust;
• The symbolic collapse of identity through Jake’s cancer journey;
• Shadow work and parts work as tools for rebuilding inner authority;
• What unconditional love looks like when everything is falling apart;
• How breakdowns can become breakthroughs for both parent and child;
• And more!

More about Jake Wood

Jake Wood is a certified Resilience and Transformation Coach who helps individuals navigate their Soul–System dynamics — the interplay between the stories they inherited and the soul’s original truth. His descent through addiction, depression, and cancer became the doorway through which his soul revealed what had been buried beneath the early system conditioning. Today, Jake walks alongside those who feel called to turn inward and discover what their own soul is revealing. 

He can be reached at [email protected].  

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Before your child has the chance to understand who they truly are, the world is already telling them what they are. Jake Wood knows this firsthand, and his story turns our whole conversation about teen drug addiction upside down.

In one of the favorite interviews I’ve ever done, I sit down with transformation guide Jake Wood to explore a perspective on teen drug addiction that most parents never hear: one rooted not in pathology, shame, or “fixing,” but in soul, story, and deep humanity.

“Shame has always been my monster” - Jake Wood

Jake shares his extraordinary journey from “System Jake,” shaped by rigid rules, labels, and misdiagnoses, to “Soul Jake,” the version of himself that emerged after surviving an aggressive cancer diagnosis, and a complete identity unraveling. His insight into labels like addict, bipolar, or behavioral problem will challenge the way you see your struggling teen, and maybe even yourself.

You’ll hear how addiction often begins as a coping strategy, not a character flaw, why shame disconnects kids from their true selves, and how parents can shift from fear-based reactions to compassion, presence, and genuine connection.

Have a listen to hear what Jake has to say about supporting your struggling teen or young adult without getting lost in labels!

In this episode on teen drug addiction, we discuss:

• Why labels like “addict” can sometimes do more harm than good;
• How shame disconnects teens from themselves and others;
• Jake’s life-changing journey through addiction, recovery, and cancer;
• The difference between “System identity” and “Soul identity”;
• How Internal Family Systems (IFS) reframes addiction as a protective part;
• Why connection, not control, is the antidote to teen drug addiction;
• How parents can hold space for their teen’s pain without absorbing it;
• The generational patterns that shape kids long before behavior shows up;
• And much more.

More About Jake Wood

Jake Wood is a certified Resilience and Transformation Coach who helps individuals navigate their Soul–System dynamics — the interplay between the stories they inherited and the soul’s original truth. His descent through addiction, depression, and cancer became the doorway through which his soul revealed what had been buried beneath the early system conditioning. Today, Jake walks alongside those who feel called to turn inward and discover what their own soul is revealing. 

He can be reached at [email protected].  

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Does your teen always have one more promise, one more deal, or ‘just this once’ plea? You’re not imagining it. The moment you start negotiating with your teen, you’re pulled into a messy family dynamic that almost never works out the way you hope it will.

In this episode, Seth and I talk about why these IOUs, bargains, and “I swear I’ll do it tomorrow” promises fall apart so quickly, and why they often leave you feeling resentful, confused, or taken advantage of. And more importantly, how can you stop negotiating with your teen and begin creating the kind of consistent boundaries that set them up for real responsibility, maturity, and independence?

Together, we explore what’s actually happening in your teen’s brain when they make promises they likely won’t keep, why the “just this once” pattern spirals into entitlement and power struggles, and how you can step out of this cycle with your teen or young adult.

In this episode on how to stop negotiating with your teen, we discuss:

• Why deals, IOUs, and promises rarely work, even when your teen means them;
• How “just this once” accidentally creates entitlement;
• The resentment parents often feel when negotiations fall apart;
• Why teens and young adults bargain for privileges and what’s happening developmentally;
• The difference between earning a privilege vs. negotiating for one;
• How to set clear expectations before a privilege is used;
• What to say when your teen forgets, avoids, or pushes back;
• Why things often get worse before they get better when you change the pattern;
• How consistent follow-through leads to accountability and maturity over time.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

You want to be honest with your child… but when emotions run high, it can be hard to know where the line is between healthy emotional expression and unintentionally putting a burden on your young child, teen, or young-adult kid.

If you’ve ever felt terrified, overwhelmed, or lost in the fear of “what if,” and weren’t sure whether to show your child how scared you really are…
If you’ve ever wondered why expressing your emotions towards your child sometimes leads to more distance instead of more connection…
Or if you’ve ever felt the urge to show your child just how upset, hurt, or worried you are, especially when their behavior frightens you, but aren’t sure whether that helps or harms…

You are not alone, and this episode will bring clarity to something many parents quietly wrestle with.

Today, I’m joined by therapist Dana VanRenterghem to talk honestly about how to express emotions to your child in a healthy, appropriate way. We explore why kids should never be responsible for managing a parent’s emotional world, how even well-intentioned honesty can become emotional dumping, and how easy it is to cross the line without realizing it.

We get into the nuance: your emotions are real and valid… but they’re still your emotions. So how do you pause, regulate, and come back to your child from a grounded place instead of fear? We also talk about the caregiver–seeker roles in attachment, how role reversals happen, why they’re so confusing, and how to repair if you’ve shared too much in the past.

In this episode on how to express emotions to your child, we discuss:

• Why sharing “big feelings” with your child can accidentally create shame
• The difference between emotional honesty and emotional burden
• What to say when you’re scared, angry, or overwhelmed
• How to pause and regulate before returning to your child
• The caregiver vs. seeker roles (and what happens when they get reversed)
• How to repair with your child when you’ve said too much or reacted too fast
• Why your child is not responsible for your feelings
• What emotional expression looks like in healthy parent–child communication
• Where parents should take their big feelings (hint: not to your child)

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

So much work happens during treatment, but the real test begins when your child comes home. The patterns that once kept your family stuck can easily reappear unless you intentionally create space for something new. This week, we talk about how to allow a fresh start after treatment and rebuild trust in a way that supports lasting independence and connection.

I’m joined again by Colin MacDonald, co-founder of Not Therapy Coaching and a former struggling teen himself. Colin now mentors young people in the transition from treatment back to real life, helping them find structure, accountability, and confidence. Together, we explore why fear-based parenting, like constantly checking your teen’s location or replaying old narratives, can unintentionally keep everyone trapped in the past, and how to shift toward calm, evidence-based trust instead.

Colin shares what he’s learned from supporting more than 70 families through this critical transition, including why home contracts rarely last more than a week, how autonomy helps prevent deception, and the power of pairing increasing freedom with increasing responsibility. We also talk about why post-treatment anxiety often peaks for both teens and parents, and how setting short-term goals and realistic expectations can help your family stay grounded.

You may still see your kid as the troubled teen they were before, but there’s no doubt that treatment has changed them. They deserve a fresh start, and so do you.

In this episode on allowing a fresh start after treatment, we discuss:

• Why rebuilding trust means focusing on progress, not perfection;
• How to trade surveillance for structure and clear communication;
• The difference between enabling and empowering independence;
• What to do when your teen slips up or tests boundaries;
• How mentors and coaches can help your family rebuild trust and balance;
• And more!
  
  

More about Colin MacDonald

Colin is a "former troubled teen" who spent his last two years of high school in wilderness and therapeutic boarding school. Based on his experience, he co-founded Not Therapy to provide peer-to-peer coaching for teens and young adults who feel like therapy hasn’t been the right fit or who are transitioning out of therapeutic programs back into the real world. As a young person who has been in his clients’ shoes, Colin’s approach is rooted in personal expertise.

Learn more about Not Therapy on their website or blog, or connect with them on LinkedIn.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review