Parenting Post-Wilderness: Parenting a Struggling Teen Before, During and After Treatment

Ever wondered if your teen’s latest mood swing, eye roll, or total shutdown is just part of growing up or a sign that something deeper is going on? You’re not alone. Parents ask me about normal teen behavior almost daily, especially when past struggles or treatment make it harder to tell what’s typical and what’s cause for concern.

In this conversation with therapist and parent coach Jen Murphy, we explore how understanding human growth and development stages can take the guesswork (and the panic) out of your reactions. Jen shares how to spot age-appropriate behavior, when to trust your gut as a parent, and how to respond in ways that foster connection with your struggling teen or young adult kid instead of conflict.

You’ll come away with more clarity, more compassion (for yourself and your teen), and practical ways to navigate even the most baffling days of parenting.

In this episode on normal teen behavior, we discuss:

• The key developmental stages of adolescence and how they show up in daily life;
• Why egocentrism is normal and how to balance it with responsibility;
• How to tell when behavior is “normal” for your teen and when it’s not;
• Why trusting your parenting gut matters more than any book or expert;
• Healthy ways to step back, regroup, and respond without escalating conflict;
• And many more insights from Jen!

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

When your teen lies to you, it can feel like a betrayal, whether it’s about doing the dishes, where they were last night, or something much bigger. But what if their dishonesty isn’t a sign of disrespect, but a sign of something deeper?

Today, therapist Dana VanRenterghem is back to unpack the emotional complexity behind why teens lie. From little white lies to big cover-ups, together we explore what’s often happening beneath the surface: fear, shame, and the deep need for connection. And with all those new insights into why your teen or young adult might lie to you, how can you shift from punishment to understanding

You’ll gain insight into how to stay grounded in moments of dishonesty, why rewarding truth-telling might not build integrity, and how to create a home where your teen feels emotionally safe enough to be honest, even when it’s hard.

This is the long game of parenting. It’s not about quick fixes or bribing your teen into transparency. It’s about building trust, speaking to the emotional brain, and being a safe person for your child to come to, especially when they mess up.

In this episode on why teens lie, you'll learn:

• How lying often stems from fear of losing connection;
• Why consequences don’t usually solve dishonesty?
• What’s behind the impulse to hide, withhold, or bend the truth;
• How to validate your teen’s feelings without condoning the behavior;
• The importance of avoiding labels like “liar”;
• Ways to foster emotional safety and encourage honest conversations;
• What to say when your teen does tell the truth;
• Why this kind of parenting takes time, and how to stay the course;
• And valuable insights from Dana!

More about Dana VanRenterghem, LMSW (she/her) 
Dana is a therapist who believes in the healing power of relationships. With a background in residential treatment, trauma recovery, and family systems, she brings deep compassion and insight to her work with parents, teens, and young adults. Dana is part of the team at the Family Intensive Institute and draws from approaches like Internal Family Systems (IFS) and EMDR. Outside of therapy, she’s a marathon runner, jiu jitsu purple belt, and proud stepmom who knows firsthand that parenting is the toughest challenge of all.

More episodes with Dana: 

• #145 How to Apologize to Your Teen or Young Adult Kid With Dana VanRenterghem

Looking for support?
🗺️ Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍 Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

It’s one of the most heartbreaking parts of parenting a struggling kid: watching them resist the very help they need, even when they KNOW they need it.

In today’s conversation, Seth and I talk about the resistance to change: what it looks like, why it shows up, and how powerless it can make you feel as a parent. Whether your teen is avoiding treatment, clinging to unhealthy coping mechanisms, or simply refusing to engage with the support you're offering, this kind of resistance can feel like an endless loop of frustration, fear, and grief.

We unpack the patterns we’ve seen over and over again, both in teens and in the families who love them. And we offer encouragement and insight to help you hold your ground without giving up hope.

You are not alone in this.

In this episode on resistance to change, we discuss:

• The difference between not knowing and not being willing
• Why fear and shame often sit at the root of resistance
• What to do when your teen knows something has to change, but still refuses help
• How to offer support without enabling or rescuing
• When it’s appropriate to set limits or natural consequences
• The deep inner work parents have to do to stay steady through the spiral
• And more.

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

What if your struggling kid isn’t defiant, out of control, or ungrateful… but just hurting, lost, and desperate to be understood?

In this follow-up conversation, Enzo returns. Last week, he shared his story. This time, he’s here to offer something every parent craves: honest, compassionate advice from someone who’s been there. Someone who ran from treatment, overdosed, and nearly didn’t make it, but did.

Enzo shares what he wishes his parents had done differently, why curiosity is more powerful than control, and how even the most chaotic-seeming kids are often just craving connection, leadership, and respect.

This episode is filled with wisdom you won’t hear from professionals alone, because it comes straight from lived experience.

In this episode on what struggling teens wish their parents knew, we discuss:

• The biggest misconceptions parents often have about “troubled” teens
• Why most struggling kids are actually highly sensitive
• The power of curiosity, and how asking the right questions can shift everything
• What teens really feel when parents try to control their behavior
• How emotional regulation (not panic) helps parents lead effectively
• Why respect for your teen’s individuality is more powerful than advice
• The kind of leadership teens are secretly looking for
• What Enzo is doing now to support other teens and families on this journey

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

More about Enzo
Vicenzo "Enzo" Narciso grew up in Seattle, Washington, where struggles with substance use, skipping school, and falling in with the wrong crowd led him to drop out of high school. A turning point came when he was sent to Elements Wilderness Therapy in Utah, followed by treatment at a therapeutic boarding school. After returning home, Enzo relapsed, and a near-fatal overdose left him in a coma, after which he had to relearn basic tasks while beginning to rebuild his life.

Driven by perseverance and support, Enzo committed to long-term healing and personal growth. His path eventually led him to pursue higher education and later, a career helping others. Today, he shares his story and mentors kids from the next generation to inspire those navigating similar challenges, emphasizing that meaningful change is possible with consistent effort and courage.

You can reach out to Enzo at [email protected]

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

What’s underneath the chaos when your teen or young adult is out of control? I may seem like they don’t care about anything: school, their future, you. But what if underneath, there’s a deep sense of fear, loneliness, and the desperate need to belong?

As parents, we often only see the surface: defiance, shutdowns, risky behavior, silence. But there's always something underneath. And this conversation offers a rare and incredibly valuable glimpse inside the mind of a troubled teen who lived through it all, and came out the other side.

This week, I’m joined by Enzo, a young man who spent years struggling with school refusal, substance abuse, and running away from treatment. After overdosing twice, he made a decision that changed everything. Today, Enzo works with teens in the very program he once ran from.

You’ll hear Enzo’s story in his own words: honest, insightful, and full of perspective most parents never get to hear. If you’ve ever wondered what your teen is thinking or why they’re making such dangerous choices, this episode will give you a whole new lens.

In this episode on what goes on inside the mind of a troubled teen, we discuss:

• What Enzo remembers about being labeled a “behavioral” kid in elementary school
• How early therapy, ADHD meds, and divorce shaped his internal world
• The pull of belonging, and why he clung to his new friend group, even when it meant breaking rules
• His decision to run from treatment and how his family tried to intervene
• The two near-fatal overdoses that finally changed his mindset
• The surprising role of small, consistent goals in rebuilding his life
• Why he now works in treatment, and what he’s learned from helping teens just like he once was
• What he wishes every parent knew about kids who are struggling

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

More about Enzo
Vicenzo "Enzo" Narciso grew up in Seattle, Washington, where struggles with substance use, skipping school, and falling in with the wrong crowd led him to drop out of high school. A turning point came when he was sent to Elements Wilderness Therapy in Utah, followed by treatment at a therapeutic boarding school. After returning home, Enzo relapsed, and a near-fatal overdose left him in a coma, after which he had to relearn basic tasks while beginning to rebuild his life.

Driven by perseverance and support, Enzo committed to long-term healing and personal growth. His path eventually led him to pursue higher education and later, a career helping others. Today, he shares his story and mentors kids from the next generation to inspire those navigating similar challenges, emphasizing that meaningful change is possible with consistent effort and courage.

You can reach out to Enzo at [email protected]

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

You’re probably sick of hearing about self-care, and you’ve surely heard a hundred times that “you have to take care of yourself.”

But when parenting a struggling teen or young adult, choosing yourself doesn’t always come naturally. So what does it actually look like to take care of yourself it feels like your family is in constant crisis?

In today’s conversation, Seth and I dig into the often-overlooked emotional labor parents carry, and why putting yourself last isn’t what’s best for everyone in the long run. We unpack the difference between supporting your teen and taking on their problems, and how knowing your worth can transform the way you parent, set boundaries, and show up in your life.

Self-care doesn’t have to be a spa day. It might look like saying no. Going for a walk. Sitting in the sun. Getting your eyebrows done.

If you’ve ever felt resentful, overwhelmed, or unsure where your needs fit in, this one’s for you.

In this episode on self-care for parents, we discuss:

• What self-care really means (beyond the clichés) when you’re raising a struggling teen or young adult;
• How to tell the difference between support and enmeshment;
• The connection between self-worth and healthy boundaries;
• Why parents often feel like their teen’s crisis is their crisis;
• How to model self-respect and emotional regulation for your child;
• The small, simple actions that can re-ground you, even on hard days;
• How scheduling time for yourself can actually free up energy and time;
• And more!

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

There’s no handbook on how to advocate for your child at school, especially when things get hard.

Navigating IEP meetings can feel overwhelming, intimidating, and downright confusing. You know your child needs support, but between the legal jargon, emotional stress, and resistance from schools, it’s hard to know how to show up as a strong advocate for your child, no matter their age.

That’s why I invited Andrea Svendsen to join me for this conversation. Andrea has decades of experience in both public education and advocacy, and she brings an incredible combination of insider knowledge and heart. In this episode, she shares 10 practical tips to help you show up confidently at your child’s next IEP meeting, even if you’re feeling totally unprepared.

We talk about what your rights actually are, how to organize and present your concerns, and how to stay kind and collaborative while still standing firm in your values.

I know you’ll walk away feeling more equipped, less alone, and ready to advocate for your child in a way that builds trust and gets results.

In this episode on how to advocate for your child at school, we discuss:

• Why your role as a parent is just as important as anyone else at the IEP table;
• What to do before the meeting to feel prepared (and what to bring);
• How to write an effective “parental concern statement”;
• The difference between working with an advocate vs. a lawyer;
• Why kindness is a powerful advocacy tool;
• How to stay grounded during emotional meetings;
• How to involve your teen or young adult in their own support plan;
• What to do after the meeting to ensure your child’s needs are truly being met;
• And more!

More about Andrea Svendsen
Andrea has served as a special education teacher, alternative school director, principal, special education administrator and leader in a behavioral health organization, holding both a Master of Arts in Special Education and a Master of Arts in Educational Administration. This combination of diverse, practical and administrative expertise means she knows how to navigate complex school systems from every angle—so you don’t have to.

Andrea founded Svendsen and Associates, where they believe every child deserves and is entitled to an education that meets them where they are—no exceptions. This foundation is critical for life-long success and to maximize independence. 
Their mission is simple: to stand by your side and champion your child’s unique needs. With empathy, expert guidance, and a genuine passion for seeing your child succeed, they’ll work together with you to ensure your family’s voice is heard in every conversation.

You can connect with Andrea on her website, send her an email at [email protected], or send a text or call her at 6309155776.


Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.


Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]


You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Nobody really talks about what happens after treatment. The messy, vulnerable in-between where your teen or young adult is no longer in crisis but still doesn’t quite feel at home in the world. They’ve changed… and they can feel it. But instead of feeling proud, they often feel disconnected, misunderstood, or even rejected by their peers.

They’ve gained emotional intelligence, insight, and tools most of their previous friends don’t have, and that can be incredibly isolating. Especially when it feels like no one else is speaking the same emotional language.

In this episode, I’m joined again by Hayley from ‘Not Therapy’ Coaching. Hayley is a former “troubled teen” turned coach who now helps young people reintegrate after treatment. We talk about what it really looks like to find community and belonging after treatment, and why so many teens and young adults feel like outsiders when they come home.

But most importantly, we share tangible ways you, as a parent, can support your teen in building meaningful relationships, without pushing, hovering, or downplaying how hard this part of the journey can be.

In this episode on helping your teen find community & belonging after treatment, we discuss:

• Why teens returning from treatment often feel more mature than their peers;
• How to validate your teen’s experience without rushing them to “get back to normal”;
• What real community can look like, and why it’s not always a big group;
• Small but powerful ways to help your teen rebuild connection & community (without overstepping);
• How to model healthy community and friendships in your own life;
• Why online relationships matter more than you might think;
• What to do when your teen doesn’t show interest in anything;
• Ideas for low-pressure, real-world ways to help them meet like-minded peers;
• And more!

More about Hayley Caddes
Hayley Caddes is a "former troubled teen" who spent her last years of high school in wilderness and residential treatment programs. Based on her experience, she co-founded Not Therapy to provide peer-to-peer coaching for teens and young adults who feel like therapy hasn’t been the right fit or who are transitioning out of therapeutic programs back into the real world. As young people who have been in their clients’ shoes, Hayley & Collin’s approach is rooted in personal expertise.

Learn more about Not Therapy on their website or blog, connect with them on LinkedIn, or directly book a free call.

Listen to our previous episode with Hayley: 97. Parenting Tips from Former Troubled Teens Hayley and Collin from ‘Not Therapy’


Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.


Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

“You’re so controlling!” Did your kid ever tell you that?

If your teen or young adult constantly complains about your rules, expectations, or structure, saying that you’re controlling them, you're not alone. Many parents trying to set healthy boundaries with their teen end up questioning themselves the moment they face pushback. You want to listen, validate, and stay connected… but does that mean giving up on the structure your kid actually needs?

In this episode, Seth and I unpack the real-life tension between honoring your teen’s autonomy and holding firm to the healthy boundaries that keep your family grounded. We explore how to stay steady when your teen accuses you of being too controlling, and how to help them recognize their own agency, even when they’re frustrated.

Holding boundaries with a struggling teen is hard. Because yes, they will complain, but that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

In this episode on setting healthy boundaries with your teen, we discuss:

• Why your teen might call structure “control”, and how to respond;
• Ways to reinforce boundaries while still respecting your teen’s autonomy;
• How to offer choice and accountability without giving up authority;
• The role of deadlines, check-ins, and letting natural consequences play out;
• Why your values matter more than avoiding conflict;
• The power of listening without renegotiating everything;
• How to shift from “nagging” to supportive accountability;
• And more!

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

When you’re desperate for support, it’s tempting to turn to extended family. But sometimes their “help” just makes things harder.

It’s a common and painful dynamic for many struggling parents: your teen is having a hard time, and suddenly the grandparents or extended family start weighing in with passive-aggressive comments, outdated advice, or judgmental questions. You’re already doing everything you can to support your struggling teen, and now it feels like you have to defend yourself, too.

In this episode, Seth and I talk about how to set boundaries with grandparents and extended family members when their “support” actually undermines your parenting. We explore the emotional toll it takes when you start parenting from someone else’s perspective, how that impacts your teen or young adult kid, and how to reclaim your authority and clarity in the midst of confusing family dynamics.

We also talk about where to turn instead, how to identify the right kind of support, and what resourcing can look like when emotions are high and you feel alone.

If you’re a struggling parent trying to support your teen while navigating family pressure and judgment, we recorded this episode for you.

In this episode on setting boundaries with extended family, we discuss:

• Why parenting a struggling kid often brings out unsolicited advice from extended family;
• The generational gap in emotional support and what validation really looks like;
• How grandparents may form an opinion without understanding the full picture;
• The impact on your teen when you start parenting based on others' opinions;
• How to recognize your emotional needs and release shame and guilt;
• Three types of resourcing when you’re feeling overwhelmed;
• How to protect your teen’s story, and decide who’s safe to share it with;
• Practical ways to hold boundaries with grandparents and other family members;
• And more!

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.